Mr. Lisa Goes to Washington/Quotes
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- Chief Judge: Lisa Simpson's essay was great, do you not agree?
- Female Judge: Good indeed. Too good. Too much like her father's work!
- Female judge proceeds to speak to Homer as she suspects him of doing the essay for Lisa. She passes a losing contestant who gets reprimanded by his father
- Father: We the Purple? What in the world made you misread my paper?!
- Timber lobbyist is presenting his case for getting his company to clear-cut Springfield Forest. He shows a poster of a spooky forest
- Timber lobbyist: As you can plainly see, Springfield Forest is full of creepy old rotting trees...
- Timber lobbyist changes picture to a bunch of happy animals having a tea party using stumps as their tables
- Timber lobbyist: ...in comes my logging company which does away with all those rotten old trees and makes life better for the animals. It is all part of nature's...uh...ya know...cycle.
- Congressman Arnold: Look Jerry, you are a hell of a lobbyist and you make a spectacular case for clear-cutting forests, but this is not like burying toxic waste. People are going to notice those trees are gone.
- Tour guide: This is the IRS building.
- Homer: Boo! BOO!
- Trahn has won the essay contest and is presented with an oversized check for $10,000
- Trahn: I wish to thank all those who participated in the essay contest, and I believe Lisa Simpson deserves special recognition for her negative, albeit powerful and true speech.
- Homer{shouting}: So give her the check!
- Audience laughs at they think Homer can make a proper lighthearted joke
- Homer{talking to himself}: DOH! I was serious!
- Oil lobbyist is dressed in an outfit similar to the Rich Texan and presents Congressman Arnold with a picture of an oil derrick protruding from Teddy Roosevelt's image on Mount Rushmore
- Oil lobbyist: Congressman, we would like to drill for oil in Teddy Roosevelt's head.
- Congressman Arnold: Much as I would like to help you, I believe people will be concerned about the sight of an oil derrick atop a President who was...
- Oil lobbyist presents a briefcase full of cash
- Congressman Arnold: Teddy who?
- Oil lobbyist then presents a badge and an arrest warrant. Several men in navy windbreakers storm Congressman's office
- FBI Agent: FBI! Bob Arnold, you are under arrest for graft!
- A motion is made in Congress to expel Bob Arnold from the House of Representatives, which is approved by the House. The bill is sent to President Bush the Elder for ratification. Bush the Elder is meeting with an African diplomat at the time he is signing the bill sealing Bob Arnold's doom
- President Bush the Elder: This ought to please my bosses.
- African Diplomat: YOUR bosses?!
- President Bush the Elder: Oh yes sir! All 250 million of them!
