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The Simpsons Guy/Quotes

Wikisimpsons - The Simpsons Wiki



Chris Griffin: Yay! A crossover always brings out the best in each show! It certainly doesn't smack of desperation. The priorities are always creative and not driven by marketing...
Stewie Griffin: Okay, that's enough.

Brian Griffin: I guess we're in a town called Springfield.
Stewie: Springfield, eh? What state?
Brian: I can't imagine we're allowed to say.

Peter Griffin: [to Apu] Hello, funny sounding Cleveland.

Homer: [offscreen] I'll pay for their donuts.
[A man who look likes Homer steps out from a dark corner of the Kwik-E-Mart]
Lois Griffin: Thank you so much, sir.
Homer look-alike: For what? I didn't say anything.
Lois: Oh.
Homer: [offscreen] It was me.
[The actual Homer Simpson then reveals himself from another dark corner]
Stewie: How come this convenience store has so many shadowy parts?
Homer: Apu, a dozen donuts for our albino visitors.

Bart: Eat my shorts!
Stewie: "Eat my shorts!" I love that! Is that a popular expression like "What the deuce"?
Brian: Probably more popular. Probably... probably way more popular.

Moe Szyslak: Moe's Tavern, Moe speakin'.
Bart: Uh, yeah, I'm lookin' for a friend, last name Kebum, first name Leigh.
Moe: Eh, hang on, I'll check. Uh, hey, guys, do I got a Leigh Kebum? C'mon, look at the stools. Uh, is there a Leigh Kebum? Somebody check the rear. I know I gotta Leigh Kebum.
Barney: Then you probably shouldn't be handling food!

Bob Belcher: Yeah, we did it!
Homer: What's he doin' here?
Peter: Oh, we gotta carry him 'cause he can't fly on his own. We let that other guy try and look what happened.
Cleveland Brown: No, no, no, no, no, no!

Homer: Alright, Peter. If we're gonna find your car, we're gonna think like a car, so let's fill up at that gas station.
[Both Homer and Peter gulp down gasoline from the pumps]
Peter: I feel sick.
Homer: Keep drinking! I prepaid 40 bucks!
Peter: Homer, maybe we're doing this wrong.
[They then observe a woman putting the fuel dispenser into the rear of her car]
Peter: Oh crap.
[The pair pull down their pants and the scene is cut directly to an adult store in Germany called Video Erötich]
Video Erötich customer: Haben sie Homer und Peter mit Chevron pump? [Rough English translation: "Have you got Homer and Peter with a Chevron pump?"]
[Clerk points out shelf of DVDs with Homer and Peter holding a gas pump together called Gassensexen]

Peter: [to Lois] I'm whispering in court to look smart.

Glenn Quagmire: Do you like sex?
Lenny Leonard: Eh.
Quagmire: I don't think we're that similar.

Cleveland: You know why they got us sitting next to each other.
Carl Carlson: Uh, 'cause we're the two funniest guys in our towns?
Cleveland: Damn right. [fist bump]

Quahog James Woods: You lived in Springfield?
Springfield James Woods: Yeah, I worked at the Kwik-E-Mart, researching a role.
Quahog James Woods: These guys are gonna lose.

Judge Fred Flintstone: I've heard all I need to hear to make a decision. If ya ask me, neither of these beers is wholly original. They're both pale imitations of my favorite beer, Budrock.
Peter: Oh, ho, ho!
Homer: Ooh!
Judge Fred Flintstone: But rendering a verdict is something I'm paid to Yabba-Dabba Do!
Peter and Homer: Eh.
Judge Fred Flintstone: And I find in favor of Duff.
Lois: Oh, no!
Meg Griffin: Oh, no!
Peter: Oh, no!
[silence until Peter's cell phone rings]
Peter: Hello.
Kool-Aid Man: Uh, hey. I'm... I'm in the wrong Springfield.

[Peter breaks out of Homer's choke hold]
Peter: What the hell? That really hurts!
Homer: No, it doesn't! I do it to my son all the time!
Peter: You strangle your son? That's insane! No wonder he's fat and stupid and masturbates all the time...
Homer: That's your son!

Homer: [to Peter] Hey, knock it off! There's a kid back there!
Ralph Wiggum: Heh, heh, I'm in danger.

Kodos: Perfect, the Earthlings are destroying themselves.
Roger Smith: Yeah, it's really great, isn't it, guys? [to the viewer] We went to summer camp together.

Peter: Woo Hoo!
Homer: Road House!

Peter: I'm sorry we fought. I just wanted to make you laugh and cry. I'm a Family Guy.
Homer: I understand. I'm a The Simpsons.

Homer: Let's just agree to stay a half hour away from each other.
Peter: With a pile of garbage between us.
[the two walk off]
Comic Book Guy: Worst. Chicken fight. Ever.