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The Dickens You Say is a Bart Simpson story that appears in Bart Simpson #8.

Bart has to write a book report on Great Expectations. To avoid reading it, Bart tries to buy a comic version from the Android's Dungeon but it is too expensive. Bart then sends into The Krusty the Clown Show (where he claims to be dying) requesting an Itchy and Scratchy version of Great Expectations. Although his request is fulfilled, the cartoon's plot has nothing to do with the novel. Bart looks for a film version of the book but he only finds an R-rated version which Squeaky Voiced Teen refuses to let him rent.