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Every Man's Dream/Quotes

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Season 27 Episode Quotes
574 "Mathlete's Feat"
575
"Every Man's Dream"
"'Cue Detective" 576


Dr. Hibbert: Narcolepsy's merely sleeping sickness, and many narcoleptics do lead normal lives by avoiding stressful triggers like, uh, oh, let's say...
Homer: Helping with the laundry?
Dr. Hibbert: Exactly.
Homer: Having to pay my doctor's bill?
Dr. Hibbert: Don't play with me, man. I will mess you up.

Marge: I smell beer. Did you go to Moe's?
Homer: Every time I have beer on my breath, you assume I've been drinking.

Marge: I know this marriage isn't perfect, or even great, but now I treasure the moments where it's just so-so. I'd kill for "okay."

Janet Zilowitz: I've never said this—and I don't even know if I'm supposed to say this—but this marriage is rotting with the stench of death.
Marge: Oh, that seems a little strong.
Dr. Zilowitz: How about reeking like a trashcan in a dog park?
Marge: Does my marriage have to be something you can smell?

Bart: Why is Daddy going away? Is it my fault? Just kidding. I have been waiting for this. All my problems are my parents' fault!

Mr. Burns: Smithers, come up through my rear and grab me.
Waylon Smithers: Yes, sir.

Carl Carlson: I don't get it, Homer. You and your wife may be calling it quits. How can you be happy?
Homer: Oh, you guys missed a very sad montage, but then I remembered that after every fight we ever had, Marge takes me back.
Lenny Leonard: I wouldn't be so cocky, Homer. Marge has changed her relationship status to "It's complicated."

Homer: Complicated? What's complicated? We're not together, but we're not legally apart, and I have to fight for the right to see the children I spent my life avoiding. What's complicated about that?

Homer: Wish my head was filled with guacamole.

Candace: You've got amphetamines, anticataplectics and GHB, also known as Georgia Homeboy or Liquid Ecstasy. Do not take these with alcohol.
Homer: What if I've already been drinking, and I don't plan to stop?
Candace: Are you asking me out? I mean, you're not, but it seems like you'd be fun to hang with, and I'm pretty fascinating myself; I'm an author.
Homer: I thought you worked in a drugstore?
Candace: Tennessee Williams worked in a shoe factory.
Homer: Boy, you're pretty fast with that fact.

Homer: Well, I don't know what you see in me. I'm just a lonely guy with a bag full of drugs.

Homer: Oh, God! Oh, God! I've just committed the one drunken mistake I've never made. Well, Bart. Oh, my God, oh, my God, oh, my God. What am I gonna tell Marge?

Homer: Don't move! There's a snake on your butt.
Candace: That's a tattoo.
Homer: Why would you do that to your body?
Candace: I thought you had one, too.
Homer: Those are stretch marks, young lady. I've had three children.

Candace's friend 1: Candace, what is his deal?
Candace's friend 2: [gasps] Is he paying your rent?
Candace: No.
Candace's friend 3: Is he giving a kidney to your mother?
Candace: No.
Candace's friend 1: Is he good at sitting on suitcases that are too full?
Candace: Yes, but no.
Candace's friend 2: Is he your guest at a dinner for schmucks?
Candace: No.
Julio Franco: Are you a Humpty Dumpty catcher? Be honest.
Candace: All no.
Candace's friend 3: Does her remind you of a childhood snowman?
Candace: Yes, that's it! And the great thing is he will never melt.
Homer: Man, I would love to get back into snowman shape. I can't even fit in my scarf anymore.

Candace: Two Scorpinos, Moe.
Moe Szyslak: Scorpinos, you got it. And those are served in, uh...
Candace: Champagne flute.
Moe: Champagne flute, got it. And that is a...
Candace: Glass! A clean glass.
Moe: Ah, coming right up there, Your Highness.

Candace: Then you can put a ring on my finger, Homer. I'm already pregnant.
Homer: You're pregnant?! But I kept my shirt on! No!

Marge: You did it, Homie! And what a March it was. A beautiful Easter, a sober St. Patrick's Day, and impeccable behavior watching the NCAA basketball tournament.
Homer: Mm-hmm!
Lisa: And with your love, Dad, I'm eating meat and Maggie's talking.
Maggie: [singing] I see trees of green. Red roses, too...
Season 27 Quotes
Every Man's Dream 'Cue Detective Puffless Halloween of Horror Treehouse of Horror XXVI Friend with Benefit Lisa with an "S" 'Paths of Glory Barthood The Girl Code Teenage Mutant Milk-Caused Hurdles Much Apu About Something Love Is in the N2-O2-Ar-CO2-Ne-He-CH4 Gal of Constant Sorrow Lisa the Veterinarian The Marge-ian Chronicles The Burns Cage How Lisa Got Her Marge Back Fland Canyon To Courier with Love Simprovised Orange Is the New Yellow