The Sweetest Apu/Quotes
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(Apu is preparing a hangman's noose)
- Apu: Over, under, round and round so your feet won't touch the ground.
(He throws the noose rope over a pipe) Now, let's see what awaits me in the next life. (He looks over a reincarnation chart) First I was a tiger, a snake, a Clod, a goat with a hat, then me. (Looks at his next incarnations) Hoo, a tapeworm, then assistant to Lorne Michaels! It's going to be a rough couple of lifetimes.
- Homer: (to Apu) I saw you and that Squishee Lady canoodling like junkyard rabbits!
(At the Civil War re-enactment)
- Principal Skinner: Hey you dead people, stop playing cards! And Stonewall Jackson, stop rollerblading!
- Disco Stu: The south will boogie again!
- Manjula: Not tonight. I said, not tonight! Wait, something's wrong, why aren't you pressuring me for sex.
- Apu: Oh I'm just happy to lie here appreciating and respecting you.
- Manjula: Okay buster, what is going on.
- Apu: Nothing. How could you even accuse me of repeated infidelity? Oh I'm so angry I could just fall asleep.
- Homer: Nothing, nothing, there's nothing eating me up inside.
(Homer's eyeball is twitching and moving all over the place)
- Marge: Oh, it must be something big. Something you did? Something you saw. (gasps) Apu is having an affair?
- Homer: I know! Can you believe it? Oh, Manjula is just going to die.
- Homer: The Squishee Lady! Oh my god. I know you must get this all the time, but can I suggest a flavor.
- Squishee Lady: Go ahead.
- Homer: Grape.
- Apu: Please, could you just take the children home? The porno magazine buyers are too embarrassed to make their move. Look.
- Moe: C'mon!
