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Difference between revisions of "The Simpsons: Tapped Out Clash of Clones content update/Unabridged questline"
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− | ==== Shock To Your System ==== | + | ==== Pointless-Yet-Compulsive ==== |
| ===== Pt. 1 ===== | | ===== Pt. 1 ===== |
| Appears in the taskbook after unlocking Wizard Marge. | | Appears in the taskbook after unlocking Wizard Marge. |
| {{Table| | | {{Table| |
− | {{TH|'''Task''': Collect Gold [x9500]}} | + | {{TH|'''Task''': Collect Gold [x9500], Upgrade Archer Lisa [to Level 8] and Upgrade Wizard Marge [to Level 4]}} |
| }} | | }} |
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Revision as of 04:45, August 28, 2014
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This is the unabridged, full version of the questline information on the original page. This version contains all the dialogue.
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This section is incomplete.
Please improve the article, or discuss the issue on the talk page.
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Prince and the Premise
The player has to be Level 6 or above in order to play this questline.
Pt. 1
The Barbarian spawns in Springfield
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GRUNT! GRUNT! GRUNT!
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Loot! Pillage! Burn! Take! Abscond! Steal! Scream synonyms!
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Hey there yella fella, why are you giving an extra helping of beat down to my blue bottles?
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Me am barbarian. Must pillage and destroy!
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You're not from around here, are you Mr. Barbarian?
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Barbarian am from another land!
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Tell me about the far-away place!
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It am land where violence rules! Where me drink from skull of enemy!
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Where me poop through butt of enemy!
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That's a little too much TMI!
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Well, sir, since you’ve got an appetite for destruction, instead of axing my rose bushes, why not Slash this house next door?
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Barbarian appreciate your Guns ‘N’ Roses references. Barbarian will pillage 742 Evergreen Terrace!
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Task: Make Barbarian Attack the Simpson House (1h) Quest reward: 100, 10
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Pt. 2
After tapping on the Barbarian's exclamation mark
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Smash! Loot! Pillage! Wreck!
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What gives? That’s my house you’re smashing.
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GRUNT! GRUNT! GRUNT!
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Chief Wiggum, I need you to physically subdue this axe-wielding muscular giant who clearly is a master of hand-to-hand combat!
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Sorry Simpson, that’s a big no can do. In that there’s no possible way I can do it, thus the term, “no can do.”
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GRUNT! GRUNT! GRUNT!
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Come on Grunty, knock it off. That’s my house — where I eat and sleep and look at magazines and stuff.
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GRUNT! GRUNT! GRUNT!
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The pillaging, I get. Who wouldn’t want all my awesome stuff?
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Like my extra-thick TV, my dozens of hidden mini-fridges, and all those magazines I mentioned earlier.
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GRUNT! GRUNT! GRUNT!
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But hear me out —- you are in serious danger of over-pillaging.
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GRUNT? GRUNT? GRUNT?
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That’s right, over-pillaging.
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You pillage all this fantastic stuff, but you have nowhere to put it.
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Then it gets rained on, and the ants get into it, and it’s Hibbert’s shed all over again.
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Everything’s ruined – and you wasted all that great pillaging.
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GRUNT! GRUNT! GRUNT!
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What you need is a place to keep all the great stuff you pillaged.
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Grunt, grunt... storage locker?
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No, those storage places always rip you off. What you need is a castle!
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Grunt, grunt, GRUNT!
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Task: Build the Barbarian Castle (1,000, 16h)
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The "Clash of Clones" guide appears on screen, then the player receives the quest reward: 100, 10
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Pt. 3
After tapping on the Barbarian's exclamation mark:
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Grunt, grunt, grunt?
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What’s wrong, barbarian buddy?
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Barbarian need fighters to pillage for Barbarian!
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Oh, I get it. Someone to do the dirty work for you. They do all the getting killed, you get all the mini-fridges.
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Grunt, grunt, exactly.
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Well, this town isn’t exactly full of big muscle-y ass-whompers like yourself.
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But it is full of... nerds!
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Grunt, grunt, nerds?
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A whole bunch of medieval dorks are always playing with fake swords in the park.
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I bet they’d love to go raiding with a real disemboweling skull-drinker like yourself.
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The only problem is... those nerds wouldn’t stand a chance. They’d be totally slaughtered.
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Barbarian would never send nerds to pointless deaths.
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...
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...
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Grunt, grunt, KIDDING!
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You had me there for a sec. You totally had me.
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Task: Attack Another Springfield. The player unlocks the ability to buy Nerds and Elixir for Donuts, as well as the premium Medieval Banners, the Flaming Torch and the Chicken Coop. The Player also receives 10 Nerds.
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Quest reward: 100, 10 A screen appears stating the rewards for the nerds attacking other Springfields. The player then receives "Reinforcements", and the player's Nerd total is increased to 40, the maximum, and the number is highlighted in red.
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After Quest Completion:
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I must say Mr. Barbarian, you’re doing a wonderful service for these young gentlemen.
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Huh?
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I’m told you’re planning a vigorous exercise program.
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No. Me send them to deaths. More than they deserve.
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But they are doing you a favor by retrieving valuable items for you?
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Raid takes time. Attack with more nerds destroy building faster. When more nerds attack, is harder to defend. More dead nerds equals more good for me.
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Um… did you just say…?
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DEAD NERDS EQUALS MORE GOOD FOR ME!!!
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I need a bag of salted cashews.
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Pt. 4
After tapping on Homer's exclamation mark:
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Excuse me, Homer. A tiny favor...
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What are you doing here? I don’t come to where you work and ask you for things.
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You come to the church every Sunday and pray for a new car.
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Nice, I see what you did there. Classic reversal. Although, to be fair, it was a pretty solid set up on my part.
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You’ve got to talk to your barbarian friend. He and his gang of nerds have been looting and pillaging all over town.
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They stole Patty and Selma’s menopause medication.
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Those two without their woman hormones? That oughta be good for a larf!
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The horde destroyed Chester’s shed -- he was finally this close to finishing it.
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Poor old Chester, always good for a larf.
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The barbarians and nerds savagely beat the Yes-Man, leaving him with permanent brain damage.
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Trust me, with that guy there wasn’t much brain left to damage. Savage beatings, always good for a larf.
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You’ve got to do something!
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But all the stuff you’re saying is good for a larf! Why would I want to stop larfs?
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Then I guess you wouldn’t care that the Barbarian stole Ned Flanders’ wet-dry vac.
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That’s not good for a larf!
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Hey, you, helmet head! There’s only one person who steals from Ned Flanders in this town -- and that’s me!
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Grunt, grunt, you’ve got to be kidding.
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Give Flanders back his wet-dry vac -- or else!
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But wet-dry vac am good for cleaning up blood AND guts.
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Put the wet-dry vac back!
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Grunt, grunt, what if I don’t?
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Then grunt grunt I kick your grunt!
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Task: Make Homer Attack Barbarian (6s; requires "Barbarian Castle") Quest reward: 100 and 10.
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Pt. 5
After tapping on Barbarian's exclamation mark:
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Task: Make Barbarian Chase Homer with an Axe (2h; reward 220 and 54 Quest reward: 100 and 10.
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Pt. 6
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Well, you chased me for 2 hours, and you finally caught me.
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You better runner than I thought.
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Well, I guess it’s time for you to chop off my head.
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Soon me drink from your skull!
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Drink, eh?
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Say Barbie, before you decapitate me, scrape all the flesh off my head, boil the bones to a nice chalky-white, then seal up all the little head holes to keep the liquid from leaking... what say I buy you a beer?
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GRUNT, GRUNT, THAT’S WHAT I’M TALKING ‘BOUT!!!
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Task: Make Homer Drink at Moe’s and Make Barbarian Drink at Moe’s (8h) Quest reward: 100 and 10
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Pt. 7
After tapping on Homer's exclamation mark:
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Have to admit, beer from mug better than beer from skull. Skull beer always taste like old head meat.
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Even if you boil the skull for a long time?
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No matter how long me boil skull, still am taste hint of brain.
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You’re just full of interesting trivia. Which Springfield are you from?
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Am not from Springfield. Am from... other game.
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So we just admit now that we know we live in a game? No more pretense?
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Why lie to selves? Is insult to players’ intelligence.
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Yeah, okay. That makes things easier.
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So, tell me about the game you come from.
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Is called “Clash of Castles.”
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Barbarians attack other towns, destroy everything, kill everyone, and pillage gold and elixir.
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So that explains the pillaging.
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Is all me know.
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Your Clash of Castles game sounds awesome. I have to admit, I’m getting a little bored of my game. It’s pretty vanilla.
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Everything’s so wussy here. “Valentine’s Day Hearts”? “Friendship Points?”
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And don’t get me started on those (EXPLETIVE DELETED) Easter fences!!!
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Your game sounds a million times better than my game! And so much more addicting. Like I’d totally ignore my town to play in your world.
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Yeah, me guess it’s okay...
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What’s the income tax rate on pillaging?
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Zero.
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Federal and state?
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Us drink from skull of tax collector so yeah.
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Nice games are so boring! Rated “E” for Everybody — more like “L” for Lamewads Losers and Larrys!
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Larry is this guy who used to really annoy everyone. He wore huge t-shirts that looked like dresses.
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Him sound like wiener.
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I never get to kill anyone! Not even a Squeaky Voice Teen or a Wise Guy!
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Killing am big rush, no lie.
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20 more beers over here, Moe!
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Task: Make Homer Drink 10 More Beers and Make Barbarian Drink 10 More Beers (60m; Moe's Tavern)
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After Quest Completion:
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Can me tell you something?
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Anything, pal.
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Me am jealous -- of you!
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*spit-take*
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Me tired of kill kill kill, pillage pillage pillage, grunt grunt grunt. Sometimes, me just want put feet by fire and drink from skull of enemy with someone me love.
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Me want do Sunday crossword puzzle in bed then go to brunch, not slaughter castle full of archers and wizards.
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See, I would love to bathe in wizard blood.
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Me would love stay home watch “The Bachelor” eating low calorie popcorn.
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I guess each of us would love to have the other guy’s life.
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Yes, that am situation.
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Hey guys, did you know that when the Barbarian here takes off his helmet, he looks just like Homer.
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OMG -- Oh my God! It’s true!
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OMC -- Oh my Crom! Us am twins!
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You guys should switch places and live each other’s lives, just like that classic piece of literature: “Garfield: A Tail of Two Kitties”.
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Switch places? That sounds hacky.
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No, no it’s cool. The same happened to Bart in one of the episodes of the TV show this whole thing is based on.
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Us game not based on TV show. Am original IP.
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Must be nice.
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So it’s agreed, I’ll live the life of a Barbarian, and you’ll live the life of a family man!
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Me still think this am hacky, but am worth it.
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Quest reward: 100 and 10
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Pt. 8
After tapping on Homer's exclamation mark:
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To be me, all you have to do is shave that mustache.
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You must turn all that fat to muscle.
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Task: Collect Gold [x200], Make Homer Bulk Up (4h, Krusty Burger †), Make Barbarian Get a Haircut (4h, Barbarian Castle) and Make Homer and Barbarian Switch Places (45s, Barbarian Castle)
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Upon sending Homer to "Bulk Up":
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Oh no you don't, sky-finger. No way. Not working out. Uh-uh. There's got to be another way to bulk me up.
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Upon completing the quest, the player unlocks "Barbarian Homer", if the player has already collected 200 Gold and the costume is waiting in their inventory. The player then also unlocks "Homer Barbarian" (ditto). Quest reward 100 and 10
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Pt. 9
After tapping on Homer Barbarian's exclamation mark:
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Greetings ugly boy!
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Huh?
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Me am your father. Bow before father!
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Guh?
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Show respect for father's prowess with axe and skill in battle... I mean, parenting.
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Dad, what's wrong with you? You seem... intense. And your speech is much more halting than usual.
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Bow before father or me crush your neck!
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Okay, that's more like it.
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Task: Make Homer Barbarian Pretend to Be a Sitcom Dad (8h, Simpson House)
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After Quest Completion
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Boy whelp think me am Homer, but girl whelp am clever.
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What father do to win affection of girl?
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Me know! Me give her life lessons in backbreaking labor.
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Child! I command you to build a castle.
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A castle? I suppose this could be a good exercise in medieval construction.
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Can I use eco-friendly materials?
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Ask mother.
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Being father am easy.
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Quest reward: 100, 10
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Pt. 10
After tapping on Homer Barbarian's exclamation mark:
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Boy want sharpen father's axe with father?
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I don't feel like it...
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Something bothering boy?
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This bully at school, he took my Krusty doll.
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Bully steal from son of... what my name again?
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Homer Simpson.
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Bully steal from Homer Simpson?! Homer Simpson cleave bully in twain!
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Sweet.
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Task: Reach Level 9 Build Springfield Elementary and Make Homer Barbarian Chase Bully with an Axe (4h, Springfield Elementary) Quest reward: 100 and 10
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Pt. 11
After tapping on Homer Barbarian's exclamation mark:
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Sniffle...
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Daughter! Roast me a boar!
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Sniff... sob...
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Make sure save boar brains. Mmm... boar brains.
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Oh, Dad! My saxophone recital is tonight and no one's coming! I've been practicing so much!
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*saxophoning*
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That sound like death-keening of a wounded frost giant! Am... beautiful.
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Really?
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Me find people and make them go to music show... or me cleave them in twain!
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I love you Dad!
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Task: Make Lisa Play in the Recital (12h, Springfield Elementary), Make Homer Barbarian Make Springfielders Attend the Recital (12h) and Make Springfielders Attend the Recital Under Threat of Death [x10] (12h, Springfield Elementary) Quest reward: 100 and 10
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Pt. 12
After tapping on Homer Barbarian's exclamation mark:
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Where am wife! Homer Simpson need woman to rub feet and pick bugs from hair and pick bugs from feet!
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Dad, because Mom is a high level character, we have to wait a while before she appears. It makes things easier for the new players.
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NOOOOOBS!
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Task: Make Homer Barbarian Express Rage Against Noobs (12h) Quest reward: 100 and 10
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The following parts of this questline will not unlock until Pts. 1-4 of "Clash of Clones" have been completed.
Pt. 13
After tapping on Barbarian Homer's exclamation mark:
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I been drinking too much of that purple stuff. I go ta take a break, get clean... I wonder what my family's up to.
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Family, I'm home!
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What you doing here?
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Two fake Homers? How am I supposed to know which is the real fake Homer?
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Hey, that's my wife's pork chops you're eating!
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So? Your wife's pork chops am delicious.
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Tank you. I think.
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The pork chops were never part of the deal.
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What you talking about? Us switch lives! That am premise! HACKY PREMISE!
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So what if it's hacky? Fake Dad chased a bully with an axe for me!
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He made everyone go to my sax recital!
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Homer Barbarian is a good man. He makes the bed every morning.
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You make the bed? What kind of man makes the bed?
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Grunt grunt me equal part of nurturing family equation as Marge.
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No man comes to my house, is a better dad to my kids, and is better at pretending to go along with parenting gibberish than me!
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GRRRRRRRRRRR!!!
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Task: Make Barbarian Homer Attack the Simpson House (60m) Quest reward: 100 and 10
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Pt. 14
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Dad, you're destroying your own house.
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And I'm gonna keep on destroying it until he comes out and fights me.
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Grunt grunt fight? No, no fight. Me no longer solve problems with axe. Me solve problems with talk, and text.
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Me metrosexual now. Me groom facial hair. Me watch "The Good Wife". Me eat house-made pickles at gastropub.
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So you don't believe in fighting any more?
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Me into yoga now. Grunt, grunt, namaste.
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Eat axe handle, stupid!
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Grunt, grunt, *passing-out noise*
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Task: Make [Barbarian] Homer Hide Unconscious Barbarian In Brown House (4h, Brown House, requires Barbarian) It states Homer is the one who is to be sent on the task, when it is actually BARBARIAN Homer.
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After Quest Completion
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Finally, the brown house makes itself useful. A great place to hide an unconscious loser who looks just like you.
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See kids, I'm a better dad then[sic] that Barbarian ever was.
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But the Barbarian gave us castles.
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No, he made you make your own castles.
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That's true. He made us work hard for a feeling of accomplishment. Weak.
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Whereas I just gave you the cool new costumes, or "skins" to win your love.
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Yeah, getting free stuff is way better than working.
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How is that a good lesson?
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That's my boy!
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HOW IS THAT A GOOD LESSON?
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THAT'S MY BOY!
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Quest reward: 100 and 10
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Pt. 15
After tapping on Barbarian Homer's exclamation mark:
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I miss old fake dad. He had the best stories about bathing in the blood of his enemies, and scrubbing himself with their ripped-out tongues.
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He loved my music. He said it reminded him of when he would throw sick old bears into the bonfire and burn them alive.
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What are you kids complaining about? You got your real old man back!
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Great.
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Super.
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I'm not just your dad anymore. I'm a leveled-up version of your dad -- with a leveled-up castle.
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Big deal. I hope your castle is better than your pathetic Prince & the Pauper premise.
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Yeah, I hope your castle is more skillfully constructed together than that awful premise.
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Oh children... Why are they so stupid? My castle is great because of UPGRADES. Let me explain...
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When you make the thing you already have a little bit better, that's an upgrade.
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So it's something you already have...
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But a little bit better.
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Now you're getting it...
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IT'S A TINY IMPROVEMENT, A MARKED DIFFERENCE, IT'S A SHINIER BELT, OR A PRETTIER FENCE!
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Are you singing?
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AN UPGRADE TAKES YOUR PLUS ONE SWORD AND MAKES IT PLUS TWO
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AN UPGRADE TRANSFORMS YOUR MAGIC CLOAK FROM LIGHT TO DARKER BLUE
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He is singing.
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But, this game doesn't have music.
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UPGRADES ARE THE LITTLE BOOSTS THAT GIVE YOUR LIFE NEW MEANING
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THE SLIGHTLY BETTER VERSIONS THAT WILL GIVE YOUR LIFE NEW MEANING
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He just rhymed "new meaning" with "new meaning."
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SO IF YOU'RE FEELING BORED AND SAD
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YOUR GAME HAS PETERED OUT
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UPGRADE ALL THE STUFF YOU HAVE AND THEN YOU'LL SCREAM AND SHOUT -- FOR UPGRADES!!!
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Wow. Way to string it out, bone-head dad - everyone knows about upgrades!
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Maybe if you'd laid off that purple juice a little, you'd have noticed that Lisa and I also have our own castles and outfits and...
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UPGRADES!
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Task: Build Castle Recycle, Upgrade Archer Lisa to Level 4, Build Boxingham Palace and Upgrade Goblin Bart to Level 3
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After Quest Completion
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But Dad's lame song is right! Upgrades are amazing!
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Even though my castle is almost exactly the same, an upgrade makes it feel like I've got a whole new castle!
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I love you upgrades!
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If ever I deserved a swig of non-addictive purple goo, it’s now.
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Pt. 16
After tapping on Homer's exclamation mark:
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I don't like you looting other people's towns. People worked hard on those. Think of all the grinding they did.
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Well, it's not me who looted them.
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I'm actually a Barbarian from another game pretending to be your husband cause we look the same, you know, like in "Double, Double, Boy in Trouble."
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I never saw that episode.
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It was a Prince & the Pauper thing.
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Oh how embarrassing.
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Me Barbarian. Me not Homer. Me from number one grossing game iTunes charts, not... number 12.
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Homie I know it's you.
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Task: Make Homer Pose as the Barbarian Posing as Homer (12h)
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Pt. 17
After tapping on Homer's exclamation mark:
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Marge, where were you? We haven't done a mission together in forever!
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You know we have to wait until later in the "Clash of Clones" event to give the new players time to catch up.
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NOOOOOOOBS!!!
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'Task: Make Barbarian Homer Express his Rage Against Noobs (12h)
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After Quest Completion
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I'm still not so thrilled with all the raiding and pillaging and destroying you've been doing.
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Admit it, I've never brought home as much solid gold coins as I am now.
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I can't enjoy those coins knowing that they're the fruit of human suffering.
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Mmm... suffering fruit.
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And what's this purple stuff you've been guzzling? Is it... sizzurp?
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No. It's not drank. It's wine. A wine that makes you feel better than any wine in the world. And it's not in any way addictive.
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You're drinking it right now.
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I want you to quit drinking elixir.
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Quit drinking elixir? I'd sooner give up drinking non-addictive wine!
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Well don't come home until you do!
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When Marge sees how awesome I upgrade myself, you won't be complaining about elixir.
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What's an upgrade?
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IT'S A TINY IMPROVEMENT, A MARKED DIFFERENCE, IT'S A SHINIER BELT, OR A PRETTIER FENCE
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Clash of Clones
Pt. 1
After tapping on Barbarian Homer's exclamation mark:
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Hey new Homer, how do I look?
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Like level 1 loser.
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Is level 1 the best level?
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Level 1 am worst level. Total noob level.
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A noob! That's the worst thing a person can be! I don't wanna start at Level 1. I should start at level... a million billion.
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It easy: get gold, go to castle, level up! Sometimes me level up in sleep.
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Task: Collect Gold [x300] and Upgrade Barbarian Homer to Level 2 [1/2]
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That is easy!
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Yes, leveling up am easy... at first!
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*evil laughter*
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I don't get your jokes.
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Quest reward: 100, 10
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Pt. 2
After tapping on Barbarian Homer's exclamation mark:
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Raiding rules! These dorks do all the getting killed, and I get all the gold.
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What's that purple stuff?
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It's called like elixir or something. I get it from raiding. I don't really know what it's for.
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It looks like wine.
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Wine comes in bottles and is drunk by fancy people. This is just... purple goo. It's like all thick and nasty.
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I dare you to drink it.
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Yeah okay sure, why not?
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*glug* *glug* *glug*
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That's not wine... that's much better than wine! It makes wine taste like box wine!
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I feel confident, talkative, funny, physically attractive and generous!
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Can I have a sip?
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Screw you! Go loot your own elixir! It's bender time!
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Did someone call me?
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No, the good kind of Bender.
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Task: Make Barbarian Homer Go on an Elixir Bender (24h)
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After quest completion
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That was amazing! I was blasted on elixir for 24 hours, and no hangover!
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Finally, a booze that doesn't make you feel crappy afterwards, and isn't at all addictive.
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I NEED MORE ELIXIR!!!
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Quest reward: 100 and 10
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Pt. 3
After tapping on Barbarian Homer's exclamation mark:
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Man, I love being part of a strategy-based raiding game. My old game sucked. SUPER SUCKED.
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Your castle's looking pretty awesome there Homer.
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Why does everyone keep calling me Homer? I'm clearly a barbarian.
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Sure you are.
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Sure you are.
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Sure you are.
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Sure you are.
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Sure I am.
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Anyway, I am jonesin' for some of that elixir stuff. I just love how non-addictive it is.
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I can't stop thinking about that non-addictive mystery liquid -- it's lack of addictiveness consumes my every waking thought.
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Task: Make Barbarian Homer Go on an Elixir Bender (24h) Quest reward: 100 and 10
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Pt. 4
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Wuzzuh... so not-addictive... Where am I?
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You at my gold farm.
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Gold farm? I'm the only gold raider in this town. Me, Homer the Barbarian. I mean, just a nameless Barbarian.
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No, I is gold farmer. I cheats the system to get gold for myself.
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Well, I usually like cheating. But it sounds like you're cheating me.
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Tell you whut. You give me some that there that thur that purple moonshine and I'll share my gold with you.
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Share my elixir! Never! I can never let another person taste it's non-addictive succulence.
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Sounds like someone's in denial.
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Oh, fine.
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Task: Make Barbarian Homer Confront Gold Farmers (16h, Cletus's Farm) Quest reward: 100 and 10
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Extreme Castle Makeover
Pt. 1
After completing "Prince and the Premise Pt. 3", but before after quest completion dialogue:
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I must say, this base of operation is more "Deepwood Motte" than "Winterfell."
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Is tiny fat nerd insulting barbarian castle?
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Oh no. I'm simply pointing out that your current structure isn't very defendable, and you can't house many troops.
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More troops mean more raiding! More raiding mean more blood! More blood mean more fun!
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Me use Elixir to make castle strong.
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Task: Upgrade Barbarian Castle [1/4] and Place Castle Walls [x4] The player can only place the Castle Walls when the Barbarian Castle has been levelled up to Level 4, when the Castle Walls are placed in the player's inventory. Quest reward: 100 and 10
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Pt. 2
{{THTask: Upgrade Barbarian Castle [4/6] and Place Castle Towers [x2] The player can only place the Castle Towers when the Barbarian Castle has been levelled up to Level 6, when the Castle Towers are placed in the player's inventory. Quest reward: 100 and 10}}
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Pt. 3
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What is it dorks?
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Um, Barbarian Leader?
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That's Great Super Awesome Barbarian Leader to you, freak.
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Great Super Awesome Barbarian Leader, we were thinking, since this is a strategy-based fighting game now, that Springfield should be more... Medieval looking.
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Like what?
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Stone walls...
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Banners...
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Catapults...
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Hay bales. Lots of hay bales.
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Well, nothing says the dark ages like hay bales. Sure, go nuts.
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Task: Place Medieval Decorations [x10] Quest reward: 100 and 10
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Pt. 4
{{THTask: Upgrade Barbarian Castle [6/10] and Place Castle Gates}}
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Eco Castle
Pt. 1
After tapping on Lisa's exclamation mark:
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The important thing in building a castle is to do it in a socially and ecologically responsible manner.
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Why bother talking to me when you're just as happy talking to yourself?
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That's why I'm assembling a LEED-certified castle made of 100 percent recycled materials.
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I have never met anyone as in love with the sound of your own voice as you.
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I know it sounds like a cliché, but we have to do everything we can to protect the earth.
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I didn't think you'd find a way to ruin something as cool as WAR, but you did.
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Task: Collect Gold [x400] and Build Castle Recycle When built, the player unlocks Archer Lisa, a costume for Lisa. The "Clash of Clones" character collection then appears. The player receives the quest reward of 100 and 10.
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Pt. 2
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You're the barbarian that's been doing all the raiding? Even though you look and more importantly talk just like my dad?
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This isn't right. I mean, this whole update seems to be glorifying war.
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Well, you gotta spend money to make money.
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With all that's going on in the world, in Russia and the Middle East... how can we, a game played by children, suggest that armed aggression is in any way the appropriate--
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Here's a bow and arrow.
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JUST LIKE KATNISS!!! I can't wait to try it!!!
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Task: Make Archer Lisa Shoot Arrows Quest reward: 100 and 10
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Pt. 3
After tapping on Archer Lisa's exclamation mark:
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"Kat-Lisa Ever-Simpson stalked through the Hunger Dome. She had to save the five super-cute boys who had crushes on her."
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Archer Lsa
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" But all she had to protect herself from the mean pretty girls with rich parents was her trusty bow and arrow."
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Arrows. Wait. I don't even have arrows. Dad, I need an upgrade!
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Upgrades solve everything.
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Task: Collect Gold [x900], Upgrade Archer Lisa to Level 2 [1/2] and Make Archer Lisa Make Arrows (60m) Quest reward: 100 and 10
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Pt. 4
After tapping on Archer Lisa's exclamation mark:
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There, I bet this is the only all-recycled castle in town with a grey-water hot tub and a solar-powered compost turner.
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Bart was tired of listening to you so he made me come over and listen to you for him.
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All my eco-castle needs now... is a view. Not so I can be better than my neighbours, but so I can properly monitor property for invasive plant growth.
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This is harder than I thought.
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Task: Place a Recycled Tower, Make Archer Lisa Judge People from Above (24h, Recycled Tower) and Upgrade Castle Recycle [x6] Quest reward: 100 and 10
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Pt. 5
Appears in the taskbook:
Task: Place 9 Cardboard Decorations and Upgrade Castle Recycle [6/10]
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Boxed In
Pt. 1
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Hey, where's my castle? I wanna castle.
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I built my own castle.
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BOY AM MORE WEAK THAN GIRL! MAYBE ME SELL YOU TO CANDY CRUSH GAME FOR CANDY!
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If you want man castle, build castle like man!
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Darn. What's the laziest possible way for me to get my own castle? Laziest possible way...
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Task: Collect Gold [x1400] and Build Boxingham Palace UNLOCK: Goblin Bart Quest reward: 100 and 10
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Pt. 2
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Hey Barbarian who is clearly Dad, you need any help stealing?
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I've already got an army of nerds that blindly follow my orders. Why do I need you?
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Don't you need a roguish master of stealth with a heart of gold?
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No but I could use a greedy selfish little thief.
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Alright! Let's get stealing.
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Looting. We call it looting.
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What's the difference?
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No difference.
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Task: Make Goblin Bart Loot Quest reward: 100 and 10
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Pt. 3
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Oh, man. All that running around looting is tiring. I've been hard at it for hours and hours -- but anything's better than work.
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I wish there was a way to make this easier. You know, on account of my laziness.
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Did somebody say... upgrades!
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I think you did earlier, but no one really edits this stuff very carefully.
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Task: Collect Gold [x2100], Upgrade Goblin Bart to Level 2 [1/2] and Make Goblin Bart Pillage Teacher's Fridge (8h, Springfield Elementary) Quest reward: 100 and 10
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Pt. 4
After tapping on Goblin Bart's exclamation mark:
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Alright, my upgraded little hooligan. The most important job of a thief is to go in first and set off the traps.
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Huh?
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No, no, let me explain. That way when you are killed, we don't lose anyone important.
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But I don't want to be a minesweeper.
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Of course not, nobody wants that. What we want is a trap-setter-offer. Again, so no one of value is hurt.
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...
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Task: Place 3 Cardboard Decorations, Make Goblin Bart check for Traps (4h) and Upgrade Boxingham Palace [x6] Quest reward: 100 and 10
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Pt. 5
Appears in the taskbook:
Task: Place 9 Cardboard Decorations [3/9] and Upgrade Boxingham Palace [6/10]
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Defend Your Honor
When someone attacks a player's town:
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One of our buildings is under attack! Go defend it.
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That sounds dangerous. If we ignore them maybe they'll go away.
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No hide! Tap building! Defend!
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Tap? That's not me, pal. That's sky finger.
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Task: Defend Your Honor - Defend a Building [x5] Quest reward: 100 and 10
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Eye for an Eye
After defending one building:
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Ok, this am sweet. This am the best. Someone attack us. Now we get revenge. Revenge is the best. Feel so good. So good.
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Let me explain: everyone have a lot of anger. But now want to be "bad guy."
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But when someone attack you -- you get to use anger as revenge -- but still be "good guy." So sweet.
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Just push revenge button and go nutso berserk crazy times kill kill kill.
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Task: Get Revenge To get "revenge", the player must tap on one of the buildings they defended after it was attacked, and click the red "Revenge" button. Then the player arrives in the town of the attacker and gives the option of destroying a building or not. Quest reward: 100 and 10
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Splinter is Coming
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Your building am destroyed. Go fix it.
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What's magic and fantasy about light carpenty?
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Fix house or me pull off your skin and make skin mousepad.
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People don't use mousepads any more. It's all infrared and Bluetooth.
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Me chew your inner-red meat with my blue tooth if you not fix building!
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Task: Repair a Building [x3] Quest reward: 100, 10
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Rolling With It
Upon receiving a Handful of 5 Cheaters 20s as a Personal Prize:
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G'hoiven moiven! Which is Frinkish for g'hoiven morning!
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Can I just be honest for a sec? Everything about you is incredibly annoying.
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Be that as it may-ven, I have invented a dice, or die, which guarantees a victory in attacks against other towns.
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Die, eh? How many sides?
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20 sides!
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Just 20?
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This amazing icosahedron always lands on twenty, guaranteeing victory, as I said before.
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So? What about getting attacked? Does it help for that?
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Why yes it does! The always-20 icosahedron when rolled can also defend against any attack!
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Ok. Look. I'm sorry about what I said earlier. You do come up with pretty cool stuff.
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Glayvin-hoiven-maven-nice ladyee!
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I'm gonna go get wasted on purple stuff now.
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Task: Destroy a Building with a Cheaters 20 and Use a Cheaters 20 to Defend Your Town Quest reward: 100 and 10
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Pointless-Yet-Compulsive
Pt. 1
Appears in the taskbook after unlocking Wizard Marge.
Task: Collect Gold [x9500], Upgrade Archer Lisa [to Level 8] and Upgrade Wizard Marge [to Level 4]
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Random dialogue
Some dialogue which appeared when one of our users, Phinbart, logged in on August 27, 2014.
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Oh man, I'm jonesin' for some elixir. I just can't get over its non-addictive great taste.
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Plus you can use it to upgrade stuff, if I understand this nonsense correctly.
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Well, it just so happens that I got a line on some of that so-called elixir myself.
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*glug* *glug* *glug*
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Man, that's some good purple! Where did you get it?
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Well, not by extracting it from what people who've been drinking it leave behind in the urinal, if that's what you're implying.
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I wasn't implying that.
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Although, I'm not a hundred percent rulin' that out either as where I got it.
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Understood.
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The thing is, when you love something as much I love purple elixir, it doesn't matter what it was extracted from. I'll take as much as you can "make".
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*winks*
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*winks*
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Notes
† - Some players have to build a second Krusty Burger for this task. This does not apply to all players.
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