Stagnant Springs Health Spa
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Location Information
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Stagnant Springs Health Spa is a health spa in Stagnant Springs, that was originally exclusive to women. It is famous for when J-Lo hit P. Diddy "upside the head" with Gary Coleman.
History
The Simpson family were invited for a free weekend at the spa. As an attendant showed the family round, she explained how they can take 10 years off a person's face and implant it in their breasts. Bart got bored, and told Lisa he's going to float a Betarooth down the mineral bath, just as the attendant told the kids that there's something for them too, and asked whether they liked Dr. Seuss. Lisa replied with "No", and yet the attendant still replied that she would love Dr. Mas-Suess.
In the Dr. Mas-Suess area, tiny creatures, similar to Thing 1 and Thing 2, took care of Lisa, a tickling machine took care of Maggie, and a person dressed up as The Cat in the Hat massaged Bart, and told him about poor posture. Meanwhile, in the mud baths, Marge was being massaged on the neck (and hair) by turtles. When the turtles had been used, they were chucked into a plastic bin labeled "USED TURTLES". In a Japenese-themed massage room, Homer's massager was sinking into the fat on his back, with Homer advising that she needn't bother struggle as she'd only sink faster. In a yoga class, Marge put her head back, following the teacher's instructions, and the teacher told them they should feel a pleasant tingling, to which the Yes Guy replied "I do! I do!", though actually it was Marge's hair brushing against his bottom. Then, the teacher told them to go on all fours, to which Marge asked if she was doing the right position, in which the teacher replied "The American Tax Payer".
Homer then went to the steam room, and realized he was with Rainier Wolfcastle, who was naked. Sensing Homer's curiosity, Rainier told him that he can look, as the whole world saw it in one of his movies. After Rainier left, a person in a hooded white bathrobe approached the room, increased the heat of the room to "MURDER" with a huge spanner, then jammed the door with it. Homer began to sweat and noticed a sign on the wall saying "DO NOT USE STEAM ROOM IF YOU ARE OVERWEIGHT OR HAVE A HEART CONDITION". Homer panicked, and tried to get out, but noticed the door was jammed with a spanner. While banging on the door, he fainted. Later, when Krusty walked by the room, he noticed the spanner jamming the door and un-jammed it, causing Homer to fall out, orange and creased. Krusty shouted "Who ordered the steamed jentile", to which Homer replied "Mmm...steamed jentile". The police were contacted, and in the end, robber and attempted murderer, Sideshow Bob was brought into help Homer discover who tried to kill him, with Bart exclaiming that Homer is putting his life in danger, by saving his own, to which Homer responded "Someday you'll understand when you have kids."
