- "Some of you may discover a wonderful vocation you'd never even imagined. Others may find out life isn't fair, in spite of your Masters from Bryn Mawr, you might end up a glorified babysitter to a bunch of dead-eyed fourth graders while your husband runs naked on a beach with your marriage counselor!"
- ―Edna Krabappel
"Separate Vocations" is the eighteenth episode of season 3. It originally aired on February 27, 1992. The episode was written by George Meyer and directed by Jeffrey Lynch. Steve Allen guest stars.
After taking the Career Aptitude Normalization Test, or CANT test, Lisa finds out she's more suited to be a homemaker, while Bart is more suited to be a police officer. While Bart enjoys his taste of authority, Lisa turns into a bad kid.
Bart feels dubious about the results of a career aptitude test indicating a future for him as a police officer, but Lisa is heartbroken when the test indicates her ideal occupation to be a homemaker. Determined to prove the test wrong, Lisa goes to a local music teacher to get his opinion on whether or not she should pursue a career as a jazz musician. He informs that her, having inherited her father's stubby fingers, she can never be a professional saxophone player. Meanwhile, Bart rides along with Officers Lou and Eddie to get a feel for the hob. During the ride, he assists in apprehending a suspect.
When Principal Skinner discovers Bart's new interest in law enforcement, he enlists him as a hall monitor. Soon, Bart has brought order to the school. As her brother excels, Lisa quits the school band and loses interest in being a good student. A pep talk from Marge fails to restore the girl's shattered dreams, and Lisa begins to hang out with a bad crowd.
Punished repeatedly for sassing Miss Hoover, Lisa enacts her revenge by stealing the Teacher's Editions of the entire faculty's schoolbooks, thus rendering the staff answerless. Bart tracks down the thief, locker by locker. When he discovers that Lisa has stolen the books, he takes the rap for her because he believes in her and does not want her to ruin her life. Bart is stripped of his hall monitor sash and given six hundred days of detention. Back on track and thankful to her brother, Lisa plays her saxophone outside his classroom to entertain him while he serves his time.
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