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'Til Ned Do Us Part/Quotes

Wikisimpsons - The Simpsons Wiki

Marge: It looks like poor Ned is all alone and not coping with it very well! Homer, I want you to go over and invite him to stay at our house until his boys get back.
Homer: D'oh!
Marge: You know what they say about a friend in need, Homer...
Homer: Yeah, friend in need is a pain in the butt!

Lisa: Waaaaa-aah!
Ned: Why the wail of woe, Lisa?
Lisa: I have a crush on this boy at the park... and today I saw him holding hands with another girl!
Ned: Oh, well there's plenty of other fish in the sea.
Lisa: But he's been the love of my life for six whole days!
Ned: Oh, your poor child! I feel your pain! You know, they say it is better to have loved and lost than never to have loved at all. And I always say when life gives you lemons, make lemonade. Afer all, Lisa, you can't write that great American novel of yours until you've experienced all the joy and sadness that life has to give.
Lisa: Gee, you're right! Thanks, Mr. Flanders!

Ned: Hey, Flanders. Bring me another beer, would you?
Homer: No problem-o! Always glad to lend a helping hand!

Todd: Why has daddy forsaken us, Rod?
Rod: I think he's casting his pearls before swine.
Todd: I miss my daddy, Rod.
Rod: Me, too, Todd. I wonder what Mr. Simpson thinks of all this.
Todd: Maybe he's lonely, too.
Rod: Hmmm...

Ned: Rod, where is Todd?
Rod: Am I my brothers' keeper?
Todd: Eat, my shorts, man!
Ned: Hold your horses there, son! That's the straw that broke the camel's back! Listen, fellas, I was only trying to help our next door. I just assumed you boys would understand.
Rod: Mr. Simpson say "when you assume", you make an "ass" out of "u" and "me", and he said it's not swearing because it's in the bible!
Ned: Well, what's done is one. You can't put the toothpaste back in the tube.
Todd: Mr. Simpson says you can.