- "If I wanted smoke blown up my ass, I'd be at home with a pack of cigarettes and a short length of hose."
- ―Don Brodka[src]
| Don Brodka
| Character Information
Don Brodka is the store detective at Try-N-Save.
When Bart tried to steal Bonestorm from the Try-N-Save, Don Brodka caught him. Brodka told Bart to open his coat, because Bart was hiding the game in his coat. He then took Bart back into the store and to his office, passing by the store Santa Claus. In his office, Brodka showed Bart an educational film by Troy McClure about shoplifting, called Shoplifters BEWARE. Brodka then got annoyed at the video and shut it off. Bart told him that he would pay for the game, but Brodka didn't buy it and decided to call his parents instead. Homer and Marge weren't home so he left a message. He then let Bart leave, but not before telling he that he'd be spending Christmas in Juvie if he set foot in the store again. After Bart left, Brodka ate some cheese and crackers but struggled with it.
After this incident, Bart started imagining Don Brodka threatening him and seemed to become scared of him. When Marge told Bart that they were going to Try-N-Save to have a family photo taken, Bart tried his best to get out of it. However, he couldn't and went to the store again. As the family was having their photo taken, Bart was pulled out of frame by Don Brodka. Marge was convinced that Bart wasn't as a shoplifter, as Bart had erased the message, but then Brodka showed everyone in store a tape of Bart stealing the game, which disappointed Marge.
Brodka is a heavy smoker and tends to confuse the Ten Commandments. Brodka is a veteran of the United States Marine Corps, as he is seen with a tattoo that reads "USMC" and has the eagle, globe and anchor emblem of the Corps. He is also seen in his office snacking on cheese & crackers in the small packages where the cheese spread comes with crackers ready-made with the spreading utensil. His favorite saying is: "If I wanted smoke blown up my ass I'd be at home with a pack of cigarettes and short length of hose. He appears to be gruff and doesn't take any excuses from people, sticking by his own rules. Whilst Don Brodka seems to like to make jokes, he doesn't appreciate people laughing at them and will shut them down for doing so.
- – The Simpsons Movie (cameo)