Difference between revisions of "Kamp Krusty/Quotes"

Revision as of 22:49, September 13, 2010

Bart: I dreamt it was the last day of school!

Homer: Well it is!

Bart: How do I know this isn't some beautiful dream, too?

Homer: [whacks him on the head with a newspaper]

Bart: Ow! You know, a pinch is more traditional.

Marge: Homer, you do remember your promise to the children?

Homer: Sure do. When you're 18, you're out the door!

Homer: Son, if you really want something in this life, you have to work for it. Now quiet! They're about to announce the lottery numbers.

Miss Hoover: Here are your final report cards. I have nothing left to say to any of you, so if nobody minds, let's just quietly run out the clock.

Bart: Mrs. Krabappel, if I don't get at least a "C" average, I can't go to Kamp Krusty!

Mrs. Krabappel: Have a "D"-lightful summer.

Teacher [when the bells ring]: Wait a minute! You didn't learn how World War II ended!

Class: [waits for the answer]

Teacher: We won!

Class: Yay! U-S-A! U-S-A! U-S-A!

Bart: Well Dad, here's my report card. I think you'll be pleasantly surprised.

Homer: "A+"!? You don't think much of me do you, boy?

Bart: No, sir.

Homer: You know a "D" turns into a "B" so easily. You just got greedy.

Bart: So I won't get to go to camp?

Homer: Now Bart, we made this deal because I thought it would help you get good grades. And you didn't. But why should you pay for my mistake?

Bart: You mean I can go?

Homer: Yeah. I didn't want you hangin' around all summer anyway.

Bart: Hey, hands off my pickle!

Homer: I don't see your name on it, boy!

Bart: No, but--(licks it)

Homer: Oh yeah? (dunks in his milk) Checkmate!

Bart: Always thinking two moves ahead.

Bart: Oh Dad! You're the best father a boy could ever have.

Homer: Thanks son. Now you've got little hands.. could you reach under the mower and pull out that skate?

Marge: It's our last family dinner for six weeks. But I promised myself I wouldn't cry. [the others continue to eat] [crying] Oh, I'm going to miss this.

Marge: Lisa, watch out for poison ivy. Remember, leaves of three, let it be.

Homer: Leaves of four, eat some more! (Laughs)

Bart: Don't look in my closet. In fact, stay out of my room altogether.

Lisa: If the pets die, don't replace them, I'll know!

Mr. Black: I'll take any questions you might have... you? And then um.... one more.

Milhouse: Can we call you Uncle Blackie?

Mr. Black: No.. last question...

[at the campfire]

Bart: Don't we get to roast marshmallows?

Dolph: Shut up and eat your pine cone.

[at the canoe]

Lisa: Uh, are your sure that's safe?

Kearney: Well it ain't gettin' any safer.

[at dinnertime]

Lisa: You're serving us gruel?

Dolph: Not quite. This is Krusty Brand Imitation Gruel. Nine out of ten orphans can't tell the difference.

Lisa: I feel like I'm gonna die, Bart.

Bart: We're all gonna die, Lis.

Lisa: I meant soon.

Bart: So did I.

Marge [about Lisa's frantic letter home]: She complains now, but when we go to pick her up, she won't want to leave.

Mr. Black: Well kids, I promised you a little treat in lieu of dinner, and here it is. The man who took an abandoned mule tannery, and turned it into a summer wonderland: Mr. Krusty the Klown!

(Instead of the real Krusty, it's a disheveled Barney Gumble in a crude disguise)

Mr. Black: Now I must tell you kids Krusty has laryngitis and a bad back so he won't be saying anything or doing anything.

Milhouse: Krusty looks fat!

Lisa: He's really having trouble keeping his balance!

Ralph: He's still funny, but not ha-ha funny!

Bart: (angry) That's not Krusty the Klown!!

(The other kids gasp)

Mr. Black: Well, what do you think? I slapped a clown suit on some wino? (laughs nervously)

Barney: Yeah Bart, I am so Crunchy the Clown! (belches)

Bart: All right, that's it! I've been scorched by Krusty before. I got a rapid heartbeat from his Krusty brand vitamins, my Krusty Kalculator didn't have a 7 or an 8, and Krusty's autobiography was self-serving with many glaring omissions. But this time, he's gone too far! WE WANT KRUSTY! (the other kids join in the chant) WE WANT KRUSTY! WE WANT KRUSTY!

Barney: Yeah! We want Crunchy! We want Crunchy!

Bart: My chunky brothers! Gorge yourselves at the trough of freedom!

Kent Brockman [about the chaos at Kamp Krusty]: Ladies and Gentlemen, I have been to Vietnam, Iraq and Afghanistan, and I can say without hyperbole that this is a million times worse than all of them put together. A group of school-aged Spartacuses have taken the camp by force. Three counsellors are missing, and presumed scared.

Homer [watching the report about Kamp Krusty on the news]: Don't be the boy, don't be the boy...

Bart: We want the whole world to know that this was a really crappy camp. [covers microphone with his hand] Can I say "crappy" on TV?

Kent: Yes, on this network you can.

Krusty: I'm no fake! I'm the real Krusty!

Lisa: Oh yeah!? Who played your daughter in the short-lived sitcom, "President Clown"?

Krusty: I don't know her name, but she held up a liquor store last year.

Bart: Krusty! This camp was a nightmare! They fed us gruel, they forced us to make wallets for export, and one of the campers was eaten by a bear!

Krusty: Oh my God!!

Bart: Well, actually, the bear just ate his hat.

Krusty: Was it a nice hat?

Bart: Oh yeah.

Krusty: Oh My God!!

Krusty: I'm taking you kids to the happiest place on Earth: Tijuana!

Homer: Marge, am I crazy or is my back getting hairier?

Lisa: (writing home) Dear Mom and Dad, I no longer fear hell, because I've been to Kamp Krusty.

Otto: All right! Three whole months of Spaghetti-O's and daytime TV!

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