Homer and Lisa Exchange Cross Words/Quotes
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- Lisa: Guess what, mom? I'm a cruciverbalist!
- Marge: Oh, Lisa, another religion? You know, you'll just drop the whole thing at college when you get a Jewish boyfriend.
- Homer: Marge, I'm going to a hardcore gay club and won't be home until three in the morning!
- Marge: Have fun!
- Lisa: Dad, I know this is crazy, but did you plant a message to me in the New York Times crossword puzzle?
- Homer: Well, I had a little help from this guy.
- [Will Shortz and Merl Reagle appear]
- Lisa: (gasps) New York Times crossword editor Will Shortz and master puzzle constructor Merl Reagle!
- Merl Reagle: I actually wrote that crossword.
- Will Shortz: And I edited it. Now get back to crosswording!
- Merl Reagle: (dejected) Yes, sir.
- Superintendent Chalmers: I'm a bit of a crossword head myself. They help me relax after a day of having to deal with... Skinner!
- Principal Skinner: You called?
- Superintendent Chalmers: Made reference.
- Principal Skinner: My mistake.
- [After Lisa loses the crossword puzzle tournament]
- Lisa: Oh, I blew it again.
- Homer: She blew it again! Woo-Hoo!
- [The bartender approaches Homer with a large tray of money]
- Bartender: (disdainfully) Here's your money, soaked in your daughter's tears.
- Homer: You know for a bartender-bookie, you're awfully judgmental.
