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| − | *'''December 9th''': All praise the Leader! The Movementarians are back in town and ready to recruit Homer back to Blisstonia with the promise of endless gruel, shapeless robes, and questionable spaceship rides. Will Homer fall prey to this cult once again? Can Marge save both Christmas AND Homie’s soul? Will she ever be appreciated for all her hard work? The answer to that last question is definitely not! | + | *'''January 20th''': Head to Springfield's premier maximum-security weight loss spa where the workouts are as grueling as the food is gruel. |
| − | ::Nothing says magical moment like a Mall Santa. Oh, did we say magical moment? We meant disillusioned façade.
| + | :::::::::::Find all about the newest event in the {{TOCU|New Year New You}} page! |
| − | :::This off-brand, knock-off Santa has everything the real Santa has and more! Like more DUIs, more filed complaints, and more crying kids!
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| − | ::::Enjoy all the thrills of consumerism without the oppression of a roof at the Towne Centre at Springfielde Glenne! When it rains, you pour out money!
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| − | :::::Reindeer? More like paindeer with their annoying demands for food and water. So turn Donner into a goner and strap rocket boosters to that sleigh!
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| − | ::::::Gather 'round the burning bush and roast your holy s'mores - Moses has come to town with a tale to tell! And he promises no more plagues this time.
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| − | ::::::Don't look now, but Mr. Burns just learned about religious tax loopholes and now he's the one, the only - Messiah Burns!
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| − | :::::::He's traded his ship for a sleigh, his pipe for a candy cane, and his beard for a- well, he still has his beard. Yarr! Come sail the open snow!
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| − | ::::::::Straight out of the manger, he's turning water into juice, y'all. Baby Jesus has arisen and is asking you WWBJD?
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| − | :::::::::Heavy is the head that rests the crown. Which is why you should get King Herod's Citadel and order the murder of every male infant in comfort!
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| − | ::::::::::Get yourself your own personal Heaven. <nowiki>*</nowiki>Stairway not included
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| − | :::::::::::Find all about the newest event in the {{TOCU|Clash of Creeds: Christmas Royale}} page! | |
| | <noinclude>[[Category:Templates]]</noinclude> | | <noinclude>[[Category:Templates]]</noinclude> |
