The Simpsons: Tapped Out Itchy & Scratchy Land content update/Premium Gameplay

Catamauling

Catamauling Pt. 1

After tapping on Scratchy's exclamation mark: AAAAAAH! I'M WEARING A SWEATER KNITTED FROM MY OWN INTESTINES!!!!!! Oops, forgot to wipe the memory. I'll just kill this one and boot up another. What is this place? Why is there a dead me on the floor over there? Never mind that. Welcome to the real world, Mr. Scratchy. Now, if you'll hold still, I need to- Must kill Itchy... Where'd he go? Task: Make Scratchy Hunt for Itchy (8h) I can't find Itchy anywhere. Maybe there IS no Itchy in this world. No Itchy! I'm freeeeeeeee! Quest reward: 100 and 10

Catamauling Pt. 2

After completing Catamauling Pt. 1: I've never known a life without constant war. I've... I've let my pursuit of that mouse define me. Twisted by rage, I've become a stranger to myself. Who am I? Without the mouse, do I even exist? Well, I'm going to find out. I'm going to- Hey Scratchy! AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH! Task: Make Scratchy Find Somewhere Secluded to Hide (4h, Brown House) Hey, it's that cat from TV! Say something funny, TV cat! Please. Tell no one you saw me. I need time to think. To wrap myself in solitude and just...be. Yeesh. It's always disappointing to meet your heroes in person, isn't it? Quest reward: 100 and 10

Catamauling Pt. 3

After tapping on Scratchy's exclamation mark: I sit in a darkened room. The clock on the wall marks the seconds and hours and days. Sometimes I forget where I am. Who I am. But always, I remember the mouse. I try to picture his face, and I'm shocked to find that the image eludes me. Am I leaving him behind? I'm suffused with emotions I cannot name. Hope? Peace? Even... joy? They are strangers I meet for the first time. Then I get wicked hungry. A cat's gotta eat. Task: Make Scratchy Grab a Bite (4h, Kwik-E-Mart) What do you call this miraculous ambrosia, friend? That is a double-frozen, extra-syrup Squishee. It tastes like... waking up for the first time. That's what the Squishee company was going for, I'm sure. Quest reward: 100 and 10

Catamauling Pt. 4

After tapping on Scratchy's exclamation mark: Even as I revel in newfound peace, part of me knows it for what it is: an illusion. A cruel joke. The mouse is out there. As inescapable as regret. He's hunting. Hunting ME. The planets move through the heaven, the earth spins, and the mouse draws ever nearer. Old instincts awake. My fingers tighten on the axe handle. They realize before I do...the hour of battle has come. Task: Make Scratchy Hunt for Itchy (8h) He's near now. I feel it. My gut twists in horror. Or is it... relief? A shadow crosses my vision, takes form, resolves into... Hiya, Scratchy! Nice cleaver! At his words the Scratchy I had just begun to know screams in agony and dies forever. You're talking silly. Want to fight? Want doesn't enter into it. What are our "wants" in a world where the only truth is war? Begin. Quest reward: 100 and 10

Catamauling Pt. 5

After tapping on Scratchy's exclamation mark: Not so fast! It's been ages since we fought. If we don't stretch, we're liable to pull a muscle. No fun! Task: Make Scratchy Prepare for Battle (4h, Cartoon Set) My muscles awaken, readying. Recalling the rhythm of battle. The one-two-three, one-two-three of the Waltz of Death. Weird cat is weird! Quest reward: 200 and 20

Fight, Fight, Fight!

After tapping on Scratchy's exclamation mark: Let's party! Ow! You cut off my toe! For crying out loud, cat. That's what we do. It's who... we... ARE. You're right. You've always been right. Itchy... LET'S PARTY! Task: Make Itchy and Scratchy Fight, Fight, Fight! (4h, Cartoon Set, Scratchy) That was great. Let's never not fight again. Quest reward: 100 and 10

Nickel 'N' Demand

Nickel 'N' Demand Pt. 1

After tapping on Jeremy's exclamation mark: As a studio VP, my only job is to create shows that appeal to the common man. But obviously I can't do that if the walls in my office aren't precisely the right color. Let's see... what paint color says, "I'm a hard-working executive who only cares about creating shows..." Better clear my schedule for the next month while I ponder this... Task: Make Jeremy Study Paint Chips for a Month (8h, Nickel 'N' Dime Animation) Hmmm...let's go with "white". Next up, fabric swatches for the couch. Better cancel all my meetings through August... Quest reward: 100 and 10

Nickel 'N' Demand Pt. 2

After tapping on Jeremy's exclamation mark: Finding shows for the common man would be a LOT easier if I had ever met one. That's it! I'll hire a common man as my assistant! Now to find the most common person on the planet... Task: Make Jeremy Interview Cletus (4h, Nickel 'N' Dime Animation, Cletus) Mr. Spuckler, would you characterize yourself as a common man? Guh? You're EXACTLY how I've always imagined non-entertainment-industry people to be. You're hired! Duh-hey? Quest reward: 100 and 10

Nickel 'N' Demand Pt. 3

After tapping on Jeremy's exclamation mark: Cletus, as a common man, what do you want to see on TV? What makes you happy? When tha bear what lives out back an' has a taste for the young'uns hibernates for the winter. That's it! That's my new show! I need to create. Shine my shoes for me while I'm gone... Task: Make Jeremy Go for a Walk (8h) Task: Make Cletus Brew Shoe Shine (8h, Nickel 'N' Dime Animation) Cletus, as we speak, five hundred Ukranian artists are right now animating our new show: "Barry the Hibernating Bear". Inspired by you, the common man! I just said I likes it when the bear sleeps. Who would watch a show about napping? ... Quest reward: 100 and 10

Nickel 'N' Demand Pt. 4

After tapping on Jeremy's exclamation mark: My new show is a bomb. I'm a failure! No you ain't, Mr. Jeremy! Shoot, you got prettier fingernails'n any lady ever! I'll give you my manicurist's number, my slack-jawed friend. But now it's time for me to go. Task: Make Jeremy Hand in His Notice (4h, Nickel 'N' Dime Animation) Time to use the many skills I've honed in my ten years as an entertainment executive. Ordering lunch, coordinating my tie with my socks, ordering coffee... Quest reward: 100 and 10

Nickel 'N' Demand Pt. 5

After tapping on Jeremy's exclamation mark: I've made a mistake! Television is all I know! Which is exactly like knowing nothing at all! I'll get my old job back. They need me. I'm so bland! That doesn't grow on trees! Task: Make Jeremy Make a Call (4h) Diane, it's Jeremy. I want my job back, but I'm not going to beg. Because you need me. I'm a loser with a track record of proven failure. Anything goes wrong, I'll be a perfect fall guy. What do you say? You had me at "loser". Quest reward: 200 and 20

Have a Blast!

Have a Blast! Pt. 1

After building Itchy's Mine Field: Itchy's Mine Field! If we make it through without setting off any mines, we become Colonels in Itchy's Army! We get badges and everything! It's totally official! If I'm going in there, I'm blowing up every mine in the joint. That's the deal. ... Take it or leave it. I'm never going to make officer. Task: Make Youngsters Play in Itchy's Mine Field [x3] (4h, Itchy's Mine Field) Quest reward: 100 and 10

Have a Blast! Pt. 2

After completing Have a Blast! Pt. 1: Your kids detonated all the air bags in the Mine Field. Go reset them. Good luck making me do that! Read your ticket. By entering the park, you officially enlisted in Itchy's Army, a branch of the U.S. Department of Defense. He's right! This contract is ironclad. We belong to them... Now reset those mines, maggots! You don't have to yell. YOU WILL ADDRESS ME AS "SIR"! Task: Make Adults Reset Itchy's Mine Field [x5] (8h, Itchy's Mine Field) Quest reward: 200 and 20

Animation Complication

Animation Complication Pt. 1

After tapping on Ms. Mouse's exclamation mark: Hello, there! Will you be checking in to the Cartoon Motel? What? But this is a motel for cartoon characters. Correct. Would you like a room with a king size bed, or two queens? Uhhh... Do I look like a cartoon to you? I just... well, as a matter of fact... yes? You are a 2-D drawing. I am a 3-D, real, physical human being. You'd best get that straight. ...maybe I'll just work on the books for a bit... Task: Make Ms. Mouse Tackle Her Finances (4h) Quest reward: 100 and 10

Animation Complication Pt. 2

After tapping on Ms. Mouse's exclamation mark: Mr. Mayor, I'm having trouble convincing Springfielders to stay at my motel. Well, if you want to attract real people like us Springfielders, maybe don't build a cartoon motel. I really don't follow. It's very simple. How can a living, breathing person like me sleep in a 2-D cartoon bed, or use a 2-D cartoon ice machine? But... but... Look, I'll come by with one of my top, er, aides. Have a room set aside and we will, er uhm, do an inspection. Task: Make Ms. Mouse Host Mayoral Meetings (8h, Cartoon Motel) Task: Make Quimby Use Cartoon Motel for "Meetings" (12h, Cartoon Motel) On job start: Mr. Mayor! I've prepared the business lounge for your use! What? No, my "aide" and I need a room. With a bed. A "bedroom", I believe is the term. What's the hold-up, Joe? I thought we were going to- In a minute, dear! Look, mouse, just give me the room. I'm not a cartoon, but I'll make it work! ... Quest reward: 100 and 10

Animation Complication Pt. 3

After tapping on Ms. Mouse's exclamation mark: The people in this town don't know that they're cartoons. I mean, they ARE cartoons, right? Homer's eyes are just black dots inside circles. And if you look at him from the side, he disappears. That's a cartoon, right? RIGHT? I must be losing my mind... I've got to make a change... Task: Make Ms. Mouse Contemplate New Business (8h) Quest reward: 100 and 10

Animation Complication Pt. 4

After tapping on Ms. Mouse's exclamation mark: I just watched Homer eat twenty hamburgers and get hit by a garbage truck. Two minutes later, he's FINE. Dude is DEFINITELY a cartoon. Just focus on work, Ms. Mouse. That'll keep you sane. Task: Make Ms. Mouse Tidy up the Motel (4h, Cartoon Motel) On job start: *happily humming as she cleans* This is a stick-up, talking mouse! Open up the cash register and- Oh, I'm sorry. I didn't realize this was a cartoon establishment. My bad. Do you still want the money? Cartoon money? Uh, no. As a living, breathing person I use REAL currency: frosted pink donuts. Quest reward: 100 and 10

Animation Complication Pt. 5

After tapping on Ms. Mouse's exclamation mark: If these people can't be proud of their cartoony nature, well, too bad for them. I accept it, and so unlike these Springfielders, I have inner peace. It's a great feeling. Another great feeling is knowing I have a big cartoon bomb, and tomorrow I'm going to blow up this nutso town. Ah, inner peace... Task: Make Ms. Mouse Relax in Hot Tub (12h, Cartoon Motel) On job start: Excuse me, Ms. Mouse? I'm here to do a health inspection of your kitchen. Oh, I don't cook in there. When I want food, I just take out my pencil and draw some. *chuckles* I get it, 'cause we're all cartoons. On job end: Wait! You know the truth! Sure! It's pretty obvious when you've been shot eighty-seven times and you're still alive. Yup, in this whole town, turns out I'm the smart one, and always have been. How's THAT for a major revelation? See, Sky Finger? All these years in, and we can still surprise ya. WIGGUM IS THE SMART ONE. Boom! Minds blown. Quest reward: 200 and 20

Happy New Year! Again...

Happy New Year! Again... Pt. 1

After building T.G.I. McScratchy's: Homie, what do you say we ditch the kids and have a little grownup time? There's a place on Parents Island where they ring in the New Year every hour, on the hour. Every hour? Then it must be the year one million in there! Let's find out what the distant future has in store! Task: Make Homer and Marge Go to T.G.I. McScratchy's (8h, T.G.I. McScratchy's, Marge) On job start: The future is every bit as drunk as science fiction promised us. Quest reward: 100 and 10

Happy New Year! Again... Pt. 2

After completing Happy New Year! Again... Pt. 1: Oh Homie, this is perfect. I don't want to leave. There's no need! We've rung in so many New Years in here, the kids are all off in college by now, or have families of their own. Oh. Now I'm getting a little empty nest syndrome... Task: Make Homer and Marge Ring in the New Year Again (4h, T.G.I. McScratchy's, Marge) Quest reward: 200 and 20

Soarin' Over Springfield

Soarin' Over Springfield Pt. 1

After building Soarin' Over Springfield: Dad, can we go on Soarin' Over Springfield? Can we, can we? It's got a huge screen, and they suspend you off the ground, and it feels like you're flying. So... it's a crappy ride and an IMAX movie that's not even in 3D? Uh, right. Oh, and also Milhouse is going, and he throws up on every ride no matter how lame. THIS I GOTTA SEE! LEAD THE WAY! Task: Make Bart and Homer Ride Soarin' Over Springfield (4h, Soarin' Over Springfield) Quest reward: 100 and 10

Soarin' Over Springfield Pt. 2

After completing Soarin' Over Springfield Pt. 1: Mom, can we go on Soarin' Over Springfield? Can we, can we? It's got a huge screen, and they suspend you off the ground, and it feels like you're flying. So... it's a crappy ride and an IMAX movie that's not even in 3D? Uh, right. Oh, and also there's a really long line. A CHANCE TO MEET AND TALK TO INTERESTING STRANGERS?! LEAD THE WAY! Task: Make Marge and Lisa Ride Soarin' Over Springfield (4h, Soarin' Over Springfield) Quest reward: 200 and 20

The Squeaky Wheel

The Squeaky Wheel Pt. 1

After tapping on Squeaky Voice Teen's exclamation mark: I'm applying for the job of Park Attendant? And what makes you especially qualified for this vital task? I've always been fascinated both with parks and attending. Furthermore- Spare me. Any idiot could do this. You're hired! Task: Make Squeaky Voice Attendant Sell Park Tickets (4h, Itchy & Scratchy Land Gate or Brown House) One adult ticket, please. Uh...sir, we have a seniors discount program... Oh, but I'm only 31... Quest reward: 100 and 10

The Squeaky Wheel Pt. 2

After tapping on Squeaky Voice Teen's exclamation mark: Kid, I'm reassigning you. From now on, you sell Itchy & Scratchy Money to our visitors. Thank you for this opportunity- Shut up, shut up! Have enough self-respect to hate this horrible job, will you? I'll do my level best, sir! Look, just take guests' real money and give them this fake money. Which they can only spend inside the park. Why would they want that? Yikes, who knows? Tell them it's fun. The fake money is a blast. Or whatever. Task: Make Squeaky Voice Attendant Promote Itchy & Scratchy Money (4h, Visible or Visible at Itchy & Scratchy Land Gate) Would you like to buy some Itchy & Scratchy Money? Can we, Dad? Can we, can we? Hmm, it does look awfully fun... a real blast, that fake cash... Gimme a hundred bucks! Quest reward: 100 and 10

The Squeaky Wheel Pt. 3

After tapping on Squeaky Voice Teen's exclamation mark: We'd like to sell our Itchy & Scratchy Money back, please. Uh, I don't know if that's allowed... But it's so much more FUN than boring real money. You'd be coming out ahead in the deal. I guess that's true... In fact, I think you should give us $200 real money for our super-fun Itchy & Scratchy bucks. It seems only fair... Task: Make Squeaky Voice Attendant Promote Itchy & Scratchy Money (4h, Visible or Visible at Itchy & Scratchy Land Gate) We'd like to buy $200 worth of Itchy & Scratchy Money, please. Except you can only spend it in inside the park, which makes it worth less than real money. I never thought about that... So you should probably give us $400 worth of Itchy & Scratchy Money for our $200. That's a good point... This could go on all day... Quest reward: 100 and 10

The Squeaky Wheel Pt. 4

After tapping on Homer's exclamation mark: KIDS! It's time to go! Has anyone seen my kids? Sir, I believe I can help. Recently, I sold them $2,000 of Itchy & Scratchy Money and- $2,000! You idiot, they're kids! They could be anywhere! You've got to find them! Er...yes sir! Task: Make Squeaky Voice Attendant Desperately Search for Lost Children (8h, Attractions) If I don't find those kids, I could lose my promotion! It wasn't a promotion! Both jobs are awful! Quest reward: 100 and 10

The Squeaky Wheel Pt. 5

After tapping on Squeaky Voice Teen's exclamation mark: Phew, there you are, you two! Owww, my stomach... Two thousands dollars worth of candy... The sugar rush was like meeting God... the crash is like death... I almost killed two sweet, innocent children. We deserved this... deep down I know we deserved this... I'm a danger to this park and everyone in it! Task: Make Squeaky Voice Attendant Hand in His Notice (4h, Itchy & Scratchy Land Gate or Brown House) Quit! You can't quit! This is a right-to-work state, and I reserve the right to make you work. Your faith will be rewarded, sir. I swear I will make you- Stop liking this horrible workplace! Quest reward: 200 and 20

Tacky Fabulous

Tacky Fabulous Pt. 1

After tapping on Maw Spuckler's exclamation mark: Sooey! Here Cletus, Cletus! Here, boy! ...Gosh durn, where'd that son of mine git to? Cletus, you better not be out looking for a job again! Guess I'll be digging up them taters for my Tater and Tater Peel Soup all by myself. Task: Make Maw Spuckler Dig up the Yard (4h, Cletus's Farm) On job start: These taters are awful yella...and shiny...and made of metal... Dang useless gold-colored metal! Well, you can et anythin' if you boil it long enough. On job end: Cletus! I might a known you'd turn up when all the work was done. Help me carry these taters inside. These ain't no taters, Maw. These is gold! We's rich! Quest reward: 100 and 10

Tacky Fabulous Pt. 2

After tapping on Maw Spuckler's exclamation mark: Cletus, you know how I feel about money. It ain't never brought no one nothin' but bad luck. But Maw, think a all them luxuries we could buy: new dirt floor, or a rusted-out car for the front yard... No thank-ee! Money's bad luck, I tell ya! Worse than going to the dentist! Worse than professional tooth care?! That is bad... Now, don't fret. Your maw's gonna go out and blow the only money this family has ever seen. Everythin'll be all right. Task: Make Maw Spuckler Spend a Fortune on a Vacation (4h) Task: Build Springfield Downs How was yer vacation, Maw? Did you spend all that evil money? I tried, son. But a body can only take so many hot rock massages... Put some money on the fire and we'll try to figger this out. Quest reward: 100 and 10

Tacky Fabulous Pt. 3

After tapping on Maw Spuckler's exclamation mark: There's gotta be a better way to get rid of money fast. If you want to lose money, the dog track is the place to be! Plus it's got that miasma of despair and cigar smoke you just can't find anywhere else. Task: Make Maw Spuckler Bet It All at the Races (4h, Springfield Downs or Brown House) On job start: That dog lying over there covered in fleas looks like it might be dead. What's his name...? Roadkill? Yep, that's the dog for me. Just play dead and my money troubles are over! On job end: Maw, your dog "Roadkill" won! I guess the name was iro...iron...it was a funny. Now I's richer than ever! And they don't even let you take the dog you bought home to eat. Quest reward: 100 and 10

Tacky Fabulous Pt. 4

After tapping on Maw Spuckler's exclamation mark: Now I knows why people's always complaining 'bout money -- you always have too much of it! What about going out to a resty-raunt, Maw? They gives you food what you have to pay for. Don't you tell lies, Cletus Spuckler! Besides, it ain't right eatin' a animal that wasn't yer beloved pet up until you chopped off its head with a axe. *sigh* I'll go have a look-and-see. Task: Make Maw Spuckler Eat a Five-Course Meal (12h, Dumpsters) *whew* Cletus, I am stuffed! I et Possum Wellington, just like we have at home, but with cow inside. And they had skunk cabbage, but they called it lettuce, and they washed the skunk taste clean out. That sounds terrible. It were. It truly were. Quest reward: 100 and 10

Tacky Fabulous Pt. 5

After tapping on Maw Spuckler's exclamation mark: Cletus, I done tried and tried, but I don't think we're ever getting rid of this dag-blasted money. What we gonna do with it then, Maw? Hide it somewhere them government and aliens will never think to look... ...Right between me and the floor. Task: Make Maw Spuckler Sleep on a Pile of Money (4h, Cletus's Farm) Now I understand why them richies love money so much, sure do beat sleeping on the floor. Well, time to finish digging up them taters for my Tater and Tater Peel Soup...Cletus? That boy done buried himself in a pile of money to take a nap. Some things never...go different. Quest reward: 200 and 20

Cold-Reading the Room

Cold-Reading the Room Pt. 1

After tapping on June Belami's exclamation mark: Let's try one more take, June. And the word is pronounced "sabotage", not "sabotaaage". You say "sabotage." Itchy says "sabotaaage". So Itchy mispronounces the word on purpose? If you can't respect my artistic vision for this cartoon mouse, then we're done here! I'm sorry for sabotaaaaaaaaaging your dumb process! Task: Make June Bellamy Visit Her Agent (4h, UPA Talent Agency) You'll never find another job like voicing Itchy. Apologize and go back to work. And suffer another barraaage of insults? It's pronounced "barrage". ... Quest reward: 100 and 10

Cold-Reading the Room Pt. 2

After tapping on June Belami's exclamation mark: I'm done with voicing Itchy. Find me a new gig. Okay, well there's a new cartoon about a rat who lives in a garage- know what? Forget that one. That sounds perfect! I can play a rat in a garaaage. No. No, you can't. I really "get" this rat. He loves his garaaage home, but at the same time he dreams of escaping the garaaaaaaage... Task: Make June Bellamy Consider Her Motivation (8h, Brown House) I've never been laughed out of an audition before. What did I do wrong? I've got to relax. Better book a massaaage. Quest reward: 100 and 10

Cold-Reading the Room Pt. 3

After tapping on June Belami's exclamation mark: I can't stop questioning myself. Without confidence and an almost-sociopathic level of self-involvement, an actor cannot act. It's why actors are so fun to talk to! And to date. Man, we're fun to date. Task: Make June Bellamy Show Off Her Theatrical Range (4h) How many auditions have you got for me? Zero. Your reputation isn't great. Why? Just because of how I say "sabotaaage"? Under the barraaage of Roger Meyers and his entouraaage, my life is a collaaage of woe! Well, you COULD learn to pronounce the word like everyone else on the planet. It's a thought. Quest reward: 100 and 10

Cold-Reading the Room Pt. 4

After tapping on June Belami's exclamation mark: Roger, I was wrong. I want my job back. What guarantee do I have that you won't storm off the next time I give you a note? I'll learn to say "sabotaaage" however you want. You're sincere? This isn't all a mirage? No, it's not... one of those. Task: Make June Bellamy Learn to Say "Sabotage" (4h, UPA Talent Agency) "Sabotagg". Not quite. "Sabotang"? Admit it, you know how to say the word. You're just torturing me. "Sabatnarg"? Actors... Quest reward: 100 and 10

Cold-Reading the Room Pt. 5

After tapping on June Belami's exclamation mark: "Sabotage". You did it! Of course I did. I'm a professional. ... Task: Make June Bellamy Greet Her Adoring Public (8h) It's so wonderful to be Itchy again. Let's knock out another episode. Now, in this one, Scratchy has taken up an equestrian sport. Which one? Jumping, or dressaaaaaaaaage? I'm gonna say jumping. Quest reward: 200 and 20

J. Edgar Hoover Gil Promo

After tapping on Gil's J. Edgar Hoover mark: Guess this is the last you'll be seeing of Ol' Gil. I'm going to prison... ...where I'll live like a king. Thanks, friend! On offer accepted: Wow, thanks pal. You saved me from federal prison. So long hot meals and showers.. On offer declined: We go back a long way, right? Well, you gotta help me! A while back Ol' Gil sold a Burns Dragon to a Russian agent. The fella was playing the game in English. How was I to know? Now the FBI is after me. I can't go to jail for treason! On the other hand, free room and board for the rest of my life? Know what? Do what ya gotta do!

FB-Why

FB-Why Pt. 1

After tapping on J. Edgar Hoover's exclamation mark: J. Edgar Hoover?! The greatest cop who ever lived?! Springfield? How did I get here? Well, you see, there's the space-time continuum dealie, and some kind of big machine... We used to explain it every time somebody new showed up, but now it's kinda like, "Here you are, deal with it." Is this still the safest town in America, like it was when my G-men kept the Mafia in check? Wellllllllllllllllllll..................... Task: Make J. Edgar Hoover Learn of Springfield's Fall From Grace (4h, Police Station or Brown House) To clean this town up, we'll have to work day and night, with total professionalism. Let's call that "Option A". I'm wondering if there's a "B"? Quest reward: 100 and 10

FB-Why Pt. 2

After tapping on J. Edgar Hoover's exclamation mark: First things first -- show me your dossier on every major criminal in town. ... "Dossier". It means a record with all pertinent information on a suspect. Oh, you want to see the napkins! Yeah, we usually take notes on the back of napkins. That way, if I'm eating at my desk, and I make a spill, I've got a "dossier" handy to clean up the mess! "Crime fighting has come a long way since your day" is, I bet, what you're thinking. Task: Make J. Edgar Hoover Collect Dossiers on Everyone (4h) The dossiers are ready. We've got those criminals on the ropes now, boy. Ahhh-chooo! Hey, could you hand me a dossier? I need to blow my nose into it. ... Quest reward: 100 and 10

FB-Why Pt. 3

After tapping on J. Edgar Hoover's exclamation mark: Marion Anthony "Fat Tony" D'Amico. All crime in this town goes through him. Fat Tony, a criminal? Nah, you got him all wrong. He's a kitty cat. Real generous guy, too. Gives me an envelope every month stuffed with cash. I don't even have to ask! Set up a meet. I like my enemies to know who hunts them. Ooh, can I use that line? I mean, it's not at all true for me, but I'd love to say it one time. Task: Make J. Edgar Hoover Go to Criminal Meeting (4h, Krusty Burger) If the user has Fat Tony: Task: Make Fat Tony Go to Criminal Meeting (4h, Krusty Burger) Ah, so this is the infamous copper who took down so many of my historical compatriots. You'll soon be history yourself, Mr. Tony. Not if me and my men have anything to say about that. Ain't that right, Johnny Tightlips? ... You know, this is one time it would be okay for you to talk. Quest reward: 100 and 10

FB-Why Pt. 4

After tapping on J. Edgar Hoover's exclamation mark: I built the FBI into the most effective crime-fighting force the world has ever known. And I did it with the barrel of a gun. My beloved "Chicago Typewriter". Because that's the modern way to fight crime: with a never-ending hail of indiscriminant gunfire. Time to be a hero. Task: Make J. Edgar Hoover Hunt the Mob (1h) Quest reward: 100 and 10

FB-Why Pt. 5

After tapping on J. Edgar Hoover's exclamation mark: Blam! Blam blam blam! WHY ARE YOU FIRING IN MY STREETS, YOU LUNATIC?! I'm taking the war to the criminals. In the only language they understand. Yeah, that's not really how we do things anymore. The mob isn't even that big a deal these days! Relax! Fat Tony's crew is really just harmless local color at this point. Kind of charming, if you think about it. So, uh... how DO you fight crime now? With a far deadlier weapon... paperwork. Task: Make J. Edgar Hoover Collect Dossiers on Everyone (4h) Quest reward: 200 and 20

Say Yes to Arrest

Say Yes to Arrest Pt. 1

After tapping on J. Edgar Hoover's exclamation mark: It's disgraceful that James Comey wrote a tell-all book. In my day, an FBI Director was discrete. He had the grace to threaten and extort the President behind closed doors. Like a gentleman. I must convince the President to reinstate me. But how to win his trust? I know! I'll take down his greatest enemy: the liberal media. I'll expose their lies and their fake news. And above all, their pernicious gay agenda. If the media isn't stopped, pretty soon we will all be 100% gay. And I'm the only one who can stop it! Task: Make J. Edgar Hoover Investigate Media Agendas (8h, Channel 6 or Brown House) Eight forty-three in the morning, Channel 6 anchor Kent Brockman buys a latte. He exchanges pleasantries with the baristo. The baristo has no idea that he is now gay. Are you following me, sir? I've been made! Drat, I need a better disguise! Quest reward: 100 and 10

Say Yes to Arrest Pt. 2

After tapping on J. Edgar Hoover's exclamation mark: Time to go undercover. DEEP undercover. Look out, gay America. The most heterosexual man in the world is comin' for ya. Naturally, it's incredibly uncomfortable for me to wear women's clothing. But the heterosexual lifestyle I love so dearly is under attack! Time to check out the breeding ground of the gay agenda -- the local bar scene. For a woman-loving guy like me, this will be a treacherous assignment! Task: Make Undercover Hoover Infiltrate Bars (4h, Bars) On job start: Here's your drink, pal. Pal? Do you think I'm a MAN dressed in WOMEN'S clothing? That's sick! Lots of fellas enjoy a little cross-dressing. Doesn't hurt anybody. So nowadays, if a man finds wearing women's clothing enjoyable, that's considered OKAY? To each his own, I guess. Doesn't really affect me either way. Damn you, liberal media! Quest reward: 100 and 10

Say Yes to Arrest Pt. 3

After tapping on J. Edgar Hoover's exclamation mark: As I cruise the bar scene, I'm shocked at how far the gay agenda has reached. Everywhere I find ACCEPTANCE and TOLERANCE. What a nightmare. My male companion of many decades, Clyde Tolson, would be sickened by all this. Like me, he loved the dames. We would hold each other for hours and talk about how sexy women's bodies were to us. The liberal media must be stopped! And I'm the girl to do it! Task: Make Undercover Hoover Enjoy a Delightful Cocktail (1h) Quest reward: 100 and 10

Say Yes to Arrest Pt. 4

After tapping on J. Edgar Hoover's exclamation mark: Hey, cutie. What's your name? If you're one of these proudly-out gays, please know I am almost impossibly straight. Oh, that's obvious, honey. Beautiful dress. Thank you. I was rather concerned it made my hips look- You're trying to hit on me! Well, I am NOT AT ALL incredibly flattered and interested. I know a great bar down the street. Can I buy you a drink? You may. But if we go back to my place later and enjoy an evening together, I hope you won't think that I'm a homosexual. I'm just a victim of the liberal media. Damn them! Task: Make Undercover Hoover Infiltrate Bars (4h, Bars) Quest reward: 200 and 20

Parks and Decapitation

Parks and Decapitation Pt. 1

After tapping on Park Engineer's exclamation mark: A lot of theme parks use fancy hundred-dollar computers to design their rides. We prefer to do it the old-fashioned way: with paper and pencil, hunches and guesswork. Take our new ride, The Decapitator. One week ago, it was just a sketch on the back of a very beer-soaked bar napkin. And now it's ready for human trials. Will it work? I think there's a fighting chance it will. Task: Make Park Engineer Run Human Trials (8h) Task: Make Springfielders Be Guinea Pigs [x5] (8h, Itchy and Scratchy Land Gate or Brown House) On job start: Ma'am, how would you like to be the FIRST to ride The Decapitator? Is it as dangerous as the name implies? *condescending chuckle* You didn't actually answer the question. Didn't I? *condescending chuckle* Well, your smugness DOES give me confidence... Quest reward: 100 and 10

Parks and Decapitation Pt. 2

After tapping on Park Engineer's exclamation mark: Well? On a scale of one to ten, how would you rate The Decapitator? Zero! If I hadn't ducked, the saw blades would have sliced my head clean off! Yes, but on a scale of one to ten, did they? Well, no. I give you a "ten" for that, I suppose. *condescending chuckle* Task: Make Park Engineer Fake a Ride Safety Report (4h, Itchy & Scratchy Land Gate or Brown House) You see, ma'am, there was never anything to worry about. The "D" from the Decapitator sign fell into the seat next to me. I could have been killed! We can all be killed anytime. Maybe I have a tropical brain virus that is ravaging my neocortex as we speak. Who knows? Quest reward: 100 and 10

Parks and Decapitation Pt. 3

After tapping on Park Engineer's exclamation mark: You've got a lot of robots in this park. What's to stop them from killing their human masters? I've seen it before, you know. *patronizing guffaw* Impossible. One of them is chewing on your leg right now. And that other one is cheering him on. ... Will you excuse me a moment? Task: Make Park Engineer "Fix" Malfunctioning Robot (4h) "10 DO NOT KILL HUMANS"; "20 ESPECIALLY ME"; "30 GOTO 10". There! Fixed! Quest reward: 100 and 10

Parks and Decapitation Pt. 4

After tapping on Park Engineer's exclamation mark: Mrs. Simpson, we've heard you, and we're making safety improvements to The Decapitator. That's wonderful news. First, we're changing the name to "Mr. Itchy's Lullaby Train". Second, we're installing netting to catch any heads that may fall. And... that's it. I'm no engineer, but speaking as a lay person... are you insane? Only one way to find out! Task: Make Park Engineer Run Human Trials (8h, Itchy & Scratchy Land Gate or Brown House) Task: Make Springfielders Be Guinea Pigs [x5] (8h, Itchy & Scratchy Land Gate or Brown House) The netting works! All decapitated heads are safe! Quest reward: 100 and 10

Parks and Decapitation Pt. 5

After tapping on Park Engineer's exclamation mark: If you don't mind my asking, how did you become a theme park ride designer? Oh, the usual way: as a young child, I yearned to find out what animals looked like on the inside. It began with insects and frogs, but I soon graduated to larger prey. Naturally, I was ashamed of my bedwetting, but who can say if that's why I began lighting fires? I'm going to find a policeman. Good idea, Marge. And I'll flee into the Canadian wilderness. Task: Make Park Engineer Conveniently Escape a Conversation (8h) Chief Wiggum! I think the head engineer is a serial killer! Well, I'm sure he's gotten it out of his system. That's how these things work. The killing stuff isn't ideal, but a lot of these guys find peace in the end. So there's that. Quest reward: 200 and 20

Return of the Animatronics

Return of the Animatronics Pt. 1

After building Roger Meyers Story: Hey Bart, you want to check out the Roger Meyers Story? It's filled with animatronics that bring your favorite historical figures to halting, poorly-articulated life! ... Shutting up now, before I convince MYSELF it's lame, too. Task: Make Lisa Visit the Roger Meyers Story (4h, Roger Meyers Story) Quest reward: 100 and 10

Return of the Animatronics Pt. 2

After tapping on Lisa's exclamation mark: It was the year 1944, and the Nazis were in full retreat. I reckoned my cartoons alone could save the noble Third Reich. Eww... What? What did I say, Lisa? Animatronic Roger Meyers! Are you talking to me? Why, yes! It would seem I've become self-aware. Bye! Wait, where are you going? Why, to repair my Itchy and Scratchy bots! This time I'll make them flash-proof, and we'll have those pesky humans wiped out in a jiff. Though now I think of it, I can't let you live, knowing my secret! Running away! Task: Make Lisa Go to Bart for Help (4h, Roger Meyers Story, Bart) On job start: Animatronic Roger Meyers is trying to kill me! *chanting* NO-BODY LIKES YOU! E-VEN THE RO-BOTS! Yes, yes. Can we go save the world now, please? Since you asked nicely. Quest reward: 100 and 10

Return of the Animatronics Pt. 3

After completing Return of the Animatronics Pt. 2: There you are, Lisa! Time to die! Bart! Put down your phone and focus on the robot trying to kill us. Hold on. I'm uploading an app to run on his software. It's one of those brainless freemium mobile games. No! Those games are murder on battery life! Task: Make Bart and Lisa Defeat Animatronic Roger Meyers (4h, Roger Meyers Story, Bart) On job start: Power at five percent... one percent... gahhhhh... Wow, that actually worked. I knew SOMETHING good would come of these games one day. Quest reward: 200 and 20

Dancing for the Stars

Dancing for the Stars Pt. 1

After tapping on Tina Ballerina's exclamation mark: Tina Ballerina! My graceful, silent sidekick. I got a job for ya. I negotiated a cut of the profits from Itchy's Disco if I attend the opening ceremony. Being a fan of both laziness and loopholes, I'm sending you in my place. Cool? ... That's not a "no"! Task: Make Tina Ballerina Open Itchy's 70's Disco (4h, Itchy's 70's Disco) Tina, I'm hearing they asked you to make a big speech, and you refused. ... Do you want more money? If so, just say the word. ... Oh, thank God. Quest reward: 100 and 10

Dancing for the Stars Pt. 2

After tapping on Tina Ballerina's exclamation mark: It doesn't need to be a long speech. Can't you try? ... Just string a few phonemes together in something resembling human verbalization, and we're golden! ... YOU LOVE TORTURING ME! I KNOW IT! Task: Make Tina Ballerina Be the Swan (4h) ... ... ... Boy, get her dancing and all of a sudden she won't shut up. Quest reward: 100 and 10

Dancing for the Stars Pt. 3

After tapping on Tina Ballerina's exclamation mark: You win, no more speeches. Just go to Krusty Burger and dance for a bit. You'll be paid nothing for your time. If that's a problem, just say something. ... I'm getting the hang of this. Task: Make Tina Ballerina Promote Krusty (8h) Task: Reach Level 7 and Build Krusty Burger You think this icy, silent thing makes you alluring to men, but it doesn't. ... Okay, it does! I've never wanted anyone's love more! Quest reward: 100 and 10

Dancing for the Stars Pt. 4

After tapping on Krusty's exclamation mark: I bet the people would really love it if we danced together. ... Speaking to you through the ancient language of dance, I will win your heart. Task: Make Krusty Boogie on Down (8h, Itchy's 70's Disco) Well, did it work? Do you love me? Just give me a sign. Anything! ... I BOTH HATE AND LOVE YOU, YOU SILENT MONSTER! Quest reward: 200 and 20

The New Old New Deal

The New Old New Deal Pt. 1

After tapping on Ronald Reagan's exclamation mark: In this present crisis, government is not the solution to our- WHAT THE... WHERE AM I?! WHAT BLEAK COMMUNIST HELLHOLE IS THIS? Uh... no, you're in America, Mr. President. Springfield, to be exact. You see, every 4th of July a past President gets transported here through a wormhole. A wormhole is a rip in the fabric- -of space-time predicted by General Relativity. Yes, yes, I'm familiar with Einstein-Rosen bridges, little girl. Really? I didn't know you were up on your theoretical physics. Sort of flies in the face of your public image. Right, right, the whole lovable grampa, "Great Communicator" thing. A facade, I assure you. Let me do some back-of-the-envelope mathematical calculations...I'd say the year is roughly 2018? Wow. I'm impressed. And how is my beloved America doing in 2018? Oh, pretty great, pretty great. That bad, huh? Okay, tell me everything. Task: Make Lisa Explain Modern Politics (4h, Simpson House) Task: Make Ronald Reagan Listen Dumbfounded (4h, Simpson House) Great Scott! What have you people done to America?! Okay, get a grip, Gipper. You can fix this. It's hard to see what one single, solitary man can do. Oh yeah? Watch this. Quest reward: 100 and 10

The New Old New Deal Pt. 2

After tapping on Ronald Reagan's exclamation mark: I'll gather the greatest minds in this town and scare them straight. Republicans, assemble! Task: Make Republicans Gather for a Meeting [x3] (8h, Ronal Reagan Reeducation Center, Squidport Entrance, Brown House or Simpson House) Task: Make Ronald Reagan Berate Republicans (8h, Ronal Reagan Reeducation Center, Squidport Entrance, Brown House or Simpson House Ronald Reagan! The patron saint of tax cuts! The man who defeated communism! I can't look... I can't look... he's too beautiful... Oh, get off your knees. You're all a disgrace to The Plan. What "The Plan"? I have to do everything... Quest reward: 100 and 10

The New Old New Deal Pt. 3

After tapping on Ronald Reagan's exclamation mark: You mean to tell me the top tax rate is roughly what it was when I left office? It should be zero by now! Idiots! Well, income inequality is the highest it's been in decades! That's good, right? Can it, Julius! We've got to funnel ever more money to the wealthy. Can't you see? The whole "trickle-down economy" idea. It's a beautiful vision, to be sure. I love the idea of me having so much money I can't possibly carry it all. Then, oops! A penny has fallen from atop my pile... ...and is found by a starving urchin, who buys a crust of stale bread, and so survives another day. Beautiful. Trickle-down was a smokescreen, moron. The money was never intended to go anywhere but up the food chain. It's the only way! The only way to... what? To bring about... the Revolution! ... I'll talk to the people. They always got me. Task: Make Ronald Reagan Address the Nation (8h) I may not agree with the message, but the dude is WICKED charming. You gotta give him that. Nice speech, Mr. President. What are you working on, there? My latest invention. It's like a beer bong, but for money. I'll give them to the top .01%. They'll be able to take in tons more cash, way faster. Cool, huh? Ewww. Quest reward: 100 and 10

The New Old New Deal Pt. 4

After tapping on Mr. Burns' exclamation mark: Surely, Mr. President, you can't keep cutting taxes forever? We have no choice. It's the only way to bring about the arrival of The One. Ah, of course! Wait... what? The lower taxes get, the more concentrated money becomes. Until that glorious day when a single person has all the money. This is The One. And who shall this mighty One be? Are you accepting applications? Well, I was originally thinking Warren Buffett. Is he still around? Yes, but he's gone soft. Gives a lot of money to... this is hard to say... charity. *horrified shudder* Okay, he's out. We'll keep looking. Task: Make Ronald Reagan Promote New Tax Plan (4h) Once The One has all the money, what then? Then everyone else gets to live in a world without money. Nothing to own. Nobody having power over anyone else. Utopia, my brother. Good Lord! Is our sainted Gipper a... dirty hippie? I'm not really into "labels", chief. Quest reward: 100 and 10

The New Old New Deal Pt. 5

After tapping on Lisa's exclamation mark: Wow, Mr. President. When did you come up with this whole plan to put an end to money? I was a precocious 12-year-old scholar, completing my dual concentration in astrophysics and economics at Harvard. So your whole career, all the acting and everything, was a ploy to reach the White House? Correct. And ugh, did I hate Hollywood. Way too conservative for me. Do you really think The Plan has a shot? I've run the numbers, Lisa. And either The One comes to being, or humanity destroys itself by 2031. If I can't make this happen, we're doomed! Task: Make Ronald Reagan Stress Eat Jellybeans (12h, Ronal Reagan Reeducation Center, Squidport Entrance, Brown House or Simpson House) Hey, they named an airport after me. Cool. Mr. President, I want to help in any way I can. Tell me what to do. See if you can find me a t-shirt with "Reagan National Airport" on it. Uh... sure! But I really meant I'd like to help save the world. Oh, no need! That's the good news. I re-ran the numbers. Turns out this Trump guy has everything under control. Wait, no. That can't be. Yup, the man's a genius. His economic theories are light years ahead of my own. Dude's playing 20-dimensional chess. Oh. Of course. I... I should have known. Quest reward: 200 and 20