Artists
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Song Information
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"Artists" is a song performed by Ethan Ballantyne and Kurt Hardwick, assisted by Lisa Simpson and Stephen Hawking, during Expressions. A reprise is later sung by Ballantyne and Hardwick, as well as Krusty the Clown and Lisa, to Lisa after she tracks them to their regular lives outside of the performing arts camp.
Lyrics
- Cory:
- So what do you guys do when you're not camp counselors?
- Kurt:
- We're highly successful artists. And as artists we live in Springfield's most artistic borough.
- Ethan:
- Sprooklyn.
- Campers:
- Wow.
- Kurt:
- We spend our days acting and painting.
- Ethan:
- Dancing and sculpting.
- Kurt:
- Playing my Gibson.
- Ethan:
- Rehearsing my Ibsen.
- Kurt:
- Because you see, young artists...
- Ethan:
- Artists are the people who hold up a mirror.
- Kurt:
- Artists make society see its faults clearer.
- Posh Man:
- Ha ha ha.
- Kurt:
- Artists help step out...
- Kurt and Ethan:
- Oppression of wars.
- Ethan:
- And when we camp outdoors...
- Ethan and Kurt:
- Make the best s'mores!
- Kurt:
- Three layers, Mother Nature!
- Ethan:
- Mmmm, mmm...
- Kurt:
- Yeh, yeh!
- Kurt and Ethan:
- Artists end poverty with music and dance.
- Artists make art on the beaches of France.
- Lisa:
- I never knew artists were all so amazing!
- Kurt:
- Excuse me while I talk to this cow that is grazing.
- I give art
- Like you give milk.
- Grazing Cow:
- Mooo.
- [subtitle: But they can't bottle your genius.]
- Ethan:
- Everyone listens when artists are talking.
- Kurt:
- 'Cause artists are smarter than Mr. Stephen Hawking.
- Stephen Hawking:
- Oh, yeah. Break it down for me fellas.
- [Hawking scratches a record, while Ethan and Kurt breakdance]
- Stephen Hawking:
- A Brief History of Rhyme.
- Lisa:
- Do you think I can be an artist in the city?
- Ethan:
- Hold on, Lisa, let me check with the committee.
- [to Kurt, the cow, and Hawking] So what do you guys think?
- Stephen Hawking:
- Yes.
- Grazing Cow:
- Moo.
- Kurt:
- I agree.
- Ethan and Kurt:
- Yes, Lisa, you can be an artist in the world.
- So move to the city when you're less itty-bitty, girl.
- To the gritty city when you're less itty-bitty, girl!
- The city's pretty gritty for an itty-bitty pretty girl!
Reprise
- Ethan:
- Lisa Simpson, what are you doing here?
- Lisa:
- I came to share in the esteem that the world bestows on its artists.
- Ethan:
- Uh, yeah.
- Lisa:
- Blblblbl, boy, it sure is cold in here.
- Ethan:
- No heat. It's, uh, part of our art. [a shotgun is heard outside] More art.
- Kurt:
- Ethan, look what I stole from work!
- Ethan:
- Yes!
- Lisa:
- Tomatoes? What kind of artists are you?
- Kurt:
- Sandwich artists.
- Ethan:
- But we get to eat any sandwiches we drop on the floor.
- Kurt:
- Unless we drop them on purpose.
- Ethan:
- They've got cameras on us at all times.
- Lisa:
- Are you saying that arts camp was a lie?!
- Ethan:
- Well, not the swimming.
- Kurt:
- Look, Lisa, I think it's time we sang you the truth.
- Ethan and Kurt:
- Artists are the least important people in the world,
- So, whatever you do, don't be an artist...girl.
- Ethan:
- Artists make a living dressin' up like a falafel.
- Kurt:
- Artists shed a tear when they're called something awful.
- Sprooklynite:
- You ain't no falafel!
- Krusty:
- Artists sit in jail on a lifetime hitch.
- The only way out is become a prison snitch.
- [other prisoners look at Krusty] Oh, why did I sing that out loud?
- Lisa:
- What I don't get is why all the lies?
- Ethan and Kurt:
- We wanted you to think we were happening guys.
- [they sniffle]
- Ethan:
- Well, philosophically, we're happening in the sense that we exist.
- Kurt:
- Not for long, if we don't drop more sandwiches.
Behind the Laughter
The music is by Bret McKenzie and Jemaine Clement and the lyrics by Tim Long. The song is also reprised near the end of the show and during the credits.
