Difference between revisions of "Treehouse of Horror XII/Quotes"

Revision as of 14:58, April 23, 2010

Hex and the City

Gypsy: [reading Marge's fortune] "I sense you live with much misery."

[Homer bursts in, chuckling and carrying a balloon that says "Birthday Boy."]

Homer: "The perfect crime. Marge, I have to be in court next Tuesday."

Gypsy: "I sense I should not take ... a check!" [glares at Homer]

[At the bar, Moe suggests that Homer use a Leprechaun to get rid of the Gypsy's curse.]

Carl: "You know, I was hexed by a troll, and a Leprechaun fixed that right up."

Lenny: "Hey, you know what's even better is Jesus. He's like six Leprechauns."

Carl: "Yeah, but a lot harder to catch. Go with a Leprechaun."

[The Leprechaun and the Gypsy have just gotten married. Marge and Homer are at the wedding.]

Marge: "The best thing about a Gypsy wedding is I'm not the hairiest woman here."

Homer: "Yep. Everything worked out for the best."

Marge: "What?! Bart is dead!"

Homer: "Well, me saying I'm sorry won't bring him back."

Marge: "The Gypsy said it would."

Homer: [stubbornly] "She's not the boss of me."

House of Whacks

Wiz Kids

[At Springwart's School of Magicry ...]

Mrs. Krabappel: "Now, class, the big magic recital's coming up, so we're going to start with some basic toad-to-prince spells. Everybody get out their toads."

[The class complies, and Mrs. Krabappel goes to Milhouse's desk.]

Milhouse: [waving wand over toad] "Slimy Prince Limey!" [His toad turns into a drunken, loutish man in Elizabethan-era attire.]

Drunken Prince: [to Mrs. Krabappel] "Well, hello, love. Give us a kiss, then." [puckers up]

Mrs. Krabappel: [scoffing] "You call that charming?" [She moves on to Lisa.]

Lisa: [waving wand] "Hocus-croakus!" [Her toad turns into a handsome young man in a suit with a Union-Jack vest.]

Mrs. Krabappel: "Oh, excellent, Lisa. A-plus. [aside to Lisa's prince] And we'll discuss your grade over breakfast." [She giggles.]

Handsome Prince: [gulping and chuckling nervously] "Yes, rather."

[Mrs. Krabappel moves on to Bart's desk.]

Mrs. Krabappel: "Well, Bart, did you study your spell book last night, or [sarcastically] did your fairy godmother die again?"

Bart: "I studied! [waves wand hesitantly] Abra-ca ... turn into a prince guy?" [His toad turns into a hideous toad-prince creature that constantly vomits.]

Mrs. Krabappel: "Sloppy work as usual. Lisa's casting spells at an eighth-grade level; you've sinned against nature."

Toad-Prince Creature: "Please kill me."

[In his lair, Lord Montymort spies on the classroom.]

Montymort: "Look at that Lisa Simpson. She's got more wicked witchery than Stevie Nicks. Oh, Slithers!" [Slithers enters.]

Slithers: "Yes, Lord Montymort?"

Montymort: "Let's capture that girl and steal her magical essence. I'm not getting squat from this yo-yo."

[Annoyed, Montymort puts on a helmet and gestures at the wall. Shackled to the wall is Ralph Wiggum, who is wearing a helmet identical to Montymort's and connected to it by a tube. Lumps of something are moving along the tube from Ralph's head to Montymort's.]

Ralph: [laughing]] "Dying tickles!"

[At the magical recital, Milhouse's attempt at the Invisibility Cloak has just gone severely awry, leaving him standing on stage naked. He runs offstage, crying.]

Skinner: [murmuring] "That was terrible. [louder, to audience] I'll just sprinkle you all with some Amnesia Dust!"

[Skinner sprinkles the dust over the audience and they applaud. Skinner moves on to introducing the next student.]

Skinner: "A second-grade sorceress so powerful, she made tonight's refreshments out of dead people!"

Audience: "Eeeeeewwwwwww!!"

[Skinner sprinkles Amnesia Dust over the audience again, and they laugh.]

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