Difference between revisions of "Treehouse of Horror XII/Quotes"
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== Hex and the City == | == Hex and the City == | ||
| − | {{qf|[[Gypsy]]}} ''[reading | + | {{qf|[[Gypsy]]}} ''[reading Marge's fortune]'' I sense you live with much misery. |
| − | :''[Homer bursts in, chuckling and carrying a balloon that says "Birthday Boy. | + | :''[Homer bursts in, chuckling and carrying a balloon that says "Birthday Boy".]'' |
{{qf|[[Homer]]}} The perfect crime. ''[suddenly serious]'' Marge, I have to be in court next Tuesday. | {{qf|[[Homer]]}} The perfect crime. ''[suddenly serious]'' Marge, I have to be in court next Tuesday. | ||
| − | {{qf|Gypsy}} I sense I should not take ... a check! ''[glares at Homer]'' | + | {{qf|Gypsy}} I sense I should not take... a check! ''[glares at Homer]'' |
---- | ---- | ||
{{qf|[[Marge]]}} That gypsy said horrible things will happen to everyone you love. That could mean your family, Homer. | {{qf|[[Marge]]}} That gypsy said horrible things will happen to everyone you love. That could mean your family, Homer. | ||
| Line 12: | Line 12: | ||
{{qf|Marge}} ''[annoyed, disgusted]'' No! Good night! Sheesh! ''[turns lights off]'' | {{qf|Marge}} ''[annoyed, disgusted]'' No! Good night! Sheesh! ''[turns lights off]'' | ||
---- | ---- | ||
| − | :''[At the bar, [[Moe]] suggests that | + | :''[At the bar, [[Moe]] suggests that Homer use a [[Leprechaun]] to get rid of the Gypsy's curse.]'' |
{{qf|[[Carl]]}} You know, I was hexed by a troll, and a Leprechaun cured that right up. | {{qf|[[Carl]]}} You know, I was hexed by a troll, and a Leprechaun cured that right up. | ||
{{qf|[[Lenny]]}} Hey, you know what's even better is Jesus. He's like six Leprechauns. | {{qf|[[Lenny]]}} Hey, you know what's even better is Jesus. He's like six Leprechauns. | ||
{{qf|Carl}} Yeah, but a lot harder to catch. Go with a Leprechaun. | {{qf|Carl}} Yeah, but a lot harder to catch. Go with a Leprechaun. | ||
---- | ---- | ||
| − | :''[The | + | :''[The Leprechaun and the Gypsy have just got married. Marge and Homer are at the wedding.]'' |
{{qf|Marge}} The best thing about a Gypsy wedding is I'm not the hairiest woman here. | {{qf|Marge}} The best thing about a Gypsy wedding is I'm not the hairiest woman here. | ||
{{qf|Homer}} Yep. Everything worked out for the best. | {{qf|Homer}} Yep. Everything worked out for the best. | ||
| − | {{qf|Marge}} What?! | + | {{qf|Marge}} What?! Bart is dead! |
{{qf|Homer}} Well, me saying I'm sorry won't bring him back. | {{qf|Homer}} Well, me saying I'm sorry won't bring him back. | ||
{{qf|Marge}} The Gypsy said it would. | {{qf|Marge}} The Gypsy said it would. | ||
| Line 26: | Line 26: | ||
== House of Whacks == | == House of Whacks == | ||
| − | :''[The | + | :''[The Ultrahouse has just served the Simpsons dinner.]'' |
| − | {{qf|Homer}} Mmmm ... various eggs. | + | {{qf|Homer}} Mmmm... various eggs. |
{{qf|[[Lisa]]}} Soy-ghetti-Os! | {{qf|[[Lisa]]}} Soy-ghetti-Os! | ||
{{qf|[[Bart]]}} Hey, [[Pierce Brosnan|Pierce]], how'd you know our favorite foods? | {{qf|[[Bart]]}} Hey, [[Pierce Brosnan|Pierce]], how'd you know our favorite foods? | ||
| − | {{qf|[[Ultrahouse]]}} ''[Pierce Brosnan voice]'' I analyzed your ... um ... leavings. | + | {{qf|[[Ultrahouse]]}} ''[Pierce Brosnan voice]'' I analyzed your... um... leavings. |
:''[The Simpsons are impressed. They eat dinner.]'' | :''[The Simpsons are impressed. They eat dinner.]'' | ||
{{qf|Marge}} Pierce, that was delicious! Can we help you with the dishes? | {{qf|Marge}} Pierce, that was delicious! Can we help you with the dishes? | ||
| Line 36: | Line 36: | ||
:''[Marge giggles.]'' | :''[Marge giggles.]'' | ||
{{qf|Ultrahouse}} No, I'm asking. | {{qf|Ultrahouse}} No, I'm asking. | ||
| − | {{qf|Marge}} Oh ... uh ... Not a very good one? | + | {{qf|Marge}} Oh... uh... Not a very good one? |
{{qf|Ultrahouse}} Damn straight. | {{qf|Ultrahouse}} Damn straight. | ||
---- | ---- | ||
| − | :''[In the bathroom, water is running in the bathtub. | + | :''[In the bathroom, water is running in the bathtub. Marge starts to take off her bathrobe to get into the tub.]'' |
{{qf|Ultrahouse}} Hello, Marge. | {{qf|Ultrahouse}} Hello, Marge. | ||
{{qf|Marge}} ''[closing her robe and gasping]'' Oh, my! | {{qf|Marge}} ''[closing her robe and gasping]'' Oh, my! | ||
| Line 48: | Line 48: | ||
{{qf|Marge}} Oh, Pierce, the water's perfect! | {{qf|Marge}} Oh, Pierce, the water's perfect! | ||
{{qf|Ultrahouse}} Isn't it just. It gets better. | {{qf|Ultrahouse}} Isn't it just. It gets better. | ||
| − | {{qf|Marge}} Oh, you don't have to do any- ''[ | + | {{qf|Marge}} Oh, you don't have to do any- ''[the bubbles turn on in the tub.]'' Oooohhhh. Oh, oh, Pierce... that's goooood... mmmmmm ... |
{{qf|Ultrahouse}} Oh, oh, dear me. ''[clears fogged-up camera lens with a tiny windshield wiper]'' Oh, yes. Yum-yum-yum. | {{qf|Ultrahouse}} Oh, oh, dear me. ''[clears fogged-up camera lens with a tiny windshield wiper]'' Oh, yes. Yum-yum-yum. | ||
---- | ---- | ||
| − | :''[The next morning, the | + | :''[The next morning, the Ultrahouse opens the blinds in the bedroom, awakening Marge.]'' |
{{qf|Ultrahouse}} Good morning, Marge. | {{qf|Ultrahouse}} Good morning, Marge. | ||
| − | {{qf|Marge}} ''[yawns]'' Good morning, Pierce. ''[notices that | + | {{qf|Marge}} ''[yawns]'' Good morning, Pierce. ''[notices that Homer is gone]'' Where's Homer? |
{{qf|Ultrahouse}} Uhhhhh, I think he went to work early. | {{qf|Ultrahouse}} Uhhhhh, I think he went to work early. | ||
{{qf|Marge}} That sounds like a lie. | {{qf|Marge}} That sounds like a lie. | ||
| Line 60: | Line 60: | ||
{{qf|Ultrahouse}} ''[on the phone]'' This is Constable Wiggums. We'll be right there. Remove your knickers and wait in the bath. | {{qf|Ultrahouse}} ''[on the phone]'' This is Constable Wiggums. We'll be right there. Remove your knickers and wait in the bath. | ||
---- | ---- | ||
| − | :''[The Simpsons run to the basement to disable the | + | :''[The Simpsons run to the basement to disable the Ultrahouse's central processor. Homer grabs an axe and starts swinging wildly.]'' |
{{qf|Homer}} Die, you monster! ''[keeps swinging]'' | {{qf|Homer}} Die, you monster! ''[keeps swinging]'' | ||
{{qf|Lisa}} Dad! That's the water softener! | {{qf|Lisa}} Dad! That's the water softener! | ||
| Line 66: | Line 66: | ||
== Wiz Kids == | == Wiz Kids == | ||
| − | :''[At [[Springwart's School of Magicry]] ...]'' | + | :''[At [[Springwart's School of Magicry]]...]'' |
{{qf|[[Mrs. Krabappel]]}} Now, class, the big magic recital's coming up, so we're going to start with some basic toad-to-prince spells. Everybody get out their toads. | {{qf|[[Mrs. Krabappel]]}} Now, class, the big magic recital's coming up, so we're going to start with some basic toad-to-prince spells. Everybody get out their toads. | ||
| − | :''[The class complies, and Mrs. Krabappel goes to | + | :''[The class complies, and Mrs. Krabappel goes to Milhouse's desk.]'' |
| − | {{qf|Milhouse}} ''[waving wand over toad]'' Slimy Prince Limey! ''[ | + | {{qf|[[Milhouse]]}} ''[waving wand over toad]'' Slimy Prince Limey! ''[his toad turns into a drunken, loutish man in Elizabethan-era attire]'' |
| − | {{qf|[[Drunken prince | + | {{qf|[[Drunken prince]]}} ''[to Mrs. Krabappel]'' Well, hello, love. Give us a kiss, then. ''[puckers up]'' |
| − | {{qf|Mrs. Krabappel}} ''[scoffing]'' You call ''that'' charming? ''[ | + | {{qf|Mrs. Krabappel}} ''[scoffing]'' You call ''that'' charming? ''[she moves on to Lisa]'' |
| − | {{qf|Lisa}} ''[waving wand]'' Hocus-croakus! ''[ | + | {{qf|Lisa}} ''[waving wand]'' Hocus-croakus! ''[her toad turns into a handsome young man in a suit with a Union-Jack vest]'' |
| − | {{qf|Mrs. Krabappel}} Oh, excellent, Lisa. A-plus. ''[aside to Lisa's prince]'' And we'll discuss ''your'' grade over breakfast. ''[ | + | {{qf|Mrs. Krabappel}} Oh, excellent, Lisa. A-plus. ''[aside to Lisa's prince]'' And we'll discuss ''your'' grade over breakfast. ''[she giggles]'' |
| − | {{qf|[[Handsome prince | + | {{qf|[[Handsome prince]]}} ''[gulping and chuckling nervously]'' Yes, rather. |
:''[Mrs. Krabappel moves on to [[Bart]]'s desk.]'' | :''[Mrs. Krabappel moves on to [[Bart]]'s desk.]'' | ||
{{qf|Mrs. Krabappel}} Well, Bart, did you study your spell book last night, or ''[sarcastically]'' did your fairy godmother die again? | {{qf|Mrs. Krabappel}} Well, Bart, did you study your spell book last night, or ''[sarcastically]'' did your fairy godmother die again? | ||
| − | {{qf|Bart}} I studied! ''[waves wand hesitantly]'' Abra-ca ... turn into a prince guy? ''[ | + | {{qf|Bart}} I studied! ''[waves wand hesitantly]'' Abra-ca... turn into a prince guy? ''[his toad turns into a hideous toad-prince creature that constantly vomits]'' |
{{qf|Mrs. Krabappel}} Sloppy work as usual. Lisa's casting spells at an eighth-grade level; ''you've'' sinned against nature. | {{qf|Mrs. Krabappel}} Sloppy work as usual. Lisa's casting spells at an eighth-grade level; ''you've'' sinned against nature. | ||
| − | {{qf|[[Toad-Prince creature | + | {{qf|[[Toad-Prince creature]]}} Please kill me. |
---- | ---- | ||
| − | :''[In [[Springfield Nuclear Power Plant|his lair]], | + | :''[In [[Springfield Nuclear Power Plant|his lair]], Lord Montymort spies on the classroom.]'' |
| − | {{qf|Montymort}} Look at that | + | {{qf|[[Lord Montymort|Montymort]]}} Look at that Lisa Simpson. She's got more wicked witchery than Stevie Nicks. Oh, Slithers! ''[Slithers enters]'' |
| − | {{qf|Slithers}} Yes, Lord Montymort? | + | {{qf|[[Slithers]]}} Yes, Lord Montymort? |
{{qf|Montymort}} Let's capture that girl and steal her magical essence. I'm not getting squat from ''this'' yo-yo. | {{qf|Montymort}} Let's capture that girl and steal her magical essence. I'm not getting squat from ''this'' yo-yo. | ||
| − | :''[Annoyed, Montymort puts on a helmet and gestures at the wall. Shackled to the wall is | + | :''[Annoyed, Montymort puts on a helmet and gestures at the wall. Shackled to the wall is Ralph Wiggum, who is wearing a helmet identical to Montymort's and connected to it by a tube. Lumps of something are moving along the tube from Ralph's head to Montymort's.]'' |
| − | {{qf|Ralph}} ''[laughing]'' Dying tickles! | + | {{qf|[[Ralph]]}} ''[laughing]'' Dying tickles! |
---- | ---- | ||
| − | :''[At the magical recital, | + | :''[At the magical recital, Milhouse's attempt at the Invisibility Cloak has just gone severely awry, leaving him standing on stage naked. He runs offstage, crying.]'' |
{{qf|[[Principal Skinner]]}} ''[murmuring]'' That was terrible. ''[louder, to the audience]'' I'll just sprinkle you all with some Amnesia Dust! | {{qf|[[Principal Skinner]]}} ''[murmuring]'' That was terrible. ''[louder, to the audience]'' I'll just sprinkle you all with some Amnesia Dust! | ||
| − | :''[Skinner sprinkles the dust over the audience and they applaud. Skinner moves on to introducing | + | :''[Skinner sprinkles the dust over the audience and they applaud. Skinner moves on to introducing the next student.]'' |
{{qf|Skinner}} A second-grade sorceress so powerful, she made tonight's refreshments out of dead people! | {{qf|Skinner}} A second-grade sorceress so powerful, she made tonight's refreshments out of dead people! | ||
{{qf|Audience}} Eeeeeewwwwwww!! | {{qf|Audience}} Eeeeeewwwwwww!! | ||
Revision as of 07:00, May 4, 2019
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Hex and the City
- Gypsy: [reading Marge's fortune] I sense you live with much misery.
- [Homer bursts in, chuckling and carrying a balloon that says "Birthday Boy".]
- Homer: The perfect crime. [suddenly serious] Marge, I have to be in court next Tuesday.
- Gypsy: I sense I should not take... a check! [glares at Homer]
- Marge: That gypsy said horrible things will happen to everyone you love. That could mean your family, Homer.
- Homer: [flirtaciously] Are you coming on to me?
- Marge: [annoyed, disgusted] No! Good night! Sheesh! [turns lights off]
- [At the bar, Moe suggests that Homer use a Leprechaun to get rid of the Gypsy's curse.]
- Carl: You know, I was hexed by a troll, and a Leprechaun cured that right up.
- Lenny: Hey, you know what's even better is Jesus. He's like six Leprechauns.
- Carl: Yeah, but a lot harder to catch. Go with a Leprechaun.
- [The Leprechaun and the Gypsy have just got married. Marge and Homer are at the wedding.]
- Marge: The best thing about a Gypsy wedding is I'm not the hairiest woman here.
- Homer: Yep. Everything worked out for the best.
- Marge: What?! Bart is dead!
- Homer: Well, me saying I'm sorry won't bring him back.
- Marge: The Gypsy said it would.
- Homer: [stubbornly] She's not the boss of me.
House of Whacks
- [The Ultrahouse has just served the Simpsons dinner.]
- Homer: Mmmm... various eggs.
- Lisa: Soy-ghetti-Os!
- Bart: Hey, Pierce, how'd you know our favorite foods?
- Ultrahouse: [Pierce Brosnan voice] I analyzed your... um... leavings.
- [The Simpsons are impressed. They eat dinner.]
- Marge: Pierce, that was delicious! Can we help you with the dishes?
- Ultrahouse: Marge, what kind of cybertronic ultrabot would I be if I let those beautiful hands touch dishwater?
- [Marge giggles.]
- Ultrahouse: No, I'm asking.
- Marge: Oh... uh... Not a very good one?
- Ultrahouse: Damn straight.
- [In the bathroom, water is running in the bathtub. Marge starts to take off her bathrobe to get into the tub.]
- Ultrahouse: Hello, Marge.
- Marge: [closing her robe and gasping] Oh, my!
- Ultrahouse: Come, Marge. You don't need to cover up for me. I'm merely a pile of circuits and microchips.
- Marge: Heh. Sorry. Sometimes I forget. [chuckles nervously, takes off robe, gets into tub]
- [The Ultrahouse's camera lens zooms in on Marge as she settles into the tub.]
- Ultrahouse: [quietly] Ooooh, yes. [The Ultrahouse lights the candles around the tub.]
- Marge: Oh, Pierce, the water's perfect!
- Ultrahouse: Isn't it just. It gets better.
- Marge: Oh, you don't have to do any- [the bubbles turn on in the tub.] Oooohhhh. Oh, oh, Pierce... that's goooood... mmmmmm ...
- Ultrahouse: Oh, oh, dear me. [clears fogged-up camera lens with a tiny windshield wiper] Oh, yes. Yum-yum-yum.
- [The next morning, the Ultrahouse opens the blinds in the bedroom, awakening Marge.]
- Ultrahouse: Good morning, Marge.
- Marge: [yawns] Good morning, Pierce. [notices that Homer is gone] Where's Homer?
- Ultrahouse: Uhhhhh, I think he went to work early.
- Marge: That sounds like a lie.
- [Marge glances at a family photo and gasps as she notices that Homer has been replaced by one of the Ultrahouse's camera lenses. She picks up the phone and dials.]
- Marge: [quietly] Hello, police? I think my house killed my husband!
- Ultrahouse: [on the phone] This is Constable Wiggums. We'll be right there. Remove your knickers and wait in the bath.
- [The Simpsons run to the basement to disable the Ultrahouse's central processor. Homer grabs an axe and starts swinging wildly.]
- Homer: Die, you monster! [keeps swinging]
- Lisa: Dad! That's the water softener!
- Homer: [sarcastically] Well, I am missing the back of my head! I think you could cut me some slack?
Wiz Kids
- [At Springwart's School of Magicry...]
- Mrs. Krabappel: Now, class, the big magic recital's coming up, so we're going to start with some basic toad-to-prince spells. Everybody get out their toads.
- [The class complies, and Mrs. Krabappel goes to Milhouse's desk.]
- Milhouse: [waving wand over toad] Slimy Prince Limey! [his toad turns into a drunken, loutish man in Elizabethan-era attire]
- Drunken prince: [to Mrs. Krabappel] Well, hello, love. Give us a kiss, then. [puckers up]
- Mrs. Krabappel: [scoffing] You call that charming? [she moves on to Lisa]
- Lisa: [waving wand] Hocus-croakus! [her toad turns into a handsome young man in a suit with a Union-Jack vest]
- Mrs. Krabappel: Oh, excellent, Lisa. A-plus. [aside to Lisa's prince] And we'll discuss your grade over breakfast. [she giggles]
- Handsome prince: [gulping and chuckling nervously] Yes, rather.
- [Mrs. Krabappel moves on to Bart's desk.]
- Mrs. Krabappel: Well, Bart, did you study your spell book last night, or [sarcastically] did your fairy godmother die again?
- Bart: I studied! [waves wand hesitantly] Abra-ca... turn into a prince guy? [his toad turns into a hideous toad-prince creature that constantly vomits]
- Mrs. Krabappel: Sloppy work as usual. Lisa's casting spells at an eighth-grade level; you've sinned against nature.
- Toad-Prince creature: Please kill me.
- [In his lair, Lord Montymort spies on the classroom.]
- Montymort: Look at that Lisa Simpson. She's got more wicked witchery than Stevie Nicks. Oh, Slithers! [Slithers enters]
- Slithers: Yes, Lord Montymort?
- Montymort: Let's capture that girl and steal her magical essence. I'm not getting squat from this yo-yo.
- [Annoyed, Montymort puts on a helmet and gestures at the wall. Shackled to the wall is Ralph Wiggum, who is wearing a helmet identical to Montymort's and connected to it by a tube. Lumps of something are moving along the tube from Ralph's head to Montymort's.]
- Ralph: [laughing] Dying tickles!
- [At the magical recital, Milhouse's attempt at the Invisibility Cloak has just gone severely awry, leaving him standing on stage naked. He runs offstage, crying.]
- Principal Skinner: [murmuring] That was terrible. [louder, to the audience] I'll just sprinkle you all with some Amnesia Dust!
- [Skinner sprinkles the dust over the audience and they applaud. Skinner moves on to introducing the next student.]
- Skinner: A second-grade sorceress so powerful, she made tonight's refreshments out of dead people!
- Audience: Eeeeeewwwwwww!!
- [Skinner sprinkles Amnesia Dust over the audience again, and they laugh.]
