Donut Detectives/Quotes
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- Homer: [SIGH.]
- Bart: Hey, Homer. What's wrong? Did you light Moe's on fire again trying to grill hot dogs in the bathroom?
- Homer: No. [SIGH.]
- Marge: Hello, Homie. Dinner's almost ready. How was your day?
- Homer: [SIGH.]
- Marge: Hrmmm... if you're depressed, you have to talk bout it. You can't just stick your head in the refrigerator!
- Homer: Fine! If you must know...
- Marge: Oh my! I forget the police love their donuts, too! Chief Wiggum must be in a coma! Chief?
- Chief Wiggum: No time to talk, Marge. A criminal genius has come to town, and I won't rest until he's caught.
- Marge: But how are you still even awake?
- Chief Wiggum: I've been mixing donut batter in my coffee for years, so I'm not going through withdrawal.
- Herman Hermann: I understand your ladies are looking for some jeans. I got some right here you might like for a price.
- Marge: That's all we needed to hear! You're under arrest for selling counterfeit jeans! Again!
- Chief Wiggum: Wrong, partner. These jeans aren't fake... they're stolen! And we have several victims back at the station house just waiting to be reunited with their pants!
- Chief Wiggum: Freeze, donut thief!
- Homer: Huh? I'm not the donut thief! I was just dumping this nuclear waste for Mr. Burns!
- Marge: That's even more illegal than stealing donuts!
- Homer: It is?
- Chief Wiggum: If you were just dumping the nuclear waste, then who dropped all these donuts?
- Marge: You're going away for along time, Mr. Burns.
- Mr. Burns: Not if my bribe has anything to say about it.
- Chief Wiggum: Sorry! I almost forgot about the corruption. Heh! Heh!
- Mr. Burns: But don't worry, I see now that donuts won't work for my nefarious needs.
- Marge: Well, that's it. I quit. I can't be a part of something as dishonest as this police force.
- Chief Wiggum: That's okay. We have no money to pay you.
