Difference between revisions of "Marge on the Lam/Quotes"
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| − | '''Homer''': Hello? Can I get some help? Snack-related mishap! | + | {{TabQ |
| + | |episode=Marge on the Lam | ||
| + | }} | ||
| + | |||
| + | :'''Homer''': Hello? Can I get some help? Snack-related mishap! | ||
---- | ---- | ||
| − | '''Moe''': We're phasing out the games. People drink less when they're having fun. | + | :'''Moe''': We're phasing out the games. People drink less when they're having fun. |
---- | ---- | ||
| − | '''Marge''': Homer, stop that, it's just a weather station! | + | :'''Marge''': Homer, stop that, it's just a weather station! |
| − | + | :'''Homer''': Come on, Marge, it's fun to smash things! | |
| − | '''Homer''': Come on, Marge, it's fun to smash things! | ||
---- | ---- | ||
| − | '''Marge''': I'm disappointed in you. But it turns out I had a wonderful time with Ruth Powers. In fact, we're going out again tomorrow night. | + | :'''Marge''': I'm disappointed in you. But it turns out I had a wonderful time with Ruth Powers. In fact, we're going out again tomorrow night. |
| − | + | :'''Homer''': Marge, that's twice, I think you're spending entirely too much time with this woman! | |
| − | '''Homer''': Marge, that's twice, I think you're spending entirely too much time with this woman! | ||
---- | ---- | ||
| − | '''Lisa''': I always knew someday Mom would violently rise up and cast off the shackles of our male oppressors. | + | :'''Lisa''': I always knew someday Mom would violently rise up and cast off the shackles of our male oppressors. |
| − | + | :'''Bart''': Eh, shut your yap. | |
| − | '''Bart''': Eh, shut your yap. | ||
---- | ---- | ||
| − | '''Homer''': Look Marge, I'm sorry I haven't been a better husband. I'm sorry about the time I tried to make gravy in the bathtub. I'm sorry I used your wedding dress to wax the car. | + | :'''Homer''': Look Marge, I'm sorry I haven't been a better husband. I'm sorry about the time I tried to make gravy in the bathtub. I'm sorry I used your wedding dress to wax the car. And I'm sorry--Oh well, let's just say I'm sorry for the whole marriage up to this point. |
| − | |||
| − | And I'm sorry--Oh well, let's just say I'm sorry for the whole marriage up to this point. | ||
---- | ---- | ||
| − | '''Ruth Powers''': I should get home to my daughter before that naked talk show comes on. | + | :'''Ruth Powers''': I should get home to my daughter before that naked talk show comes on. |
---- | ---- | ||
| − | '''Homer''': I can have a great time all by myself. | + | :'''Homer''': I can have a great time all by myself. |
| − | + | :'''Lisa''': Hey Dad, I think state and federal laws require us to have a babysitter. | |
| − | '''Lisa''': Hey Dad, I think state and federal laws require us to have a babysitter. | + | :'''Homer''': Oh, Lisa. Haven't you seen "Home Alone"? If some burglars come, it'll be a very humorous and entertaining situation. |
| − | + | :'''Bart''': You're absolutely right, Dad. We don't need a baby-sitter. | |
| − | '''Homer''': Oh, Lisa. Haven't you seen "Home Alone"? If some burglars come, it'll be a very humorous and entertaining situation. | + | :'''Homer''': Wait a minute ''[takes out card reading: "Always do opposite of what Bart Says."]'' You kids do need a baby-sitter! |
| − | + | :'''Bart''': ''[to himself]'' Blast that infernal card! (to Homer) Hey, Dad. Don't give me that card. | |
| − | '''Bart''': You're absolutely right, Dad. We don't need a baby-sitter. | + | :'''Homer''': Here ya go--''[pulls card away]''--No! |
| − | |||
| − | '''Homer''': Wait a minute | ||
| − | |||
| − | '''Bart''': | ||
| − | |||
| − | '''Homer''': Here ya go-- | ||
---- | ---- | ||
| − | '''Ruth''': I envy you and Homer. | + | :'''Ruth''': I envy you and Homer. |
| − | + | :'''Marge''': Thank you. Why? | |
| − | '''Marge''': Thank you. Why? | + | :'''Ruth''': If you ever met my ex-husband, you'd understand. All he ever did was eat, sleep and drink beer. |
| − | + | :'''Marge''': Your point being? | |
| − | '''Ruth''': If you ever met my ex-husband, you'd understand. All he ever did was eat, sleep and drink beer. | ||
| − | |||
| − | '''Marge''': Your point being? | ||
---- | ---- | ||
| − | '''Chief Wiggum''': Mmm, engine-black eggs. If we can keep these down, we'll be sitting pretty. | + | :'''Chief Wiggum''': Mmm, engine-black eggs. If we can keep these down, we'll be sitting pretty. |
| − | + | :''[Marge and Ruth drive by]'' | |
| − | + | :'''Homer''': That's them! | |
| − | + | :'''Chief Wiggum''': Quiet! I can't hear the eggs. | |
| − | '''Homer''': That's them! | ||
| − | |||
| − | '''Chief Wiggum''': Quiet! I can't hear the eggs. | ||
---- | ---- | ||
| − | '''Bart''': Don't worry, you'll feel better once we put your hair up in curlers and give you a makeover, Homina. | + | :'''Bart''': Don't worry, you'll feel better once we put your hair up in curlers and give you a makeover, Homina. |
| − | + | :'''Homer''': ''[In a feminine voice]'' Ooh, that would be delightfu--Quiet boy! | |
| − | '''Homer''': | ||
---- | ---- | ||
| − | '''Homer''': Where are you going? | + | :'''Homer''': Where are you going? |
| − | + | :'''Marge''': I don't know. | |
| − | '''Marge''': I don't know. | + | :'''Homer''': When will you be home? |
| − | + | :'''Marge''': I'm not sure. | |
| − | '''Homer''': When will you be home? | + | :'''Homer''': Where are you going? |
| − | + | :'''Marge''': You already asked me that! | |
| − | '''Marge''': I'm not sure. | + | :'''Homer''': Will you bring me back something? |
| − | |||
| − | '''Homer''': Where are you going? | ||
| − | |||
| − | '''Marge''': You already asked me that! | ||
| − | |||
| − | '''Homer''': Will you bring me back something? | ||
---- | ---- | ||
| − | '''Marge''': Dear Mrs. Simpson, while we were rescuing your husband, a lumber yard burned down. | + | :'''Marge''': Dear Mrs. Simpson, while we were rescuing your husband, a lumber yard burned down. |
| − | + | :'''Homer''': Ohh, lumber has a million uses. | |
| − | '''Homer''': Ohh, lumber has a million uses. | ||
---- | ---- | ||
| − | '''Ruth''': Thanks, Marge. When my husband left, he took all our power tools along with the car, my youth, my faith in mankind. | + | :'''Ruth''': Thanks, Marge. When my husband left, he took all our power tools along with the car, my youth, my faith in mankind. |
---- | ---- | ||
| − | '''Marge''': Well, thank you for a lovely time. | + | :'''Marge''': Well, thank you for a lovely time. |
| − | + | :'''Ruth''': You're not going home already, are you? | |
| − | '''Ruth''': You're not going home already, are you? | + | :'''Marge''': Well, it's almost 9:30. |
| − | |||
| − | '''Marge''': Well, it's almost 9:30. | ||
---- | ---- | ||
| − | '''Homer''': How can you do this, Marge? How can you desert your children? | + | :'''Homer''': How can you do this, Marge? How can you desert your children? |
| − | + | :'''Lisa''': Have a blast, Mom. | |
| − | '''Lisa''': Have a blast, Mom. | + | :'''Bart''': Rock the Casbah! |
| − | + | :'''Homer''': ''[sneers at Bart]'' "Man's best friend" indeed. | |
| − | '''Bart''': Rock the Casbah! | ||
| − | |||
| − | '''Homer''': [sneers at Bart] "Man's best friend" indeed. | ||
---- | ---- | ||
| − | '''Lionel Hutz''': Mr. Simpson, I was just going through your garbage, and I couldn't help overhearing that you need a babysitter. Of course, being a highly-skilled attorney, my fee is $175 an hour. | + | :'''Lionel Hutz''': Mr. Simpson, I was just going through your garbage, and I couldn't help overhearing that you need a babysitter. Of course, being a highly-skilled attorney, my fee is $175 an hour. |
| − | + | :'''Homer''': We pay eight dollars for the night, and you can take two popsicles out of the freezer. | |
| − | '''Homer''': We pay eight dollars for the night, and you can take two popsicles out of the freezer. | + | :'''Lionel Hutz''': Three. |
| − | + | :'''Homer''': Two. | |
| − | '''Lionel Hutz''': Three. | + | :'''Lionel Hutz''': OK, two. And I get to keep this old bird cage. |
| − | + | :'''Homer''': Done! | |
| − | '''Homer''': Two. | + | :'''Lionel Hutz''': Still got it. |
| − | |||
| − | '''Lionel Hutz''': OK, two. And I get to keep this old bird cage. | ||
| − | |||
| − | '''Homer''': Done! | ||
| − | |||
| − | '''Lionel Hutz''': Still got it. | ||
---- | ---- | ||
| − | '''Marge''': What was it you wanted to show me? | + | :'''Marge''': What was it you wanted to show me? |
| − | + | :'''Ruth''': This. ''[pulls a gun]'' | |
| − | '''Ruth''': This. [pulls a gun] | + | :'''Marge''': ''[gasps]'' You're not going to hunt me for sport, are you? |
| − | |||
| − | '''Marge''': [gasps] You're not going to hunt me for sport, are you? | ||
---- | ---- | ||
| − | '''Lisa''': Mr. Hutz, why are you burning all your personal papers? | + | :'''Lisa''': Mr. Hutz, why are you burning all your personal papers? |
| − | + | :'''Lionel Hutz''': As of this moment, Lionel Hutz no longer exists. Say hello to Miguel Sanchez! | |
| − | '''Lionel Hutz''': As of this moment, Lionel Hutz no longer exists. Say hello to Miguel Sanchez! | ||
---- | ---- | ||
| − | '''Marge''': Ruth, is there something you want to tell me? | + | :'''Marge''': Ruth, is there something you want to tell me? |
| − | + | :'''Ruth''': Remember when I said my ex-husband was behind on his child support? | |
| − | '''Ruth''': Remember when I said my ex-husband was behind on his child support? | + | :'''Marge''': Uh huh. |
| − | + | :'''Ruth''': Well, to even things up, I kind of stole his car. | |
| − | '''Marge''': Uh huh. | + | :'''Marge''': Didn't you realize all you had to do was report him to the police? |
| − | + | :'''Ruth''': Marge, you're the level-headed friend I never had. | |
| − | '''Ruth''': Well, to even things up, I kind of stole his car. | ||
| − | |||
| − | '''Marge''': Didn't you realize all you had to do was report him to the police? | ||
| − | |||
| − | '''Ruth''': Marge, you're the level-headed friend I never had. | ||
---- | ---- | ||
| − | '''Chief Wiggum''': We're in pursuit of two female suspects. One is wearing a green dress, pearls, and has a lot of blue hair. | + | :'''Chief Wiggum''': We're in pursuit of two female suspects. One is wearing a green dress, pearls, and has a lot of blue hair. |
| − | + | :'''Homer''': A lot of blue hair? Hee hee -- what a freak! ''[realizes]'' ...it's Marge! She's become a crazed criminal just because I didn't take her to the ballet. | |
| − | '''Homer''': A lot of blue hair? Hee hee -- what a freak! [realizes]...it's Marge! She's become a crazed criminal just because I didn't take her to the ballet. | + | :'''Chief Wiggum''': That's exactly how Dillinger got started. |
| − | + | :'''Homer''': Really? | |
| − | '''Chief Wiggum''': That's exactly how Dillinger got started. | ||
| − | |||
| − | '''Homer''': Really? | ||
---- | ---- | ||
'''Marge''': I don't want to be a wet blanket, but maybe you should give yourself up. | '''Marge''': I don't want to be a wet blanket, but maybe you should give yourself up. | ||
| Line 137: | Line 94: | ||
'''Ruth''': Marge, it's a matter of principle. I just can't let that deadbeat win again. You're with me, aren'tcha? | '''Ruth''': Marge, it's a matter of principle. I just can't let that deadbeat win again. You're with me, aren'tcha? | ||
| − | '''Marge''': [thinks] I should say something reassuring and noncommittal. [spoken] Hmm. | + | '''Marge''': ''[thinks]'' I should say something reassuring and noncommittal. ''[spoken]'' Hmm. |
---- | ---- | ||
'''Ruth''': Look, Marge, there's no reason for you to get dragged into this. Once we lose the cops, I'll let you out. | '''Ruth''': Look, Marge, there's no reason for you to get dragged into this. Once we lose the cops, I'll let you out. | ||
'''Marge''': Well, I don't think they'll be that easy to lose. These are professional lawmen, and -- | '''Marge''': Well, I don't think they'll be that easy to lose. These are professional lawmen, and -- | ||
| − | + | ''[Ruth turns the car's lights off]'' | |
| − | [Ruth turns the car's lights off] | ||
| − | |||
'''Chief Wiggum''': Oh my God! It just disappeared. It's a ghost-car! [slams on the brakes] There are ghost-cars all over these highways, you know. | '''Chief Wiggum''': Oh my God! It just disappeared. It's a ghost-car! [slams on the brakes] There are ghost-cars all over these highways, you know. | ||
| Line 153: | Line 108: | ||
'''Bart''': Hey, it's morning and Mom and Dad aren't home. | '''Bart''': Hey, it's morning and Mom and Dad aren't home. | ||
| − | '''Lisa''': Don't worry. Mr. Hutz is still here to take care of us. | + | '''Lisa''': Don't worry. Mr. Hutz is still here to take care of us. ''[nudges Lionel Hutz, who growls and brandishes a knife]'' |
| − | '''Lionel Hutz''' | + | '''Lionel Hutz''' ''[wakes up defensively]'' Don't touch my stuff! ''[realizes where he is]'' H-Hey, this isn't the YMCA. |
---- | ---- | ||
'''Chief Wiggum''': Dispatch, this is Chief Wiggum, back in pursuit of the rebelling women. | '''Chief Wiggum''': Dispatch, this is Chief Wiggum, back in pursuit of the rebelling women. | ||
| Line 163: | Line 118: | ||
'''Chief Wiggum''': Oh, uh, I'm, er, I'm on a road. Uh, looks to be asphalt...oh, geez, trees, shrubs...er, I'm directly under the earth's sun...now! | '''Chief Wiggum''': Oh, uh, I'm, er, I'm on a road. Uh, looks to be asphalt...oh, geez, trees, shrubs...er, I'm directly under the earth's sun...now! | ||
---- | ---- | ||
| − | '''Kent Brockman''': At the risk of editorializing, these women are guilty, and must be dealt with in a harsh and brutal fashion. Otherwise, their behavior could incite other women leading to anarchy of biblical proportions. [pause] It's in the "Revelations," people! | + | '''Kent Brockman''': At the risk of editorializing, these women are guilty, and must be dealt with in a harsh and brutal fashion. Otherwise, their behavior could incite other women leading to anarchy of biblical proportions. ¡¡[pause]¡¡ It's in the "Revelations," people! |
---- | ---- | ||
'''Ruth''': I give up. A single mother can't win in a man's world. | '''Ruth''': I give up. A single mother can't win in a man's world. | ||
| Line 174: | Line 129: | ||
---- | ---- | ||
'''Narrator''': Ruth Powers was tried in Springfield Superior Court. The judge dismissed her ex-husband's auto theft charges and forced him to pay all back child support. Mr. Powers blamed the outcome on his lawyer, one Lionel Hutz. Lionel Hutz, AKA: Miguel Sanchez, AKA: Dr. Nguyen Van Falk, was paid 8 dollars for his 32 hours of babysitting. He was glad to get it. Marge Simpson was charged with a violation of penal code section 618A: "Wanton Destruction of Precious Antique Cans." She was ordered to pay 50 cents to replace the cans, and $2000 in punitive damages and mental anguish. Homer Simpson was remanded to the custody of the United States Army Neurochemical Research Center at Fort Meade, Maryland, for extensive testing. | '''Narrator''': Ruth Powers was tried in Springfield Superior Court. The judge dismissed her ex-husband's auto theft charges and forced him to pay all back child support. Mr. Powers blamed the outcome on his lawyer, one Lionel Hutz. Lionel Hutz, AKA: Miguel Sanchez, AKA: Dr. Nguyen Van Falk, was paid 8 dollars for his 32 hours of babysitting. He was glad to get it. Marge Simpson was charged with a violation of penal code section 618A: "Wanton Destruction of Precious Antique Cans." She was ordered to pay 50 cents to replace the cans, and $2000 in punitive damages and mental anguish. Homer Simpson was remanded to the custody of the United States Army Neurochemical Research Center at Fort Meade, Maryland, for extensive testing. | ||
| + | '''Homer''': Woo-hoo! | ||
| − | + | {{Season 4 Q}} | |
| − | |||
[[Category:Quotes]] | [[Category:Quotes]] | ||
| − | |||
[[Category:Real World Articles]] | [[Category:Real World Articles]] | ||
Revision as of 19:13, September 15, 2010
- Homer: Hello? Can I get some help? Snack-related mishap!
- Moe: We're phasing out the games. People drink less when they're having fun.
- Marge: Homer, stop that, it's just a weather station!
- Homer: Come on, Marge, it's fun to smash things!
- Marge: I'm disappointed in you. But it turns out I had a wonderful time with Ruth Powers. In fact, we're going out again tomorrow night.
- Homer: Marge, that's twice, I think you're spending entirely too much time with this woman!
- Lisa: I always knew someday Mom would violently rise up and cast off the shackles of our male oppressors.
- Bart: Eh, shut your yap.
- Homer: Look Marge, I'm sorry I haven't been a better husband. I'm sorry about the time I tried to make gravy in the bathtub. I'm sorry I used your wedding dress to wax the car. And I'm sorry--Oh well, let's just say I'm sorry for the whole marriage up to this point.
- Ruth Powers: I should get home to my daughter before that naked talk show comes on.
- Homer: I can have a great time all by myself.
- Lisa: Hey Dad, I think state and federal laws require us to have a babysitter.
- Homer: Oh, Lisa. Haven't you seen "Home Alone"? If some burglars come, it'll be a very humorous and entertaining situation.
- Bart: You're absolutely right, Dad. We don't need a baby-sitter.
- Homer: Wait a minute [takes out card reading: "Always do opposite of what Bart Says."] You kids do need a baby-sitter!
- Bart: [to himself] Blast that infernal card! (to Homer) Hey, Dad. Don't give me that card.
- Homer: Here ya go--[pulls card away]--No!
- Ruth: I envy you and Homer.
- Marge: Thank you. Why?
- Ruth: If you ever met my ex-husband, you'd understand. All he ever did was eat, sleep and drink beer.
- Marge: Your point being?
- Chief Wiggum: Mmm, engine-black eggs. If we can keep these down, we'll be sitting pretty.
- [Marge and Ruth drive by]
- Homer: That's them!
- Chief Wiggum: Quiet! I can't hear the eggs.
- Bart: Don't worry, you'll feel better once we put your hair up in curlers and give you a makeover, Homina.
- Homer: [In a feminine voice] Ooh, that would be delightfu--Quiet boy!
- Homer: Where are you going?
- Marge: I don't know.
- Homer: When will you be home?
- Marge: I'm not sure.
- Homer: Where are you going?
- Marge: You already asked me that!
- Homer: Will you bring me back something?
- Marge: Dear Mrs. Simpson, while we were rescuing your husband, a lumber yard burned down.
- Homer: Ohh, lumber has a million uses.
- Ruth: Thanks, Marge. When my husband left, he took all our power tools along with the car, my youth, my faith in mankind.
- Marge: Well, thank you for a lovely time.
- Ruth: You're not going home already, are you?
- Marge: Well, it's almost 9:30.
- Homer: How can you do this, Marge? How can you desert your children?
- Lisa: Have a blast, Mom.
- Bart: Rock the Casbah!
- Homer: [sneers at Bart] "Man's best friend" indeed.
- Lionel Hutz: Mr. Simpson, I was just going through your garbage, and I couldn't help overhearing that you need a babysitter. Of course, being a highly-skilled attorney, my fee is $175 an hour.
- Homer: We pay eight dollars for the night, and you can take two popsicles out of the freezer.
- Lionel Hutz: Three.
- Homer: Two.
- Lionel Hutz: OK, two. And I get to keep this old bird cage.
- Homer: Done!
- Lionel Hutz: Still got it.
- Marge: What was it you wanted to show me?
- Ruth: This. [pulls a gun]
- Marge: [gasps] You're not going to hunt me for sport, are you?
- Lisa: Mr. Hutz, why are you burning all your personal papers?
- Lionel Hutz: As of this moment, Lionel Hutz no longer exists. Say hello to Miguel Sanchez!
- Marge: Ruth, is there something you want to tell me?
- Ruth: Remember when I said my ex-husband was behind on his child support?
- Marge: Uh huh.
- Ruth: Well, to even things up, I kind of stole his car.
- Marge: Didn't you realize all you had to do was report him to the police?
- Ruth: Marge, you're the level-headed friend I never had.
- Chief Wiggum: We're in pursuit of two female suspects. One is wearing a green dress, pearls, and has a lot of blue hair.
- Homer: A lot of blue hair? Hee hee -- what a freak! [realizes] ...it's Marge! She's become a crazed criminal just because I didn't take her to the ballet.
- Chief Wiggum: That's exactly how Dillinger got started.
- Homer: Really?
Marge: I don't want to be a wet blanket, but maybe you should give yourself up.
Ruth: Marge, it's a matter of principle. I just can't let that deadbeat win again. You're with me, aren'tcha?
Marge: [thinks] I should say something reassuring and noncommittal. [spoken] Hmm.
Ruth: Look, Marge, there's no reason for you to get dragged into this. Once we lose the cops, I'll let you out.
Marge: Well, I don't think they'll be that easy to lose. These are professional lawmen, and -- [Ruth turns the car's lights off] Chief Wiggum: Oh my God! It just disappeared. It's a ghost-car! [slams on the brakes] There are ghost-cars all over these highways, you know.
Homer: Hold me.
Chief Wiggum: Only if you hold me. [a coyote howls as Chief Wiggum and Homer hold each other scared]
Bart: Hey, it's morning and Mom and Dad aren't home.
Lisa: Don't worry. Mr. Hutz is still here to take care of us. [nudges Lionel Hutz, who growls and brandishes a knife]
Lionel Hutz [wakes up defensively] Don't touch my stuff! [realizes where he is] H-Hey, this isn't the YMCA.
Chief Wiggum: Dispatch, this is Chief Wiggum, back in pursuit of the rebelling women.
Dispatch: All right, your current location?
Chief Wiggum: Oh, uh, I'm, er, I'm on a road. Uh, looks to be asphalt...oh, geez, trees, shrubs...er, I'm directly under the earth's sun...now!
Kent Brockman: At the risk of editorializing, these women are guilty, and must be dealt with in a harsh and brutal fashion. Otherwise, their behavior could incite other women leading to anarchy of biblical proportions. ¡¡[pause]¡¡ It's in the "Revelations," people!
Ruth: I give up. A single mother can't win in a man's world.
Marge: Ruth, that's a lot of hooey. It's not over 'till it's over. [grabs the steering wheel, making the car veer off the road] I'm sorry, I should have asked first.
Chief Wiggum: Oh, no! They're headed right for the Grand Chasm!
Homer: Oh my God! They're going to drive right into it just to teach us men a lesson. And it's all my fault!
Narrator: Ruth Powers was tried in Springfield Superior Court. The judge dismissed her ex-husband's auto theft charges and forced him to pay all back child support. Mr. Powers blamed the outcome on his lawyer, one Lionel Hutz. Lionel Hutz, AKA: Miguel Sanchez, AKA: Dr. Nguyen Van Falk, was paid 8 dollars for his 32 hours of babysitting. He was glad to get it. Marge Simpson was charged with a violation of penal code section 618A: "Wanton Destruction of Precious Antique Cans." She was ordered to pay 50 cents to replace the cans, and $2000 in punitive damages and mental anguish. Homer Simpson was remanded to the custody of the United States Army Neurochemical Research Center at Fort Meade, Maryland, for extensive testing. Homer: Woo-hoo!
