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Difference between revisions of "Duffless/Quotes"

Wikisimpsons - The Simpsons Wiki
< Duffless
Line 1: Line 1:
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{{TabQ
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'''Marge''': Homer, I want you to encourage Lisa with her science fair project.
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|episode=Duffless
+
 
−
}}
+
'''Homer''': Yes, syrup is better than jelly.
−
''Master bedroom. Marge is worried about Homer in light of his arrest and is reading literature on alcoholism. Homer is in bathroom.''<br />
+
----
−
'''Pamphlet''': IS YOUR SPOUSE A SOUSE?<br />
+
'''Chief Wiggum''': Mrs. Simpson, I have some bad news; your husband was found DOA.
−
'''[[Marge Simpson|Marge]]''': Homer, are you secretive about your drinking and/or do you have secret storage spaces for beer?<br />
+
 
−
'''[[Homer Simpson|Homer]]''': What was that?<br />
+
'''Marge''': Oh my God! He's dead?!
−
''Homer opens toilet tank and takes out a beer can he stored in there.''<br />
+
 
−
'''Marge''': Do you need a beer to help you sleep at night?<br />
+
'''Chief Wiggum''': Oh, wait, I mean DWI. I always get those two mixed up.
−
'''Homer''': That sounds like a good idea.<br />
+
 
−
'''Marge''': After drinking, do you have distorted images of yourself or the world around you?<br />
+
'''Mrs. Phillips''': My name's Mrs. Phillips. You said my husband's DWI?
−
''Homer looks in mirror and sees himself as muscular. He uses his pectoral muscles to play along with music.''<br />
+
 
−
'''Homer''': Dum dum dum dum dum dum dum dum de dum dum dum dum dum dum dum dum de dum de dum!<br />
+
'''Chief Wiggum''': Um, why don't you talk to that officer over there? I'm going out to lunch.
−
''Homer enters master bedroom and goes to bed with Marge.''<br />
+
----
−
'''Marge''': I want you to do a big favor for me. Effective tommorow I want you to not have any beer for one month.<br />
+
'''Principal Skinner''': Well, Edna, for a school with no Asian kids, I think we put on a pretty darn good science fair.
−
'''Homer''': You got it. No deer for a month.<br />
+
----
−
'''Marge''': Did you say beer or deer?<br />
+
'''Lisa''': I've grown a futuristic tomato by fertilizing it with anabolic steroids.
−
'''Homer'''{sheepish}: Deer.<br />
+
 
−
'''Marge'''{reassuring}: Homie, please. I know you can do this.<br />
+
'''Bart''': The kind that help our Olympic athletes reach new peaks of excellence?
−
'''Homer''': OK Marge. I will do it for you.<br />
+
 
−
'''Marge''': Thank you Homer.<br />
+
'''Lisa''': The very same.
−
''Marge turns out lights, then a *PSST* sound is heard in the dark, which sounds an awful lot like the tab of a beer can.''<br />
+
----
−
'''Marge''': What was that?<br />
+
'''Lionel Hutz''': Don't worry, Homer. I have a fool proof strategy to get you out of here: surprise witnesses, each more surprising than the last. I tell you, the judge won't know what hit him!
−
'''Homer''': Psst! I love you.<br />
+
----
 +
'''Homer''' [singing]: W, X, Y, and Z. Now I know my ABCs, won't you come and play with me.
 +
 
 +
'''Eddie''': Flawless.
 +
 
 +
'''Lou''': We also would have accepted, "tell me what you think of me."
 +
----
 +
'''Homer''': To lift the spider's curse, simply recite a Bible verse. Uh... Thou shalt not... Oh, the hell with it. (Homer throws a rock at the spider's head.)
 +
----
 +
'''Homer''': Marge, I'm goin' to Moe's. Send the kids to the neighbors, I'm comin' back loaded!
 +
----
 +
'''Marge''': Homey, I'd like you to do something for me.
 +
 
 +
'''Homer''': You name it.
 +
 
 +
'''Marge''': I want you to give up beer for a month.
 +
 
 +
'''Homer''': You got it. No deer for a month.
 +
 
 +
'''Marge''': Did you say beer, or deer?
 +
 
 +
'''Homer''': Deer.
 +
----
 +
'''Homer''': All right, starting tomorrow no beer for a month.
 +
 
 +
(Marge turns off the light and Homer opens a can, audibly)
 +
 
 +
'''Marge''': What was that noise?
 +
 
 +
'''Homer''': I was saying, "Psssst, I love you."
 +
----
 +
'''Homer''': I would kill everyone in this room for a drop of sweet beer.
 +
----
 +
'''Judge''': Your license is hereby revoked and you are to attend traffic school and two months of AA meetings.
 +
 
 +
'''Homer''': Your honor, I'd like that last remark stricken from the record.
 +
 
 +
'''Judge''': No.
 +
----
 +
'''Lisa''': What have you done with my report?
 +
 
 +
'''Bart''': I've hidden it. To find it you'll need to decipher a series of clues, each more fiendish than…
 +
 
 +
'''Lisa''': Got it!
 +
 
 +
'''Bart''': D'oh!
 +
----
 +
'''Moe''': You'll be back!!! And you, And you (to Barney). And you.
 +
 
 +
'''Barney''': Of course I'll be back, if you didn't close I'd never leave!
 +
----
 +
'''Lisa''': [echoic from Bart's dream] First prize! First prize! First prize!
 +
 
 +
'''Bart''': Why are you saying that?
 +
 
 +
'''Lisa''': Just screwing with your mind. [laughs and runs off]
 +
----
 +
'''Lisa''': [laughs wickedly]
 +
 
 +
'''Marge''': What's so funny?
 +
 
 +
 
 +
'''Lisa''': Oh, uh ... I was just thinking of a joke I saw on Herman's Head. [laughs nervously]
 +
----
 +
'''Homer''': Barney, give me your keys. You're too drunk to drive.
 +
 
 +
'''Barney''': I'm fine.
 +
 
 +
'''Homer''': OK, you leave me no option. [punches Barney]
 +
 
 +
'''Barney''': Ow! What was that for?
 +
 
 +
'''Homer''': I'm trying to knock you out. [tries harder with a tire iron]
 +
 
 +
'''Barney''': Ow! Cut it out. [Homer tries slamming Barney's head in the car door] Ow! [slam] Ow! [slam] Ow! [slam] Ow! [slam] Ow! All right, here, take the keys. [hands Homer the keys]
 +
----
 +
'''Lisa''': I want the most intelligent hamster you've got.
 +
 
 +
'''Pet Shop Clerk''': OK. [reaches into a box of hamsters under the counter and randomly selects one] Uh, this little guy writes mysteries under the name of J. D. McGregor.
 +
 
 +
'''Lisa''': How can a hamster write mysteries?
 +
 
 +
'''Pet Shop Clerk''': Well, he gets the ending first, then he writes backward.
 +
 
 +
'''Lisa''': Aw, c'mon.
 +
 
 +
'''Pet Shop Clerk''': Look, kid, just take him before his mother eats him, all right?
 
----
 
----
−
:''Springfield Isotopes game. A bunch of drunk men are in the audience, except for Homer, who is being a teetotaler to respect Marge's request.''
+
'''Lisa''': [writing] I propose to determine the answer to the question: "Is my brother dumber than a hamster?"
−
:'''Homer'''{talking to himself}: Without alcohol I never realized how boring this game actually is.
+
 
 +
'''Bart''': Hey Lis, look what I can do! [inserts his fist into mouth, but discovers he can't retract it] Mmmph... doggone it.
 
----
 
----
−
'''Homer''':Marge, send the kids to the neighbors becuse I'm comeing home loaded!
+
'''Homer''': I'm here for the Alc-Anon meeting.
  
 +
'''Rev. Lovejoy''': Mm-hm. Third door on your left. [Jasper walks up] Coping with senility?
 +
 +
'''Jasper''': [gruff] No. I'm here for Microwave Cookery. No, wait. Coping with senility.
 +
----
 +
'''Rev. Lovejoy''': Homer, with our help, you'll never touch a beer again.
 +
 +
'''Homer''': Aaah! [jumps out the window]
 +
----
 +
'''Homer''' [singing]: When I was 17,
 +
 +
I drank some very good beer.
 +
 +
I drank some very good beer,
 +
 +
I purchased with a fake ID.
 +
 +
My name was Brian McGee.
 +
 +
I stayed up listening to Queen, when I was 17.
 +
----
 +
'''Milhouse''': Behold gravity in all its glory. [pushes a Slinky down an inclined 2-by-4. It goes one step, then it stops]
 +
 +
'''Edna''': Pretty lame, Milhouse.
 +
----
 +
'''Marge''': I don't know if I like you experimenting on your brother.
 +
 +
'''Lisa''': Please, mother, it's purely in the interest of science.
 +
 +
'''Lisa's Brain''': That'll learn 'em to bust my tomater.
 +
----
 +
'''Rev. Lovejoy''': So Homer, please feel free to tell us anything. There's no judgment here.
 +
 +
'''Homer''': The other day I was so desperate for a beer I snuck into a football stadium and ate the dirt under the bleachers.
 +
 +
'''Rev. Lovejoy''': I cast thee out!
 +
----
 +
'''Moe''': C'mon, Homer, do it for your old pal Moesy.
 +
 +
'''Barney''': But Moe, yesterday you called Homer a worthless sack of...
 +
 +
'''Moe''': Pipe down, rub-a-dub!
 +
----
 
{{Season 4 Q}}
 
{{Season 4 Q}}
−
----
 
 
[[Category:Quotes]]
 
[[Category:Quotes]]

Revision as of 20:01, September 17, 2010

Marge: Homer, I want you to encourage Lisa with her science fair project.

Homer: Yes, syrup is better than jelly.

Chief Wiggum: Mrs. Simpson, I have some bad news; your husband was found DOA.

Marge: Oh my God! He's dead?!

Chief Wiggum: Oh, wait, I mean DWI. I always get those two mixed up.

Mrs. Phillips: My name's Mrs. Phillips. You said my husband's DWI?

Chief Wiggum: Um, why don't you talk to that officer over there? I'm going out to lunch.

Principal Skinner: Well, Edna, for a school with no Asian kids, I think we put on a pretty darn good science fair.

Lisa: I've grown a futuristic tomato by fertilizing it with anabolic steroids.

Bart: The kind that help our Olympic athletes reach new peaks of excellence?

Lisa: The very same.

Lionel Hutz: Don't worry, Homer. I have a fool proof strategy to get you out of here: surprise witnesses, each more surprising than the last. I tell you, the judge won't know what hit him!

Homer [singing]: W, X, Y, and Z. Now I know my ABCs, won't you come and play with me.

Eddie: Flawless.

Lou: We also would have accepted, "tell me what you think of me."

Homer: To lift the spider's curse, simply recite a Bible verse. Uh... Thou shalt not... Oh, the hell with it. (Homer throws a rock at the spider's head.)

Homer: Marge, I'm goin' to Moe's. Send the kids to the neighbors, I'm comin' back loaded!

Marge: Homey, I'd like you to do something for me.

Homer: You name it.

Marge: I want you to give up beer for a month.

Homer: You got it. No deer for a month.

Marge: Did you say beer, or deer?

Homer: Deer.

Homer: All right, starting tomorrow no beer for a month.

(Marge turns off the light and Homer opens a can, audibly)

Marge: What was that noise?

Homer: I was saying, "Psssst, I love you."

Homer: I would kill everyone in this room for a drop of sweet beer.

Judge: Your license is hereby revoked and you are to attend traffic school and two months of AA meetings.

Homer: Your honor, I'd like that last remark stricken from the record.

Judge: No.

Lisa: What have you done with my report?

Bart: I've hidden it. To find it you'll need to decipher a series of clues, each more fiendish than…

Lisa: Got it!

Bart: D'oh!

Moe: You'll be back!!! And you, And you (to Barney). And you.

Barney: Of course I'll be back, if you didn't close I'd never leave!

Lisa: [echoic from Bart's dream] First prize! First prize! First prize!

Bart: Why are you saying that?

Lisa: Just screwing with your mind. [laughs and runs off]

Lisa: [laughs wickedly]

Marge: What's so funny?


Lisa: Oh, uh ... I was just thinking of a joke I saw on Herman's Head. [laughs nervously]

Homer: Barney, give me your keys. You're too drunk to drive.

Barney: I'm fine.

Homer: OK, you leave me no option. [punches Barney]

Barney: Ow! What was that for?

Homer: I'm trying to knock you out. [tries harder with a tire iron]

Barney: Ow! Cut it out. [Homer tries slamming Barney's head in the car door] Ow! [slam] Ow! [slam] Ow! [slam] Ow! [slam] Ow! All right, here, take the keys. [hands Homer the keys]

Lisa: I want the most intelligent hamster you've got.

Pet Shop Clerk: OK. [reaches into a box of hamsters under the counter and randomly selects one] Uh, this little guy writes mysteries under the name of J. D. McGregor.

Lisa: How can a hamster write mysteries?

Pet Shop Clerk: Well, he gets the ending first, then he writes backward.

Lisa: Aw, c'mon.

Pet Shop Clerk: Look, kid, just take him before his mother eats him, all right?

Lisa: [writing] I propose to determine the answer to the question: "Is my brother dumber than a hamster?"

Bart: Hey Lis, look what I can do! [inserts his fist into mouth, but discovers he can't retract it] Mmmph... doggone it.

Homer: I'm here for the Alc-Anon meeting.

Rev. Lovejoy: Mm-hm. Third door on your left. [Jasper walks up] Coping with senility?

Jasper: [gruff] No. I'm here for Microwave Cookery. No, wait. Coping with senility.

Rev. Lovejoy: Homer, with our help, you'll never touch a beer again.

Homer: Aaah! [jumps out the window]

Homer [singing]: When I was 17,

I drank some very good beer.

I drank some very good beer,

I purchased with a fake ID.

My name was Brian McGee.

I stayed up listening to Queen, when I was 17.

Milhouse: Behold gravity in all its glory. [pushes a Slinky down an inclined 2-by-4. It goes one step, then it stops]

Edna: Pretty lame, Milhouse.

Marge: I don't know if I like you experimenting on your brother.

Lisa: Please, mother, it's purely in the interest of science.

Lisa's Brain: That'll learn 'em to bust my tomater.

Rev. Lovejoy: So Homer, please feel free to tell us anything. There's no judgment here.

Homer: The other day I was so desperate for a beer I snuck into a football stadium and ate the dirt under the bleachers.

Rev. Lovejoy: I cast thee out!

Moe: C'mon, Homer, do it for your old pal Moesy.

Barney: But Moe, yesterday you called Homer a worthless sack of...

Moe: Pipe down, rub-a-dub!

Template:Season 4 Q

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