Difference between revisions of "Brawl in the Family/Quotes"
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(Created page with "{{TabQ |episode=Brawl in the Family }} :'''Homer''': A grizzly bear with a chainsaw. Now, there's a killing machine! ---- :'''Homer''': I'm gonna come back with the greatest gift...") |
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|episode=Brawl in the Family | |episode=Brawl in the Family | ||
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| − | :'''Homer''': A grizzly bear with a chainsaw. Now, there's a killing machine! | + | :'''[[Homer]]''': A grizzly bear with a chainsaw. Now, there's a killing machine! |
---- | ---- | ||
:'''Homer''': I'm gonna come back with the greatest gift a husband can give his wife. An annulment from his secret wife! | :'''Homer''': I'm gonna come back with the greatest gift a husband can give his wife. An annulment from his secret wife! | ||
---- | ---- | ||
| − | :'''Marge''': We don't need TV to have family fun. Why don't we play Monopoly? | + | :'''[[Marge]]''': We don't need TV to have family fun. Why don't we play [[Monopoly]]? |
| − | :'''Lisa''': Which version? [pulls board games from the closet] We've got "Star Wars Monopoly, | + | :'''[[Lisa]]''': Which version? [pulls board games from the closet] We've got "[[Star Wars Monopoly]]", |
| − | :"Rasta-mon opoly," " | + | :"[[Rasta-mon opoly]]", "[[Galipolopoly]]", "[[Edna Krabappoly]]." |
:'''Marge''': Let's stick to regular Monopoly. The game is crazy enough as it is; how can an iron be a landlord? | :'''Marge''': Let's stick to regular Monopoly. The game is crazy enough as it is; how can an iron be a landlord? | ||
---- | ---- | ||
:[While the family is playing Monopoly] | :[While the family is playing Monopoly] | ||
| − | :'''Bart''': [holding some money Homer has given him] You're a little light here, Dad. | + | :'''[[Bart]]''': [holding some money Homer has given him] You're a little light here, Dad. |
:'''Homer''':I'm good for the rest… you know I am! | :'''Homer''':I'm good for the rest… you know I am! | ||
:'''Bart''': Well, I'd like to trust you, Homer, but you've been in jail 3 times. | :'''Bart''': Well, I'd like to trust you, Homer, but you've been in jail 3 times. | ||
:'''Homer''':They told me it would be like this on the outside. | :'''Homer''':They told me it would be like this on the outside. | ||
| − | :'''Lisa''': [picks up one of Bart's "hotels"] These hotels are made of Legos. Bart, you're cheating! | + | :'''[[Lisa]]''': [picks up one of Bart's "hotels"] These hotels are made of Legos. Bart, you're cheating! |
:'''Marge''': Lisa, it was probably an accident. | :'''Marge''': Lisa, it was probably an accident. | ||
:'''Lisa''': Oh, sure, you take his side, just because he bought you that house on St. James Place. | :'''Lisa''': Oh, sure, you take his side, just because he bought you that house on St. James Place. | ||
| Line 25: | Line 25: | ||
:'''Marge''': I've been prying them apart since before you were born! | :'''Marge''': I've been prying them apart since before you were born! | ||
---- | ---- | ||
| − | :'''Brenda the Police Robot''': I am Brenda. I am programmed to talk in a calm and constructive manner. [yells] DESTROY! DESTROY! | + | :'''[[Brenda the Police Robot]]''': I am Brenda. I am programmed to talk in a calm and constructive manner. [yells] DESTROY! DESTROY! |
---- | ---- | ||
| − | :'''Officer Lou''': Another case of Monopoly-related violence, Chief. | + | :'''[[Officer Lou]]''': Another case of Monopoly-related violence, Chief. |
| − | :'''Chief Wiggum''': How do those Parker Brothers sleep at night? | + | :'''[[Chief Wiggum]]''': How do those Parker Brothers sleep at night? |
---- | ---- | ||
:'''Chief Wiggum''': Nice work, Brenda. I'll take it from here. | :'''Chief Wiggum''': Nice work, Brenda. I'll take it from here. | ||
| Line 39: | Line 39: | ||
:'''Lisa''': Thanks a lot, everybody. Now, I'll never get into an Ivy League school. | :'''Lisa''': Thanks a lot, everybody. Now, I'll never get into an Ivy League school. | ||
:'''Bart''': [taunting] You're going to Stanford, you're going to Stanford ... | :'''Bart''': [taunting] You're going to Stanford, you're going to Stanford ... | ||
| − | :'''Homer and Bart '''[taunting]: You're going to Stanford! | + | :'''Homer and Bart''' [taunting]: You're going to Stanford! |
:'''Lisa''': Take it back! Take it back! | :'''Lisa''': Take it back! Take it back! | ||
:'''Homer''': Stanford. | :'''Homer''': Stanford. | ||
---- | ---- | ||
| − | :'''Gabriel''': Hello, I'm Gabriel. | + | :'''[[Gabriel]]''': Hello, I'm Gabriel. |
:'''Homer''': [gasps] A heavenly choir! You must be an angel. | :'''Homer''': [gasps] A heavenly choir! You must be an angel. | ||
:'''Gabriel''': [laughs] No, that's my pager. [turns his pager off] I'm a social worker. I'm here to help you stop fighting and become a family again. | :'''Gabriel''': [laughs] No, that's my pager. [turns his pager off] I'm a social worker. I'm here to help you stop fighting and become a family again. | ||
| Line 52: | Line 52: | ||
:[Bart brings Gabriel to school] | :[Bart brings Gabriel to school] | ||
:'''Bart '''[to the kids at school]: Attention, everyone! This is Gabriel, my personal social worker. He has to be here. I'm just that nuts. [the kids are impressed] | :'''Bart '''[to the kids at school]: Attention, everyone! This is Gabriel, my personal social worker. He has to be here. I'm just that nuts. [the kids are impressed] | ||
| − | :'''Milhouse''': How come you get a social worker? I'm the one with stigmata. [holds up his bloody hands] | + | :'''[[Milhouse]]''': How come you get a social worker? I'm the one with stigmata. [holds up his bloody hands] |
---- | ---- | ||
:'''Marge''': Food keeps my family happy, so I make a few practice dinners before showtime, ‘cause at 6 o'clock, we go live! | :'''Marge''': Food keeps my family happy, so I make a few practice dinners before showtime, ‘cause at 6 o'clock, we go live! | ||
| Line 78: | Line 78: | ||
:'''Homer''': But Marge, it wasn't my fault... liquors drunkened me! | :'''Homer''': But Marge, it wasn't my fault... liquors drunkened me! | ||
---- | ---- | ||
| − | :'''Amber''' [to Lisa]: I could show you how to put on makeup. | + | :'''[[Amber Simpson|Amber]]''' [to Lisa]: I could show you how to put on makeup. |
| − | :Lisa: I'm 8 years old. | + | :'''Lisa''': I'm 8 years old. |
:'''Amber''': You could look 7. [to Bart] And I can teach you how to count cards. | :'''Amber''': You could look 7. [to Bart] And I can teach you how to count cards. | ||
:'''Bart''': I already have a system. | :'''Bart''': I already have a system. | ||
| Line 85: | Line 85: | ||
:'''Homer''': (wakes up) Aah, the sweet couple of seconds before I remember why I'm sleeping on the lawn. | :'''Homer''': (wakes up) Aah, the sweet couple of seconds before I remember why I'm sleeping on the lawn. | ||
---- | ---- | ||
| − | :'''Judge Harm''': Mr. Simpson, under Nevada law, bigamy, or "Mormon hold-'em," is perfectly legal. [bangs gavel] Both marriages stand. | + | :'''[[Judge Harm]]''': Mr. Simpson, under Nevada law, bigamy, or "Mormon hold-'em," is perfectly legal. [bangs gavel] Both marriages stand. |
:'''Homer''': But I only love Marge! | :'''Homer''': But I only love Marge! | ||
:'''Judge Harm''': I hereby order you to take care of both of your wives. Bailiff, ring him. [a bailiff puts a second wedding ring onto Homer's finger] | :'''Judge Harm''': I hereby order you to take care of both of your wives. Bailiff, ring him. [a bailiff puts a second wedding ring onto Homer's finger] | ||
| Line 96: | Line 96: | ||
:'''Homer''': Not a sports fan, huh? | :'''Homer''': Not a sports fan, huh? | ||
---- | ---- | ||
| − | :'''Grampa''': Oh, I lost another wife. | + | :'''[[Grampa]]''': Oh, I lost another wife. |
:'''Lisa''': I'm sorry, Grampa. | :'''Lisa''': I'm sorry, Grampa. | ||
:'''Grampa''': Well, it hurts now, but the senility will take care of that. There she goes. (to Homer) You know, I have a son about your age. | :'''Grampa''': Well, it hurts now, but the senility will take care of that. There she goes. (to Homer) You know, I have a son about your age. | ||
---- | ---- | ||
{{Season 13 Q}} | {{Season 13 Q}} | ||
Revision as of 15:25, September 14, 2011
- Homer: A grizzly bear with a chainsaw. Now, there's a killing machine!
- Homer: I'm gonna come back with the greatest gift a husband can give his wife. An annulment from his secret wife!
- Marge: We don't need TV to have family fun. Why don't we play Monopoly?
- Lisa: Which version? [pulls board games from the closet] We've got "Star Wars Monopoly",
- "Rasta-mon opoly", "Galipolopoly", "Edna Krabappoly."
- Marge: Let's stick to regular Monopoly. The game is crazy enough as it is; how can an iron be a landlord?
- [While the family is playing Monopoly]
- Bart: [holding some money Homer has given him] You're a little light here, Dad.
- Homer:I'm good for the rest… you know I am!
- Bart: Well, I'd like to trust you, Homer, but you've been in jail 3 times.
- Homer:They told me it would be like this on the outside.
- Lisa: [picks up one of Bart's "hotels"] These hotels are made of Legos. Bart, you're cheating!
- Marge: Lisa, it was probably an accident.
- Lisa: Oh, sure, you take his side, just because he bought you that house on St. James Place.
- Bart: Who else is going to take care of her? Dad?
- Homer: Why, you little ... [throttles Bart]
- Marge: Stop fighting! [throttles Homer]
- Lisa: Mom, that's not how you pry them apart! [grabs Bart's arm and tries to pull him away from Homer]
- Marge: I've been prying them apart since before you were born!
- Brenda the Police Robot: I am Brenda. I am programmed to talk in a calm and constructive manner. [yells] DESTROY! DESTROY!
- Officer Lou: Another case of Monopoly-related violence, Chief.
- Chief Wiggum: How do those Parker Brothers sleep at night?
- Chief Wiggum: Nice work, Brenda. I'll take it from here.
- Brenda the Police Robot: No way! This is my collar! [Chief Wiggum switches off Brenda's power switch and she shuts down]
- Chief Wiggum: Too bad real women don't come with these, huh? [laughs]
- Homer: [laughs] You got that right.
- Chief Wiggum: Quiet, you. That counts as your phone call.
- [When the Simpsons are in jail]
- Lisa: Thanks a lot, everybody. Now, I'll never get into an Ivy League school.
- Bart: [taunting] You're going to Stanford, you're going to Stanford ...
- Homer and Bart [taunting]: You're going to Stanford!
- Lisa: Take it back! Take it back!
- Homer: Stanford.
- Gabriel: Hello, I'm Gabriel.
- Homer: [gasps] A heavenly choir! You must be an angel.
- Gabriel: [laughs] No, that's my pager. [turns his pager off] I'm a social worker. I'm here to help you stop fighting and become a family again.
- Homer: No, you are an angel, like Denzel Washington in "The Preacher's Wife," or Will Smith in "Bagger Vance," or Slimer in "Ghostbusters."
- Marge: Sir, we know you're not an angel. My husband sees too many movies.
- Homer: Don't blame me, blame Tinseltown and its second golden age. May it never end.
- [Bart brings Gabriel to school]
- Bart [to the kids at school]: Attention, everyone! This is Gabriel, my personal social worker. He has to be here. I'm just that nuts. [the kids are impressed]
- Milhouse: How come you get a social worker? I'm the one with stigmata. [holds up his bloody hands]
- Marge: Food keeps my family happy, so I make a few practice dinners before showtime, ‘cause at 6 o'clock, we go live!
- [When Homer brings Gabriel to Moe’s]
- Homer: Okay, Gabriel, this is a bar. It's where I go to drink alcohol, which is the mortal equivalent of your ambrosia.
- Gabriel: Homer, I am not an angel.
- Homer: Pfft. Well, not with that temper.
- [Gabriel takes the Simpsons’ to the rules]
- Homer: Okay, why are we in the woods? Is this Heaven?
- Gabriel: No, Homer. I brought you out here to shake off your negative behavior patterns. Marge, you medicate your family with food. Bart, you'll do anything for attention …cut that out!
- Bart [with a beard of bees]: They chose me.
- Homer: Okay, family huddle. [everyone huddles together and Homer lowers his voice to a whisper] Now, here's how it's going down. As a family, we drive away. We cover for each other, as a family. It's what Gabriel would have wanted.
- Lisa: Look, we can't fall into old patterns. We've got to think of a plan.
- Homer [in a whisper] Okay, but talk like this.
- Lisa: [in a whisper] Fine, I'll talk like this.
- Homer: [in his normal voice] What?
- Marge: You know, we've been through some 280 adventures together, but our bond has never been stronger.
- Homer: Yep, our family is as functional as all get-out.
- Lisa: Could this be the end of our series ... of events?
- Homer: But Marge, it wasn't my fault... liquors drunkened me!
- Amber [to Lisa]: I could show you how to put on makeup.
- Lisa: I'm 8 years old.
- Amber: You could look 7. [to Bart] And I can teach you how to count cards.
- Bart: I already have a system.
- Homer: (wakes up) Aah, the sweet couple of seconds before I remember why I'm sleeping on the lawn.
- Judge Harm: Mr. Simpson, under Nevada law, bigamy, or "Mormon hold-'em," is perfectly legal. [bangs gavel] Both marriages stand.
- Homer: But I only love Marge!
- Judge Harm: I hereby order you to take care of both of your wives. Bailiff, ring him. [a bailiff puts a second wedding ring onto Homer's finger]
- Marge: Homer?
- Homer: Marge? You're speaking to me!?
- Marge: Why don't you come inside and we'll talk?
- Homer: About what? Sports? Bigamy?
- Marge: Bigamy.
- Homer: Not a sports fan, huh?
- Grampa: Oh, I lost another wife.
- Lisa: I'm sorry, Grampa.
- Grampa: Well, it hurts now, but the senility will take care of that. There she goes. (to Homer) You know, I have a son about your age.
