Secrets of a Successful Marriage/Quotes

Quotes

Season 5 Episode Quotes

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102

"Lady Bouvier's Lover"

103
"Secrets of a Successful Marriage"

"Bart of Darkness"

104

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Homer: "Okay, the first thing they told me to do was to make sure everyone's in the right class."

(Someone in the class spits tobacco at him)

Homer: "Down the hall. Room 12."

Moe: Alright, here's the 441, folks; say some gangsta is dissin' your fly girl. You just give 'em one of these. [Moe starts a break (with a rap beat); flips back] Ooh-ae-ah-ooh – [grabs shotgun; blast three times at the roof]

Smithers: Um, I was married once, but, er ... I just didn't know how to keep it together.

[dissolve into black and white flashback ...]

Belle: Hah ... Come on, Waylon ... make love to me the way you used to.

Smithers: [pours liquor] No.

Belle: It's that horrible Mr. Burns, isn't it?

Smithers: YOU LEAVE MR. BURNS OUT OF THIS!!!! *GAHN!! [*smashes liquor with his crutch]

Mr. Burns: Smithers! [a smiling Smithers walks out to the deck to see Burns downstairs] Smitheerrrs!

Bart: Wow, I've never seen Mom so mad at Homer before.

Lisa: I'll tell you a secret, Bart – every time I'm worried about Mom and Dad, I go to the attic and add to my ball of string.

[said ball is huge; Snowball II touches the string –]

Snowball: Raow! [ball crushes her with a crack]

Lisa: (visiting Homer in the treehouse) "Here, Dad. I brought you some nice ... aah!"

(Homer has made a model of Marge; a tall plant to match her hairstyle, with a paper plate face stuck to it)

Homer: "Good news, Lisa. I don't need your mother anymore. I've created a replacement that's superior to her in almost every way!"

Lisa: "Dad, that's just a plant."

Homer: "Lisa! You will respect your new mother. Now, give her a kiss! KIIIIISS HER!"

(Homer thrusts the plant in Lisa's face and accidentally drops it out of the treehouse, where it breaks on the ground below)

Homer: "Oh my God, Oh my God, Oh my God! Okay, let's get our story set. She tripped, right?"

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