Homer's Odyssey/Quotes

Quotes

Episode Quotes

Mrs. Krabappel: [blows whistle] Now class remember, I don't want this field trip to be a repeat of our infamous visit to the Springfield State Prison. So I want all to be on your best behavior, especially you Bart Simpson.

Bart: Mrs. Krabappel, I didn't unlock that door.

(at Moe's Tavern)

Homer: I'm just a technical supervisor who cared too much.

[phone rings]

Moe: Moe's Tavern.

Bart: [on phone] Is Mr. Freely there?

Moe: Who?

Bart: Freely, first initials I.P.

Moe: OK, I'll check. Uh, is I.P. Freely here? Hey everbody, I.P. Freely!

[patrons laugh]

Moe: Wait a minute. Listen to me you lousy bum. When I get a hold of you, you're dead, I swear I'm going to slice your heart in half!

[Bart and Lisa laugh]

Homer: You'll get that punk someday, Moe.

Moe: Oh I don't know, he's tough to catch. He keeps changing his name.

Moe: I don't think you're ever going to get another job and be able to pay me back.

Bart: All he does is lie there like an unemployed whale.

Lisa: I don't know what else to do.

[Maggie pokes him in the eye]

Bart: There's only one thing we can do. Take advantage of the guy. [Holds up a report card] I need you to sign this, Homer. [Bart picks up Homer's hand and writes his signature on the card.]

Homer: Damn it! I'm no supervising technician. I'm a technical supervisor. It's too late to teach this old dog new tricks.

Smilin' Joe Fission: I'll just put it where nobody'll find it for a million years.

Marge: There, there, Homer. You've caused plenty of industrial accidents and you've always bounced back.

Homer: You can't depend on me all your lives. You have to learn that there's a little Homer Simpson in all of us.

Homer: Unlike most of you, I am not a nut.

Homer: Our lives are in the hands of men no smarter than you or I. Many of them incompetent boobs. I know this because I've worked alongside them, gone bowling with them, watched them pass me over for promotions time and again.

TV Announcer #1: Loaftime, the cable network for the unemployed, will be right back with more tips on how to win the lottery right after this.

TV Announcer #2: Unemployed? Out of work? Sober? You sat around the house all day, but now it's Duff time. Duff, the beer that makes the days fly by.

Duff TV Jingle: You can't get enough of the wonderful Duff. Duff Beer!

Homer: Beer! Now there's a temporary solution.

Sherri: Hey, Bart. Our dad says your dad is incompetent.

Bart: What does 'incompetent' mean?

Terri: It means he spends more time yakking and scarfing down donuts than doing his job.

Bart: Oh, okay. I thought you were putting him down.

Chief Wiggum: Well, it's no secret. Our city is under siege by a graffiti vandal known as, "El Barto". Police artist have a composite sketch to go over and if anyone has any information, please contact us immediately.

[A sketch of an older, stubbly, mean-looking version of Bart is passed around]

Bart: Cool, man.

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