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Better Off Ned (comic story)/Quotes

Wikisimpsons - The Simpsons Wiki

Ned: Well, I'm casting off for heavily chaperoned seagoing frivolity!
Marge: Don't worry about a thing, Ned!
Todd: Have a good time, daddy!
Homer: Come on! Boy voyage already! I'm double-parked! I could get towed!
Rod: And what would be your fault for breaking the rules, Mr. Simpson.
Homer: Yeah? Why you righteous little--!
Rod: [GAK!]
Marge: No, Homer! This one's not ours!

Tracy Carlyle: There's sure a lot of talk about god around here, huh?
Ned: What did you expect on a cruise like this?
Tracy Carlyle: Maybe a lot more "Oh my God!" and a little less "Praise the Lord!" I guess I'm a newbie. my anme is Tracy Carlyle.
Ned: I'm Ned Flanders.
Tracy Carlyle: You're not here alone... are you Ned?
Ned: Oh, I'm a widower, Tracy. Just me, myself, and my memories.
Tracy Carlyle: So that means... ...I have a date for dinner at the captain's table.
Ned: Huh? Oh! Well, shrimp ahoy, then!

Kent Brockman: From the unsinkable to the unthinkable! The party boat SS Galilee, has gone to davy jone's locker, but crew and passengers are safe except for... ...local man Ned Flanders and an unnamed female passenger.
Marge: Poor Ned!
Lisa: How do we tell Rod and Todd?
Marge: Um... boys? We have something to tell you.
Homer: Let me handle this, Marge. You know how sometimes bad things happen to good people? Like that guy... the one who lost his camel and went to the Pharaoh and er... grew a magic beanstalk....
Rod: You should really read the scriptures if you're going to use them to illustrate a point, Mr. Simpson.
Homer: You're father's dead, all right? Man, you Flanderses tick me off!
Rod & Todd: Gaaaaaaah!
Marge: Homer!

Tracy Carlyle: Well, Ned?
Ned: Looks like we're gilliganed, Tracy. And that whale carried us far from any search area. I walked all around the island, and there's not a sign of human life... not even a Denny's.
Tracy Carlyle: Soooo... wer're alone?
Ned: Two strangers in paradise.
Tracy Carlyle: I need to touch you, Ned.
Ned: Why? Do I have something on me? Hold on now, Tracy! I hardly know you!
Tracy Carlyle: We've got lots of time to change that.
Ned: I'm married man!
Tracy Carlyle: You said your wife is dead.
Ned: That doesn't mean she'd approve! Um... first things first! We need shelter!
Tracy Carlyle: Go ahead then.

Marge: Any luck, Lisa?
Lisa: I've read through every statue of local, state, and federal law concering eviction of unwanted occupants. I'm surprised how many times dad's name come up in these. Wacky Waterpack v. Simpson. Playboy Mansion v. Simpson. YWCA v. Simpson
Marge: So there's no hope?
Lisa: There's just now ay to get Matilda and Stu to leave that house. Not without years of legal wrangling in court... ...unless they wanted to leave.