Homer the Heretic/Quotes
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< Homer the Heretic
Revision as of 22:39, October 25, 2010 by Full Metal Fan (talk)
- Homer: "Hey Apu, why are you not in church?"
- Apu: "Oh, but I am in church! I have built a small shrine to Ganesh, the Hindu god of wisdom in the employee's lounge."
- Apu shows Homer his handmade shrine
- Homer: "Hey Ganesh, want a peanut?"
- Apu: "Please do not offer my god a peanut."
- Doorbell to Simpson residence rings. Homer answers the door to see it is Krusty going door-to-door appealing for donations.
- Krusty: Hello, I am with the American Federation of Jewish Clowns. We work to provide relief to victims of clown-related accidents. Just last year a gale wind caused the roof of a banquet hall to collapse. 54 clowns perished. The rescue workers had trouble finding everyone will all the nose squakers making noise. Oh, the humanity!
- Homer: Hey! Is this a religious thing?
- Krusty: A religious clown thing, sir.
- Homer slams door in Krusty's face.
- Homer wakes up to find the Simpson residence is aflame and he is trapped inside.
- Homer: Ahh! What do I do? What do I do? Homer coughs Oh, the song. The song!
- Homer{singing}: When the fire starts to burn,
- There's a lesson you must learn.
- Something something, then you'll see:
- You'll avoid catastrophe!
- Homer realizes he forgot the lyrics
- Homer{talking}: D'oh!
- Apu, looking through binoculars, observes that the Simpson residence is aflame.
- Apu{talking to himself}: Fire at the old Simpson place! It is my responsibility to deal with it as...
- Apu dons fire chief's helmet.
- Apu:...Fire Chief! You are on your honor not to steal anything!
- Jimbo Jones and his gang snicker.
- Jimbo{sarcastically}: We promise.
- Apu: Just as I thought. I leave my nephew Ravi in charge while I am away.
- Apu picks up Ravi, who is a small child and places him atop counter.
- Ravi: I will not fail you, Uncle Apu.
- Ravi loads a double-barreled shotgun. Jimbo and his gang react in horror and drop all the shoplifted items.
- Homer: Flanders, you saved me! Why?
- Ned: Heck! You would have done the same for me.
- Homer imagines the Flanders residence aflame. Ned is yelling out the window while Homer is lounging in the hammock
- Ned: Help! Help!
- Homer: He he he he ha he.
- Homer returns to reality.
- Homer: "That's right, old friend."
- Reverend Lovejoy: Homer, I hope you learned about God as a result of this ordeal.
- Homer: Indeed I have. God is a vengeful god. He burned down my home because He was angry with me. Almighty Lord, tell me what you want and it shall be done!
- Reverend Lovejoy: No, no! That is an incorrect potrayal of God. He did not burn down your house. Rather, God was working through people of various beliefs to save you.
- Reverend Lovejoy points out Ned Flanders.
- Reverend Lovejoy: Christian.
- Reverend Lovejoy points out Krusty.
- Reverend Lovejoy: Jew.
- Reverend Lovejoy points out Apu.
- Reverend Lovejoy: And, uh, miscellaneous.
- Apu: With all due respect Reverend, I would imagine you would be more familiar in your studies with the Hindu faith. There are 700 million of us in the world.
- Reverend Lovejoy: Hey, that's super!
- Homer: "What's the meaning of life?"
- God: "Homer, I can't tell you that. You'll find out when you die."
- Homer: "I can't wait that long!"
- God: "You can't wait six months?"
- Homer:"No, tell me now!"
- God:"Oh, all right. The meaning of life is—"
- Show Ends
