Difference between revisions of "Lisa the Vegetarian/Quotes"

Revision as of 16:12, August 7, 2010

[After visiting a petting zoo, Lisa finds herself unable to eat the lamb chops that Marge serves for dinner.]

Lisa: "I can't eat this. I can't eat a poor little lamb." [pushes her plate away]

Homer: "Lisa, get ahold of yourself. This is lamb, not a lamb."

Lisa: "What's the difference between this lamb and the one that kissed me?"

Bart: "This one spent two hours in the broiler!" [takes a big bite]

Homer: "Lisa, honey, are you saying you're never going to eat any animal again? What about bacon?"

Lisa: "No."

Homer: "Ham?"

Lisa: "No."

Homer: "Pork chops?"

Lisa: "Dad! Those all come from the same animal!"

Homer: [chuckling] "Yeah, right, Lisa. A wonderful, magical animal."

[At Springfield Elementary School, the second grade is dissecting worms and Ralph has a problem.]

Ralph: "Um, Miss Hoover?"

Miss Hoover: "Yes, Ralph, what is it?"

Ralph: "My worm went in my mouth and then I ate it. Can I have another one?"

Miss Hoover: "No, Ralph, there aren't any more. Just try to sleep while the other children are learning."

Ralph: "Oh boy, sleep! That's where I'm a Viking!"

[At the cafeteria lunch line, Lisa has a problem with the menu.]

Lisa: "Uhh, excuse me? Isn't there anything here that doesn't have meat in it?"

Lunchlady Doris: "Possibly the meat loaf."

Lisa: "Well, I believe you're required to provide a vegetarian alternative."

[Doris picks up a hot dog, shakes the weiner out, and slaps the bun down on Lisa's tray.]

Doris: "Yum. It's rich in bunly goodness."

Lisa: [drily] "Do you remember when you lost your passion for this work?"

[At Homer's barbecue, Lisa steals the pig, using the riding lawnmower to push the grill out of the yard and up a steep slope, while Homer and Bart chase after her. When Lisa gets to the top of the slope, the grill starts rolling downhill, building up speed. Homer and Bart now chase after the grill, while it rolls into a street and through a hedge.]

Homer: "It's just a little dirty. It's still good, it's still good!"

[Homer and Bart keep running after the grill. The grill rolls into traffic (miraculously missing every car) and crashes into a bridge railing. The pig keeps going and ends up splashing into the river.]

Homer: "It's just a little slimy. It's still good, it's still good!"

[The pig floats downstream to a dam where it gets caught in the spillway, blocking it. Water builds up behind the pig until the pressure pushes the pig the rest of the way through the spillway, blasting it into the sky. Homer and Bart watch from on top of the dam.]

Homer: "It's just a little airborne. It's still good, it's still good!"

Bart: [crestfallen] "It's gone."

Homer: [even more crestfallen] "I know."

[Meanwhile, Mr. Burns and Smithers are in Burns' office, looking out the window.]

Burns: "You know, Smithers, I think I'll donate a million dollars to the local orphanage ... when pigs fly!"

[Burns and Smithers laugh. Just then, Homer's pig soars by as they watch through the window, shocking them into silence.]

Smithers: "Will you be donating that million dollars now, sir?"

Burns: "No, I'd still prefer not."

[At school, the other kids tease Lisa about her vegetarianism.]

Sherri and Terri: "Look, it's Mrs. Potato Head! She has a head made out of lettuce!"

Ralph: "I can't believe I used to go out with you."

Janey: "Are you going to marry a carrot, Lisa?"

Lisa: [sarcastically] "Yes, I'm going to marry a carrot."

Sherri and Terri: "Ooh! She admitted it. She's going to marry a carrot!"

[Lisa visits Apu and meets Paul and Linda McCartney, and finally finds some understanding of her vegetarianism.]

Paul McCartney: "Linda and I both feel strongly about animal rights. In fact, if you play 'Maybe I'm Amazed' backwards, you'll hear a recipe for a really ripping lentil soup."

Lisa: "When will all those fools learn that you can be perfectly healthy simply eating vegetables, fruits, grains and cheese?"

Apu: "Oh, cheese!"

Lisa: "You don't eat cheese, Apu?"

Apu: "No, I don't eat any food that comes from an animal."

Lisa: "Oh, then you must think I'm a monster!"

Apu: "Yes, indeed, I do think that. But I learned long ago, Lisa, to tolerate others rather than forcing my beliefs on them. You know you can influence people without badgering them always. It's like Paul's song, 'Live and Let Live.'"

Paul McCartney: "Actually, it was 'Live and Let Die.'"

Apu: "Whatever, whatever. It had a good rhythm."