Homer at the Bat/Quotes

Quotes

Jose Canseco is walking by a burning house when he hears a baby crying.

Woman: My baby!

Jose Canseco: Don't worry ma'am, I'll save your baby!

Jose Canseco runs into burning house and emerges with baby.

Woman: Thank you!

Cat mewling is heard.

Woman: My cat!

Jose Canseco: Never fear ma'am, I'll save your cat!

Jose Canseco runs into burning house and emerges with cat.

Woman: Thank you Mr. Canseco!

"Camptown Races" is heard.

Woman: My player-piano!

Jose Canseco: Oh, man!

Springfield Hospital. Dr. Hibbert is using a Geiger counter on a sick Mike Scoscia.

Dr. Hibbert: Er Mike try to lift your arm.

Mike Scioscia: Can't...lift arm...or speak...at...normal...rate

Dr. Hibbert: Now son, it looks like you have acute radiation posioning.

Mike Scioscia: Will...I...be..able..to..play...softball...tomorrow?

Dr. Hibbert: [laughs] No, by tomorrow you'll barely be able to breath!

Mike Scioscia: Oh...man...

Nurse: Doctor come quick! Ken Griffey Jr. needs your help immediately, it looks like an overdose of nerve tonic.

Dr. Hibbert sees Ken Griffey Junior in a wheelchair with an enlarged cranium.

Dr. Hibbert: Oh my lord, gigantism!

(Wade Boggs is arguing in Moe's Tavern with a drunken Barney Gumble)

Barney: "And I say England's greatest Prime Minister was Lord Palmerston!"

Boggs: "Pitt the Elder!"

Barney: "Lord Palmerston!"

Boggs: "Pitt the Elder!!"

Barney: "O.K. You asked for it Boggs!"

Barney knocks Boggs out

Moe: "Yeah, that's showing him, Barney! Heh, Pitt the Elder."

Barney: "Lord Palmerston!!!"

(Barney knocks Moe out too)