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Difference between revisions of "Homer the Heretic/Quotes"

Wikisimpsons - The Simpsons Wiki
< Homer the Heretic
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{{EpisodePrevNextQuo|A Streetcar Named Marge|Lisa the Beauty Queen}}
 
{{EpisodePrevNextQuo|A Streetcar Named Marge|Lisa the Beauty Queen}}
−
 
+
:''[Homer watches a earlier episode of ''The Three Stooges'']''
−
:'''Homer''': "Hey Apu, why are you not in church?"
+
:'''Woman''': ''You must be the chiropractors I sent for; now start manipulating my spine.''
−
:'''Apu''': "Oh, but I am in church! I have built a small shrine to Ganesh, the Hindu god of wisdom in the employee's lounge."
+
:'''Curly''': ''Hey, Moe! We don't know nothing about manipulating.''
−
:''Apu shows Homer his handmade shrine''
+
:'''[[Moe Howard|Moe]]''': ''You heard the lady. Grab her spine and get crackin'. (crack)''
−
:'''Homer''': "Hey Ganesh, want a peanut?"
+
:'''Homer''': Eh-heh-heh. Moe is there leader. ''[Curly whoops]''
−
:'''Apu''': "Please do not offer my god a peanut."
+
:'''Moe''': ''Why, you..! (bonk) [Curly squeals]''
−
 
+
<hr width=50%/>
 +
:'''Homer''': Apu, I see you're not in church.
 +
:'''Apu''': Oh, but I am! I have a shrine to Ganesha, the god of worldly wisdom located in the employee lounge. ''[Homer approaches Apu's handmade shrine]''
 +
:'''Homer''': Hey Ganesha, want a peanut?
 +
:'''Apu''': Please do not offer my god a peanut.
 
<hr width=50%/>
 
<hr width=50%/>
−
:''Doorbell to Simpson residence rings. Homer answers the door to see it is Krusty going door-to-door appealing for donations.''
+
:''[doorbell rings. Homer opens front door. Krusty appears in a black yarmulke on his head carrying a tin]''
−
:'''Krusty''': Hello, I am with the American Federation of Jewish Clowns. We work to provide relief to victims of clown-related accidents. Just last year a gale wind caused the roof of a banquet hall to collapse. 54 clowns perished. The rescue workers had trouble finding everyone will all the nose squakers making noise. Oh, the humanity!
+
:'''Krusty''': Hello. I'm collecting for the Brotherhood of Jewish Clowns. Last year, tornadoes claimed the lives of 75 Jewish clowns. The worst incident was during our convention in Lubbock, Texas. There were floppy shoes and rainbow wigs everywhere. ''[breaks to tears]'' It was terrible...!
−
:'''Homer''': Hey! Is this a religious thing?
+
:'''Homer''': Wait a munite! Is this a religious thing?
−
:'''Krusty''': A religious clown thing, sir.
+
:'''Krusty''': A religious clown thing, yes.
−
:''Homer slams door in Krusty's face.''
+
:'''Homer''': Sorry.
−
 
+
:'''Krusty''': Well, bless you any— ''[Homer closes door]''
 
<hr width=50%/>
 
<hr width=50%/>
 
:''Homer wakes up to find the Simpson residence is aflame and he is trapped inside.''
 
:''Homer wakes up to find the Simpson residence is aflame and he is trapped inside.''
−
:'''Homer''': Ahh! What do I do? What do I do? ''Homer coughs'' Oh, the song. The song!
+
:'''Homer''': Agh! Fire! What do I do? What do I do? ''[Homer coughs]'' Oh, the song. The song!
−
:'''Homer'''{singing}: ''When the fire starts to burn,''
+
:''[singing] When the fire starts to burn,''
−
:''There's a lesson you must learn.''
+
:''There's a lesson you must learn''
−
:''Something something, then you'll see:''
+
:''Something something, then you'll see''
−
:''You'll avoid catastrophe!''
+
:''You'll avoid catastrophe...'' D'oh!
−
:''Homer realizes he forgot the lyrics''
 
−
:'''Homer'''{talking}: D'oh!
 
  
 
<hr width=50%/>
 
<hr width=50%/>
−
:''Apu, looking through binoculars, observes that the Simpson residence is aflame.''
+
:''[Apu, looking through binoculars, observes that the Simpson residence is aflame]''
−
:'''Apu'''{talking to himself}: Fire at the old Simpson place! It is my responsibility to deal with it as...
+
:'''Apu''': ''[to himself]'' Fire at the old Simpson place! ''[Apu dons fire chief's helmet]'' You are on your honor not to steal anything!
−
:''Apu dons fire chief's helmet.''
+
:'''Kearney''': ''[eating Frosty Krusty Flakes]'' Oh, we won't. ''[Apu seems distant. He picks up a small child from floor and placed to desk]''
−
:'''Apu''':...Fire Chief! You are on your honor not to steal anything!
+
:'''Apu''': Little Jamshed, the store is in your hands.
−
:''Jimbo Jones and his gang snicker.''
+
:'''Jamshed''': How I have wait for this day. ''[loads a double-barreled shotgun. Kearney (and others) react cold frozen and drop his cereal]''  
−
:'''Jimbo'''{sarcastically}: We promise.
 
−
:'''Apu''': Just as I thought. I leave my nephew Ravi in charge while I am away.
 
−
:''Apu picks up Ravi, who is a small child and places him atop counter.''
 
−
:'''Ravi''': I will not fail you, Uncle Apu.
 
−
:''Ravi loads a double-barreled shotgun. Jimbo and his gang react in horror and drop all the shoplifted items.''  
 
  
 
<hr width=50%/>
 
<hr width=50%/>
−
:'''Homer''': Flanders, you saved me! Why?
+
:'''Homer''': Flanders... you saved me. Why?
−
:'''Ned''': Heck! You would have done the same for me.
+
:'''Ned''': Heck... you'd have done the same for me. ''[Homer *imagines the Flanders residence aflame]''
−
:''Homer imagines the Flanders residence aflame. Ned is yelling out the window while Homer is lounging in the hammock''
+
:'''Ned*''': HELP! '''''HEEEEEELP!'''''
−
:'''Ned''': Help! Help!
+
:'''Homer*''': He he he he ha he. ''[Homer returns to reality]''
−
:'''Homer''': He he he he ha he.
+
:'''Homer''': That's right, old friend.
−
:''Homer returns to reality.''
 
−
:'''Homer''': "That's right, old friend."
 
  
 
<hr width=50%/>
 
<hr width=50%/>
−
:'''Reverend Lovejoy''': Homer, I hope you learned about God as a result of this ordeal.
+
:'''Homer''': You know, I have a feeling there's a lesson here.
−
:'''Homer''': Indeed I have. God is a vengeful god. He burned down my home because He was angry with me. Almighty Lord, tell me what you want and it shall be done!
+
:'''Marge''': Yes, the lesson is—
−
:'''Reverend Lovejoy''': No, no! That is an incorrect potrayal of God. He did not burn down your house. Rather, God was working through people of various beliefs to save you.  
+
:'''Homer''': No, don't tell me, I'll get it. Oh, I know – the Lord is vengeful! Oh, spiteful one, show me who to smite and and they shall be smoten!
−
:''Reverend Lovejoy points out Ned Flanders.''
+
:'''Ned''': Homer, God didn't set your house on fire.
−
:'''Reverend Lovejoy''': Christian.
+
:'''Lovejoy''': No, but he was working in the hearts of your friends and neighbors when they went to your aid; be they ''[Ned]'' Christian, ''[Krusty]'' Jew or... ''[Apu]'' miscellaneous.
−
:''Reverend Lovejoy points out Krusty.''
+
:'''Apu''': Hindu! There are 700 million of us.
−
:'''Reverend Lovejoy''': Jew.
+
:'''Reverend Lovejoy''': Oh, that's super.
−
:''Reverend Lovejoy points out Apu.''
 
−
:'''Reverend Lovejoy''': And, uh, miscellaneous.
 
−
:'''Apu''': With all due respect Reverend, I would imagine you would be more familiar in your studies with the Hindu faith. There are 700 million of us in the world.
 
−
:'''Reverend Lovejoy''': Hey, that's super!
 
  
 
<hr width=50%/>
 
<hr width=50%/>
−
:'''Homer''': "What's the meaning of life?"
+
:''[last lines]''
−
:'''God''': "Homer, I can't tell you that. You'll find out when you die."
+
:'''Homer''': God, I gotta ask you something – what's the meaning of life?
−
:'''Homer''': "I can't wait that long!"
+
:'''God''': Homer, I can't tell you that.
−
:'''God''': "You can't wait six months?"
+
:'''Homer''': Come on!
−
:'''Homer''':"No, tell me now!"
+
:'''God''': You'll find out when you die.
−
:'''God''':"Oh, all right. The meaning of life is—"
+
:'''Homer''': I can't wait that long!
−
:''Show Ends''
+
:'''God''': You can't wait six months?
 +
:'''Homer''': No, tell me now!
 +
:'''God''': Well... okay. The meaning of life is...
  
 
{{Season 4 Q}}
 
{{Season 4 Q}}
 
[[Category:Quotes]]
 
[[Category:Quotes]]

Revision as of 08:37, January 8, 2012


Season 4 Episode Quotes
← 061 "A Streetcar Named Marge"
062
"Homer the Heretic"
"Lisa the Beauty Queen" 063 →
[Homer watches a earlier episode of The Three Stooges]
Woman: You must be the chiropractors I sent for; now start manipulating my spine.
Curly: Hey, Moe! We don't know nothing about manipulating.
Moe: You heard the lady. Grab her spine and get crackin'. (crack)
Homer: Eh-heh-heh. Moe is there leader. [Curly whoops]
Moe: Why, you..! (bonk) [Curly squeals]
Homer: Apu, I see you're not in church.
Apu: Oh, but I am! I have a shrine to Ganesha, the god of worldly wisdom located in the employee lounge. [Homer approaches Apu's handmade shrine]
Homer: Hey Ganesha, want a peanut?
Apu: Please do not offer my god a peanut.
[doorbell rings. Homer opens front door. Krusty appears in a black yarmulke on his head carrying a tin]
Krusty: Hello. I'm collecting for the Brotherhood of Jewish Clowns. Last year, tornadoes claimed the lives of 75 Jewish clowns. The worst incident was during our convention in Lubbock, Texas. There were floppy shoes and rainbow wigs everywhere. [breaks to tears] It was terrible...!
Homer: Wait a munite! Is this a religious thing?
Krusty: A religious clown thing, yes.
Homer: Sorry.
Krusty: Well, bless you any— [Homer closes door]
Homer wakes up to find the Simpson residence is aflame and he is trapped inside.
Homer: Agh! Fire! What do I do? What do I do? [Homer coughs] Oh, the song. The song!
[singing] When the fire starts to burn,
There's a lesson you must learn
Something something, then you'll see
You'll avoid catastrophe... D'oh!
[Apu, looking through binoculars, observes that the Simpson residence is aflame]
Apu: [to himself] Fire at the old Simpson place! [Apu dons fire chief's helmet] You are on your honor not to steal anything!
Kearney: [eating Frosty Krusty Flakes] Oh, we won't. [Apu seems distant. He picks up a small child from floor and placed to desk]
Apu: Little Jamshed, the store is in your hands.
Jamshed: How I have wait for this day. [loads a double-barreled shotgun. Kearney (and others) react cold frozen and drop his cereal]
Homer: Flanders... you saved me. Why?
Ned: Heck... you'd have done the same for me. [Homer *imagines the Flanders residence aflame]
Ned*: HELP! HEEEEEELP!
Homer*: He he he he ha he. [Homer returns to reality]
Homer: That's right, old friend.
Homer: You know, I have a feeling there's a lesson here.
Marge: Yes, the lesson is—
Homer: No, don't tell me, I'll get it. Oh, I know – the Lord is vengeful! Oh, spiteful one, show me who to smite and and they shall be smoten!
Ned: Homer, God didn't set your house on fire.
Lovejoy: No, but he was working in the hearts of your friends and neighbors when they went to your aid; be they [Ned] Christian, [Krusty] Jew or... [Apu] miscellaneous.
Apu: Hindu! There are 700 million of us.
Reverend Lovejoy: Oh, that's super.
[last lines]
Homer: God, I gotta ask you something – what's the meaning of life?
God: Homer, I can't tell you that.
Homer: Come on!
God: You'll find out when you die.
Homer: I can't wait that long!
God: You can't wait six months?
Homer: No, tell me now!
God: Well... okay. The meaning of life is...

Template:Season 4 Q

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