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Difference between revisions of "Chalkboard gag"

Wikisimpsons - The Simpsons Wiki
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During the opening credits, Bart is usualy featured writing a phrase on a green chalkboard over and over as punishment after class. A few times during an episode Bart or another character does it.
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[[Image:Simpsons chalkboard gag.jpg|thumb|right|Bart writing a chalkboard gag|Bart writing a chalkboard gag]] The '''chalkboard gag''' is a running visual joke that occurs during the [[The Simpsons Opening Sequence|opening credits]] of many episodes of ''[[The Simpsons]]''. In this gag, [[Bart Simpson]] is writing a unique phrase on the chalkboard repeatedly; when the school bell rings, he immediately stops writing and runs out of the classroom. The phrase is usually in the form of an admonishment, implying that Bart has been assigned this task as punishment in detention for some misbehavior left partly to the viewer's imagination.
 
==List of Chalkboard Gags==
 
  
*I will not waste chalk
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The chalkboard gags are usually written in upper case (with the exception of the words "eBay," in which Bart wrote a lower case "e" and "ay", and "iPODDY," where the "i" is lower case.)
*I will not skateboard in the halls
+
 
*I will not burp in class
+
While running visual jokes in ''The Simpsons'' are rarely referred to by the content of the show itself, in the episode "[[Skinner's Sense of Snow]]", Bart says that he had written on the chalkboard so many times that his hands sound like a cement mixer. In another episode ("[[Marge vs. Singles, Seniors, Childless Couples and Teens, and Gays]]"), Bart asks for a detention but [[Ms. Krabappel]] said they all got tired of that years ago, referencing the reduced number of gags in the openings. In the episode "[[Bart the Murderer]]", Bart is inspired by Fat Tony and attempts to bribe his principal, Mr. Skinner. In the next scene, Bart is seen writing "I will not bribe [[Seymour Skinner|Mr. Skinner]]" on the chalkboard, monitored by the principal himself.
*I will not instigate revolution
+
 
*I will not draw naked ladies in class
+
Lisa has been punished with the chalkboard twice, once in the episode "[[Lisa's Date with Density]]". As she writes, she complains, "How does Bart do this every week?" The second time was in "[[Grift of the Magi]]." When Bart finds out, he malapropism, "The ironing is delicious."
*I did not see Elvis
+
 
*I will not call my teacher "Hot Cakes"
+
In the early days of the series, a chalkboard gag was used in almost every episode, but, as commercial time has increased, they have gradually disappeared. They are now shown as rarely as twice per season. The show's producers have said that they may soon disappear altogether. However, they seem to be making a comeback as there were eight chalkboard gags during season 17 including three in a row during the last three episodes of the season. The 4th season, the 11th season and the 12th season are the only seasons to use chalkboard gags in each episode (excluding the Treehouse of Horrors).
*Garlic gum is not funny
+
 
*They are laughing at me, not with me
+
A chalkboard gag was also used in ''[[The Simpsons Movie]]''.  Bart can be seen writing "I will not illegally download this movie." on the chalkboard at school. As a follow-up, the chalkboard gag on the Season 19 premiere episode, [[He Loves to Fly and He D'ohs]], which immediately follows the Simpsons Movie, shows Bart writing, "I will not wait 20 years to make another movie."
*I will not yell "Fire" in a crowded classroom
+
 
*I will not encourage others to fly
+
== Chalkboard gags outside ''The Simpsons'' ==
*I will not fake my way through life
+
 
*Tar is not a plaything
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[[Image:SP-s10e04-wall.jpg|thumb|right|The chalkboard gag on ''South Park'']]
*I will not Xerox my butt
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* A chalkboard gag appeared in the ''South Park'' episode "Cartoon Wars Part II", writing ''I Hate Family Guy.''
*It's potato, not potatoe
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* In the American children's books ''Captain Underpants and the Attack of the Talking Toilets'', Mr. Krupp punishes George and Harold and makes them fill chalkboards with "I will never do anything which angers my handsome and charming principal, Mr. Krupp, ever, ever again." George and Harold get revenge when they are made Principals for a Day, and they punish the teachers (and tattletale Melvin Sneedly) to write the following sentences on chalkboards:
*I will not trade pants with others
+
** Ms. Ribble: ''I will stop being such a crab.''
*I am not a 32 year old woman
+
** Mr. Meaner: ''I will chill out.''
*I will not do that thing with my tongue
+
** Ms. Anthrope: ''I will get a life.''
*I will not drive the principal's car
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** Melvin: ''I will not be a tattle-tale.''
*I will not pledge allegiance to Bart
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** Mr. Krupp: ''I will be very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very nice to "George the Great" and "The Amazing Harold".''
*I will not sell school property
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*In a different book, Captain Underpants and the Perilous Plight of the Purple Potty People, when George and Harole are making sure they are in the right universe, three kids are being seen writing various things about their childhood, such as
*I WILL NOT CUT CORNERS " "   "   "   "   " " "  "  "  "  "
+
** Crying Girl: ''My parents only pretend to love me.''
*I will not get very far with this attitude
+
** Miserable Boy: ''I apologize for being born.''
*I will not make flatuent noises in class
+
** Glasses Girl: ''I'm so ugly, when I was born, the doctor slapped my mom.''
*I will not belch the National Anthem
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* In the comic strip series ''FoxTrot'', Jason Fox gets punished with the chalkboard several times:
*I will not sell land in Florida
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** In a 1994 Sunday strip, Jason uses the school's computer to print the phrase "I will not shoot paper clips in class", which he then tapes to the chalkboard (to which his teacher replies, "Jason, I meant write it by hand").
*I will not grease the monkey bars
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** In a 2003 strip, Jason saves time by writing a program in the C programming language to repeat the required phrase 500 times.
*I will not hide behind the Fifth Amendment
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** In a 2005 strip, Jason writes a preemptive blank phrase on the chalkboard.
*I will not do anything bad ever again
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** In another strip, Jason is told to write "I will not say Eileen Jacobson is a space spore", which he emphasises to "I will not say '''EILEEN JACOBSON IS A SPACE SPORE'''" since the teacher never specified the font size.
*I will not show off (written in an Old English font)
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* In a parody of the ''Simpsons'' intro featured in two episodes of ''[[Histeria!]]'', Loud Kiddington is shown writing "I do not need a megaphone!"
*I will not sleep through my education
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* In the first episode of ''ChalkZone'', Rudy Tabootie has to write "Cartoons are not funny".
*I am not a dentist
+
* Around The Horn panelist Woody Paige features a chalkboard with a humorous saying, though it usually isn't a phrase repeated over and over, nor does it usually mention things the writer won't do anymore.
*Spitwads are not free speech
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*Nobody likes sunburn slappers
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== See also ==
*High explosives and school don't mix
+
* [[List of The Simpsons chalkboard gags]]
*I will not bribe Principal Skinner
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* [[Couch gag]]
*I will not squeak chalk (Bart squeaks the chalk)
+
 
*I will finish what I sta (appears on only one line)
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[[Category:Culture]]
*"Bart Bucks" are not legal tender
 
*I will not fake rabies (only shown in Canada)  
 
*Underwear should be worn on the inside
 
*The Christmas Pageant does not stink
 
*I will not torment the emotionally frail
 
*I will not carve gods
 
*I will not spank others
 
*I will not aim for the head
 
*I will not barf unless I'm sick
 
*I will not expose the ignorance of the faculty ''(Lisa claps erasers)''
 
*I saw nothing unusual in the teacher's lounge
 
*I will not conduct my own fire drills
 
*Funny noises are not funny
 
*I will not spin the turtle
 
*I will not snap bras
 
*I will not fake seizures
 
*This punishment is not boring and pointless
 
*My name is not Dr. Death
 
*I will not defame New Orleans
 
*I will not prescribe medication
 
*I will not bury the new kid
 
*I will try to raise a better child ''(Marge during an episode)''
 
*I will not teach others to fly
 
*I will not bring sheep to class
 
*A burp is not an answer
 
*Teacher is not a leper
 
*Coffee is not for kids ''(each line becomes less legible and the last line is a scrawl)''
 
*I will not eat things for money
 
*I will not yell "She's Dead" during roll call
 
*The principal's toupee is not a Frisbee
 
*I will not call the principal "spud head"  
 
*Goldfish don't bounce
 
*Mud is not one of the 4 food groups
 
*No one is interested in my underpants
 
*I will not sell miracle cures
 
*I will return the seeing-eye dog
 
*I do not have diplomatic immunity
 
*I will not charge admission to the bathroom
 
*I will never win an Emmy
 
*The cafeteria deep fryer is not a toy
 
*All work and no play makes Bart a dull boy ''(not written line by line, like the one sentence story in 'The Shining')''
 
*I will not say "Springfield" just to get applause
 
*I am not authorized to fire substitute teachers
 
*My homework was not stolen by a one-armed man
 
*I will not go near the kindergarten turtle
 
*I am not delightfully saucy
 
*Organ transplants are best left to the professionals
 
*The Pledge of Allegiance does not end with Hail Satan
 
*I will not celebrate meaningless milestones ''(the 100th episode)''
 
*There are plenty of businesses like show business
 
*I will not re-transmit without the express permission of Major League Baseball
 
*Five days is not too long to wait for a gun
 
*Beans are neither fruit nor musical
 
*I will not use abbrev.
 
*I am not the reincarnation of Sammy Davis Jr.  
 
*I will not send lard through the mail
 
*I will not dissect things unless instructed
 
*I will not whittle hall passes out of soap
 
*Ralph won't "morph" if you squeeze him hard enough
 
*Adding "just kidding" doesn't make it okay to insult the Principal
 
*"Bagman" is not a legitimate career choice
 
*Cursive writing does not mean what I think it does
 
*Next time it could be me on the scaffolding
 
*I will not hang donuts on my person
 
*I will remember to take my medication
 
*I will not strut around like I own the place
 
*I will only do this once a year
 
*The Good Humor man can only be pushed so far
 
*I do not have power of attorney over first graders
 
*Nerve gas is not a toy
 
*I will not mock Mrs. Dumbface
 
*The First Amendment does not cover burping
 
*This is not a clue...or is it? ''(there are clues that are supposed to reveal who shoots Mr. Burns) ''
 
*I will not complain about the solution when I hear it ''(the shooter is revealed)''
 
*"Bewitched" does not promote Satanism
 
*No one wants to hear from my armpits
 
*I am not a lean mean spitting machine
 
*The boys room is not a water park
 
*Indian burns are not our cultural heritage
 
*Wedgies are unhealthy for children and other living things
 
*I will stop talking about the twelve inch pianist
 
*I am not certified to remove asbestos
 
*I did not learn everything I need to know in kindergarten
 
*I am not my long-lost twin
 
*I will not be a snickerpuss. ''(Lisa during episode)''
 
*The truth is not out there
 
*I am not licensed to do anything
 
*I will not hide the teacher's Prozac
 
*A fire drill does not demand a fire
 
*I no longer want my MTV
 
*Everyone is tired of that Richard Gere story
 
*I did not invent Irish dancing
 
*I will not tease Fatty
 
*There was no Roman god named "Fartacus"
 
*Rudolph's red nose is not alcohol-related
 
*Shooting paintballs is not an art form
 
*Pain is not the cleanser
 
*Silly String is not a nasal spray
 
*I was not told to do this
 
*My butt does not deserve a website
 
*I will not demand what I'm worth
 
*I will not mess with the opening credits ''(appeared in place of the couch gag, the rest of the family runs into the classroom)''
 
*I am not the new Dalai Lama
 
*I was not the inspiration for "Kramer"
 
*I will not file frivolous lawsuits
 
*The Simpsons Halloween Special IX ''(painted in blood with a brush)''
 
*"butt.com" is not my E-mail address ''(censored to '"butt.butt" is not my E-mail address)''
 
*No one cares what my definition of "is" is
 
*I will not scream for ice cream
 
*I am not a licensed hairstylist
 
*"The President did it" is not an excuse
 
*My mom is not dating Jerry Seinfeld
 
*Sherri does not "got back"
 
*I will not do the Dirty Bird
 
*No one wants to hear about my sciatica
 
*Hillbillies are people too
 
*Grammar is not a time of waste
 
*It does not suck to be you
 
*I cannot absolve sins
 
*I Well Knot D-Face ''(Bart in hieroglyphs during episode)''
 
*A trained ape could not teach gym
 
*Loose teeth don't need my help
 
*I have neither been there nor done that
 
*I'm so very tired
 
*Fridays are not "pants optional"
 
*Pork is not a verb
 
*I am not the last Don
 
*I did not win the Nobel Fart Prize
 
*I won't not use no double negatives
 
*I can't see dead people
 
*I will not sell my kidney on eBay
 
*I will not do math in class ''(Lisa during episode)''
 
*I will not create art from dung
 
*I will stop phoning it in
 
*Class clown is not a paid position
 
*Substitute teachers are not scabs
 
*My suspension was not "mutual"  
 
*A belch is not an oral report
 
*Dodgeball stops at the gym door
 
*"Non-Flammable" is not a challenge
 
*I was not touched "there" by an angel
 
*I am not here on a fartball scholarship
 
*I will not dance on anyone's grave
 
*I cannot hire a substitute student
 
*I will not obey the voices in my head
 
*I will not plant sublimin'''al''' messa'''gore'''s
 
*I will not surprise the incontinent
 
*I am not the acting President 
 
*I was not the sixth Beatle
 
*I will only provide a urine sample when asked
 
*The nurse is not dealing
 
*Science class should not end in tragedy
 
*I ain't not a dorkus ''(Skinner during episode)''
 
*Network TV is not dead
 
*I will not "let the dogs out"  
 
*I will not hide the teacher's medication
 
*I will not publish the Principal's credit report
 
*The hamster did not have "a full life"
 
*I will not buy a Presidential pardon
 
*"Temptation Island" was not a sleazy piece of crap
 
*I will not scare the Vice President
 
*I will not flush evidence
 
*Fire is not the cleanser
 
*Genetics is not an excuse
 
*Today is not Mothra's day
 
*I should not be twenty-one by now
 
*Nobody reads these anymore
 
*A burp in a jar is not a science project
 
*Fun does not have a size
 
*I am not Charlie Brown on acid
 
*I do not have a cereal named after me
 
*I will not bite the hand that feeds me Butterfingers
 
*The giving tree is not a chump
 
*Making Milhouse cry is not a science project
 
*Vampire is not a career choice
 
*I will never lie about being cancelled again
 
*Fish do not like coffee
 
*Milhouse did not test cootie positive
 
*This school does not need a "regime change"  
 
*SpongeBob is not a contraceptive
 
*I will not ''(chops up blackboard with axe, 300th episode)''
 
*My pen is not a booger launcher
 
*Sandwiches should not contain sand
 
*Over forty & single is not funny
 
*I will not speculate on how hot teacher used to be
 
*Poking a dead raccoon is not research
 
*Beer in a milk carton is not milk
 
*''(instead of a chalkboard Bart is at a vending machine)''
 
*A booger is not a bookmark
 
*Does any kid still do this anymore?
 
*I am not smarter than the President
 
*Teacher was not dumped -- it was mutual
 
*I will not laminate dog doo ''(live-action)''
 
*I will not flip the classroom upside down ''(classroom flipped upside-down)''
 
*I will not leak the plot of the movie
 
*Je ne parle pas Français
 
*Have a great summer, everyone
 
*A baby beat me up ''(Skinner in episode)''
 
*We are not all naked under our clothes
 
*Frankincense is not a monster
 
*So Long Suckers ''(Bart during episode)''
 
*Global Warming did not eat my homework
 
*I will not look up what teacher makes
 
*Pearls are not oyster barf
 
*I will not illegally download this movie ''(Simpsons Movie''
 
*I will not wait 20 years to make another movie
 
*The Wall Street Journal is better than every
 
  ''...now that Ruper Murdoch owns it''
 
*I am not an FIDC-insured bank
 
*There is no such thing as an iPoddy
 
*The Pilgrims were not illegal aliens
 
*The capital of Montana is not "Hannah"
 
[[Category:Lists]]
 
* I will not say 'he's the father' unless I'm on the Maury show
 

Revision as of 14:38, March 13, 2008

File:Simpsons chalkboard gag.jpg
Bart writing a chalkboard gag
The chalkboard gag is a running visual joke that occurs during the opening credits of many episodes of The Simpsons. In this gag, Bart Simpson is writing a unique phrase on the chalkboard repeatedly; when the school bell rings, he immediately stops writing and runs out of the classroom. The phrase is usually in the form of an admonishment, implying that Bart has been assigned this task as punishment in detention for some misbehavior left partly to the viewer's imagination.

The chalkboard gags are usually written in upper case (with the exception of the words "eBay," in which Bart wrote a lower case "e" and "ay", and "iPODDY," where the "i" is lower case.)

While running visual jokes in The Simpsons are rarely referred to by the content of the show itself, in the episode "Skinner's Sense of Snow", Bart says that he had written on the chalkboard so many times that his hands sound like a cement mixer. In another episode ("Marge vs. Singles, Seniors, Childless Couples and Teens, and Gays"), Bart asks for a detention but Ms. Krabappel said they all got tired of that years ago, referencing the reduced number of gags in the openings. In the episode "Bart the Murderer", Bart is inspired by Fat Tony and attempts to bribe his principal, Mr. Skinner. In the next scene, Bart is seen writing "I will not bribe Mr. Skinner" on the chalkboard, monitored by the principal himself.

Lisa has been punished with the chalkboard twice, once in the episode "Lisa's Date with Density". As she writes, she complains, "How does Bart do this every week?" The second time was in "Grift of the Magi." When Bart finds out, he malapropism, "The ironing is delicious."

In the early days of the series, a chalkboard gag was used in almost every episode, but, as commercial time has increased, they have gradually disappeared. They are now shown as rarely as twice per season. The show's producers have said that they may soon disappear altogether. However, they seem to be making a comeback as there were eight chalkboard gags during season 17 including three in a row during the last three episodes of the season. The 4th season, the 11th season and the 12th season are the only seasons to use chalkboard gags in each episode (excluding the Treehouse of Horrors).

A chalkboard gag was also used in The Simpsons Movie. Bart can be seen writing "I will not illegally download this movie." on the chalkboard at school. As a follow-up, the chalkboard gag on the Season 19 premiere episode, He Loves to Fly and He D'ohs, which immediately follows the Simpsons Movie, shows Bart writing, "I will not wait 20 years to make another movie."

Chalkboard gags outside The Simpsons

File:SP-s10e04-wall.jpg
The chalkboard gag on South Park
  • A chalkboard gag appeared in the South Park episode "Cartoon Wars Part II", writing I Hate Family Guy.
  • In the American children's books Captain Underpants and the Attack of the Talking Toilets, Mr. Krupp punishes George and Harold and makes them fill chalkboards with "I will never do anything which angers my handsome and charming principal, Mr. Krupp, ever, ever again." George and Harold get revenge when they are made Principals for a Day, and they punish the teachers (and tattletale Melvin Sneedly) to write the following sentences on chalkboards:
    • Ms. Ribble: I will stop being such a crab.
    • Mr. Meaner: I will chill out.
    • Ms. Anthrope: I will get a life.
    • Melvin: I will not be a tattle-tale.
    • Mr. Krupp: I will be very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very nice to "George the Great" and "The Amazing Harold".
  • In a different book, Captain Underpants and the Perilous Plight of the Purple Potty People, when George and Harole are making sure they are in the right universe, three kids are being seen writing various things about their childhood, such as
    • Crying Girl: My parents only pretend to love me.
    • Miserable Boy: I apologize for being born.
    • Glasses Girl: I'm so ugly, when I was born, the doctor slapped my mom.
  • In the comic strip series FoxTrot, Jason Fox gets punished with the chalkboard several times:
    • In a 1994 Sunday strip, Jason uses the school's computer to print the phrase "I will not shoot paper clips in class", which he then tapes to the chalkboard (to which his teacher replies, "Jason, I meant write it by hand").
    • In a 2003 strip, Jason saves time by writing a program in the C programming language to repeat the required phrase 500 times.
    • In a 2005 strip, Jason writes a preemptive blank phrase on the chalkboard.
    • In another strip, Jason is told to write "I will not say Eileen Jacobson is a space spore", which he emphasises to "I will not say EILEEN JACOBSON IS A SPACE SPORE" since the teacher never specified the font size.
  • In a parody of the Simpsons intro featured in two episodes of Histeria!, Loud Kiddington is shown writing "I do not need a megaphone!"
  • In the first episode of ChalkZone, Rudy Tabootie has to write "Cartoons are not funny".
  • Around The Horn panelist Woody Paige features a chalkboard with a humorous saying, though it usually isn't a phrase repeated over and over, nor does it usually mention things the writer won't do anymore.

See also