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List of chalkboard gags
Wikisimpsons - The Simpsons Wiki
The following is a list of chalkboard gags seen on The Simpsons.
#
|
Airdate
|
Picture
|
Gag
|
Episode Name
|
1
|
December 17, 1989
|
|
no gag
|
"Simpsons Roasting on an Open Fire"
|
2
|
January 14, 1990
|
|
I will not waste chalk
|
"Bart the Genius"
|
3
|
January 21, 1990
|
|
I will not skateboard in the halls
|
"Homer's Odyssey"
|
4
|
January 28, 1990
|
|
I will not burp in class
|
"There's No Disgrace Like Home"
|
5
|
February 4, 1990
|
|
no gag
|
"Bart the General"
|
6
|
February 11, 1990
|
|
I will not instigate revolution
|
"Moaning Lisa"
|
7
|
February 18, 1990
|
|
I will not draw naked ladies in class
|
"The Call of the Simpsons"
|
8
|
February 25, 1990
|
|
I did not see Elvis
|
"The Telltale Head"
|
9
|
March 18, 1990
|
|
no gag
|
"Life on the Fast Lane"
|
10
|
March 25, 1990
|
|
I will not call my teacher "Hot Cakes"
|
"Homer's Night Out"
|
11
|
April 15, 1990
|
|
Garlic gum is not funny
|
"The Crepes of Wrath"
|
12
|
April 29, 1990
|
|
They are laughing at me, not with me
|
"Krusty Gets Busted"
|
13
|
May 13, 1990
|
|
I will not yell "Fire!" in a crowded classroom
|
"Some Enchanted Evening"
|
|
#
|
Airdate
|
Picture
|
Gag
|
Episode Name
|
14
|
October 11, 1990
|
|
I will not encourage others to fly
|
"Bart Gets an "F""
|
|
During the episode: I will not fake my way through life
|
15
|
October 18, 1990
|
|
Tar is not a plaything
|
"Simpson and Delilah"
|
16
|
October 25, 1990
|
|
no gag
|
"Treehouse of Horror"
|
17
|
November 1, 1990
|
|
I will not Xerox my butt
|
"Two Cars in Every Garage and Three Eyes on Every Fish"
|
|
Alternate chalkboard gag aired on June 2, 1992 rerun It's 'potato', not 'potatoe'
|
18
|
November 8, 1990
|
|
I will not trade pants with others
|
"Dancin' Homer"
|
19
|
November 15, 1990
|
|
I am not a 32 year old woman
|
"Dead Putting Society"
|
20
|
November 22, 1990
|
|
I will not do that thing with my tongue
|
"Bart vs. Thanksgiving"
|
21
|
December 6, 1990
|
|
I will not drive the principal's car
|
"Bart the Daredevil"
|
22
|
December 20, 1990
|
|
I will not pledge allegiance to Bart
|
"Itchy & Scratchy & Marge"
|
23
|
January 10, 1991
|
|
I will not sell school property
|
"Bart Gets Hit by a Car"
|
24
|
January 24, 1991
|
|
I will not cut corners (This is written for 3 lines. The remaining lines are all "ditto" quotation marks.)
|
"One Fish, Two Fish, Blowfish, Blue Fish"
|
25
|
January 31, 1991
|
|
I will not get very far with this attitude
|
"The Way We Was"
|
26
|
February 7, 1991
|
|
I will not make flatulent noises in class
|
"Homer vs. Lisa and the 8th Commandment"
|
27
|
February 14, 1991
|
|
I will not belch the national anthem
|
"Principal Charming"
|
28
|
February 21, 1991
|
|
I will not sell land in Florida
|
"Oh Brother, Where Art Thou?"
|
29
|
March 7, 1991
|
|
I will not sell school property
|
"Bart's Dog Gets an "F""
|
30
|
March 28, 1991
|
200px
|
I will not grease the monkey bars
|
"Old Money"
|
31
|
April 11, 1991
|
|
I will not hide behind the Fifth Amendment
|
"Brush with Greatness"
|
32
|
April 25, 1991
|
|
no gag
|
"Lisa's Substitute"
|
33
|
May 2, 1991
|
|
I will not do anything bad ever again
|
"The War of the Simpsons"
|
34
|
May 9, 1991
|
|
I will not show off (This was written in Blackletter.)
|
"Three Men and a Comic Book"
|
35
|
July 11, 1991
|
|
I will not sleep through my education
|
"Blood Feud"
|
|
#
|
Airdate
|
Picture
|
Gag
|
Episode Name
|
36
|
September 19, 1991
|
|
I am not a dentist
|
"Stark Raving Dad"
|
37
|
September 26, 1991
|
|
Spitwads are not free speech
|
"Mr. Lisa Goes to Washington"
|
38
|
October 3, 1991
|
|
Nobody likes sunburn slappers
|
"When Flanders Failed"
|
39
|
October 10, 1991
|
|
High explosives and school don't mix
|
"Bart the Murderer"
|
|
During the episode: I will not bribe Principal Skinner
|
40
|
October 17, 1991
|
|
I will not squeak chalk (Bart makes the chalk squeak as he writes this.)
|
"Homer Defined"
|
41
|
October 24, 1991
|
|
I will finish what I sta (written only once)
|
"Like Father, Like Clown"
|
42
|
October 31, 1991
|
|
no gag
|
"Treehouse of Horror II"
|
43
|
November 7, 1991
|
|
"Bart Bucks" are not legal tender
|
"Lisa's Pony"
|
44
|
November 14, 1991
|
|
I will not fake rabies
|
"Saturdays of Thunder"
|
45
|
November 21, 1991
|
|
Underwear should be worn on the inside
|
"Flaming Moe's"
|
46
|
December 5, 1991
|
|
The Christmas Pageant does not stink
|
"Burns Verkaufen der Kraftwerk"
|
47
|
December 26, 1991
|
|
I will not torment the emotionally frail
|
"I Married Marge"
|
48
|
January 9, 1992
|
|
I will not carve gods
|
"Radio Bart"
|
49
|
January 23, 1992
|
|
no gag
|
"Lisa the Greek"
|
50
|
February 6, 1992
|
|
I will not spank others
|
"Homer Alone"
|
51
|
February 13, 1992
|
|
no gag
|
"Bart the Lover"
|
52
|
February 20, 1992
|
|
I will not aim for the head
|
"Homer at the Bat"
|
53
|
February 27, 1992
|
|
I will not barf unless I'm sick
|
"Separate Vocations"
|
|
During the episode: I will not expose the ignorance of the faculty
|
54
|
March 12, 1992
|
|
I saw nothing unusual in the teacher's lounge
|
"Dog of Death"
|
55
|
March 26, 1992
|
|
I will not conduct my own fire drills
|
"Colonel Homer"
|
56
|
April 9, 1992
|
|
Funny noises are not funny
|
"Black Widower"
|
57
|
April 23, 1992
|
|
I will not spin the turtle
|
"The Otto Show"
|
58
|
May 7, 1992
|
|
I will not snap bras
|
"Bart's Friend Falls in Love"
|
59
|
August 27, 1992
|
|
I will not fake seizures
|
"Brother, Can You Spare Two Dimes?"
|
|
#
|
Airdate
|
Picture
|
Gag
|
Episode Name
|
60
|
September 24, 1992
|
|
This punishment is not boring and pointless
|
"Kamp Krusty"
|
61
|
October 1, 1992
|
|
My name is not "Dr. Death"
|
"A Streetcar Named Marge"
|
62
|
October 8, 1992
|
|
I will not defame New Orleans
|
"Homer the Heretic"
|
63
|
October 15, 1992
|
|
I will not prescribe medication
|
Lisa the Beauty Queen
|
64
|
October 29, 1992
|
|
no gag
|
"Treehouse of Horror III"
|
65
|
November 3, 1992
|
|
I will not bury the new kid
|
"Itchy & Scratchy: The Movie"
|
|
During the episode, Marge writes: I will try to raise a better child
|
66
|
November 5, 1992
|
|
I will not teach others to fly
|
"Marge Gets a Job"
|
67
|
November 12, 1992
|
|
I will not bring sheep to class
|
"New Kid on the Block"
|
68
|
November 19, 1992
|
|
A burp is not an answer
|
"Mr. Plow"
|
69
|
December 3, 1992
|
|
Teacher is not a leper
|
"Lisa's First Word"
|
70
|
December 17, 1992
|
|
Coffee is not for kids (Each line becomes less legible and more scrawled)
|
"Homer's Triple Bypass"
|
71
|
January 14, 1993
|
|
I will not eat things for money
|
"Marge vs. the Monorail"
|
72
|
January 21, 1993
|
|
I will not yell "She's Dead" during roll call
|
"Selma's Choice"
|
73
|
February 4, 1993
|
|
The principal's toupée is not a frisbee
|
2Brother from the Same Planet"
|
74
|
February 11, 1993
|
|
I will not call the principal "spud head"
|
"I Love Lisa"
|
75
|
February 18, 1993
|
|
Goldfish don't bounce
|
"Duffless"
|
76
|
March 11, 1993
|
|
Mud is not one of the 4 food groups
|
"Last Exit to Springfield"
|
77
|
April 1, 1993
|
|
No one is interested in my underpants
|
"So It's Come to This: A Simpsons Clip Show"
|
78
|
April 15, 1993
|
|
I will not sell miracle cures
|
"The Front"
|
79
|
April 29, 1993
|
|
I will return the seeing-eye dog
|
"Whacking Day"
|
80
|
May 6, 1993
|
|
I do not have diplomatic immunity
|
"Marge in Chains"
|
81
|
May 13, 1993
|
|
I will not charge admission to the bathroom
|
"Krusty Gets Kancelled"
|
|
#
|
Airdate
|
Picture
|
Gag
|
Episode Name
|
82
|
September 30, 1993
|
|
I will never win an Emmy
|
"Homer's Barbershop Quartet"
|
83
|
October 7, 1993
|
|
The cafeteria deep fryer is not a toy
|
"Cape Feare"
|
84
|
October 14, 1993
|
|
no gag
|
"Homer Goes to College"
|
85
|
October 21, 1993
|
|
no gag
|
"Rosebud"
|
86
|
October 28, 1993
|
|
no gag
|
"Treehouse of Horror IV"
|
87
|
November 4, 1993
|
|
no gag
|
"Marge on the Lam"
|
88
|
November 11, 1993
|
|
no gag
|
"Bart's Inner Child"
|
89
|
November 18, 1993
|
|
no gag
|
"Boy-Scoutz 'N the Hood"
|
90
|
December 9, 1993
|
|
All work and no play makes Bart a dull boy
|
"The Last Temptation of Homer"
|
91
|
December 16, 1993
|
|
I will not say "Springfield" just to get applause
|
"$pringfield (Or, How I Learned to Stop Worrying and Love Legalized Gambling)"
|
92
|
January 6, 1994
|
|
I am not authorized to fire substitute teachers
|
"Homer the Vigilante"
|
93
|
February 3, 1994
|
|
My homework was not stolen by a one-armed man
|
"Bart Gets Famous"
|
94
|
February 10, 1994
|
|
I will not go near the kindergarten turtle
|
"Homer and Apu"
|
95
|
February 17, 1994
|
|
no gag
|
"Lisa vs. Malibu Stacy"
|
96
|
February 24, 1994
|
|
no gag
|
"Deep Space Homer"
|
97
|
March 17, 1994
|
|
I am not delightfully saucy
|
"Homer Loves Flanders"
|
98
|
March 31, 1994
|
|
Organ transplants are best left to the professionals
|
"Bart Gets an Elephant"
|
99
|
April 14, 1994
|
|
The Pledge of Allegiance does not end with "Hail Satan"
|
"Burns' Heir"
|
100
|
April 28, 1994
|
|
I will not celebrate meaningless milestones
|
"Sweet Seymour Skinner's Baadasssss Song"
|
101
|
May 5, 1994
|
|
There are plenty of businesses like show business
|
"The Boy Who Knew Too Much"
|
102
|
May 12, 1994
|
|
I will not re-transmit without the express permission of Major League Baseball
|
"Lady Bouvier's Lover"
|
103
|
May 19, 1994
|
|
Five days is not too long to wait for a gun
|
"Secrets of a Successful Marriage"
|
|
#
|
Airdate
|
Picture
|
Gag
|
Episode Name
|
104
|
September 4, 1994
|
|
Beans are neither a fruit nor musical
|
"Bart of Darkness"
|
105
|
September 11, 1994
|
|
No one is interested in my underpants
|
"Lisa's Rival"
|
106
|
September 25, 1994
|
|
I will not use abbrev.
|
"Another Simpsons Clip Show"
|
107
|
October 2, 1994
|
|
I am not the reincarnation of Sammy Davis, Jr.
|
"Itchy & Scratchy Land"
|
108
|
October 9, 1994
|
|
no gag
|
"Sideshow Bob Roberts"
|
109
|
October 30, 1994
|
|
no gag
|
"Treehouse of Horror V"
|
110
|
November 6, 1994
|
|
I will not send lard through the mail
|
"Bart's Girlfriend"
|
111
|
November 13, 1994
|
|
I will not dissect things unless instructed
|
"Lisa on Ice"
|
112
|
November 27, 1994
|
|
I will not whittle hall passes out of soap
|
"Homer Badman"
|
113
|
December 4, 1994
|
|
My homework was not stolen by a one-armed man
|
"Grampa vs. Sexual Inadequacy"
|
114
|
December 18, 1994
|
|
Ralph won't "morph" if you squeeze him hard enough
|
"Fear of Flying"
|
115
|
January 8, 1995
|
|
Adding "just kidding" doesn't make it okay to insult the principal
|
"Homer the Great"
|
116
|
January 22, 1995
|
|
'Bagman' is not a legitimate career choice
|
"And Maggie Makes Three"
|
117
|
February 5, 1995
|
|
Cursive writing does not mean what I think it does
|
"Bart's Comet"
|
118
|
February 12, 1995
|
|
Next time it could be me on the scaffolding
|
"Homie the Clown"
|
119
|
February 19, 1995
|
200px
|
I will not hang donuts on my person
|
"Bart vs. Australia"
|
120
|
February 26, 1995
|
|
I will remember to take my medication
|
"Homer vs. Patty and Selma"
|
121
|
March 5, 1995
|
|
no gag
|
"A Star Is Burns"
|
122
|
March 19, 1995
|
|
I will not strut around like I own the place
|
"Lisa's Wedding"
|
123
|
April 9, 1995
|
200px
|
The Good Humor man can only be pushed so far
|
"Two Dozen and One Greyhounds"
|
124
|
April 16, 1995
|
|
I do not have power of attorney over first graders
|
"The PTA Disbands"
|
125
|
April 30, 1995
|
|
Nerve gas is not a toy
|
"'Round Springfield"
|
126
|
May 7, 1995
|
|
I will not mock Mrs. Dumbface
|
"The Springfield Connection"
|
127
|
May 14, 1995
|
|
The First Amendment does not cover burping
|
"Lemon of Troy"
|
128
|
May 21, 1995
|
|
This is not a clue... or is it?
|
"Who Shot Mr. Burns? (Part One)"
|
|
#
|
Airdate
|
Picture
|
Gag
|
Episode Name
|
129
|
September 17, 1995
|
|
I will not complain about the solution when I hear it
|
"Who Shot Mr. Burns? (Part Two)"
|
130
|
September 24, 1995
|
|
"Bewitched" does not promote Satanism
|
"Radioactive Man"
|
131
|
October 1, 1995
|
|
No one wants to hear from my armpits
|
"Home Sweet Homediddly-Dum-Doodily"
|
132
|
October 8, 1995
|
|
I am not a lean mean spitting machine
|
"Bart Sells His Soul"
|
133
|
October 15, 1995
|
|
The boys' room is not a water park
|
"Lisa the Vegetarian"
|
134
|
October 29, 1995
|
|
no gag
|
"Treehouse of Horror VI"
|
135
|
November 5, 1995
|
|
Indian burns are not our cultural heritage
|
"King-Size Homer"
|
136
|
November 19, 1995
|
|
no gag
|
"Mother Simpson"
|
137
|
November 26, 1995
|
|
Wedgies are unhealthy for children and other living things
|
"Sideshow Bob's Last Gleaming"
|
138
|
December 3, 1995
|
|
I will only do this once a year (by "this", it means a clip show)
|
"The Simpsons 138th Episode Spectacular"
|
139
|
December 17, 1995
|
|
I will stop talking about the twelve inch pianist
|
"Marge Be Not Proud"
|
140
|
January 7, 1996
|
|
I am not certified to remove asbestos
|
"Team Homer"
|
141
|
January 14, 1996
|
|
no gag
|
"Two Bad Neighbors"
|
142
|
February 4, 1996
|
|
no gag
|
"Scenes from the Class Struggle in Springfield"
|
143
|
February 11, 1996
|
|
no gag
|
"Bart the Fink"
|
144
|
February 18, 1996
|
|
no gag
|
"Lisa the Iconoclast"
|
145
|
February 25, 1996
|
|
no gag
|
"Homer the Smithers"
|
146
|
March 17, 1996
|
|
no gag
|
"The Day the Violence Died"
|
147
|
March 24, 1996
|
|
no gag
|
"A Fish Called Selma"
|
148
|
March 31, 1996
|
|
no gag
|
"Bart on the Road"
|
149
|
April 14, 1996
|
|
no gag
|
"22 Short Films About Springfield"
|
150
|
April 28, 1996
|
|
no gag
|
"Raging Abe Simpson and His Grumbling Grandson in "The Curse of the Flying Hellfish""
|
151
|
May 5, 1996
|
|
no gag
|
"Much Apu About Nothing"
|
152
|
May 19, 1996
|
|
no gag
|
"Homerpalooza"
|
153
|
May 19, 1996
|
|
no gag
|
"Summer of 4 Ft. 2"
|
|
#
|
Airdate
|
Picture
|
Gag
|
Episode Name
|
154
|
October 27, 1996
|
|
no gag
|
"Treehouse of Horror VII"
|
155
|
November 3, 1996
|
|
I did not learn everything I need to know from kindergarten
|
"You Only Move Twice"
|
156
|
November 10, 1996
|
|
I am not my long-lost twin
|
"The Homer They Fall"
|
157
|
November 17, 1996
|
|
no gag
|
"Burns, Baby Burns"
|
158
|
November 24, 1996
|
|
no gag
|
"Bart After Dark"
|
159
|
December 1, 1996
|
|
no gag
|
"A Milhouse Divided"
|
160
|
December 15, 1996
|
|
no gag
|
"Lisa's Date with Density"
|
|
During the episode, Lisa writes: I will not be a snickerpuss.
|
161
|
December 29, 1996
|
|
no gag
|
"Hurricane Neddy"
|
162
|
January 5, 1997
|
|
no gag
|
"El Viaje Misterioso de Nuestro Jomer"
|
163
|
January 12, 1997
|
|
The truth is not out there
|
"The Springfield Files"
|
164
|
January 19, 1997
|
|
I am not licensed to do anything
|
"The Twisted World of Marge Simpson"
|
165
|
February 2, 1997
|
|
no gag
|
"Mountain of Madness"
|
166
|
February 7, 1997
|
|
I will not hide the teacher's Prozac
|
"Simpsoncalifragilisticexpiala(Annoyed Grunt)cious"
|
167
|
February 9, 1997
|
|
no gag
|
"The Itchy & Scratchy & Poochie Show"
|
168
|
February 16, 1997
|
|
no gag
|
"Homer's Phobia"
|
169
|
February 23, 1997
|
|
no gag
|
"Brother from Another Series"
|
170
|
March 2, 1997
|
|
no gag
|
"My Sister, My Sitter"
|
171
|
March 16, 1997
|
|
no gag
|
"Homer vs. the Eighteenth Amendment"
|
172
|
April 6, 1997
|
|
no gag
|
"Grade School Confidential"
|
173
|
April 13, 1997
|
|
A fire drill does not demand a fire
|
"The Canine Mutiny"
|
174
|
April 20, 1997
|
|
no gag
|
"The Old Man and the Lisa"
|
175
|
April 27, 1997
|
|
no gag
|
"In Marge We Trust"
|
176
|
May 4, 1997
|
|
no gag
|
"Homer's Enemy"
|
177
|
May 11, 1997
|
|
no gag
|
"The Simpsons Spin-Off Showcase"
|
178
|
May 18, 1997
|
|
no gag
|
"The Secret War of Lisa Simpson"
|
|
#
|
Airdate
|
Picture
|
Gag
|
Episode Name
|
179
|
September 21, 1997
|
|
no gag
|
"The City of New York vs. Homer Simpson"
|
180
|
September 28, 1997
|
|
no gag
|
"The Principal and the Pauper"
|
181
|
October 19, 1997
|
|
I no longer want my MTV
|
"Lisa's Sax"
|
182
|
October 26, 1997
|
|
no gag
|
"Treehouse of Horror VIII"
|
183
|
November 2, 1997
|
|
Everyone is tired of that Richard Gere story
|
"The Cartridge Family"
|
184
|
November 9, 1997
|
|
I did not invent Irish dancing
|
"Bart Star"
|
185
|
November 16, 1997
|
|
no gag
|
"The Two Mrs. Nahasapeemapetilons"
|
186
|
November 23, 1997
|
|
I will not tease Fatty
|
"Lisa the Skeptic"
|
187
|
December 7, 1997
|
|
There was no Roman god named "Fartacus"
|
"Realty Bites"
|
188
|
December 21, 1997
|
|
Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer's red nose is not alcohol-related
|
"Miracle on Evergreen Terrace"
|
189
|
January 4, 1998
|
|
no gag
|
"All Singing, All Dancing"
|
190
|
January 11, 1998
|
|
no gag
|
"Bart Carny"
|
191
|
February 8, 1998
|
|
Shooting paintballs is not an art form
|
"The Joy of Sect"
|
192
|
February 15, 1998
|
|
no gag
|
"Das Bus"
|
193
|
February 22, 1998
|
|
Pain is not the cleanser
|
"The Last Temptation of Krust"
|
194
|
March 1, 1998
|
|
Silly string is not a nasal spray
|
"Dumbbell Indemnity"
|
195
|
March 8, 1998
|
|
no gag
|
"Lisa the Simpson"
|
196
|
March 22, 1998
|
|
I was told not to do this
|
"This Little Wiggy"
|
197
|
March 29, 1998
|
|
My butt does not deserve a website
|
"Simpson Tide"
|
198
|
April 5, 1998
|
|
I will not demand what I'm worth
|
"The Trouble With Trillions"
|
199
|
April 19, 1998
|
|
no gag
|
"Girly Edition"
|
200
|
April 26, 1998
|
|
I will not mess with the opening credits (this was actually the couch gag for this episode)
|
"Trash of the Titans"
|
201
|
May 3, 1998
|
|
no gag
|
"King of the Hill"
|
202
|
May 10, 1998
|
|
I am not the new Dalai Lama
|
"Lost Our Lisa"
|
203
|
May 17, 1998
|
|
I was not the inspiration for "Kramer"
|
"Natural Born Kissers"
|
|
#
|
Airdate
|
Picture
|
Gag
|
Episode Name
|
204
|
August 23, 1998
|
|
no gag
|
"Lard of the Dance"
|
205
|
September 20, 1998
|
|
I will not file frivolous lawsuits
|
"The Wizard of Evergreen Terrace"
|
206
|
September 27, 1998
|
|
no gag
|
"Bart the Mother"
|
207
|
October 25, 1998
|
|
The Simpsons Halloween Special IX (This is written in blood with a paintbrush.)
|
"Treehouse of Horror IX"
|
208
|
November 8, 1998
|
|
"butt.com" is not my E-mail address (This was changed to "butt.butt" in later airings since butt.com was revealed to be a real website. Butt.com still appeared in syndication, however)
|
"When You Dish upon a Star"
|
209
|
November 15, 1998
|
|
No one cares what my definition of "is" is
|
"D'oh-in' in the Wind"
|
210
|
November 22, 1998
|
|
I will not scream for ice cream
|
"Lisa Gets an "A""
|
211
|
December 6, 1998
|
|
I am not a licensed hairstylist
|
"Homer Simpson in: "Kidney Trouble""
|
212
|
December 20, 1998
|
|
"The President did it" is not an excuse
|
"Mayored to the Mob"
|
213
|
January 10, 1999
|
|
My mom is not dating Jerry Seinfeld
|
"Viva Ned Flanders"
|
214
|
January 17, 1999
|
|
Sherri does not "got back"
|
"Wild Barts Can't Be Broken"
|
215
|
January 31, 1999
|
|
I will not do "the dirty bird"
|
"Sunday, Cruddy Sunday"
|
216
|
February 7, 1999
|
|
No one cares about my sciatica
|
"Homer to the Max"
|
217
|
February 14, 1999
|
|
Hillbillies are people too
|
"I'm with Cupid"
|
218
|
February 21, 1999
|
|
Grammar is not a time of waste
|
"Marge Simpson in: "Screaming Yellow Honkers""
|
219
|
February 28, 1999
|
|
I do not have diplomatic immunity
|
"Make Room for Lisa"
|
220
|
March 28, 1999
|
|
It does not suck to be you
|
"Maximum Homerdrive"
|
221
|
April 4, 1999
|
|
I cannot absolve sins
|
"Simpsons Bible Stories"
|
|
During Lisa's dream in the episode: I will not deface(In a kind of Egyptian Language)
|
222
|
April 11, 1999
|
|
A trained ape could not teach gym
|
"Mom and Pop Art"
|
223
|
April 25, 1999
|
|
Loose teeth don't need my help
|
"The Old Man and the "C" Student"
|
224
|
May 2, 1999
|
|
I have neither been there nor done that
|
"Monty Can't Buy Me Love"
|
225
|
May 9, 1999
|
|
No one wants to hear from my armpits
|
"They Saved Lisa's Brain"
|
226
|
May 16, 1999
|
|
I'm so very tired
|
"Thirty Minutes Over Tokyo"
|
|
#
|
Airdate
|
Picture
|
Gag
|
Episode Name
|
227
|
September 26, 1999
|
|
Fridays are not "pants optional"
|
"Beyond Blunderdome"
|
228
|
October 3, 1999
|
|
Pork is not a verb
|
"Brother's Little Helper"
|
229
|
October 24, 1999
|
|
I am not the last Don
|
"Guess Who's Coming to Criticize Dinner?"
|
230
|
October 31, 1999
|
|
no gag
|
"Treehouse of Horror X"
|
231
|
November 7, 1999
|
|
I did not win the Nobel Fart Prize
|
"E-I-E-I-(Annoyed Grunt)"
|
232
|
November 14, 1999
|
|
I won't not use no double negatives
|
"Hello Gutter, Hello Fadder"
|
233
|
November 21, 1999
|
|
Indian burns are not our cultural heritage
|
"Eight Misbehavin'"
|
234
|
November 28, 1999
|
|
I can't see dead people
|
"Take My Wife, Sleaze"
|
235
|
December 19, 1999
|
|
I will not sell my kidney on eBay
|
"Grift of the Magi"
|
|
During the episode, Lisa writes: I will not do math in class
|
236
|
January 9, 2000
|
|
I will not create art from dung
|
"Little Big Mom"
|
237
|
January 16, 2000
|
|
I will stop phoning it in
|
"Faith Off"
|
238
|
January 23, 2000
|
|
Class clown is not a paid position
|
"The Mansion Family"
|
239
|
February 6, 2000
|
|
Substitute teachers are not scabs
|
"Saddlesore Galactica"
|
240
|
February 13, 2000
|
|
My suspension was not mutual
|
"Alone Again, Natura-Diddily"
|
241
|
February 20, 2000
|
|
A belch is not an oral report
|
"Missionary: Impossible"
|
242
|
February 27, 2000
|
|
Dodgeball stops at the gym door
|
"Pygmoelian"
|
243
|
March 19, 2000
|
|
Non-flammable is not a challenge
|
"Bart to the Future"
|
244
|
April 9, 2000
|
|
I was not touched "there" by an angel
|
"Days of Wine and D'oh'ses"
|
245
|
April 30, 2000
|
|
I am not here on a fartball scholarship
|
"Kill the Alligator and Run"
|
246
|
May 7, 2000
|
|
I will not dance on anyone's grave
|
"Last Tap Dance in Springfield"
|
247
|
May 14, 2000
|
|
I cannot hire a substitute student
|
"It's a Mad, Mad, Mad, Mad Marge"
|
248
|
May 21, 2000
|
|
I will not obey the voices in my head
|
"Behind the Laughter"
|
|
#
|
Airdate
|
Picture
|
Gag
|
Episode Name
|
249
|
November 1, 2000
|
|
No Gag
|
"Treehouse of Horror XI"
|
250
|
November 5, 2000
|
200px
|
I will not plant subliminal messagores
|
"A Tale of Two Springfields"
|
251
|
November 12, 2000
|
200px
|
I will not surprise the incontinent
|
"Insane Clown Poppy"
|
252
|
November 19, 2000
|
200px
|
I am not the acting president
|
"Lisa the Tree Hugger"
|
253
|
November 26, 2000
|
200px
|
I was not the sixth Beatle
|
"Homer vs. Dignity"
|
254
|
December 3, 2000
|
200px
|
I will only provide a urine sample when asked
|
"The Computer Wore Menace Shoes"
|
255
|
December 10, 2000
|
200px
|
The nurse is not dealing
|
"The Great Money Caper"
|
256
|
December 17, 2000
|
200px
|
Science class should not end in tragedy
|
"Skinner's Sense of Snow"
|
200px
|
During the episode, Skinner writes: I ain't not a dorkus
|
257
|
January 7, 2001
|
200px
|
Network TV is not dead
|
"HOMЯ"
|
258
|
January 14, 2001
|
200px
|
I will not "let the dogs out"
|
"Pokey Mom"
|
259
|
February 4, 2001
|
200px
|
I will not hide the teacher's medication
|
"Worst Episode Ever"
|
260
|
February 11, 2001
|
200px
|
I will not publish the principal's credit report
|
"Tennis the Menace"
|
261
|
February 18, 2001
|
200px
|
The hamster did not have a "full life"
|
"Day of the Jackanapes"
|
262
|
February 25, 2001
|
200px
|
I will not buy a presidential pardon
|
"New Kids on the Blecch"
|
263
|
March 4, 2001
|
200px
|
"Temptation Island" was not a sleazy piece of crap
|
"Hungry, Hungry Homer"
|
264
|
March 11, 2001
|
200px
|
I will not scare the vice president
|
"Bye Bye Nerdie"
|
265
|
April 1, 2001
|
200px
|
I will not flush evidence
|
"Simpson Safari"
|
266
|
April 29, 2001
|
200px
|
Fire is not the cleanser
|
"Trilogy of Error"
|
267
|
May 6, 2001
|
200px
|
Genetics is not an excuse
|
"I'm Goin' to Praiseland"
|
268
|
May 13, 2001
|
200px
|
Today is not Mothra's Day
|
"Children of a Lesser Clod"
|
269
|
May 20, 2001
|
200px
|
I should not be twenty-one by now
|
"Simpsons Tall Tales"
|
|
#
|
Airdate
|
Picture
|
Gag
|
Episode Name
|
270
|
November 6, 2001
|
|
no gag
|
"Treehouse of Horror XII"
|
271
|
November 11, 2001
|
|
Nobody reads these anymore
|
"The Parent Rap"
|
272
|
November 18, 2001
|
|
A burp in a jar is not a science project
|
"Homer the Moe"
|
273
|
December 2, 2001
|
|
Fun does not have a size
|
"A Hunka Hunka Burns in Love"
|
274
|
December 9, 2001
|
|
I am not Charlie Brown on acid
|
"The Blunder Years"
|
275
|
December 16, 2001
|
|
I do not have a cereal named after me
|
"She of Little Faith"
|
276
|
January 6, 2002
|
|
no gag
|
"Brawl in the Family"
|
277
|
January 20, 2002
|
|
no gag
|
"Sweets and Sour Marge"
|
278
|
January 27, 2002
|
|
no gag
|
"Jaws Wired Shut"
|
279
|
February 10, 2002
|
|
I will not bite the hand that feeds me Butterfingers
|
"Half-Decent Proposal"
|
280
|
February 17, 2002
|
|
The Giving Tree is not a chump
|
"The Bart Wants What It Wants"
|
281
|
February 24, 2002
|
|
Making Milhouse cry is not a science project
|
"The Lastest Gun in the West"
|
282
|
March 10, 2002
|
|
no gag
|
"The Old Man and the Key"
|
283
|
March 17, 2002
|
|
Vampire is not a career choice
|
"Tales from the Public Domain"
|
284
|
March 31, 2002
|
|
no gag
|
"Blame It on Lisa"
|
285
|
April 7, 2002
|
|
no gag
|
"Weekend at Burnsie's"
|
286
|
April 21, 2002
|
|
no gag
|
"Gump Roast"
|
287
|
April 28, 2002
|
|
no gag
|
"I Am Furious (Yellow)"
|
288
|
May 5, 2002
|
|
I will never lie about being cancelled again
|
"The Sweetest Apu"
|
289
|
May 12, 2002
|
|
no gag
|
"Little Girl in the Big Ten"
|
290
|
May 19, 2002
|
|
no gag
|
"The Frying Game"
|
291
|
May 22, 2002
|
|
No gag
|
"Poppa's Got a Brand New Badge"
|
|
#
|
Airdate
|
Picture
|
Gag
|
Episode Name
|
292
|
November 3, 2002
|
|
no gag
|
"Treehouse of Horror XIII"
|
293
|
November 10, 2002
|
|
no gag
|
"How I Spent My Strummer Vacation"
|
294
|
November 17, 2002
|
|
Fish do not like coffee
|
"Bart vs. Lisa vs. the Third Grade"
|
295
|
November 24, 2002
|
|
no gag
|
"Large Marge"
|
296
|
December 1, 2002
|
|
Milhouse did not test cootie positive
|
"Helter Shelter"
|
297
|
December 15, 2002
|
|
no gag
|
"The Great Louse Detective"
|
298
|
January 5, 2003
|
|
no gag
|
"Special Edna"
|
299
|
January 12, 2003
|
|
no gag
|
"The Dad Who Knew Too Little"
|
300
|
February 2, 2003
|
|
This school does not need a "regime change"
|
"Strong Arms of the Ma"
|
301
|
February 9, 2003
|
|
SpongeBob is not a contraceptive
|
"Pray Anything"
|
302
|
February 16, 2003
|
|
I will not (Bart then destroys the chalkboard with an axe and runs out the school laughing.)
|
"Barting Over"
|
303
|
February 16, 2003
|
|
no gag
|
"I'm Spelling as Fast as I Can"
|
304
|
March 2, 2003
|
|
no gag
|
"A Star Is Born Again"
|
305
|
March 9, 2003
|
|
no gag
|
"Mr. Spritz Goes to Washington"
|
306
|
March 16, 2003
|
|
no gag
|
"C.E. D'oh"
|
307
|
March 30, 2003
|
|
no gag
|
"'Scuse Me While I Miss the Sky"
|
308
|
April 13, 2003
|
|
no gag
|
"Three Gays of the Condo"
|
309
|
April 27, 2003
|
|
no gag
|
"Dude, Where's My Ranch?"
|
310
|
May 4, 2003
|
|
My pen is not a booger launcher
|
"Old Yeller-Belly"
|
311
|
May 11, 2003
|
|
no gag
|
"Brake My Wife, Please"
|
312
|
May 18, 2003
|
|
Sandwiches should not contain sand
|
"The Bart of War"
|
313
|
May 18, 2003
|
|
no gag
|
"Moe Baby Blues"
|
|
#
|
Airdate
|
Picture
|
Gag
|
Episode Name
|
314
|
November 2, 2003
|
|
no gag
|
"Treehouse of Horror XIV"
|
315
|
November 9, 2003
|
|
no gag
|
"My Mother the Carjacker"
|
316
|
November 16, 2003
|
|
no gag
|
"The President Wore Pearls"
|
317
|
November 23, 2003
|
|
no gag
|
"The Regina Monologues"
|
318
|
November 30, 2003
|
|
no gag
|
"The Fat and the Furriest"
|
319
|
December 7, 2003
|
|
Over forty & single is not funny
|
"Today I Am a Clown"
|
320
|
December 14, 2003
|
|
no gag
|
"'Tis the Fifteenth Season"
|
321
|
January 4, 2004
|
|
no gag
|
"Marge vs. Singles, Seniors, Childless Couples and Teens and Gays"
|
322
|
January 11, 2004
|
|
no gag
|
"I, (Annoyed Grunt)-bot"
|
323
|
January 25, 2004
|
|
no gag
|
"Diatribe of a Mad Housewife"
|
324
|
February 8, 2004
|
|
no gag
|
"Margical History Tour"
|
325
|
February 15, 2004
|
|
no gag
|
"Milhouse Doesn't Live Here Anymore"
|
326
|
February 22, 2004
|
|
no gag
|
"Smart and Smarter"
|
327
|
March 14, 2004
|
|
I will not speculate on how hot teacher used to be
|
"The Ziff Who Came to Dinner"
|
328
|
March 21, 2004
|
|
no gag
|
"Co-Dependent's Day"
|
329
|
March 28, 2004
|
|
no gag
|
"The Wandering Juvie"
|
330
|
April 18, 2004
|
|
no gag
|
"My Big Fat Geek Wedding"
|
331
|
April 25, 2004
|
|
no gag
|
"Catch 'Em If You Can"
|
332
|
May 2, 2004
|
|
no gag
|
"Simple Simpson"
|
333
|
May 9, 2004
|
|
no gag
|
"The Way We Weren't"
|
334
|
May 16, 2004
|
|
no gag
|
"Bart-Mangled Banner"
|
335
|
May 23, 2004
|
|
no gag
|
"Fraudcast News"
|
|
#
|
Airdate
|
Picture
|
Gag
|
Episode Name
|
336
|
November 7, 2004
|
|
no gag
|
"Treehouse of Horror XV"
|
337
|
November 14, 2004
|
|
no gag
|
"All's Fair in Oven War"
|
338
|
November 21, 2004
|
|
no gag
|
"Sleeping with the Enemy"
|
339
|
December 5, 2004
|
|
Poking a dead raccoon is not research
|
"She Used to Be My Girl"
|
340
|
December 12, 2004
|
|
no gag
|
"Fat Man and Little Boy"
|
341
|
January 16, 2005
|
|
no gag
|
"Midnight Rx"
|
342
|
January 30, 2005
|
|
no gag
|
"Mommie Beerest"
|
343
|
February 6, 2005
|
|
no gag
|
"Homer and Ned's Hail Mary Pass"
|
344
|
February 13, 2005
|
|
no gag
|
"Pranksta Rap"
|
345
|
February 20, 2005
|
|
no gag
|
"There's Something About Marrying"
|
346
|
March 6, 2005
|
|
Beer in a milk carton is not milk
|
"On a Clear Day I Can't See My Sister"
|
347
|
March 13, 2005
|
|
no gag
|
"Goo Goo Gai Pan"
|
348
|
March 20, 2005
|
|
no gag
|
"Mobile Homer"
|
349
|
April 3, 2005
|
|
no gag
|
"The Seven-Beer Snitch"
|
350
|
April 17, 2005
|
|
no gag
|
"Future-Drama"
|
351
|
May 1, 2005
|
|
no gag
|
"Don't Fear the Roofer"
|
352
|
May 1, 2005
|
|
no gag
|
"The Heartbroke Kid"
|
353
|
May 8, 2005
|
|
no gag
|
"A Star Is Torn"
|
354
|
May 8, 2005
|
|
no gag
|
"Thank God It's Doomsday"
|
355
|
May 15, 2005
|
|
A Booger is not a Bookmark
|
"Home Away from Homer"
|
356
|
May 15, 2005
|
|
no gag
|
"The Father, the Son and the Holy Guest Star"
|
|
#
|
Airdate
|
Picture
|
Gag
|
Episode Name
|
357
|
September 11, 2005
|
|
Does any kid still do this anymore?
|
"The Bonfire of the Manatees"
|
358
|
September 18, 2005
|
|
no gag
|
"The Girl Who Slept Too Little"
|
359
|
September 25, 2005
|
|
no gag
|
"Milhouse of Sand and Fog"
|
360
|
November 6, 2005
|
|
no gag
|
"Treehouse of Horror XVI"
|
361
|
November 13, 2005
|
|
no gag
|
"Marge's Son Poisoning"
|
362
|
November 20, 2005
|
|
no gag
|
"See Homer Run"
|
363
|
November 27, 2005
|
|
no gag
|
"The Last of the Red Hat Mamas"
|
364
|
December 11, 2005
|
|
no gag
|
"The Italian Bob"
|
365
|
December 18, 2005
|
|
no gag
|
"Simpsons Christmas Stories"
|
366
|
January 8, 2006
|
|
I am not smarter than the President
|
"Homer's Paternity Coot"
|
367
|
January 29, 2006
|
|
Teacher was not dumped—it was mutual
|
"We're on the Road to D'ohwhere"
|
368
|
February 26, 2006
|
|
no gag
|
"My Fair Laddy"
|
369
|
March 12, 2006
|
|
no gag
|
"The Seemingly Never-Ending Story"
|
370
|
March 19, 2006
|
|
no gag
|
"Bart Has Two Mommies"
|
371
|
March 26, 2006
|
|
First airing, live action opening: I will not eat things for money
|
"Homer Simpson, This Is Your Wife"
|
|
Subsequent airings: I will not laminate dog doo
|
372
|
April 2, 2006
|
|
I will not flip the classroom upside down (The classroom is flipped upside down.)
|
"Million-Dollar Abie"
|
373
|
April 9, 2006
|
|
no gag
|
"Kiss Kiss Bang Bangalore"
|
374
|
April 23, 2006
|
|
no gag
|
"The Wettest Stories Ever Told"
|
375
|
April 30, 2006
|
|
no gag
|
"Girls Just Want to Have Sums"
|
376
|
May 7, 2006
|
|
I will not leak the plot of the movie
|
"Regarding Margie"
|
377
|
May 14, 2006
|
|
Je ne parle pas français ("I do not speak French.")
|
"The Monkey Suit"
|
378
|
May 21, 2006
|
|
Have a great summer, everyone
|
"Marge and Homer Turn a Couple Play"
|
|
#
|
Airdate
|
Picture
|
Gag
|
Episode Name
|
379
|
September 10, 2006
|
|
no gag
|
"The Mook, the Chef, the Wife and Her Homer"
|
380
|
September 17, 2006
|
|
no gag
|
"Jazzy and the Pussycats"
|
381
|
September 24, 2006
|
|
no gag
|
"Please Homer, Don't Hammer 'Em"
|
|
During the episode, Skinner writes: A baby beat me up
|
382
|
November 5, 2006
|
|
no gag
|
"Treehouse of Horror XVII"
|
383
|
November 12, 2006
|
|
We are not all naked under our clothes
|
"G.I. (Annoyed Grunt)"
|
384
|
November 19, 2006
|
|
no gag
|
"Moe'N'a Lisa"
|
385
|
November 26, 2006
|
|
no gag
|
"Ice Cream of Margie (with the Light Blue Hair)"
|
386
|
December 10, 2006
|
|
no gag
|
"The Haw-Hawed Couple"
|
387
|
December 17, 2006
|
|
Frankincense is not a monster
|
"Kill Gil, Volumes I & II"
|
388
|
January 7, 2007
|
|
no gag
|
"The Wife Aquatic"
|
389
|
January 28, 2007
|
|
no gag
|
"Revenge is a Dish Best Served Three Times"
|
390
|
February 11, 2007
|
|
No Gag
|
"Little Big Girl"
|
|
During the episode: So long suckers
|
391
|
February 18, 2007
|
|
no gag
|
"Springfield Up"
|
392
|
March 4, 2007
|
|
no gag
|
"Yokel Chords"
|
393
|
March 11, 2007
|
|
no gag
|
"Rome-Old and Juli-Eh"
|
394
|
March 25, 2007
|
|
Global Warming did not eat my homework
|
"Homerazzi"
|
395
|
April 22, 2007
|
|
no gag
|
"Marge Gamer"
|
396
|
April 29, 2007
|
|
no gag
|
"The Boys of Bummer"
|
397
|
May 6, 2007
|
|
I will not look up how much teacher makes
|
"Crook and Ladder"
|
398
|
May 13, 2007
|
|
Pearls are not oyster barf
|
"Stop Or My Dog Will Shoot"
|
399
|
May 20, 2007
|
|
no gag
|
"24 Minutes"
|
400
|
May 20, 2007
|
|
no gag
|
"You Kent Always Say What You Want"
|
|
Airdate
|
Picture
|
Gag
|
July 27, 2007
|
|
I will not illegally download this movie
|
|
#
|
Airdate
|
Picture
|
Gag
|
Episode Name
|
401
|
September 23, 2007
|
|
I will not wait 20 years to make another movie
|
"He Loves to Fly and He D'ohs"
|
402
|
September 30, 2007
|
|
The Wall Street Journal is better than ever
|
"The Homer of Seville"
|
403
|
October 7, 2007
|
|
no gag
|
"Midnight Towboy"
|
404
|
October 14, 2007
|
|
I am not a FDIC-insured bank.
|
"I Don't Wanna Know Why the Caged Bird Sings"
|
405
|
November 4, 2007
|
|
no gag
|
"Treehouse of Horror XVIII"
|
406
|
November 11, 2007
|
|
There is no such thing as an iPoddy
|
"Little Orphan Millie"
|
407
|
November 18, 2007
|
|
The Pilgrims were not illegal aliens
|
"Husbands and Knives"
|
408
|
November 25, 2007
|
|
no gag
|
"Funeral for a Fiend"
|
409
|
December 16, 2007
|
|
The capital of Montana is not "Hannah"
|
"Eternal Moonshine of the Simpson Mind"
|
410
|
January 6, 2008
|
|
Teacher did not pay too much for her condo
|
"E Pluribus Wiggum"
|
411
|
January 27, 2008
|
|
no gag
|
"That '90s Show"
|
412
|
February 17, 2008
|
|
no gag
|
"Love, Springfieldian Style"
|
413
|
March 2, 2008
|
|
The art teacher is fat, not pregnant
|
"The Debarted"
|
414
|
March 9, 2008
|
|
no gag
|
"Dial "N" for Nerder"
|
415
|
March 30, 2008
|
|
no gag
|
"Smoke On The Daughter"
|
416
|
April 13, 2008
|
|
no gag
|
"Papa Don't Leech"
|
417
|
April 27, 2008
|
|
A person's a person, no mater how Ralph
|
"Apocalypse Cow"
|
418
|
May 4, 2008
|
|
no gag
|
"Any Given Sundance"
|
419
|
May 11, 2008
|
|
This punishment is not medieval. [in medieval writing style]
|
"Mona Leaves-a"
|
420
|
May 18, 2008
|
|
no gag
|
"All About Lisa"
|
|
#
|
Airdate
|
Picture
|
Gag
|
Episode Name
|
421
|
September 28, 2008
|
|
no gag
|
"Sex, Pies and Idiot Scrapes"
|
422
|
October 5, 2008
|
|
Teacher's diet is working
|
"Lost Verizon"
|
423
|
October 19, 2008
|
|
There is no such month as Rocktober
|
"Double, Double, Boy in Trouble"
|
424
|
November 2, 2008
|
|
no gag
|
"Treehouse of Horror XIX"
|
425
|
November 9, 2008
|
|
I did not see teacher siphoning gas
|
"Dangerous Curves"
|
426
|
November 16, 2008
|
|
no gag
|
"Homer and Lisa Exchange Cross Words"
|
427
|
November 30, 2008
|
|
Prosperity is just around the corner
|
"MyPods and Boomsticks"
|
428
|
December 7, 2008
|
|
Jesus is not mad His birthday is on Christmas
|
"The Burns and the Bees"
|
429
|
January 25, 2009
|
|
I will not use permanent ink on the chalkboard
|
"Lisa the Drama Queen"
|
430
|
February 15, 2009
|
|
HDTV is worth every cent
|
"Take My Life, Please"
|
431
|
March 1, 2009
|
|
"March Madness" is not an excuse for missing school
|
"How the Test Was Won"
|
432
|
March 8, 2009
|
|
I will not have fun with educational toys
|
"No Loan Again, Naturally"
|
433
|
March 15, 2009
|
|
no gag
|
"Gone Maggie Gone"
|
434
|
March 17, 2009
|
|
Four leaf clovers are not mutant freaks
|
"In the Name of the Grandfather"
|
435
|
March 29, 2009
|
|
My piggy bank is not entitled to TARP funds
|
"Wedding for Disaster"
|
436
|
April 5, 2009
|
|
no gag
|
"Eeny Teeny Maya, Moe"
|
437
|
April 19, 2009
|
|
I will not mock teacher's outdated cell phone
|
"The Good, the Sad, and the Drugly"
|
438
|
April 26, 2009
|
|
I will not put hot sauce in the CPR dummy
|
"Father Knows Worst"
|
439
|
May 3, 2009
|
|
no gag
|
"Waverly Hills 9-0-2-1-D'oh"
|
440
|
May 10, 2009
|
|
no gag
|
"Four Great Women and a Manicure"
|
441
|
May 17, 2009
|
|
It's 'Facebook', not 'Assbook'
|
"Coming to Homerica"
|
|
#
|
Airdate
|
Picture
|
Gag
|
Episode Name
|
442
|
September 27, 2009
|
300px
|
The class hamster isn't just sleeping
|
"Homer the Whopper"
|
443
|
October 4, 2009
|
|
Chalkboarding is not torture
|
"Bart Gets a "Z""
|
444
|
October 11, 2009
|
|
I am not allergic to long division
|
"The Great Wife Hope"
|
445
|
October 18, 2009
|
|
no gag
|
"Treehouse of Horror XX"
|
446
|
November 15, 2009
|
|
I do not have the hots for my mom
|
"The Devil Wears Nada"
|
447
|
November 22, 2009
|
|
Halloween doesn't kick Thanksgiving's ass
|
"Pranks and Greens"
|
448
|
November 29, 2009
|
|
Teachers' unions are not ruining this country
|
"Rednecks and Broomsticks"
|
449
|
December 13, 2009
|
|
no gag
|
"Oh Brother, Where Bart Thou?"
|
450
|
January 3, 2010
|
|
no gag
|
"Thursdays with Abie"
|
451
|
January 10, 2010
|
|
The world may end in 2012, but this show won't
|
"Once Upon a Time in Springfield"
|
452
|
January 31, 2010
|
|
no gag
|
"Million Dollar Maybe"
|
453
|
February 14, 2010
|
|
no gag
|
"Boy Meets Curl"
|
454
|
February 21, 2010
|
|
no gag
|
"The Color Yellow"
|
455
|
March 14, 2010
|
|
no gag
|
"Postcards from the Wedge"
|
456
|
March 21, 2010
|
|
WWII could not beat up WWI
|
"Stealing First Base"
|
457
|
March 28, 2010
|
|
no gag
|
"The Greatest Story Ever D'ohed"
|
458
|
April 11, 2010
|
|
Hot dogs are not bookmarks
|
"American History X-cellent"
|
459
|
April 18, 2010
|
|
This counts as gym and art class
|
"Chief of Hearts"
|
460
|
April 25, 2010
|
|
Original airing: South Park, we'd stand beside you if we weren't so scared International/online version: Je ne suis pas français (I am not French)
|
"The Squirt and the Whale"
|
461
|
May 2, 2010
|
|
no gag
|
"To Surveil With Love"
|
462
|
May 9, 2010
|
|
Eating my vegetables IS NOT a Mother's Day present
|
"Moe Letter Blues"
|
463
|
May 16, 2010
|
|
Batman is not 'nothing' without his utility belt
|
"The Bob Next Door"
|
464
|
May 23, 2010
|
|
End of Lost: It was all the dog's dream. Watch us
|
"Judge Me Tender"
|
|
#
|
Airdate
|
Picture
|
Gag
|
Episode Name
|
465
|
September 26, 2010
|
|
When I slept in class it was not to help Leo DiCaprio
|
"Elementary School Musical"
|
466
|
October 3, 2010
|
|
I did not see Teacher applying for welfare
|
"Loan-a Lisa"
|
467
|
October 10, 2010
|
|
I must not write all over the walls (in the meantime is written all over the walls)
|
"MoneyBART"
|
468
|
November 7, 2010
|
|
no gag
|
"Treehouse of Horror XXI"
|
469
|
November 14, 2010
|
|
no gag
|
"Lisa Simpson, This Isn't Your Life"
|
470
|
November 21, 2010
|
|
no gag
|
"The Fool Monty"
|
471
|
November 28, 2010
|
|
A Charlie Brown Thanksgiving" is as good as "A Charlie Brown Christmas"
|
"How Munched Is That Birdie in the Window?"
|
472
|
December 5, 2010
|
|
no gag
|
"The Fight Before Christmas"
|
473
|
December 12, 2010
|
|
Candy canes are not elf bones
|
"Donnie Fatso"
|
474
|
January 9, 2011
|
|
January is not Bart History Month
|
"Moms I'd Like to Forget"
|
475
|
January 16, 2011
|
|
no gag
|
"Flaming Moe"
|
476
|
January 23, 2011
|
|
Prince is not the son of Martin Luther King
|
"Homer the Father"
|
477
|
February 13, 2011
|
|
I will not make fun of Cupid's dink
|
"The Blue and the Gray"
|
478
|
February 20, 2011
|
|
no gag
|
"Angry Dad: The Movie"
|
479
|
March 6, 2011
|
|
I'm not here on a spitball scholarship
|
"The Scorpion's Tale"
|
480
|
March 13, 2011
|
|
"Daylight Savings" is not a failed bank
|
"A Midsummer's Nice Dreams"
|
481
|
March 27, 2011
|
|
I will not ridicule teacher's Final Four bracket
|
"Love Is a Many-Strangled Thing"
|
482
|
April 10, 2011
|
|
no gag
|
"The Great Simpsina"
|
483
|
May 1, 2011
|
|
no gag
|
"The Real Housewives of Fat Tony"
|
484
|
May 8, 2011
|
|
I do not deserve a Mother's Day gift for being "one badass mother"
|
"Homer Scissorhands"
|
485
|
May 15, 2011
|
|
Syndicated version: It's Kristen Schaal, not Kristen Schall
|
"500 Keys"
|
|
International/online version: Guinea Pigs should not be used as "Guinea Pigs"
|
486
|
May 22, 2011
|
|
no gag
|
"The Ned-liest Catch"
|
|
Season 23
#
|
Airdate
|
Picture
|
Gag
|
Episode Name
|
487
|
September 25, 2011
|
|
no gag
|
"The Falcon and the D'ohman"
|
488
|
October 2, 2011
|
|
It's not too early to speculate about the 2016 election
|
"Bart Stops to Smell the Roosevelts"
|
489
|
October 30, 2011
|
|
no gag
|
"Treehouse of Horror XXII"
|
490
|
November 6, 2011
|
|
It's November 6th--How come we're not airing a Halloween show?
|
"Replaceable You"
|
491
|
November 13, 2011
|
|
no gag
|
"The Food Wife"
|
492
|
November 20, 2011
|
"The Book Job"
|
493
|
November 27, 2011
|
"The Man in the Blue Flannel Pants"
|
494
|
December 4, 2011
|
|
"Caucus" is not a dirty word
|
"The Ten-Per-Cent Solution"
|
495
|
December 11, 2011
|
|
Cafeteria trays are not toboggans
|
"Holidays of Future Passed"
|
496
|
January 8, 2012
|
|
Tintin did not sucksuck
|
"Politically Inept, with Homer Simpson"
|
497
|
January 15, 2012
|
|
We do need no education
|
"The D'oh-cial Network"
|
498
|
January 29, 2012
|
|
There's no proven link between raisins and boogers
|
"Moe Goes from Rags to Riches"
|
499
|
February 12, 2012
|
|
I will not replace a candy heart with a frog's heart
|
"The Daughter Also Rises"
|
500
|
February 19, 2012
|
|
Milhouse writes: Bart's earned a day off
|
"At Long Last Leave"
|
|
During the episode, Bart writes on the wall in spray paint: I ♥ the breakdown of society
|
501
|
March 4, 2012
|
|
no gag
|
"Exit Through the Kwik-E-Mart"
|
502
|
March 11, 2012
|
|
no gag
|
"How I Wet Your Mother"
|
503
|
March 18, 2012
|
|
no gag
|
"Them, Robot"
|
504
|
April 15, 2012
|
|
Original airing: The true location of Springfield is in any state but yours International (except UK)/online version: Teacher does not have to pay an "Ugly Tax"
|
"Beware My Cheating Bart"
|
505
|
April 29, 2012
|
|
no gag
|
"A Totally Fun Thing That Bart Will Never Do Again"
|
506
|
May 6, 2012
|
|
no gag
|
"The Spy Who Learned Me"
|
507
|
May 13, 2012
|
|
Call your mother during the commercials.
|
"Ned 'N' Edna's Blend"
|
508
|
May 20, 2012
|
|
no gag
|
"Lisa Goes Gaga"
|
|
#
|
Airdate
|
Picture
|
Gag
|
Episode Name
|
509
|
September 30, 2012
|
|
I will not wear white after Labor Day (He is wearing a white shirt)
|
"Moonshine River"
|
510
|
October 7, 2012
|
|
no gag
|
"Treehouse of Horror XXIII"
|
511
|
October 21, 2012/November 4, 2012
|
|
no gag
|
"Adventures in Baby-Getting"
|
512
|
November 11, 2012
|
|
I will not concede the election till Karl Rove gives me permission
|
"Gone Abie Gone"
|
513
|
November 18, 2012
|
300px
|
I want to secede but don't know which state I'm in
|
"Penny-Wiseguys"
|
514
|
November 25, 2012
|
|
20 more shoplifting days till Christmas
|
"A Tree Grows in Springfield"
|
515
|
December 9, 2012
|
|
no gag
|
"The Day the Earth Stood Cool"
|
516
|
December 16, 2012
|
|
no gag
|
"To Cur, with Love"
|
517
|
January 6, 2013
|
|
Teacher did not get fat over the holidays
|
"Homer Goes to Prep School"
|
518
|
January 13, 2013
|
|
I will obey Oscar® campaign rules from now on
|
"A Test Before Trying"
|
519
|
January 27, 2013
|
|
no gag
|
"Changing of the Guardian"
|
520
|
February 10, 2013
|
|
I was not nominated for "Best Spoken Swear Word"
|
"Love Is a Many-Splintered Thing"
|
521
|
February 17, 2013
|
|
no gag
|
"Hardly Kirk-ing"
|
522
|
March 3, 2013
|
|
no gag
|
"Gorgeous Grampa"
|
523
|
March 10, 2013
|
|
I'm sorry I broke the blackboard. (Bart is writing with a black marker on a whiteboard)
|
"Black-Eyed, Please"
|
524
|
March 17, 2013
|
|
Jesus's last words were not "TGIF"
|
"Dark Knight Court"
|
525
|
April 14, 2013
|
|
no gag
|
"What Animated Women Want"
|
526
|
April 28, 2013
|
|
no gag
|
"Pulpit Friction"
|
527
|
May 5, 2013
|
|
no gag
|
"Whiskey Business"
|
528
|
May 12, 2013
|
![The Fabulous Faker Boy chalkboard gag1.png](https://static.simpsonswiki.com/images/thumb/9/98/The_Fabulous_Faker_Boy_chalkboard_gag1.png/300px-The_Fabulous_Faker_Boy_chalkboard_gag1.png)
![The Fabulous Faker Boy chalkboard gag2.png](https://static.simpsonswiki.com/images/thumb/3/37/The_Fabulous_Faker_Boy_chalkboard_gag2.png/300px-The_Fabulous_Faker_Boy_chalkboard_gag2.png)
![The Fabulous Faker Boy chalkboard gag3.png](https://static.simpsonswiki.com/images/thumb/1/12/The_Fabulous_Faker_Boy_chalkboard_gag3.png/300px-The_Fabulous_Faker_Boy_chalkboard_gag3.png)
|
This School is not falling apart(then the blackboard falls apart)
|
"The Fabulous Faker Boy"
|
529
|
May 19, 2013
|
|
no gag
|
"The Saga of Carl"
|
530
|
May 19, 2013
|
|
no gag
|
"Dangers on a Train"
|
|
#
|
Airdate
|
Picture
|
Gag
|
Episode Name
|
531
|
September 29, 2013
|
300px
|
25 years and they can't come up with a new punishment.
|
"Homerland"
|
532
|
October 6, 2013
|
|
All work and no play makes Jack a dull boy
|
"Treehouse of Horror XXIV"
|
533
|
November 3, 2013
|
|
We'll really miss you Mrs. K.
|
"Four Regrettings and a Funeral"
|
534
|
November 10, 2013
|
|
My School Schedule does not include a bye week.
|
"YOLO"
|
|
During the episode: I will not drop a stitch
|
535
|
November 17, 2013
|
|
Rocktober is not followed by Blowvember
|
"Labor Pains"
|
536
|
November 24, 2013
|
No Gag
|
No Gag
|
"The Kid is All Right"
|
537
|
December 8, 2013
|
|
I will stop asking when Santa goes to bathroom
|
"Yellow Subterfuge"
|
538
|
December 15, 2013
|
|
I will not call my teacher "prancer" and "vixen"
|
"White Christmas Blues"
|
539
|
January 5, 2014
|
No Gag
|
No Gag
|
"Steal This Episode"
|
540
|
January 12, 2014
|
|
Judas Priest is not "Death Meal"
|
"Married to the Blob"
|
|
If you haven't broken your Christmas presents yet, you're not trying
|
541
|
January 26, 2014
|
No Gag
|
No Gag
|
"Specs and the City"
|
542
|
March 9, 2014
|
|
A bracket-style tournament of characters with Homer and Jasper in the finals
|
"Diggs"
|
543
|
March 9, 2014
|
No Gag
|
No Gag
|
"The Man Who Grew Too Much"
|
544
|
March 16, 2014
|
|
"My dad's already drunk for St. Patrick's."
|
"The Winter of His Content"
|
545
|
March 23, 2014
|
No Gag
|
No Gag
|
"The War of Art"
|
546
|
March 30, 2014
|
No Gag
|
No Gag
|
"You Don't Have to Live Like a Referee"
|
547
|
April 6, 2014
|
No Gag
|
No Gag
|
"Luca$"
|
548
|
April 13, 2014
|
No Gag
|
No Gag
|
"Days of Future Future"
|
549
|
April 27, 2014
|
|
"You Can't play April Fool's jokes on April 27th"
|
"What to Expect When Bart's Expecting"
|
550
|
May 4, 2014
|
TBA
|
TBA
|
"Brick Like Me"
|
551
|
May 11, 2014
|
TBA
|
TBA
|
"Pay Pal"
|
552
|
May 18, 2014
|
TBA
|
TBA
|
"The Yellow Badge of Cowardge"
|
|
Comics
Books
Products
#
|
Release date
|
Picture
|
Gag
|
Product
|
|
|
|
Underwear should be worn on the inside Mud is not one of the four food groups I will not eat things for money Funny noises are not funny I will not sell school property I will not charge admission to the bathroom
|
Bart Simpson Talking Alarm Clock
|
|
Adverts
Picture
|
Gag
|
Advert
|
|
I will not take part in shameless commercial promotion.
|
Sky 1 400th episode ad
|
|
Calendar
Picture
|
Gag
|
Note
|
|
I will not tell a lie
|
|
|
I will be a better principal and son
|
Written by Principal Skinner
|
|
Name here is not wasting the watching prime-time animated cartoons
|
Name here is a name that is personalized for the calendar
|
|
Trading cards
#
|
Picture
|
Gag
|
1
|
|
Biting is unsanitary and rude
|
2
|
|
I will not belch the national anthem
|
3
|
|
I will not encourage others to fly
|
4
|
|
Giving people wedgies is not clever
|
5
|
|
I will not do anything bad ever again
|
6
|
|
I will not drive the principal's car
|
7
|
|
I will spend my time productively
|
8
|
|
Tar is not a plaything
|
9
|
|
I will not lie, cheat, or spit
|
10
|
|
I will not yell "fire" in a crowded classroom
|
11
|
|
I will not add to our nation's problems
|
12
|
|
Krusty the Clown is not God
|
13
|
|
Hamsters do not eat onion rings
|
14
|
|
I will not trade pants with others
|
15
|
|
I will not do that thing with my tongue
|
16
|
|
I will not undermine traditional American values
|
17
|
|
Cursing is a crutch
|
18
|
|
I am not a 32 year old woman
|
19
|
|
I will not hide behind the Fifth Amendment
|
20
|
|
I will not sell school property
|
21
|
|
I will not get very far with this attitude
|
22
|
|
I will not overestimate my own popularity
|
|
Video games/Applications
Picture
|
Gag
|
Video game/Application
|
Note
|
|
I will not burp in class.
|
The Simpsons Screen Saver
|
At one point, the gag is written "I will not burp u", before the "u" is rubbed out and replaced with "i".
|
|
Other
EA Gamescom Press Conference 2012
Picture
|
Gag
|
Note
|
|
I will not under-provision servers.
|
Written in Comic Sans.
|
|
Table Reading Room
Picture
|
Gag
|
Note
|
|
I Will Turn off my Cell Phone at Table Reads
|
It is located outside the room where the table reads for the series are done.
|
|
|