Selma's Choice/Quotes
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- Homer: Now what do we say when we get to the ticket booth?
- Bart & Lisa{in unison}: We are under six!
- Homer: And I am a college student.
- Marge: Kids, I have some tragic news. Your Great Aunt Gladys has...passed on.
- Bart: Gladys? The one with a limp and an eyepatch, huh?
- Marge: No, Gladys looked more like your Aunt Patty.
- Bart shivers to himself as he remembers some unexplained encounter with the women of his family.
- Homer: But I want to go to Duff Gardens! Right now!
- Marge: Homer! Stop pouting!
- Homer: I am not pouting, I am...mourning.
- Homer{talking to himself in a low tone}" Stupid dead woman!
- Lisa: (After drinking tainted water): I am the Lizard Queen!
- Troy McClure: Hey, Lance Murdock, you just jumped sixteen blazing school buses. What are you going to do now?
- Lance Murdock: I'm going to... Duff... Gardens.
- Groundskeeper Willie (watching at the video of Selma): Ough, back to the loch with you, Nessie.
- Bart is looking at the trinkets for sale at the Duff Gardens gift shop.
- Bart: Hey! Beer googles! Wonder what these do?
- Bart dons a pair of beer googles and looks at Selma, who is transformed into an attractive woman with a sexy voice.
- Beautiful woman: Hey there handsome, I only have one request of you.
- Bart: Whoa mama! Anything for you! What did you say?
- Barts doffs beer googles and Selma is shown as her normal ugly self with the gnarly voice.
- Selma: I said take off those ridiculous glasses!
- Surly: Hey, Surly only looks out for one guy...Surly!
- Selma: Oh, sorry Surly.
- Surly: Shut up.
- Animatronic puppets in "The Little Land of Duff": Duff Beer for me! Duff Beer for you! I'll have a Duff, You have one too!
- Homer (before passing out in the car): Duff... Gardens... HURRAH! (car horn)
