Moe Szyslak
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Moe Szyslak (pronounced SIZZ-lack) is the proprietor of Moe's Tavern the regular drinking hole of Homer Simpson, Barney Gumble, and others.
Contents
Name & ethnicity
Moe's full name is either Momar Szyslak or Morris Szyslak. His ethnicity is unclear, since he is embarrassed by his past and does his best to conceal it publicly. He is generally thought to be an Italian immigrant, though he has also claimed to be Russian ("Flaming Moe's") Dutch (season 15), and from the U.S. state of Indiana. His last name, Szyslak, suggests Polish, Czechoslovakian, or some other eastern European ancestry.
Back-story
Moe was a boxer before establishing his tavern. He was also abandoned by his parents at a camp that Homer attended as a boy of ten. He also claimed to be one of the original Little Rascals, although given his apparent age it is more likely a fanciful story for a gag than truth.
Bartending abilities
Moe's Tavern is probably not the birthplace of the Rob Roy, despite what Moe claims. Despite having a degree in bartending, Moe is horrible at mixing drinks, and Duff Beer is pretty much the only thing he serves. The only other notable drink that he mixes is the Flaming Moe (originally called the Flaming Homer, a drink which Moe stole the recipe from Homer without acknowledging it). He once pointed out that the liquor bottles that appeared to be behind the bar were actually painted on the wall. Moe's Tavern has a Rhode Island liquor licence which expired in 1973 and was signed by Moe himself.
Love life
Moe is typically single although he had a girlfriend once for a short time named Renee (voiced by Helen Hunt - Season 9, Ep.5F12), as well as a girlfriend in the short "The Love-matic Grampa." Moe is said to be quite physically unattractive, which may partially account for his perpetual loneliness. He also has a rather chronically bad sense of judgement (not to mention lack of tact) in dealing with females, and while participating in a bachelor's auction he said his favorite quality in a woman was one who would "take their clothes off for money." Because of his loneliness, Moe is often depressed, suicidal and mean-tempered.
He does have a gentle side, having been known to read books for sick children and homeless people. Moe did threaten Ned with violence should he reveal this fact about him. When Moe was contemplating suicide by jumping off a bridge, he unexpectedly saved the life of Maggie Simpson and then found meaning to his own life by looking after her.
Shady business
In one episode, he had a panda-smuggling ring on the side; in another, a killer-whale smuggling ring. His claim to fame was the "Flaming Moe", a lit specialty drink whose secret ingredient is Krusty the Klown brand cough syrup. It stood to make him a fortune until Homer, the true inventor of the drink, exposed the secret ingredient allowing several competitor knockoff drinks to spawn.
Prank calls
Moe is frequently the victim of prank telephone calls from Bart Simpson, often followed by a violent threat of vengeance from Moe. Bart's calls to Moe have asked for:
- Maya Buttreeks (my-a butt reeks)
- Anita Bath (I need a bath) (Both this and Maya Buttreeks were used by Bart as fictious children's names when Moe was applying as a Substitute for Bart's Class in "The PTA Disbands")
- Al Coholic (alcoholic)
- I.P. Freely (I pee freely)
- Oliver Clothesoff (all of her clothes off)
- Ollie Tabooger (I'll eat a booger) (backfired; Homer was running the bar at the time and didn't understand the joke)
- Jacques Strap
- Seymour Butts (see more butts)
- Homer Sexual (homosexual)
- Mike Rotch (my crotch)
- Bea O'Problem (B.O. problem)
- Amanda Huggenkiss (a man to hug and kiss)
- Hugh Jass (huge ass) (backfired; there was a Hugh Jass present)
- Ivana Tinkle (I want to tinkle)
- Heywood U. Cuddleme (hey, would you cuddle me?) (This prank call was done on a telegraph, as the Simpsons were living in a house from 1895 when Bart did this one)
- I'm a stupid moron, with an ugly face, and a big butt, and my butt smells, and I like to kiss my own butt. (When, in a Halloween episode, Bart had a Twilight Zone-esque power to transform people effectively blackmailing Moe into saying it despite the obviousness of the prank)
Homer once called and asked for "Eura Snotball", the gag intentionally backfiring so Homer can threaten Moe. Mr. Burns once tried to call Smithers when he was on vacation and typed in SMITHERS on his "telephone machine". Asking for Waylon Smithers, Moe presumed it was a prank and threatened him.
