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Difference between revisions of "Duffless/Quotes"

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< Duffless
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''Master bedroom. Marge is worried about Homer in light of his arrest and is reading literature on alcoholism. Homer is in bathroom.''
+
{{TabQ}}
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'''Pamphlet''': IS YOUR SPOUSE A SOUSE?
+
{{EpisodePrevNextQuo|I Love Lisa|Last Exit to Springfield}}
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'''[[Marge Simpson|Marge]]''': Homer, are you secretive about your drinking and/or do you have secret storage spaces for beer?
+
 
−
'''[[Homer Simpson|Homer]]''': What was that?
+
{{qf|[[Marge]]}} Homer, I want you to encourage Lisa with her science fair project.
−
''Homer opens toilet tank and takes out a beer can he stored in there.''
+
{{qf|[[Homer]]}} Yes, syrup is better than jelly.
−
'''Marge''': Do you need a beer to help you sleep at night?
 
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'''Homer''': That sounds like a good idea.
 
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'''Marge''': After drinking, do you have distorted images of yourself or the world around you?
 
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''Homer looks in mirror and sees himself as muscular. He uses his pectoral muscles to play along with music.''
 
−
'''Homer''': Dum dum dum dum dum dum dum dum de dum dum dum dum dum dum dum dum de dum de dum!
 
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''Homer enters master bedroom and goes to bed with Marge.''
 
−
'''Marge''': I want you to do a big favor for me. Effective tommorow I want you to not have any beer for one month.
 
−
'''Homer''': You got it. No deer for a month.
 
−
'''Marge''': Did you say beer or deer?
 
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'''Homer'''{sheepish}: Deer.
 
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'''Marge'''{reassuring}: Homie, please. I know you can do this.
 
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'''Homer''': OK Marge. I will do it for you.
 
−
'''Marge''': Thank you Homer.
 
−
''Marge turns out lights, then a *PSST* sound is heard in the dark, which sounds an awful lot like the tab of a beer can.''
 
−
'''Marge''': What was that?
 
−
'''Homer''': Psst! I love you.
 
 
----
 
----
−
[[Category:Quotes]]
+
{{qf|Homer}} ''[yawns]'' Well, time to go to work.
 +
{{qf|Homer's brain}} Little do they know, I'm ducking out early to take the [[Duff Brewery]] tour.
 +
{{qf|Homer}} Roll in at nine, punch out at five, that's the plan.
 +
{{qf|Homer's brain}} Heh-heh-heh. They don't suspect a thing. ''[camera pans down to Homer's mouth, and back up]'' Well, off to the plant.
 +
{{qf|Homer}} Then to the Duff Brewery.
 +
{{qf|Homer's brain}} Uh-oh. Did I say that or just think it?
 +
{{qf|Homer}} ''[panicky]'' I gotta think of a lie fast!
 +
{{qf|Marge}} Homer, are you going to the Duff Brewery?
 +
{{qf|Homer}} GAAAAAAGH! ''[runs off]''
 +
----
 +
{{qf|Tour Guide}} What does the future hold for Duff? ''[chuckles]'' Let's just say we've got a few ideas up our sleeve.
 +
{{qf|Homer}} Like what?
 +
{{qf|Tour Guide}} Um... I'd rather not get into it right now.
 +
{{qf|Homer}} Why not?
 +
{{qf|Tour Guide}} All right. We don't have any ideas for the future. We got nothing. Happy?
 +
{{qf|Homer}} No.
 +
----
 +
{{qf|Tour guide}} Now, this is the most important man on the tour. He's in charge of quality control.
 +
{{qf|[[Phil]]}} Fine. Fine. Mouse. Fine. Mouse. Rat. Fine. Syringe. Fine. Nose. Fine.
 +
{{qf|[[Barney]]}} Lemme just say, you're goin' a great job, Phil.
 +
{{qf|Phil}} ''[distracted]'' Hey thanks a lot, that makes it all worthwhile.
 +
----
 +
{{qf|Homer}} Mmm... Gummi Beer. ''[eats gummi. Walks forward at Barney drinking Duff Dark]'' Hey, Barney, I think you've had enough.
 +
{{qf|Barney}} Are you crazy?! We still haven't tried Raspberry Duff, Lady Duff, Tartar Control Du– Ooowwhh... ''[collaspes]''
 +
----
 +
{{qf|[[Chief Wiggum]]}} Mrs. Simpson, I have some bad news; your husband was found DOA.
 +
{{qf|Marge}} Oh my God! He's dead?!
 +
{{qf|Chief Wiggum}} Oh, wait, I mean DWI. I always get those two mixed up.
 +
{{qf|[[Mrs. Phillips]]}} My name's Mrs. Phillips. You said my husband's DWI?
 +
{{qf|Chief Wiggum}} Um... why don't you talk to that officer over there? I'm going out to lunch.
 +
----
 +
{{qf|[[Principal Skinner]]}} Well, [[Edna]], for a school with no Asian kids, I think we put on a pretty darn good science fair.
 +
----
 +
{{qf|[[Lisa]]}} I've grown a futuristic tomato by fertilizing it with anabolic steroids.
 +
{{qf|[[Bart]]}} The kind that help our Olympic athletes reach new peaks of excellence?
 +
{{qf|Lisa}} The very same.
 +
----
 +
{{qf|[[Lionel Hutz]]}} Don't worry, Homer. I have a fool proof strategy to get you out of here: surprise witnesses, each more surprising than the last. I tell you, the judge won't know what hit him!
 +
----
 +
{{qf|Homer}} ''[singing]'' W, X, Y, and Z. Now I know my ABCs. Won't you come and play with me?
 +
{{qf|[[Eddie]]}} Flawless.
 +
{{qf|[[Lou]]}} We also would have accepted, "tell me what you think of me."
 +
----
 +
{{qf|Homer}} "To overcome the spider's curse, simply quote a Bible verse." Uh... Thou shalt not... Dawoh..! ''[Homer throws a rock at the spider's head]''
 +
----
 +
{{qf|Homer}} Marge, I'm goin' to [[Moe's]]. Send the kids to the neighbors, I'm comin' back loaded!
 +
----
 +
{{qf|Marge}} Homie, I'd like you to do something for me.
 +
{{qf|Homer}} You name it.
 +
{{qf|Marge}} I want you to give up beer for a month.
 +
{{qf|Homer}} You got it. No deer for a month.
 +
{{qf|Marge}} Did you say beer, or deer?
 +
{{qf|Homer}} ''[long pause]'' Deer.
 +
----
 +
{{qf|Homer}} All right, starting tomorrow no beer for a month.
 +
:''[Marge turns off the light and Homer opens a can, audibly]''
 +
{{qf|Marge}} What was that noise?
 +
{{qf|Homer}} I was saying, "Psssst, I love you."
 +
----
 +
{{qf|Homer}} I would kill everyone in this room for a drop of sweet beer.
 +
----
 +
{{qf|[[Julie]]}} Your license is hereby revoked and you are to attend traffic school and two months of Alch-Anon meetings.
 +
{{qf|Homer}} Your Honor, I'd like that last remark stricken from the record.
 +
{{qf|Julie}} No.
 +
----
 +
{{qf|Lisa}} What have you done with my report?
 +
{{qf|Bart}} I've hidden it. To find it you'll need to decipher a series of clues, each more fiendish than–
 +
{{qf|Lisa}} Got it.
 +
{{qf|Bart}} D'oh!
 +
----
 +
{{qf|[[Moe]]}} You'll be back! And so will you! And you! ''And'' you.
 +
{{qf|Barney}} Of course I'll be back. If you didn't close I'd never leave.
 +
----
 +
{{qf|Lisa}} ''[echoic from Bart's dream]'' First prize! First prize! First prize!
 +
{{qf|Bart}} Why are you saying that?
 +
{{qf|Lisa}} Just screwing with your mind. ''[laughs and runs off]''
 +
----
 +
{{qf|Lisa}} ''[laughs wickedly]''
 +
{{qf|Marge}} What's so funny?
 +
{{qf|Lisa}} Oh, uh... I was just thinking of a joke I saw on ''Herman's Head''. ''[laughs nervously]''
 +
----
 +
{{qf|Homer}} Barney, give me your keys. You're too drunk to drive.
 +
{{qf|Barney}} I'm fine.
 +
{{qf|Homer}} Okay, you leave me no option! ''[punches Barney]''
 +
{{qf|Barney}} Ow! What was that for?
 +
{{qf|Homer}} I'm trying to knock you out! ''[tries harder with a tire iron]''
 +
{{qf|Barney}} Ow! Cut it out. ''[Homer tries slamming Barney's head in the car door]'' Ow! ''[slam]'' Ow! ''[slam]'' Ow! ''[slam]'' Ow! ''[slam]'' Ow! All right, here, take the keys. ''[hands Homer the keys]''
 +
----
 +
{{qf|Lisa}} I want the most intelligent hamster you've got.
 +
{{qf|Pet Shop Clerk}} OK. ''[reaches into a box of hamsters under the counter and randomly selects one]'' Uh, this little guy writes mysteries under the name of J. D. McGregor.
 +
{{qf|Lisa}} How can a hamster write mysteries?
 +
{{qf|Pet Shop Clerk}} Well, he gets the ending first, then he writes backward.
 +
{{qf|Lisa}} Aw, c'mon.
 +
{{qf|Pet Shop Clerk}} Look, kid, just take him before his mother eats him, all right?
 +
----
 +
{{qf|Lisa}} ''[writing]'' I propose to determine the answer to the question: "Is my brother dumber than a hamster?"
 +
{{qf|Bart}} Hey Lis, look what I can do! ''[inserts his fist into mouth, but discovers he can't retract it]'' Mmmph... doggone it.
 +
----
 +
{{qf|Homer}} I'm here for the Alch-Anon meeting.
 +
{{qf|[[Rev. Lovejoy]]}} Mm-hm. Third door on your left. ''[Jasper walks up]'' Coping with senility?
 +
{{qf|[[Jasper]]}} ''[gruff]'' No! I'm here for microwave cookery. No, wait. Coping with senility.
 +
----
 +
{{qf|Rev. Lovejoy}} Homer, with our help, you'll never touch a beer again.
 +
{{qf|Homer}} AAAGH! ''[jumps out the window]''
 +
----
 +
{{qf|Homer}} ''[singing]'' When I was 17, I drank some very good beer. I drank some very good beer, I purchased with a fake ID. My name was Brian McGee. I stayed up listening to [[Queen]]. When I was 17.
 +
----
 +
{{qf|[[Milhouse]]}} Behold gravity in all its glory. ''[pushes a Slinky down an inclined 2-by-4. It goes one step, then it stops]''
 +
{{qf|[[Edna]]}} Pretty lame, Milhouse.
 +
----
 +
{{qf|Marge}} I don't know if I like you experimenting on your brother.
 +
{{qf|Lisa}} Please, mother, it's purely in the interest of science.
 +
{{qf|Lisa's Brain}} That'll learn 'im to bust my tomater.
 +
----
 +
{{qf|Rev. Lovejoy}} So Homer, please feel free to tell us anything. There's no judgment here.
 +
{{qf|Homer}} The other day I was so desperate for a beer I snuck into a football stadium and ate the dirt under the bleachers.
 +
{{qf|Rev. Lovejoy}} I cast thee out!
 +
----
 +
{{qf|Moe}} C'mon, Homer, do it for your old pal Moesy.
 +
{{qf|Barney}} But Moe, yesterday you called Homer a worthless sack of–
 +
{{qf|Moe}} Pipe down, rub-a-dub!
 +
 
 +
{{Season 4|Q}}

Latest revision as of 08:22, November 10, 2021


Season 4 Episode Quotes
← 074 "I Love Lisa"
075
"Duffless"
"Last Exit to Springfield" 076 →


Marge: Homer, I want you to encourage Lisa with her science fair project.
Homer: Yes, syrup is better than jelly.
Homer: [yawns] Well, time to go to work.
Homer's brain: Little do they know, I'm ducking out early to take the Duff Brewery tour.
Homer: Roll in at nine, punch out at five, that's the plan.
Homer's brain: Heh-heh-heh. They don't suspect a thing. [camera pans down to Homer's mouth, and back up] Well, off to the plant.
Homer: Then to the Duff Brewery.
Homer's brain: Uh-oh. Did I say that or just think it?
Homer: [panicky] I gotta think of a lie fast!
Marge: Homer, are you going to the Duff Brewery?
Homer: GAAAAAAGH! [runs off]
Tour Guide: What does the future hold for Duff? [chuckles] Let's just say we've got a few ideas up our sleeve.
Homer: Like what?
Tour Guide: Um... I'd rather not get into it right now.
Homer: Why not?
Tour Guide: All right. We don't have any ideas for the future. We got nothing. Happy?
Homer: No.
Tour guide: Now, this is the most important man on the tour. He's in charge of quality control.
Phil: Fine. Fine. Mouse. Fine. Mouse. Rat. Fine. Syringe. Fine. Nose. Fine.
Barney: Lemme just say, you're goin' a great job, Phil.
Phil: [distracted] Hey thanks a lot, that makes it all worthwhile.
Homer: Mmm... Gummi Beer. [eats gummi. Walks forward at Barney drinking Duff Dark] Hey, Barney, I think you've had enough.
Barney: Are you crazy?! We still haven't tried Raspberry Duff, Lady Duff, Tartar Control Du– Ooowwhh... [collaspes]
Chief Wiggum: Mrs. Simpson, I have some bad news; your husband was found DOA.
Marge: Oh my God! He's dead?!
Chief Wiggum: Oh, wait, I mean DWI. I always get those two mixed up.
Mrs. Phillips: My name's Mrs. Phillips. You said my husband's DWI?
Chief Wiggum: Um... why don't you talk to that officer over there? I'm going out to lunch.
Principal Skinner: Well, Edna, for a school with no Asian kids, I think we put on a pretty darn good science fair.
Lisa: I've grown a futuristic tomato by fertilizing it with anabolic steroids.
Bart: The kind that help our Olympic athletes reach new peaks of excellence?
Lisa: The very same.
Lionel Hutz: Don't worry, Homer. I have a fool proof strategy to get you out of here: surprise witnesses, each more surprising than the last. I tell you, the judge won't know what hit him!
Homer: [singing] W, X, Y, and Z. Now I know my ABCs. Won't you come and play with me?
Eddie: Flawless.
Lou: We also would have accepted, "tell me what you think of me."
Homer: "To overcome the spider's curse, simply quote a Bible verse." Uh... Thou shalt not... Dawoh..! [Homer throws a rock at the spider's head]
Homer: Marge, I'm goin' to Moe's. Send the kids to the neighbors, I'm comin' back loaded!
Marge: Homie, I'd like you to do something for me.
Homer: You name it.
Marge: I want you to give up beer for a month.
Homer: You got it. No deer for a month.
Marge: Did you say beer, or deer?
Homer: [long pause] Deer.
Homer: All right, starting tomorrow no beer for a month.
[Marge turns off the light and Homer opens a can, audibly]
Marge: What was that noise?
Homer: I was saying, "Psssst, I love you."
Homer: I would kill everyone in this room for a drop of sweet beer.
Julie: Your license is hereby revoked and you are to attend traffic school and two months of Alch-Anon meetings.
Homer: Your Honor, I'd like that last remark stricken from the record.
Julie: No.
Lisa: What have you done with my report?
Bart: I've hidden it. To find it you'll need to decipher a series of clues, each more fiendish than–
Lisa: Got it.
Bart: D'oh!
Moe: You'll be back! And so will you! And you! And you.
Barney: Of course I'll be back. If you didn't close I'd never leave.
Lisa: [echoic from Bart's dream] First prize! First prize! First prize!
Bart: Why are you saying that?
Lisa: Just screwing with your mind. [laughs and runs off]
Lisa: [laughs wickedly]
Marge: What's so funny?
Lisa: Oh, uh... I was just thinking of a joke I saw on Herman's Head. [laughs nervously]
Homer: Barney, give me your keys. You're too drunk to drive.
Barney: I'm fine.
Homer: Okay, you leave me no option! [punches Barney]
Barney: Ow! What was that for?
Homer: I'm trying to knock you out! [tries harder with a tire iron]
Barney: Ow! Cut it out. [Homer tries slamming Barney's head in the car door] Ow! [slam] Ow! [slam] Ow! [slam] Ow! [slam] Ow! All right, here, take the keys. [hands Homer the keys]
Lisa: I want the most intelligent hamster you've got.
Pet Shop Clerk: OK. [reaches into a box of hamsters under the counter and randomly selects one] Uh, this little guy writes mysteries under the name of J. D. McGregor.
Lisa: How can a hamster write mysteries?
Pet Shop Clerk: Well, he gets the ending first, then he writes backward.
Lisa: Aw, c'mon.
Pet Shop Clerk: Look, kid, just take him before his mother eats him, all right?
Lisa: [writing] I propose to determine the answer to the question: "Is my brother dumber than a hamster?"
Bart: Hey Lis, look what I can do! [inserts his fist into mouth, but discovers he can't retract it] Mmmph... doggone it.
Homer: I'm here for the Alch-Anon meeting.
Rev. Lovejoy: Mm-hm. Third door on your left. [Jasper walks up] Coping with senility?
Jasper: [gruff] No! I'm here for microwave cookery. No, wait. Coping with senility.
Rev. Lovejoy: Homer, with our help, you'll never touch a beer again.
Homer: AAAGH! [jumps out the window]
Homer: [singing] When I was 17, I drank some very good beer. I drank some very good beer, I purchased with a fake ID. My name was Brian McGee. I stayed up listening to Queen. When I was 17.
Milhouse: Behold gravity in all its glory. [pushes a Slinky down an inclined 2-by-4. It goes one step, then it stops]
Edna: Pretty lame, Milhouse.
Marge: I don't know if I like you experimenting on your brother.
Lisa: Please, mother, it's purely in the interest of science.
Lisa's Brain: That'll learn 'im to bust my tomater.
Rev. Lovejoy: So Homer, please feel free to tell us anything. There's no judgment here.
Homer: The other day I was so desperate for a beer I snuck into a football stadium and ate the dirt under the bleachers.
Rev. Lovejoy: I cast thee out!
Moe: C'mon, Homer, do it for your old pal Moesy.
Barney: But Moe, yesterday you called Homer a worthless sack of–
Moe: Pipe down, rub-a-dub!
Season 4 Quotes
Kamp Krusty • A Streetcar Named Marge • Homer the Heretic • Lisa the Beauty Queen • Treehouse of Horror III • Itchy & Scratchy: The Movie • Marge Gets a Job • New Kid on the Block • Mr. Plow • Lisa's First Word • Homer's Triple Bypass • Marge vs. the Monorail • Selma's Choice • Brother from the Same Planet • I Love Lisa • Duffless • Last Exit to Springfield • So It's Come to This: A Simpsons Clip Show • The Front • Whacking Day • Marge in Chains • Krusty Gets Kancelled
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