I Love Lisa/Quotes
Ralph: The doctor said I wouldn't have any nose bleeds if I kept my finger outta there!
Ralph: I Choo-Choo-Choose you.
Moe: (reads his valentine) "To Moe. From your secret admirer."
Barney: Yoo hoo!!
Moe: Oh God, no!
(Barney blows a kiss and belches)
Guy: Where do you want these beef hearts?
Lunchlady Doris: On the floor.
Guy: It doesnt look very clean.
Lunchlady Doris: Just do your job, heart boy.
Groundskeeper Willie: I didn't cry when me own father was hung for stealing a pig, but I'll cry now.
Lisa: Ralph thinks I like him but I only gave him a valentine because I felt sorry for him.
Homer: Ah, sweet pity. Where would my love life have been without it?
Homer: You know, one day honest citizens are going to stand up to you crooked cops.
Chief Wiggum: They are!? Oh no! Ha-have they set a date?
Ralph: Uh... so... do you like..... stuff?
Ralph: My parents won't let me use scissors. [kids laugh at him]
Miss Hoover: The children have a right to laugh at you, Ralph. These things couldn't cut butter. Now, take out your red crayons.
Ralph: Miss Hoover. I don't have a red crayon.
Miss Hoover: Why not?
Ralph: I ate it.
Grampa: Bah, this is just another Hallmark holiday cooked up to sell cards.
Jasper: Aww... a Valentine from my daughter!
Grampa: Can I have the envelope?
Miss Hoover: You may now exchange Valentines.
Ralph: Miss Hoover, I glued my head to my shoulder.
Ms. Hoover: First, we're going to construct paper mailboxes to store the valentines.
Lisa: Isn't that just pointless busy-work?
Ms. Hoover: [taps her nose] Bull's-eye. Get cracking.
Principal Skinner: Attention everyone, this is Principal Skinner. Some student (possibly Bart Simpson) has been circulating candy hearts with crude off-color sentiments.
Krusty: Hey, kids! Don't forget to watch my 29th Anniversary Show, featuring clips like this one of Sideshow Mel wacked out on wowie-sauce!
[about Krusty's 29th Anniversary Show]
Bart: I'd give anything to go to that show!
Homer: I'd sell my first-born son!
Bart: Hey!
Homer: You'll do as you're told!
Lisa: What do you say to a boy to let him know you're not interested?
Marge: Well, honey, when I... Homer: [puts up a hand] Let me handle this, Marge, I've heard 'em all. I like you as a friend... I think we should see other people... I no speak English...
Lisa: I get the idea.
Homer: I'm married to the sea... I don't want to kill you, but I will.
Homer: Six simple words: I'm not gay, but I'll learn
Lisa [when Ralph shows up at the Simpson house]: Just make up some excuse! [runs to hide]
Homer: [answering the door] She's in the can. Go away.
Bart: Oh it isn't fair. I'm ten times the Krusty fan you are. I even have the Krusty home pregnancy test!
Lisa: I'm not sure if I should go. I don't even like him.
Bart: You're right, Lis, you shouldn't go. It wouldn't be honest. I'll go, disguised as you.
Lisa: What if he wants to hold hands?
Bart: I'm prepared to make that sacrifice.
Lisa: What if he wants a kiss?
Bart: I'm prepared to make that sacrifice.
Lisa: What if he…
Bart: You don't want to know how far I'll go.
Lisa: Dad, is it all right to take things from people you don't like?
Homer: Sure it is, honey. You do mean stealing, don't you?
Lisa: That story isn't suitable for children.
Chief Wiggum: Really? I keep my pants on in this version.
Principal Skinner: Good evening, everyone, and welcome to a wonderful evening of theater and picking up after yourselves.
Miss Hoover: Bart, do you want to play John Wilkes Booth, or do you want to act like a maniac?
Ralph: Leave me alone. I'm here to play George Washington.
Bart [after Miss Hoover carries him offstage]: Unhand me, Yankee!
Ralph: [reads Lisa's card] "Let's 'bee' friends." It says, "bee" and it has a picture of a bee on it. [laughs]
