Bartspace.com/Quotes

Quotes

bartspace.com Homepage: Welcome to bartspace, where you can create a computer profile, so people can get to know the real YOU. But BE WARNED! The webmaster (that's me!) reserves the right to edit, alter, or completely fabricate your personal profile as he sees fit, man!

Martin's page: About: Will do anything for an extra + after his A. No amount of kowtowing, toadying, or bootlicking is too small. Habitats: Study hall, the library, bookstores or anyplace containing boring books and knowledge. Interests: Doing homework, science, polishing apples, and clapping erasers. Greatest Ambition: To gain approval of authority figures.

Nelson's page: About: Has taken the art of bullying to new levels. Pet peeve: When his victims bleed on him. Habitats: Alley behind the Kwik-E-Mart, under the bleachers, the streets, and wherever one or more nerds gather. Interests: Getting you to do his homework, making you hit yourself, vests, and Andy Williams. Greatest Ambition: To prove his physical superiority so he doesn't have to reveal his intellectual inferiority.

Ralph's page: About: Doomed to repeat 2nd grade at least twice. Voted most likely to swallow school supplies. Habitats: School supply cabinets, the therapist's office, and the "special" bus. Interests: Picking his nose, wiping his nose on things, replacing what he picked out of his nose with someone else, and making booger sculptures. Greatest Ambition: To perpetuate the saying "Ignorance is bliss".

Milhouse's page: About: Always looking for crumbs of cool that fall off other kids. Wants to be accepted... will settle for pity. Habitats: At your side, upside down in a toilet bowl, waiting on your doorstep. Interests: Groveling, begging, following, and failing to live up to expectations. Greatest Ambition: To one day gain self-esteem.

Database's page: About: A black hole for cool. He is like a free buffet for bullies. Everything from his thick glasses to his pocket protector screams "Nerd!" Habitats: Science labs, planetariums, museums, and hanging from a flagpole by his underwear. Interests: Talking in an annoying voice, creating socially awkward moments, and correcting grammar. Greatest Ambition: To invent a "bully invisibility cloak".

Jessica Lovejoy's page: About: Nothing but trouble. She is impossibly cute and totally evil. Habitats: Boarding school, the back of a motorcycle, Daddy's blind spot. Interests: Looking innocent, planning mayhem, wrapping boys around her little finger, and throwing tantrums. Greatest Ambition: To get everything she wants.

Üter Zörker's page: About: Unable to hide his accent or lack of knowledge about the local culture. He is at the mercy of bullies, nerds... well, just about everyone. Habitats: Kitchens, food storage, near vending machines. Interests: Eating chocolate, German tuba polka music, and breathing heavy. Greatest Ambition: To survive long enough to return to his country of origin.

Francine Rhenquist's page: About: Will one day be made fun of by prettier girls and has to get her licks in before looks start to matter. Habitats: Lunchrooms, classrooms, the gym, or wherever she can terrorize the weak. Interests: Terrorizing the weak, biting off the heads of Malibu Stacy dolls, stuffing nerds into lockers, and ponies. Greatest Ambition: To find a man she can bully for the rest of her life.

Sherri and Terri's page: About: Think they're clever because they can trade places with each other. Habitats: Malls, hallways, lunchrooms, or wherever they can show off their twin powers. Interests: Dressing like each other, making up special twin languages, correcting people who mistake them for one another, and betraying non-twin people. Greatest Ambition: To keep people from realizing that because they are both identical, neither one of them is unique.

Lisa's page: About: She is a beacon of knowledge and strength in a world of ignorance and darkness. And if you can't see her in the dark, you can totally smell her. Habitats: Her room, the library, school, Dorkville, and most recently spotted in the vicinity of Nerdtown. Hobbies: Playing the saxophone, saving the environment, thinking globally, and acting locally. I want a pony! I want a pony! I want a pony! Greatest Ambition: Duh! I'm a stupid girl!

Bart's page: About: Attention seeker and showoff extraordinaire. As far as he's concerned, there's no such thing as bad publicity. Habitats: School assemblies, playgrounds (or wherever he can make a spectacle of himself), detention, and the principal's office. Interests: Shooting milk through his nose, imitating the sounds of bodily functions, dropping his pants, making jokes at the teacher's expense, and learning to read at a 1st grade level. Greatest Ambition: To annoy his sister, who is infinitely smarter than him in every way... Hello, Bart!

Bart: What the--? Who's hacked into my bartspace page?!!

Lisa: Tee-hee! [Snicker Snicker]