Bart's Dog Gets an "F"/Quotes
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- Marge is at a typewriter
- Marge: Homer, cannot we wait to make this advertisement until after the dog flunks out of obedience school?
- Homer: No Marge, we have to commit ourselves! Have the ad say "Kind, faithful dog for sale. Says I love you on command...in three languages"!
- Marge gives her annoyed sigh at Homer's blatant attempt at false advertising
- Mrs. Winthrop's office. Bart enters with a leashed Santa's Little Helper
- Bart: Mrs. Winthrop, may I have a minute of your time?
- Mrs. Winthrop motions for Bart to have a seat
- Bart: Look, I was thinking, since you are paid whether Santa's Little Helper fails or passes, why not just pass my dog anyway?
- Emily Winthrop: Oh I get it. Lick a stamp on it, thank you very much, next please!
- Bart: Yup!
- Emily Winthrop{sighing}: Heavens to Murgatroyd! Bart, perhaps I cling to the old ways like a well-chewed shoe while the traditions I was weaned on are either neutered or put to sleep one by one.
- Bart stares at her blankly as if she implies resignation
- Emily Winthrop{stern tone}: But my time has not yet passed! The world does not need another college graduate who does not know how to sit!
- Santa's Little Helper fails to respond to the command
- Emily Winthrop: Pull the chain.
- Bart: What?
- Emily Winthrop: Correct the dog.
- Bart: I do not want to strangle my dog.
- Emily Winthrop: PULL THE BLOODY CHAIN, BOY!
- An intimidated Bart pulls Santa's Little Helper's leash, who yelps then collapses on the floor
- Bart: I am sorry, boy. It is not your fault you are so dumb.
- Homer is with a grizzled farmer, who is testing Santa's Little Helper by grabbing underneath his legs
- Homer: I do not want to give him up, but I am moving to a foreign country where dogs are forbidden.
- Farmer: No problem, I can put him to good use on my farm. You know, other farmers say only mules can pull plows. Impatient people would not make a dog do it. Patient people know otherwise.
