Lisa's Substitute/Quotes

Quotes

(Bart shows the whole classroom the tape for his project called, "How Kittens Are Born: The Ugly Truth")

Bart: "…and here comes Snowball II. This is the one we kept."

All: "EWW!!"

Bart: "We were gonna keep the gray one, but the mother ate her."

All: "EWWWWW!!"

Martin: "Mrs. Krabappel, he's traumatizing the children!"

Mrs. Krabappel: "As usual, I agree with you, Martin. Bart, shut that off and take your seat immediately!"

Bart: "Oh, look! This is really cool. When I hit reverse, I can make 'em go back in."

(The whole classroom screams)

Mr. Bergstrom is leading the second grade in a rendition of "Home on the Range".

Janey: (Laughing) "Lisa, look at this!"

Lisa unfurls Janey's note to see it is a caricature of Mr. Bergstrom singing.

Caricature #1: [THE SINGING DORK.]

Lisa is caught by Mr. Bergstrom.

Mr. Bergstrom: "Did you draw this?"

Lisa: "No, of course not! Uh, although now I almost wish I did."

Mr. Bergstrom: "I like it. I was going to request if I may have it."

Lisa: "Oh sure!"

Lisa gives caricature to Mr. Bergstrom, who continues the song.

Janey: (Whispering) "Lisa, look at this!"

Lisa unfurls Janey's note to see it is a caricature of herself singing.

Caricature #2: [THE SINGING DORKETTE.]

Lisa sees Miss Hoover has returned.

Lisa: "Where is Mr. Bergstrom?!"

Miss Hoover: "I do not know, but I would sure like to have words with him!"

Miss Hoover: "He didn't touch my lesson plan. What did he teach you?"

Lisa: "That life is worth living."

Miss Hoover: "You see, class, my Lyme Disease turned out to be" (Spells on blackboard) "psychosomatic."

Ralph: "Does that mean you're crazy?"

Janey: "No, that means she was faking it."

Miss Hoover: "No, actually, it was a little of both."

Lisa: "You, sir, are a baboon!"

Homer: (gasp) "Me?"

Lisa: "Yes, you! Baboon! Baboon! Baboon! Baboon!"

Homer: "I don't think you realize what you're saying…"

Lisa: "BABOON!"

Homer: "Lisa, don't hold anything back, you can tell me. Are you crying 'cause you called daddy a baboon?"

Lisa: "No!"

Homer: "Nuts. I know you are sad because you lost a man you care about. I cannot relate because everyone I care about is under this roof. In a way I consider myself lucky. If you want think I am a baboon I can be one."

Homer makes monkey noises and apes about Lisa's bedroom, which makes her laugh.

Homer: "So are we all well?"

Lisa: "Yes, Dad."

Bart's bedroom. He is angrily throwing a rubber ball against the wall.

Bart:(talking to himself) "Stupid Martin Prince!"

Homer enters bedroom.

Homer: "Bart, does the class president get paid?"

Bart: "No."

Homer: "Does he have to do extra work?"

Bart: "Yes."

Homer: "And is this Martin Prince going to get to do anything neat, like throw out the first ball at the World Series?"

Bart: "Hell no!"

Homer: "So let the baby have his bottle! That is what I always tell myself."

Bart: "Thanks, Dad."

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