The Computer Wore Menace Shoes/Quotes

Quotes

[After Lisa sets up his computer, Homer takes it for a spin on the Internet and visits the Springfield Police Department home page. An image of Chief Wiggum's face appears on the screen.]

Wiggum: [on-screen] "If you've committed a crime and want to confess, click 'Yes'. Otherwise, click 'No'."

[Homer clicks "No".]

Wiggum: "You have chosen 'No', meaning that you've committed a crime, but don't want to confess. A paddy wagon is now speeding to your home." [An image of a paddy wagon with a flashing siren appears in the corner of the screen.]

Homer: [indignantly] "Hey!!"

Wiggum: "While you wait, why not buy a police cap or T-shirt. [Images of the items with the SPD logo appear, surrounding Wiggum's face.] You have the right to remain fabulous!" [The flashing words "NOW 80% OFF" appear on the screen.]]

Homer: No one can silence me but me!

Fake Homer: That arranged can be.

Homer: Who are you, and why are you holding me here? I want answers now, or I want them eventually!

Lisa: Well, you can't post news if you don't have any.

Homer: That's a great idea! I'll just make up some news!

Lisa: Ugh, at least take off your Pulitzer Prize when you say that!

(Mr. X reports that Apu's bagels are really old donuts)

Chief Wiggum: In the interests of public safety, we have confiscated every donut, bagel, cruller and bear claw in the city. And some coffee.

Leader: As far as your family knows, Homer Simpson is walking in the front door right about now.

Homer: (Taking his face out of ice cream with needles sticking out) I'm sorry, what?

(Next scene at the Simpson house)

Marge: Homie!

Fake Homer: (Speaking with a German accent) Marge, honey, Fraulein, I'm home!

Marge: You're not my husband!

Fake Homer: Jah, please forgive my unexplained two week absence. To make it up to you we will go out to dinner at a sensibly-priced restaurant, then have a night of efficient German sex.

Marge: Well, I sure don't feel like cooking.

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