Weekend at Burnsie's

Plot:

Homer goes on drugs after he is attacked by a murder of crows, but when he goes to an investor's meeting with Mr. Burns, Mr. Burns drowns in the bathtub.

Long Story:

Marge buys genetically modified vegetables for the family, but when Lisa's potato eats her carrot, Marge grows her own vegetables. She makes her garden, but it is attacked by crows, and they won't move, so she decides to build a scarecrow, made from Jockey Pants, a sweater, a Jack-O-lantern and a hat. She goes outside with everything to find Ned, Rod and Todd Flanders praying to the wood hammered into the garden in the shape of a cross. She shoos them away, then goes back inside. They come back, but Ned forgot his spot. Marge eventually makes the scarecrow, and the crows aren't scared. Finally, Marge puts on the hat and the crows fly away scared. Marge is triumphant.

Homer comes back from work that night and thinks the scarecrow is a monster, so he destroys it with a plank of wood and the crows become his friends. Homer goes to the bar, explaining how they became his friends. Moe says he's a bit worried- he hasn't seen Barney since the crows enveloped him. Homer shows Moe Barney's button, covered in blood. Moe orders Homer to get them out, saying, "This ain't no crow bar. This is a crow bar!" He picks up a picture with crows sitting on barstools and a crow bartender. Moe says, "See? There's the little stools... and everything?"

Homer is in bed with Marge. Marge says she's worried about having a gang of crows in the bedroom. Homer explains how a group of crows is called a Murder. Marge wqalks out, saying she is sleeping on the couch. The next day, the crow is cramming a donut into Homer's mouth when Maggie starts flapping her arms like a bird. Homer does not like that annd Maggie uses her diaper as a parachute, floating safely down to the ground. Homer gets mad at the crows, slashing at them with the rake, but then they jump on and attack him.

Homer is at the doctors, where Dr. Hibbert tells Homer, "They never wanted to blind you, they just wanted to drink your sweet, sweet eye juices." Dr. Hibbert prescribes Medical Marijuana, but Homer mentions his bad experience with drugs: Homer was hanging around with his friends, and he put Marijuana in his pocket. The police came along, and the dog grabbed him by the crotch and throws him around. For Homer, the 60s ended that day in 1978. Dr. Hibbert explains how Medical Marijuana is legal, as long as it's for healing his eyes, not for enjoyment.

So Homer takes the drugs home and becomes addicted to them. Marge notices smoke billowing down the stairs, which Lisa mentions, "It smells like the art teacher's office." Marge storms up the stairs and starts banging against the door, between segments of Homer's 'Smoke on the Water' (Totally off-key). Bart gets through with a credit card and Marge notices Homer's smoking drugs. Homer explains how it's making his eyes better, and Marge agrees. Homer calls Marge several times at work, and she gets annoyed at him.

Ned Flanders comes to the door, with a clipboard. "Hi-diddly-hey, Homer." Homer mentions, "This dude does the best Flanders, with the moustache and the diddly! Okay, now do Wiggum!" Ned Flanders says that is was really him. Homer says, "Oh, the god dude. Hey, I've got a question." He pulls a piece of paper out of his pocket, reading "Could Jesus microwave a burrito so hot that he himself could not eat it. Ned says that's a noodle-scratcher, and holds up the bible, 'that has all your answers.' Homer asks if Ned can read it to him. Ned agreees. A LONG time later, Homer says, "Wow. Wow. God does so much for me and he never asks for anything in return." Ned says that God would like him to sign this petition outlawing Medical Marijuana. Homer signs immediately and says, "Okay, now do Wiggum." Ned Flanders does a perfect Wiggum, saying, "All right Simpson, you're under arrest, see?" and Homer says, "I said Wiggum!"

Mr. Burns is getting ready for a speech at an investor's meeting, and is trying to make Smithers laugh at his lame jokes in his speech. Mr. Burns mentions how they have to gain 60 million dollars or they're out of business. Homer comes in laughing, saying, "Oops, sorry. I thought this was the can. Hehehehehe!" Mr Burns says, "Well, you're a happy homer! what's your name?" Homer replies, "You just said it!" and starts laughing maniacally. Mr. Burns says, "If you like that, then how about this: Working hard or hardly working?" Homer laughs. Mr. Burns likes Homer's sense of humour, and Homer gets promoted to Executive Vice President. Smithers reminds Mr. Burns that particular position was promised to him. Mr. Burns ignores him, and promotes Homer. Homer goes home, and Marge asks how he got the suit. Homer says, "One question at a time, please! Yes, you?" Marge says, " I'm kind of worried. There are half-eaten cupcakes everywhere, we're all out of paperclips, and the curtains small like doo!" Homer explains how he just got promoted thanks to Marijuana, but Marge doesn't seem convinced.

The next scene, Marge is in bed alone, hearing laughing and TV upstairs. She goes up there to investigate. Homer and Otto are in the attic, surrounded by crazy things, obviously drugged. Marge goes up and notices them. She gets mad, until there is a newsflash. Kent Brockman talks about Medical Marijuana, and how Ned Flander's petition has the right amount of people to outlaw it. There is a picture of the note with many people from Springfield signed on it. The people include Apu, Grandpa, Mrs. Krabappel, Krusty the Klown, and written is giant hippie-style letters on the bottom, HOMER J. SIMPSON. Homer yells, "We have to stop them!" and runs away.

The scene cuts to a concert where Phish is playing. The band stops, saying they smell marijuana smoke. Hans Moleman comes forward in a hippie outfit and holds up a prescription form. Mike Gordon (of Phish) says Hans is seriously ill, but Hans says his doctor never told him that; he had to hear it from Phish. After Phish finishes, they introduce Homer to make a speech, calling him 'A Real Pothead'.

Homer explains how he thanks all the people for coming here, taking time off from your jobs... The people look at each other. Homer yells, "Because we've got to keep Medical Marijuana legal!" Everyone cheers. Homer starts, "So when you go into that voting booth on Tuesday the 7th..." Trey Anastasio (of Phish) interrupts saying it was yesterday. Homer drops a coin into a newspaper box, and notices they lost, holding up the newspaper: MEDICAL MARIJUANA OUTLAWED! Everyone is outraged, and leaves. Homer can't believe that they 'spaced on the date'. Someone asks what they're going to do. Homer says, "Well, we can't stand around here staring at our hands, although..." Otto looks at his hands and sees a wedding ring. "Oh that's right, I married that chick." he says. Late at night, they are still staring at their hands. Otto explains how they're called fingers, but I never see them fing... Oh wait, there they go.

Chief Wiggum and the police throw all the Marijuana in the fire, and the smoke billows out into the crowd, and many people groan in pleasure. Chief Wiggum notices how the smell is a bit too inviting, and the police throw on a sack of barber hair. The smoke turns black, and everyone starts coughing. Homer, lokking at the scene from his window, complains, "Oh, I could of smoked that pipe... and worn that hair." Marge says that Homer doesn't need drugs anymore, his eyes are better, which Homer replies to as, " Eyes? What the hell are you talking about?" Marge tells Homer to look at his children and promise he will never do drugs again, and Homer agrees, saying he will do it for his kids. art says, "As long as you're doing things for me, could you tie up your bathrobe when you're walking around the house?" Homer replies loudly, "Never!" Homer goes into the attic and puts away all his crazy stuff. Otto asks, "I can still crash here, right?" Homer tells him to get out. "Remember when I dropped my keys and you thought the phone was ringing?" Otto asks. Homer says, "He-he-he-he-h- Get out."

Homer is at the bar. He looks sad. Moe mentions that Homer is drunk, but not sloppy drunk. Carl says, "I'm really glad you're off the wacky tobacky." Lenny mentions how Homer was getting all spacey. Everyone else is glad that Homer is off the drug, and they have a wonderful time together, laughing at each other's jokes. At the dinner table back home, Homer says, "It's been three days and my mind is clearer, my sperm count is up, and I'm able to recognize simple shapes and patterns." Lisa mentions that Homer said that three minutes ago. Homer interrupts, "Nevertheless, I will no longer be a slave to this," and pulls a Marijuana cigarette out of his pocket. Marge asks why he's keeping that, and Homer replies, "As a reminder, Marge." The camera pans in to reveal there is something written on the drug. It says, DENTIST - TUESDAY.

Homer gets a call from Mr. Burns, saying that Homer needs to come to an investor's meeting with him, to laugh at Mr. Burn's jokes. Homer complains that he can't find Mr. Burns funny anymore, and Mr. Burns says, "I'll either tickle your ribs or feed them to my dogs!" Homer puts on his suit worryingly. Marge says that he doesn't need Mary Jane to laugh at Mr. Burns' jokes- just picture him naked. Homer screams. Marge says, "Uh- uh- uh... W-with a funny hat on!" Homer screams as loud as he can, and falls on the ground, shaking.

So Homer goes to Mr. Burn's mansion. Mr. Burns tells a lame joke, and Smithers and Homer force a smile. Smithers whispers to Homer how Mr. Burns will get dehydrated if nobody laughs soon. A drop of sweat falls down Mr. Burns' head, and he says he's 'drenched with sweat'. He pushes it back in and walks towards the bathroom, saying, "I'm going to take a 'bathiola'. When I come back, you'd better be laughing. Homer pulls the last cigarette out of his pocket. Smithers gasps. Homer explains how Marijuana can make anything funny, even that show that follows Friends. Smithers says that they've got to do something, and Homer replies, "Start inhalin', Waylon."

Smoke comes out of Mr. Burns' office. Smithers is in a tuxedo and smoking the Marijuana. Smithers says that they could sing a song if Homer doesn't mind being Mickey Rooney. Homer says, "You mean that guy on sixty minutes that yells all the time?" Smithers snaps back into action and says, "Sixty minutes? Oh my god, Mr. Burns has been in the tub for an hour!" They both run into the bathroom and Smithers looks in the tub and screams. Homer pushes him out of the way, looks in the tub and yells. Mr Burns was face-down in the water, obviously dead.

Smithers hauls Mr. Burns' dead body out of the bathtub, saying 'he was too beautiful for this world', and throwing him against the wall. Homer yells, "Oh my god, we killed Mr. Burns! Mr. Burn is gonna be so mad!" Smithers mentions how the investor's meeting is in 20 minutes, but they could still fake it.

At the investor's meeting, Bill Clinton is making a speech and finishes, going off the stage. Homer takes the microphone. "Bill Clinton, everyone! He's Jimmy Carter with a Fox attitude!", Homer yells. Clinton starts dancing off stage. Homer says introduces Mr. Burns, 'the man who is definitely not dead'. Mr. Burns sits in a chair on the stage and waves, controlled by strings going up to Smithers. Homer says, "Mr. Burns, and we're going along, may we skip your speech and go directly to the questions?" Mr. Burns nods. Doctor Nick Riviera stands up and says, "Mr. Burns, a two-part question- Number 1, when will we see another profit, and number 2, what's that red stuff coming out of your ears?" Homer says, "Uh, may I field that one, Mr. Burns?" Mr. Burns nods, with blood coming out of his ears. A huge smile appears on his face. "It's true we're losing money..." Homer starts. Mr. Burns claps his hands up to his cheeks. "But that's no reason we can't dance, dance, dance the night away!" Mr. Burns gets up and starts dancing. Smithers is waving his arms everywhere. Mr. Burns gets up and starts doing the monkey. Everyone cheers. Mr. Burns jumps up onto the table, breaking a glass and starts doing the can-can. Everyone cheers, until the strings break and Mr. Burns is thrown onto the stage, his body at an awkward angle.

Everyone gasps. Homer shoves Mr. Burns back a bit. The curtains close, with Mr. Burns' head still sticking out. Homer pushes his head behind the curtains with his foot, and announces, "Mr. Burns has left the building!" The crowd starts chanting and complaining. Homer walks behind the curtains and Mr. Burns gets up. "Brilliant! We lost 60 million dollars and they're cheering for more!" he says. Smithers is relieved that Mr. Burns is alive. Mr. Burns explains how he regained conciousness during his big dance number. Homer looks at Smithers. "And you wanted to take him to the hospital!" He yells. Mr. Burns is mad at Homer for not ttaking him and says, "Smithers, make me slap him." Smithers picks up the string on Mr. Burns' hand, still attached and slaps Homer. Mr. Burns says, "You call that a slap? Make me slap you!", so Smithers co-operates. "Now both," Mr. Burns says immediately. Smithers agrees. "Now just you." says Mr. Burns. Smithers is slapped. "Now give me a taste." Mr. Burns says eagerly. He is slapped. Mr. Burns chuckles. "Now both again!" Mr. Burns says. Smithers agrees. Homer rubs his face and groans. The camera cuts to the credits. "Now all three," Mr. Burns says over the credits. Three slapping noises are heard. Mr. Burns mutters, "Excellent."