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Difference between revisions of "Bart After Dark/Quotes"

Wikisimpsons - The Simpsons Wiki
< Bart After Dark
(Adding categories)
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|episode=Bart After Dark
 
|episode=Bart After Dark
 
}}
 
}}
−
''Bart, Homer and Lisa are watching Itchy and Scratchy when it is interuptted by a news flash.''
 
  
−
'''[[Kent Brockman]]''': A massive tanker has run-aground on the central coast-line, spilling millions of gallons of oil on Baby Seal Beach.
+
(Bart, Lisa, and Homer are watching The Itchy and Scratchy Show when the TV goes blank)
  
−
'''[[Lisa]]''': ''(Gasp)'' Oh no!
+
'''Bart & Lisa''' [screams]: Dad! V-chip, v-chip!
  
−
'''[[Homer]]''': It'll be okay honey, there's where that came from.<br /><br />
+
'''Homer''': Sorry, sorry, my fault. [turns TV back on]
 +
----
 +
'''Kent Brockman''': Kent Brockman at the Action News desk. A massive tanker has run aground on the central coastline, spilling millions of gallons of oil on Baby Seal Beach.
  
−
<hr /><br />''Marge is giving Homer instructions before she and Lisa leave.''<br />
+
'''Lisa''': [gasps] Oh, no!
 +
'''Homer''': It'll be okay, honey. There's lots more oil where that came from.
 +
----
 +
'''Lisa''': We'd be doing our part for the environment! Plus, we'd get to clean up all those cute animals.
 +
'''Marge''': Honey, we don't need to drive 400 miles to clean animals. You can stay right here and give the dog a bath. Or trim the cat's nails.
 +
[Snowball II walks by with high toenails]
 +
----
 +
'''Lisa''': Oh, Mom, please? You can make this my birthday and Christmas presents.
 +
'''Marge''': You already used up your birthday and Christmas presents on that peach tree we got you. And you hardly ever play with that anymore.
 +
'''Lisa''': Yes, I do. Sure, I do. Look! [runs out and frolics by the tree] [singing] Here I am playing on my peach tree, Mom.
 +
'''Marge''': Oh, all right, we'll go.
 +
----
 +
[Marge gives Homer instructions while she and Lisa are gone]
  
 +
'''Marge''': Now the cat needs his medication...
  
−
'''[[Marge]]''': The furnace has been leaking a lot of carbon-monoxide latly, so leave the windows open.
+
'''Homer''': No problem...
  
−
'''Homer''': (Interupting) Cat in the furnace. Got it.
+
'''Marge''': ... every morning and the furnace has been putting off...
  
−
'''Marge''': On second thought, we'll take [[Maggie]] with us. If anything goes wrong just use your best, um, just do what I would do.<br /><br />
+
'''Homer''': Can do. Right. Uh-huh.
  
−
<hr />
+
'''Marge''': ... a lot of carbon monoxide, so keep the window open.
  
 +
'''Homer''': Gotcha. Cat in the furnace.
  
 +
'''Marge''': Ah, you know, I think we'll take Maggie with us.
 +
----
 +
'''Marge''': And if anything happens, just use your best judgemmmm... just do what I would do.
 +
----
 +
'''Homer''': A whole week of just father and son. See you at dinner. [he and Bart walk off whistling]
 +
 +
'''Bart''': What time?
 +
 +
'''Homer''': You know? I don't know.
 +
 +
'''Bart''': Shall we say... 10:00?
 +
 +
'''Homer''': All right, just wake me up.
 +
----
 +
'''Bart''': Dad, do I have to brush my teeth?
 +
 +
'''Homer''': No, but at least rinse your mouth out with soda.
 +
----
 +
[at Baby Seal Beach]
 +
 +
'''Lisa''': I'm gonna rescue a baby seal, and then I'm gonna save an otter!
 +
 +
'''Man''': Whoa, whoa, whoa, I'm sorry, but all the animals have already been reserved for celebrities.
 +
[Rainer Wolfcastle carries up a huge sack]
 +
 +
'''Rainer Wolfcastle''': There. That's 104 pounds of sandpipers.
 +
'''Lisa''': You mean there's nothing left to clean?
 +
 +
'''Man''': Well, there are rocks. Thousands and thousands of rocks. [smiles]
 +
[later that day, Marge and Lisa are scrubbing rocks]
 +
 +
'''Marge''': I've got rocks that need washing at home
 +
----
 +
'''Bart''': Dad? I think I need some fresh air. Can I go to the park?
 +
 +
'''Homer''': Do I have to sit up?
 +
 +
'''Bart''': No.
 +
 +
'''Homer''': Knock yourself out.
 +
----
 +
[At the Springfield Park, Milhouse is showing his RC plane to Bart and Nelson]
 +
 +
'''Bart''': Milhouse, this is boring. Make it crash or something.
 +
 +
'''Milhouse''': Perfectly level flying is the supreme challenge of the scale model pilot.
 +
----
 +
[Milhouse's plane aims towards Martin and Ralph, who are riding a paddleboat]
 +
 +
'''Martin''': Ah! It's gaining on us!
 +
 +
'''Ralph''': I'm pedaling backwards!
 +
----
 +
'''Mr. Burns''': I don't like being outdoors, Smithers. For one thing, there are too many fat children.
 +
----
 +
[Milhouse's plane is stuck on the roof of a mysterious old house]
 +
 +
'''Milhouse''': Thanks a lot. Now it's stuck on that haunted house.
 +
 +
'''Nelson''': I heard a witch lives there.
 +
 +
'''Ralph''': I heard a Frankenstein lives there.
 +
 +
'''Milhouse''': You guys are way off. It's a secret lab where they take the brains out of zombies and put them in the heads of other zombies to create a race of super-zombies.
 +
 +
'''Nelson''': ''That's'' the house?!
 +
----
 +
'''Bart''' [after climbing on the roof to get Milhouse's plane]: S-U-C-C-E-E-S! That's the way you spell succe...[slips and slides down the roof, bumping into a gargoyle which crashes to the ground. He hangs onto a rain gutter when a caterpillar steps on Bart's fingers one by one and its tickling makes him slowly lose his grip.] [laughing] No, no. H-help, h-help. I'm gonna die. [falls off the rain gutter and is soon spotted by Belle, who grabs him by the ear.]
 +
----
 +
'''Milhouse''': Oh, no! The witch has Bart!
 +
 +
'''Martin''': We've got to hurry! [The boys run off screaming]
 +
----
 +
[Homer answers the doorbell]
 +
 +
'''Homer''': Just a minute! [there are sounds of grunting and paper tearing; opens the door wearing only a paper bag as pants; sees Bart with Belle] Hello?
 +
 +
'''Belle''': Your son was trespassing on my property and destroyed a very valuable stone gargoyle and... are you wearing a grocery bag?
 +
 +
'''Homer''': I have misplaced my pants.
 +
----
 +
'''Homer''': Aw, I don't know how to punish you. What does Marge usually do?
 +
 +
'''Bart''': She makes me taste beer.
 +
 +
'''Homer''': Come on, boy, give your old man a little credit. [the bag bursts, sending a load of groceries to the floor]
 +
----
 +
'''Homer''' [drops Bart off at Belle's house]: Now you're gonna do chores for that lady until you work off the damage you did. It's called "responsibility." [drives forward, and crushes the mailbox; screams, backs off, and drives away]
 +
----
 +
'''Bart''': I can't believe I've gotta spend all my free time dusting doilies in a smelly run-down dump for a creepy old witch. [pulls a curtain and sees scantily-clad girls dancing can-can and people gambling] Lady, I gotta tell ya, I have been grossly misinformed about witches.
 +
----
 +
'''Bart''': Wow, man, what is this place?
 +
 +
'''Belle''': I prefer not to be called "man." My name is Belle, and this is the Maison Derriere. That means the, uh, "Back House."
 +
----
 +
'''Belle''': Normally, we don't allow children in here, but your father was so insistent.
 +
 +
'''Bart''': He's tough but fair. I'll start sorting these bras.
 +
 +
'''Belle''': That's a bit advanced for you, but I know a stopped-up sink that needs some attention.
 +
 +
'''Bart''': Just glad to be on the team.
 +
----
 +
'''Belle''': When you work the door, the main things are to greet the visitors and toss out the troublemakers.
 +
 +
'''Bart''': Ah, the ol' greet 'n' toss. No problemo.
 +
 +
'''Belle''': How did I ever get along without you?
 +
----
 +
[When Grampa visits the Maison Derriere]
 +
 +
'''Grampa''': [whistles & hangs his hat; sees Bart] Oop. [whistles again, turns around, picks up his hat and leaves; sticking his head in] Is your name "Bart"?
 +
 +
'''Bart''': [nodding] Mm-hmm.
 +
 +
'''Grampa''': What the... Does your father know you're working here?
 +
 +
'''Bart''': It was his idea.
 +
 +
'''Grampa''': In that case, I'll have a whiskey sour.
 +
----
 +
[Marge, Lisa, and Maggie are still scrubbing rocks at Baby Seal Beach]
 +
 +
'''Lisa''': Oh, there's something unsatisfying about scrubbing these rocks and I think I know what it is. [a wave washes a new coat of oil on the once-clean rocks]
 +
 +
'''Marge''': Lisa, I know it's frustrating, but we made a commitment, and we have to see it through, no matter how unpleasant.
 +
[the cleanup guy drives up]
 +
 +
'''Man''': Quitting time. Okay. Scrub up and head for the communal tarp. We're having kelpburgers, and we're going to watch a tape of Johnny Arvik, he's the Eskimo comedian.
 +
 +
[Marge and Lisa stare at him for a moment; scene cuts to them driving away]
 +
 +
'''Lisa''': Faster, Mom, faster!
 +
----
 +
[When Belle gets off the telephone]
 +
 +
'''Belle''': Oh, that was our emcee, Mel Zetz. He got out of bed too fast and broke his hip.
 +
 +
'''Bart''': So who's gonna warm up the crowd tonight?
 +
 +
'''Belle''': Well, whoever fits Mel's tuxedo.
 +
 +
'''Bart''': Eep.
 +
 +
Belle: The jokes are in the breast pocket. If you get in trouble, there's a switch that makes the bow tie spin. [the tie spins while
 +
making an amusing noise]
 +
----
 +
[Bart's on stage in Mel Zetz's suit, telling jokes]
 +
 +
'''Bart''': Heh, nudist colonies are everywhere these days. I'd love to go, but I... [stares at the card] can't get the wrinkles out of my birthday suit. [rim shot, heavy laughs] [Bart looks at the card again in disbelief] But, I gotta tell you, Adam and Eve must have been the first bookkeepers. They invented the "loose-leaf" system. [rim shot, more laughs] If there's a bad bookkeeping joke, I haven't heard it.
 +
----
 +
'''TV Announcer''': It's 11 o'clock. Do you know where your children are?
 +
 +
'''Homer''': I told you last night, no!
 +
----
 +
'''Homer''' {when he drives to the Maison Derriere to pick up Bart]: Bart, where are you? Come on! I have to be up at 6am to swipe
 +
Flanders' newspaper.
 +
----
 +
'''Belle''': I'm sorry. This is all my fault. Bart was filling in for...
 +
 +
'''Homer''': I don't care if he was filling in for Mel Zetz, he's my son, and I don't want him working... [in the next room, Homer sees a sexy chorus girl doing a fan dance] ...so...late....that...
 +
 +
'''Belle''': Oh, I agree, kids need rules and boundaries.
 +
 +
'''Homer''': [in a trance-like tone] Yes, everyone loves rules.
 +
 +
'''Belle''': It's so tough to be a parent these days, what with all the gangs and the drugs.
 +
 +
'''Homer''': Oh yeah, drugs, you gotta have drugs. [goes in to see the fan dancer]
 +
 +
'''Bart''': Hey, he didn't pay the cover.
 +
 +
'''Belle''': Oh, Bart, he's your father. We'll comp him tonight, start a tab tomorrow.
 +
----
 +
[Principal Skinner visits the Maison Derriere]
 +
 +
'''Principal Skinner''': Oh, I hope I didn't miss the floor show.
 +
 +
'''Bart''': Nope.
 +
 +
'''Principal Skinner''': Is Roxanne back?
 +
 +
'''Bart''': Yep.
 +
 +
'''Principal Skinner''': Did she, uh, get my flowers?
 +
 +
'''Bart''': She did.
 +
 +
'''Principal Skinner''': [notices Bart] Hello, Bart.
 +
 +
'''Bart''': Hello, Principal Skinner.
 +
 +
'''Principal Skinner''': This is the National Air and Space Museum, isn't it?
 +
----
 +
[When Homer answers the door]
 +
 +
'''Homer''': Awww. This isn't about religion, is it?
 +
 +
'''Reverend Lovejoy''': Everything is about religion, Homer. Except this. Your son has been working in a burlesque house.
 +
 +
'''Helen Lovejoy''': Principal Skinner saw him with his own eyes.
 +
 +
(Principal Skinner appears from behind Reverend Lovejoy.)
 +
 +
'''Principal Skinner''': That's true, but I was only in there to get directions on how to get away from there.
 +
----
 +
'''Homer''': If Homer Simpson wants his 10-year old son to work in a burlesque house, then Homer Simpson's ten year old son is going to work in a burlesque house. (Marge appears and Homer screams)
 +
----
 
{{Season 8 Q}}
 
{{Season 8 Q}}
 
[[Category:Quotes]]
 
[[Category:Quotes]]
 
[[Category:Season 8]]
 
[[Category:Season 8]]

Revision as of 23:50, September 23, 2010



(Bart, Lisa, and Homer are watching The Itchy and Scratchy Show when the TV goes blank)

Bart & Lisa [screams]: Dad! V-chip, v-chip!

Homer: Sorry, sorry, my fault. [turns TV back on]

Kent Brockman: Kent Brockman at the Action News desk. A massive tanker has run aground on the central coastline, spilling millions of gallons of oil on Baby Seal Beach.

Lisa: [gasps] Oh, no! Homer: It'll be okay, honey. There's lots more oil where that came from.

Lisa: We'd be doing our part for the environment! Plus, we'd get to clean up all those cute animals. Marge: Honey, we don't need to drive 400 miles to clean animals. You can stay right here and give the dog a bath. Or trim the cat's nails. [Snowball II walks by with high toenails]

Lisa: Oh, Mom, please? You can make this my birthday and Christmas presents. Marge: You already used up your birthday and Christmas presents on that peach tree we got you. And you hardly ever play with that anymore. Lisa: Yes, I do. Sure, I do. Look! [runs out and frolics by the tree] [singing] Here I am playing on my peach tree, Mom. Marge: Oh, all right, we'll go.

[Marge gives Homer instructions while she and Lisa are gone]

Marge: Now the cat needs his medication...

Homer: No problem...

Marge: ... every morning and the furnace has been putting off...

Homer: Can do. Right. Uh-huh.

Marge: ... a lot of carbon monoxide, so keep the window open.

Homer: Gotcha. Cat in the furnace.

Marge: Ah, you know, I think we'll take Maggie with us.

Marge: And if anything happens, just use your best judgemmmm... just do what I would do.

Homer: A whole week of just father and son. See you at dinner. [he and Bart walk off whistling]

Bart: What time?

Homer: You know? I don't know.

Bart: Shall we say... 10:00?

Homer: All right, just wake me up.

Bart: Dad, do I have to brush my teeth?

Homer: No, but at least rinse your mouth out with soda.

[at Baby Seal Beach]

Lisa: I'm gonna rescue a baby seal, and then I'm gonna save an otter!

Man: Whoa, whoa, whoa, I'm sorry, but all the animals have already been reserved for celebrities. [Rainer Wolfcastle carries up a huge sack]

Rainer Wolfcastle: There. That's 104 pounds of sandpipers. Lisa: You mean there's nothing left to clean?

Man: Well, there are rocks. Thousands and thousands of rocks. [smiles] [later that day, Marge and Lisa are scrubbing rocks]

Marge: I've got rocks that need washing at home

Bart: Dad? I think I need some fresh air. Can I go to the park?

Homer: Do I have to sit up?

Bart: No.

Homer: Knock yourself out.

[At the Springfield Park, Milhouse is showing his RC plane to Bart and Nelson]

Bart: Milhouse, this is boring. Make it crash or something.

Milhouse: Perfectly level flying is the supreme challenge of the scale model pilot.

[Milhouse's plane aims towards Martin and Ralph, who are riding a paddleboat]

Martin: Ah! It's gaining on us!

Ralph: I'm pedaling backwards!

Mr. Burns: I don't like being outdoors, Smithers. For one thing, there are too many fat children.

[Milhouse's plane is stuck on the roof of a mysterious old house]

Milhouse: Thanks a lot. Now it's stuck on that haunted house.

Nelson: I heard a witch lives there.

Ralph: I heard a Frankenstein lives there.

Milhouse: You guys are way off. It's a secret lab where they take the brains out of zombies and put them in the heads of other zombies to create a race of super-zombies.

Nelson: That's the house?!

Bart [after climbing on the roof to get Milhouse's plane]: S-U-C-C-E-E-S! That's the way you spell succe...[slips and slides down the roof, bumping into a gargoyle which crashes to the ground. He hangs onto a rain gutter when a caterpillar steps on Bart's fingers one by one and its tickling makes him slowly lose his grip.] [laughing] No, no. H-help, h-help. I'm gonna die. [falls off the rain gutter and is soon spotted by Belle, who grabs him by the ear.]

Milhouse: Oh, no! The witch has Bart!

Martin: We've got to hurry! [The boys run off screaming]

[Homer answers the doorbell]

Homer: Just a minute! [there are sounds of grunting and paper tearing; opens the door wearing only a paper bag as pants; sees Bart with Belle] Hello?

Belle: Your son was trespassing on my property and destroyed a very valuable stone gargoyle and... are you wearing a grocery bag?

Homer: I have misplaced my pants.

Homer: Aw, I don't know how to punish you. What does Marge usually do?

Bart: She makes me taste beer.

Homer: Come on, boy, give your old man a little credit. [the bag bursts, sending a load of groceries to the floor]

Homer [drops Bart off at Belle's house]: Now you're gonna do chores for that lady until you work off the damage you did. It's called "responsibility." [drives forward, and crushes the mailbox; screams, backs off, and drives away]

Bart: I can't believe I've gotta spend all my free time dusting doilies in a smelly run-down dump for a creepy old witch. [pulls a curtain and sees scantily-clad girls dancing can-can and people gambling] Lady, I gotta tell ya, I have been grossly misinformed about witches.

Bart: Wow, man, what is this place?

Belle: I prefer not to be called "man." My name is Belle, and this is the Maison Derriere. That means the, uh, "Back House."

Belle: Normally, we don't allow children in here, but your father was so insistent.

Bart: He's tough but fair. I'll start sorting these bras.

Belle: That's a bit advanced for you, but I know a stopped-up sink that needs some attention.

Bart: Just glad to be on the team.

Belle: When you work the door, the main things are to greet the visitors and toss out the troublemakers.

Bart: Ah, the ol' greet 'n' toss. No problemo.

Belle: How did I ever get along without you?

[When Grampa visits the Maison Derriere]

Grampa: [whistles & hangs his hat; sees Bart] Oop. [whistles again, turns around, picks up his hat and leaves; sticking his head in] Is your name "Bart"?

Bart: [nodding] Mm-hmm.

Grampa: What the... Does your father know you're working here?

Bart: It was his idea.

Grampa: In that case, I'll have a whiskey sour.

[Marge, Lisa, and Maggie are still scrubbing rocks at Baby Seal Beach]

Lisa: Oh, there's something unsatisfying about scrubbing these rocks and I think I know what it is. [a wave washes a new coat of oil on the once-clean rocks]

Marge: Lisa, I know it's frustrating, but we made a commitment, and we have to see it through, no matter how unpleasant. [the cleanup guy drives up]

Man: Quitting time. Okay. Scrub up and head for the communal tarp. We're having kelpburgers, and we're going to watch a tape of Johnny Arvik, he's the Eskimo comedian.

[Marge and Lisa stare at him for a moment; scene cuts to them driving away]

Lisa: Faster, Mom, faster!

[When Belle gets off the telephone]

Belle: Oh, that was our emcee, Mel Zetz. He got out of bed too fast and broke his hip.

Bart: So who's gonna warm up the crowd tonight?

Belle: Well, whoever fits Mel's tuxedo.

Bart: Eep.

Belle: The jokes are in the breast pocket. If you get in trouble, there's a switch that makes the bow tie spin. [the tie spins while making an amusing noise]

[Bart's on stage in Mel Zetz's suit, telling jokes]

Bart: Heh, nudist colonies are everywhere these days. I'd love to go, but I... [stares at the card] can't get the wrinkles out of my birthday suit. [rim shot, heavy laughs] [Bart looks at the card again in disbelief] But, I gotta tell you, Adam and Eve must have been the first bookkeepers. They invented the "loose-leaf" system. [rim shot, more laughs] If there's a bad bookkeeping joke, I haven't heard it.

TV Announcer: It's 11 o'clock. Do you know where your children are?

Homer: I told you last night, no!

Homer {when he drives to the Maison Derriere to pick up Bart]: Bart, where are you? Come on! I have to be up at 6am to swipe Flanders' newspaper.

Belle: I'm sorry. This is all my fault. Bart was filling in for...

Homer: I don't care if he was filling in for Mel Zetz, he's my son, and I don't want him working... [in the next room, Homer sees a sexy chorus girl doing a fan dance] ...so...late....that...

Belle: Oh, I agree, kids need rules and boundaries.

Homer: [in a trance-like tone] Yes, everyone loves rules.

Belle: It's so tough to be a parent these days, what with all the gangs and the drugs.

Homer: Oh yeah, drugs, you gotta have drugs. [goes in to see the fan dancer]

Bart: Hey, he didn't pay the cover.

Belle: Oh, Bart, he's your father. We'll comp him tonight, start a tab tomorrow.

[Principal Skinner visits the Maison Derriere]

Principal Skinner: Oh, I hope I didn't miss the floor show.

Bart: Nope.

Principal Skinner: Is Roxanne back?

Bart: Yep.

Principal Skinner: Did she, uh, get my flowers?

Bart: She did.

Principal Skinner: [notices Bart] Hello, Bart.

Bart: Hello, Principal Skinner.

Principal Skinner: This is the National Air and Space Museum, isn't it?

[When Homer answers the door]

Homer: Awww. This isn't about religion, is it?

Reverend Lovejoy: Everything is about religion, Homer. Except this. Your son has been working in a burlesque house.

Helen Lovejoy: Principal Skinner saw him with his own eyes.

(Principal Skinner appears from behind Reverend Lovejoy.)

Principal Skinner: That's true, but I was only in there to get directions on how to get away from there.

Homer: If Homer Simpson wants his 10-year old son to work in a burlesque house, then Homer Simpson's ten year old son is going to work in a burlesque house. (Marge appears and Homer screams)

Template:Season 8 Q

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