The Bogey Man/Quotes
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- Mr. Burns: Teenagers! What are they doing on a golf course? Shouldn't they be loitering in a penny arcade or a juke joint?
- Waylon Smithers, Jr.: Blame it on Tiger Woods, sir. He took a sport invented in Scotland and sustained by bored retirees, and actually made it "cool".
- Mr. Burns: Now grease up the gatling gun and prepare to return fire!
- Smithers: Sir, that would violate both the country club's rules and the Geneva Convention.
- Mr. Burns: What's this then?
- Smithers: It's called virtual reality, sir. I've had the Professor design some scenarios that I thought you might find appealing.
- Professor Frink: That's the "pillaging with Genghis Khan" program that you see now [Ng-Hey] with the lancing and the slaughtering of innocents and so forth.
- Mr. Burns: Who am I kidding? Golf is my true love. The easy cheating, the decadence of the golf cart, shaving bald hundreds of acres of forest, and diverting millions of gallons of precious water.
- Moe Szyslak: The pink-beaked chickadee is what we call an endangered species. The Springfield Nature Preserve is its last known habitat. Any questions?
- Lisa: It's beautiful and so majestic.
- Ralph Wiggum: Can we eat the pretty bird's eggs? I'm hungry.
- Kent Brockman: Plans for cutting 5000 acres of 200-year-old trees for the course were given an enthusiastic thumbs-up by the Springfield Environmental Review Board, which, coincidentally... ...Disbanded yesterday and reformed as the Springfield Porsche Owners Club.
- Moe: All right. I couldn't accept Mr. Burns' "Big Game Hunting" badge because of certain laws regarding cruelty to animals. And I can't accept Lisa's "Pet Grooming" badge for the same reason.
- Lisa: Bart!
- Moe: That makes it a tie.
