The Otto Show/Quotes
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- Otto's apartment. Otto cannot open the door, and is oblivious to the sign on it.
- Sign: EVICTION NOTICE.
- Otto: Hey landlord, I cannot open the door.
- Landlord: Yeah, can't you read? The sign says eviction notice. I am evicting you on account of you losing your job and you can no longer afford rent.
- Otto: Well, can't I get to my stuff?
- Landlord: I already got all your personal possessions for you. Your entire inventory consisisted of a couple of psycho magazines and a jar of mustard.
- Otto: I do not believe it!...I have mustard?
- Marge: Otto, you can't watch TV all day.
- Otto: You're right. I should do some reading. You got any "Where's Waldo" books?
- Marge: No.
- Otto: A book from a vampire’s point of view?
- Marge: No.
- Otto: Anything where guys send in naked pictures of their chicks?
- Marge: Otto, I think you should get a job.
- Otto: The only job I was good at was driving a bus, and now "the man" says I need a piece of paper to do that.
(Otto starts playing guitar loudly.)
- Homer: Will you knock it off!? I can't hear myself think.
(Otto stops.)
- Homer's Head: I want some peanuts.
- Homer: That's better.
- Patty: Hello, my name is Patty. I will be your tester for your commercial license. When you are doing well I will use the green pen. When you are doing poorly I will use the red pen. Any questions?
- Otto: You were a man once, were you not? You can tell me, I am open minded.
- Patty drops green pen.
- Patty: I will not be needing this.
- Homer: Of course I'm not mad. If something's hard to do, then it's not worth doing!
- Homer: All right, he can stay. But I get to treat him like garbage.
- Otto: Wow! What's the catch?
- Bart: Mom, I thought you might forget our little conversation this afternoon, so I took the precaution of recording it.
- Marge: What conversation?
- Bart: (on tape) Mom, can Otto live in our garage for as long as he wants? (impression of Marge) He sure can!
- Homer: Marge! What were you thinking?
- Marge: That's not my voice!
- Homer: Oh, everybody says that when they hear themselves on tape.
- Marge: I know we did not ask for this Homer, but does not the Bible say "Whatsoever you do unto the least of my children, that which you do unto Me?"
- Homer: I think it also says "Thou shalt not...take moochers into thy hut."
- Skinner: It's a miracle nobody was hurt.
- Otto: I stand on my record. Fifteen crashes and not a single fatality
