The Absent-Minded Protester/Quotes
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- Lisa: Happy Veteran's day! We made you a cake.
- Grampa: Gimme! What is that, chocolate? They rationed that during the war. You don't want to know what I had to do to get a Hershey bar!
- Kent Brockman: Let go live at Springfield Elementary for the Wiggum press conference, already in progress.
- Chief Wiggum: With the Springfield 500 coming up, I just want to serve notice to this so-called "El Grampo," that we will not have graffiti marring our beloved event. And because the law-enforcement community of Springfield os completely powerless to stop him, we're taking steps to celan up the tagging. The following parking violation offendersa re hereby placed on graffiti-removal detail. In alphabetical order, Sampson, Homer, and Simpson, Homer.
- Homer: D'oh!
- Chief Wiggum: Correction, that was a typo. The two on graffiti-removal ill be Simpson, Homer, and Simpson, Homer.
- Homer: D'oh! D'oh!
- Bart: El Grampo, I presume...
- El Grampo: Agghh! Who's that? I nearly swallowed my teeth.
- Bart: Grampa?! Is that you? I still don't believe it. Y... you kiled that El Grampo guy and sole his clothes. Right?
- El Grampo: Nope. I'm the genuine article, El Grampo, in the pale bump flesh. Impressed?
- Bart: You bet I am! Now I know where I get my outlaw streak! Can I go with you?
- El Grampo: Too dangerous, boy. Where I'm going, you can't follow. What I've got to do, you can't be any part of.
- Grampa: Hey everybody, meet my grandson! He's visiting me, and he doesn't even have to!
- Jasper: Sure, Simpson—think you're cock-of-the-walk because you have a relative who isn't prentending you're dead. Well, just wait till my birthday when my son's realtor sends me a calendar. You'll whistle a different tune.
- Grampa: ...so when one of the other coppers told Wiggy that he'd have to fill out a pile of paperwork... ...he decided not to shoot us and instead made us do battle as geriatric gladiators to win the title of El Grampo. Luckily, I won. So that's the story of how your Grampa became a carbunkle on society's kiester! I changed death! I laughed in the face of John law! I stayed awake loooong past my bedtime!