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| − | During the opening credits, Bart is usualy featured writing a phrase on a green chalkboard over and over as punishment after class. A few times during an episode Bart or another character does it.
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| − | ==List of Chalkboard Gags==
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| − | *I will not waste chalk
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| − | *I will not skateboard in the halls
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| − | *I will not burp in class
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| − | *I will not instigate revolution
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| − | *I will not draw naked ladies in class
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| − | *I did not see Elvis
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| − | *I will not call my teacher "Hot Cakes"
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| − | *Garlic gum is not funny
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| − | *They are laughing at me, not with me
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| − | *I will not yell "Fire" in a crowded classroom
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| − | *I will not encourage others to fly
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| − | *I will not fake my way through life
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| − | *Tar is not a plaything
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| − | *I will not Xerox my butt
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| − | *It's potato, not potatoe
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| − | *I will not trade pants with others
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| − | *I am not a 32 year old woman
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| − | *I will not do that thing with my tongue
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| − | *I will not drive the principal's car
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| − | *I will not pledge allegiance to Bart
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| − | *I will not sell school property
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| − | *I WILL NOT CUT CORNERS " " " " " " " " " " " "
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| − | *I will not get very far with this attitude
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| − | *I will not make flatuent noises in class
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| − | *I will not belch the National Anthem
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| − | *I will not sell land in Florida
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| − | *I will not grease the monkey bars
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| − | *I will not hide behind the Fifth Amendment
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| − | *I will not do anything bad ever again
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| − | *I will not show off (written in an Old English font)
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| − | *I will not sleep through my education
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| − | *I am not a dentist
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| − | *Spitwads are not free speech
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| − | *Nobody likes sunburn slappers
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| − | *High explosives and school don't mix
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| − | *I will not bribe Principal Skinner
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| − | *I will not squeak chalk (Bart squeaks the chalk)
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| − | *I will finish what I sta (appears on only one line)
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| − | *"Bart Bucks" are not legal tender
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| − | *I will not fake rabies (only shown in Canada)
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| − | *Underwear should be worn on the inside
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| − | *The Christmas Pageant does not stink
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| − | *I will not torment the emotionally frail
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| − | *I will not carve gods
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| − | *I will not spank others
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| − | *I will not aim for the head
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| − | *I will not barf unless I'm sick
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| − | *I will not expose the ignorance of the faculty (Lisa claps erasers)
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| − | *I saw nothing unusual in the teacher's lounge
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| − | *I will not conduct my own fire drills
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| − | *Funny noises are not funny
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| − | *I will not spin the turtle
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| − | *I will not snap bras
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| − | *I will not fake seizures
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| − | *This punishment is not boring and pointless
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| − | *My name is not Dr. Death
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| − | *I will not defame New Orleans
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| − | *I will not prescribe medication
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| − | *I will not bury the new kid
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| − | *I will try to raise a better child (Marge during a episode)
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| − | *I will not teach others to fly
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| − | *I will not bring sheep to class
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| − | *A burp is not an answer
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| − | *Teacher is not a leper
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| − | *Coffee is not for kids (each line becomes less legible and the last line is a scrawl)
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| − | *I will not eat things for money
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| − | *I will not yell "She's Dead" during roll call
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| − | *The principal's toupee is not a Frisbee
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| − | *I will not call the principal "spud head"
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| − | *Goldfish don't bounce
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| − | *Mud is not one of the 4 food groups
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| − | *No one is interested in my underpants
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| − | *I will not sell miracle cures
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| − | *I will return the seeing-eye dog
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| − | *I do not have diplomatic immunity
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| − | *I will not charge admission to the bathroom
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| − | *I will never win an Emmy
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| − | *The cafeteria deep fryer is not a toy
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| − | *All work and no play makes Bart a dull boy (not written line by line, like the one sentence story in 'The Shining')
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| − | *I will not say "Springfield" just to get applause
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| − | *I am not authorized to fire substitute teachers
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| − | *My homework was not stolen by a one-armed man
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| − | *I will not go near the kindergarten turtle
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| − | *I am not delightfully saucy
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| − | *Organ transplants are best left to the professionals
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| − | *The Pledge of Allegiance does not end with Hail Satan
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| − | *I will not celebrate meaningless milestones (the 100th episode)
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| − | *There are plenty of businesses like show business
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| − | *I will not re-transmit without the express permission of Major League Baseball
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| − | *Five days is not too long to wait for a gun
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| − | *Beans are neither fruit nor musical
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| − | *I will not use abbrev.
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| − | *I am not the reincarnation of Sammy Davis Jr.
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| − | *I will not send lard through the mail
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| − | *I will not dissect things unless instructed
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| − | *I will not whittle hall passes out of soap
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| − | *Ralph won't "morph" if you squeeze him hard enough
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| − | *Adding "just kidding" doesn't make it okay to insult the Principal
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| − | *"Bagman" is not a legitimate career choice
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| − | *Cursive writing does not mean what I think it does
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| − | *Next time it could be me on the scaffolding
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| − | *I will not hang donuts on my person
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| − | *I will remember to take my medication
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| − | *I will not strut around like I own the place
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| − | *I will only do this once a year
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| − | *The Good Humor man can only be pushed so far
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| − | *I do not have power of attorney over first graders
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| − | *Nerve gas is not a toy
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| − | *I will not mock Mrs. Dumbface
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| − | *The First Amendment does not cover burping
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| − | *This is not a clue...or is it? (there are clues that are supposed to reveal who shoots Mr. Burns)
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| − | *I will not complain about the solution when I hear it (the shooter is revealed)
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| − | *"Bewitched" does not promote Satanism
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| − | *No one wants to hear from my armpits
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| − | *I am not a lean mean spitting machine
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| − | *The boys room is not a water park
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| − | *Indian burns are not our cultural heritage
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| − | *Wedgies are unhealthy for children and other living things
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| − | *I will stop talking about the twelve inch pianist
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| − | *I am not certified to remove asbestos
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| − | *I did not learn everything I need to know in kindergarten
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| − | *I am not my long-lost twin
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| − | *I will not be a snickerpuss. (Lisa during episode)
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| − | *The truth is not out there
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| − | *I am not licensed to do anything
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| − | *I will not hide the teacher's Prozac
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| − | *A fire drill does not demand a fire
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| − | *I no longer want my MTV
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| − | *Everyone is tired of that Richard Gere story
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| − | *I did not invent Irish dancing
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| − | *I will not tease Fatty
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| − | *There was no Roman god named "Fartacus"
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| − | *Rudolph's red nose is not alcohol-related
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| − | *Shooting paintballs is not an art form
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| − | *Pain is not the cleanser
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| − | *Silly String is not a nasal spray
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| − | *I was not told to do this
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| − | *My butt does not deserve a website
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| − | *I will not demand what I'm worth
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| − | *I will not mess with the opening credits (appeared in place of the couch gag, the rest of the family runs into the classroom)
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| − | *I am not the new Dalai Lama
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| − | *I was not the inspiration for "Kramer"
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| − | *I will not file frivolous lawsuits
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| − | *The Simpsons Halloween Special IX (painted in blood with a brush)
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| − | *"butt.com" is not my E-mail address (censored to '"butt.butt" is not my E-mail address')
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| − | *No one cares what my definition of "is" is
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| − | *I will not scream for ice cream
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| − | *I am not a licensed hairstylist
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| − | *"The President did it" is not an excuse
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| − | *My mom is not dating Jerry Seinfeld
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| − | *Sherri does not "got back"
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| − | *I will not do the Dirty Bird
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| − | *No one wants to hear about my sciatica
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| − | *Hillbillies are people too
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| − | *Grammar is not a time of waste
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| − | *It does not suck to be you
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| − | *I cannot absolve sins
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| − | *I Well Knot D-Face (Bart in hieroglyphics during episode)
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| − | *A trained ape could not teach gym
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| − | *Loose teeth don't need my help
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| − | *I have neither been there nor done that
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| − | *I'm so very tired
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| − | *Fridays are not "pants optional"
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| − | *Pork is not a verb
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| − | *I am not the last Don
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| − | *I did not win the Nobel Fart Prize
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| − | *I won't not use no double negatives
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| − | *I can't see dead people
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| − | *I will not sell my kidney on eBay
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| − | *I will not do math in class (Lisa during episode)
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| − | *I will not create art from dung
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| − | *I will stop phoning it in
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| − | *Class clown is not a paid position
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| − | *Substitute teachers are not scabs
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| − | *My suspension was not "mutual"
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| − | *A belch is not an oral report
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| − | *Dodgeball stops at the gym door
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| − | *"Non-Flammable" is not a challenge
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| − | *I was not touched "there" by an angel
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| − | *I am not here on a fartball scholarship
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| − | *I will not dance on anyone's grave
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| − | *I cannot hire a substitute student
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| − | *I will not obey the voices in my head
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| − | *I will not plant subliminal messagores
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| − | *I will not surprise the incontinent
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| − | *I am not the acting President
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| − | *I was not the sixth Beatle
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| − | *I will only provide a urine sample when asked
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| − | *The nurse is not dealing
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| − | *Science class should not end in tragedy
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| − | *I ain't not a dorkus (Skinner during episode)
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| − | *Network TV is not dead
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| − | *I will not "let the dogs out"
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| − | *I will not hide the teacher's medication
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| − | *I will not publish the Principal's credit report
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| − | *The hamster did not have "a full life"
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| − | *I will not buy a Presidential pardon
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| − | *"Temptation Island" was not a sleazy piece of crap
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| − | *I will not scare the Vice President
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| − | *I will not flush evidence
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| − | *Fire is not the cleanser
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| − | *Genetics is not an excuse
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| − | *Today is not Mothra's day
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| − | *I should not be twenty-one by now
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| − | *Nobody reads these anymore
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| − | *A burp in a jar is not a science project
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| − | *Fun does not have a size
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| − | *I am not Charlie Brown on acid
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| − | *I do not have a cereal named after me
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| − | *I will not bite the hand that feeds me Butterfingers
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| − | *The giving tree is not a chump
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| − | *Making Milhouse cry is not a science project
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| − | *Vampire is not a career choice
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| − | *I will never lie about being cancelled again
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| − | *Fish do not like coffee
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| − | *Milhouse did not test cootie positive
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| − | *This school does not need a "regime change"
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| − | *SpongeBob is not a contraceptive
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| − | *I will not (chops up blackboard with axe)
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| − | *My pen is not a booger launcher
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| − | *Sandwiches should not contain sand
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| − | *Over forty & single is not funny
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| − | *I will not speculate on how hot teacher used to be
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| − | *Poking a dead raccoon is not research
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| − | *Beer in a milk carton is not milk
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| − | *(instead of a chalkboard Bart is at a vending machine)
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| − | *A booger is not a bookmark
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| − | *Does any kid still do this anymore?
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| − | *I am not smarter than the President
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| − | *Teacher was not dumped -- it was mutual
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| − | *I will not laminate dog doo (live-action)
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| − | *I will not flip the classroom upside down (classroom flipped upside-down)
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| − | *I will not leak the plot of the movie
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| − | *Je ne parle pas Français
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| − | *Have a great summer, everyone
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| − | *A baby beat me up (Skinner in episode)
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| − | *We are not all naked under our clothes
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| − | *Frankincense is not a monster
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| − | *So Long Suckers (Bart during episode)
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