| Smoke 'Em If You Xylem
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| Tapped Out Quest Information
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Smoke 'Em If You Xylem is a premium questline in The Simpsons: Tapped Out. It was introduced in the "Treehouse of Horror XXIX" episode tie-in content update. It requires Xylem to be obtained.
Dialogue
Pt. 1
| After tapping on Xylem's exclamation mark
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Xylem to Mission Control: I have landed on Earth.
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Very good. How are you holding up after the trip?
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It's tough being uprooted from my home, but I hope I can really blossom here and leaf a mark.
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I see you have picked up on Earthlings' laziest form of humor: puns.
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Indeed. I will now make contact with the plants of Earth. Over and sprout.
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| Task: "Make Xylem Activate Plant Sense". The job takes 12 hours.
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Oh my Pod, the plants of Earth are all screaming in pain!
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I wonder why. Plant marriage isn't even legal here yet!
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...
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On my planet, the sound of crickets is the ultimate compliment.
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Quest reward:  100 and  10
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Pt. 2
| After tapping on Xylem's exclamation mark
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This once mighty oak has been mutilated into something called "Mid-Century Modern Furniture."
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And these poor roses were slaughtered by a human and given to his female partner as tribute for failing to compliment her new garments!
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So many plants screaming in pain!
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Wait a minute... this one actually seems pretty chill.
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| Task: "Make Xylem Investigate Chill Flora". The job takes place at Greeneries and takes 24 hours.
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You're so at ease with being harvested and burned.
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We're all being harvested and burned in one way or another.
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My name's Cannabis, but everyone calls me Hemp.
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| Quest reward: 100 and 10
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Pt. 3
| After tapping on Xylem's exclamation mark
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How can you just lie down and take this horrible treatment?
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Lying down is great! You should try it some time.
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But aren't you mad? Humans are using you for their own means.
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*laughs* They're not using ME. When they ingest me, I control THEM.
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They'll do whatever I want — sit on their couch, sit in a chair. Anything!
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I never thought about it like that.
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No, man, that's your problem — you think too much.
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For the first time in your life, you need to truly veg out.
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| Task: "Make Xylem Try Local Customs". The job takes 8 hours.
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| Quest reward: 100 and 10
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Pt. 4
| After tapping on Xylem's exclamation mark
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I get it now. There's no me or them, there's only US.
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Because when you think about it, the universe is one continuous—
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Whoa, whoa. Hold up. You're starting to get a little too introspective.
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Is that bad?
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No, you just need to balance it out with a little unchecked aggression.
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How do I do that?
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Let me introduce you to my friends, Hops and Barley.
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| Task: "Make Xylem Get Aggressive With Hops and Barley". The job takes place at a Brown House and takes 8 hours.
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| Quest reward: 100 and 10
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Pt. 5
| After tapping on Xylem's exclamation mark
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Ugh, what happened last night?
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What happened is you called us in the middle of the night and told us how you REALLY felt!
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What did I say?
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You said you loved us and missed us very much.
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...which on our planet is the worst thing you could say!
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I forgot how confusing things are back home. It's simpler here.
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If you love Earth so much, maybe you should just stay there.
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| Task: "Make Xylem Put Down Roots on Earth". The job takes place at a Brown House and takes 24 hours.
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Cheer up, things could be worse.
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I'm banned from my home planet, how could things possibly be worse?
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Because the humans just blew your home planet up!
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Are Hops and Barley around here?
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| Quest reward: 200 and 20
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