Difference between revisions of "Kamp Krusty/Quotes"

Revision as of 16:35, August 27, 2012

Bart: "I dreamt it was the last day of school!"

Homer: "Well, it is!"

Bart: "How do I know this isn't some beautiful dream, too?"

[Homer whacks Bart on the head with a newspaper.]

Bart: "Ow! You know, a pinch is more traditional."

Marge: "Homer, you do remember your promise to the children?"

Homer: "Sure do. When you're 18, you're out the door!"

Homer: "Son, if you really want something in this life, you have to work for it. Now quiet! They're about to announce the lottery numbers."

Miss Hoover: "Here are your final report cards. I have nothing left to say to any of you, so if nobody minds, let's just quietly run out the clock."

Bart: "Mrs. Krabappel, if I don't get at least a 'C' average, I can't go to Kamp Krusty!"

Mrs. Krabappel: "Have a 'D'-lightful summer."

Teacher: [when the bells ring] "Wait a minute! You didn't learn how World War II ended!"

[The class waits expectantly.]

Teacher: "We won!"

Class: [running out of the building cheering] "Yay! U-S-A! U-S-A! U-S-A!"

Bart: "Well, Dad, here's my report card. I think you'll be pleasantly surprised."

Homer: "'A+'!? You don't think much of me, do you, boy?"

Bart: "No, sir."

Homer: "You know a 'D' turns into a 'B' so easily. You just got greedy."

Bart: "So I won't get to go to camp?"

Homer: "Now, Bart, we made this deal because I thought it would help you get good grades. And you didn't. But why should you pay for my mistake?"

Bart: "You mean I can go?"

Homer: "Yeah. I didn't want you hangin' around all summer anyway."

Bart: "Oh, Dad! You're the best father a boy could ever have."

Homer: "Thanks, son. Now, you've got little hands ... could you reach under the mower and pull out that skate?"

Bart: "Hey, hands off my pickle!"

Homer: "I don't see your name on it, boy!"

Bart: "No, but--" [licks the pickle]

Homer: "Oh, yeah? [dunks the pickle in his milk] Checkmate!"

Bart: "Always thinking two moves ahead."

Marge: "It's our last family dinner for six weeks. But I promised myself I wouldn't cry."

[The others ignore her and continue to eat.]

Marge: [crying] "Oh, I'm going to miss this."

Marge: "Lisa, watch out for poison ivy. Remember, leaves of three, let it be."

Homer: "Leaves of four, eat some more!" [Laughs]

[The bus departs for Kamp Krusty with the kids on board.]

Bart: "Don't look in my closet! In fact, stay out of my room all together."

Lisa: "If the pets die, don't replace them, I'll know!"

Mr. Black: "I'll take any questions you might have ... you? And then, um ... one more."

Milhouse: "Can we call you Uncle Blackie?"

Mr. Black: "No. Last question."

[The kids sit around a campfire of burning tires while the camp counselors (the school bullies) supervise.]

Bart: "Don't we get to roast marshmallows?"

Dolph: "Shut up and eat your pine cone!"

[At the dock, Lisa hesitates to get into a battered-looking canoe bobbing around in rough waves.]

Lisa: "Uh ... Are you sure that's safe?"

Kearney: "Well, it ain't gettin' any safer!"

[The canoe breaks apart and sinks.]

[At dinnertime ... ]

Lisa: "You're serving us gruel?"

Dolph: "Not quite. This is Krusty Brand Imitation Gruel. Nine out of ten orphans can't tell the difference!"

Lisa: "I feel like I'm gonna die, Bart."

Bart: "We're all gonna die, Lis'."

Lisa: "I meant soon."

Bart: "So did I."

Lisa: [writing home] "Dear Mom and Dad, I no longer fear hell, because I've been to Kamp Krusty."

Marge: [reading Lisa's letter] "She complains now, but when we go to pick her up, she won't want to leave."

Mr. Black: "Well, kids, I promised you a little treat in lieu of dinner, and here it is. The man who took an abandoned mule tannery, and turned it into a summer wonderland: Mr. Krusty the Clown!"

[Instead of the real Krusty, it's a disheveled and crudely disguised Barney Gumble.]

Mr. Black: "Now, I must tell you kids Krusty has laryngitis and a bad back, so he won't be saying anything or doing anything."

Milhouse: "Krusty looks fat!"

Lisa: "He's really having trouble keeping his balance!"

Ralph: "He's still funny, but not ha-ha funny!"

Bart: [angry] "That's not Krusty the Clown!!"

[The other kids gasp.]

Mr. Black: "Well, what do you think? I slapped a clown suit on some wino?" [laughs nervously]

Barney: "Yeah, Bart, I am so Crunchy the Clown!" [belches]

Bart: "All right, that's it! I've been scorched by Krusty before. I got a rapid heartbeat from his Krusty brand vitamins, my Krusty Kalculator didn't have a 7 or an 8, and Krusty's autobiography was self-serving with many glaring omissions. But this time, he's gone too far! WE WANT KRUSTY!"

[The other kids join in and chant with Bart.]

Bart and Kids: "WE WANT KRUSTY! WE WANT KRUSTY!"

Barney: "Yeah! We want Crunchy! We want Crunchy!"

[A full-scale revolt breaks out, and Bart frees the fat-camp kids.]

Bart: "My chunky brothers! Gorge yourselves at the trough of freedom!"

[On TV, Kent Brockman reports about the chaos at Kamp Krusty.]

Kent Brockman: "Ladies and Gentlemen, I have been to Vietnam, Iraq and Afghanistan, and I can say without hyperbole that this is a million times worse than all of them put together. A group of school-aged Spartacuses have taken the camp by force. Three counselors are missing and presumed scared."

[Kent is about to interview the rebel leader ...]

Homer: [watching the report about Kamp Krusty on the news] "Don't be the boy, don't be the boy ..."

Bart: "We want the whole world to know that this was a really crappy camp. [covers microphone with his hand] Can I say 'crappy' on TV?"

Kent: "Yes, on this network you can."

[The real Krusty the Clown arrives at camp, but the kids don't believe it's really him.]

Krusty: "I'm no fake! I'm the real Krusty!"

Lisa: "Oh, yeah!? Who played your daughter in the short-lived sitcom President Clown?"

Krusty: "I don't know her name, but she held up a liquor store last year."

Bart: "Krusty! This camp was a nightmare! They fed us gruel, they forced us to make wallets for export, and one of the campers was eaten by a bear!"

Krusty: "Oh, my God!!"

Bart: "Well, actually, the bear just ate his hat."

Krusty: "Was it a nice hat?"

Bart: "Oh, yeah."

Krusty: "Oh, my God!!"

Krusty: "I'm taking you kids to the happiest place on Earth: Tijuana!"

Homer: "Marge, am I crazy or is my back getting hairier?"

Otto: "All right! Three whole months of Spaghetti-O's and daytime TV!"