| Cuban Midlife Crisis
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| Tapped Out Quest Information
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Cuban Midlife Crisis is a temporary questline in The Simpsons: Tapped Out. It was introduced in the "Havana Wild Weekend" episode tie-in content update.
Dialogue[edit]
| After starting the update
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Is everything all right, Homie? You have that "I-ate-everything-in-the-fridge" sad look, but there's still food in the fridge.
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I've got those things Lisa plays on her sax.
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The blues?
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No, the keys. Keys to the same sucky car I've been driving for 20 years.
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It doesn't even have a brand. There comes a time in a man's life when he wants to drive a brand-name car.
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We can't afford a new car, but maybe you can boost your mood by fixing up your old car. In some cultures, men express themselves by personalizing their cars.
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In my culture, men express themselves by not expressing themselves... then going nuts.
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| Task: "Make Homer Fix Up His Car". The job takes place at Homer's Car or the Simpson House and takes 30 minutes.
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Goodness, Homer, where did you find all those tubes?
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Under the hood. There was a whole closet full of old junk in there.
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Is it safe with all that stuff taken out?
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Safer than ever, since it doesn't go. Time to get a new car!
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Quest reward:  100 and  10
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| After tapping on Homer's exclamation mark
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Dad, I need your help.
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If it's women trouble, there ain't nothing that can't be fixed with a Mexican divorce. Oaxaca's the fastest, Jalisco's the cheapest, and Acapulco'll throw in another wedding.
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No, I need your help picking out a car. All I know about them is how to hire people to drive you around in them using your phone.
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You got it! Whatcha looking for -- pushrod V-8, Edelbrock cylinder heads, four-piston brakes?
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Brakes, definitely. And a motor. And one of those cup-holders that can hold a big cup or a little cup. That's a must. Although I'd settle for big-cup-only.
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I'll take it from here, son.
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Task: "Make Homer List Out Required Features". The job takes place at the Retirement Castle or Simpson House and takes 30 minutes.
If Grampa is owned: Task: "Make Grampa Scour the Classifieds". The job takes place at the Retirement Castle or Simpson House and takes 30 minutes.
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Quest reward: 100 and 10
1958 Car
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It only has 1,958 miles, that's amazing!
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That's the model year, ya ninny.
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I wondered why someone from the year 500,000 was selling their car so cheap. Figured it was the rise of the robots or whatever.
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| After tapping on Homer's exclamation mark
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I can't drive this old hunk of junk. My investors will lose confidence in my dinosaur theme park before we splice gene one!
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That's why we're going to fix it up. Okay, first we need to read the manual, then we need to make a checklist...
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Ugh! Working on a car should be manly, like binge-watching a TV show or eating a giant sandwich. This is like homework.
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Did somebody say homework?
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I did. Did somebody say binge watching TV and eating a giant sandwich?
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You did.
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And I'm off!
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Task: "Make Lisa Fix Up the Car". The job takes place at the 1958 Car and takes 3 hours.
If Grampa is owned: Task: "Make Grampa Fix Up the Car". The job takes place at the 1958 Car and takes 3 hours.
Task: "Make Homer Eat a Giant Sandwich". The job takes place at the Simpson House and takes 6 seconds.
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| Reward: Pristine 1958 Car
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I don't remember this unsightly blemish.
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That's your reflection in the hand-buffed wax, idjit.
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My reflection looks fat! Can you buff me out -- or at least buff me more buff?
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You don't deserve a beaut like this!
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Deserving is un-American. Make with the keys, old timer.
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| Quest reward: 100 and 10
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| After tapping on Homer's exclamation mark
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You know what, Dad? As a sign of thanks for fixing up this car, and picking it out, and unknowingly letting me pay for it with your credit card... I want you to have it!
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Really?! That's the nicest, and quite possibly only nice, thing you've ever done for me.
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And to show you my appreciation for your appreciation, I'm going to let you take her on her maiden spin.
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Now treat her like a lady -- open her door, push back her seat, and go to town in her!
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| Message
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Tune in this Sunday at 8/7c on FOX to see Grampa get his groove back!
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| Task: "Make Homer Make Vroom-Vroom Sounds". The job takes place at the 1958 Car and takes 30 minutes.
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| Quest reward: 100 and 10
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| On September 21, 2016
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You ruined the car without leaving the driveway!
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Like you were going to do any better with it. You're old!
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Swap back and forth between both versions of the 1958 Car!
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Task: "Reach Level 19 and Build the Retirement Castle".
Task: "Make Grampa Ogle the Chassis". The job takes place at the 1958 Car and takes 4 hours.
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This car makes me feel young again -- young like a baby. I need a nap.
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| Quest reward: 100 and 10
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