Clown V. Board of Education/Quotes
Wikisimpsons - The Simpsons Wiki
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749
"Clown V. Board of Education"
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- Sideshow Mel: Oh Krusty-o, oh Krusty-o, wherefore art thou, Krusty-o?
- Krusty the Clown: Yo, yo, Julie-ech. To pie or not to pie? That is no question!
- Grampa: We were lied to. We were promised air conditioning.
- Network executive: There is air conditioning.
- Grampa: Turn it down! I'm freezing!
- Leaky Pants: Cheese for your scampi?
- Krusty: Leaky? No! Also, can I buy all your material for $7,800?
- Leaky Pants: No way.
- Krusty: Fine, I'll just steal it.
- Superintendent Chalmers: Now, about the curriculum. Will you teach STEM?
- Krusty: Sure will. Slapstick, tumbling, enormous shoes and mime.
- Krusty: Clowning is now the most despised profession in America after Supreme Court justice. But that will change. We will lift our clown horns high and tell the world, "Agagabawoogakazowie!" Now, let's pull together as only clowns can.
- Homer: Teachers. They have it so easy. They get to buy their own classroom equipment, and people tell them what they can and can't teach. What a racket.
- Krusty: I never won anything. My publicist got me one of those "In Memoriam" segments once, but I was alive. It was great to see my face up there, although it got booed.
- Rainier Wolfcastle: My son is a special boy, so special, no decent school will take him. But he has a gift for the comedy, like me. We Germans have a word for it. Komische einstellung Strikenhaltentseinenlieber- schvancer...
- Krusty: Wow.
- Wolfcastle: I wasn't finished. ...einezwugzangshteifel.
- Homer: Bart, what have I told you about riding a unicycle in the kitchen?
- Bart: Nothing. It's never come up.
- Marge: [reading a book of rules] "No turnip tossing, no unhappy pancake faces." You know, you're right.
- Lisa: Listen, I don't want to spoil a party...
- Bart: Yes, you do.
- Lisa: Okay, but I don't enjoy it.
- Bart: Again, you do.
- Lisa: Okay, but I feel guilty.
- Bart: No, you don't.
- Lisa: Shut up.
- Homer: What is that beautiful instrument?
- Lisa: It's a saxophone.
- Homer: Why don't you play a fun thing like that?
- Lisa: I play it every night.
- Homer: Well, why can't you be more yakety?
- Lisa: Mom, tell Dad I'm plenty yakety.
- Marge: Well, a little more wouldn't hurt.
- Principal Skinner: Children, remember this inspirational thought. You will have to make up the schoolwork you missed during this time.
- Agnes Skinner: Great speech. This is a good time to remind you you're banned from my funeral.
- Fat Tony: Running a school is a dangerous business. I foresee possible boiler explosions, Taco Tuesday trichinosis, a mysterious increase in owies and boo-boos. But I can prevent these things.
- Luann Van Houten: Why aren't you traffic monitors managing this drop-off?
- Louie: He's on a no-show job. Me? I'm a no-work.
- Johnny Tightlips: I'm a no-show? Then what am I doing here?
- Louie: I thought you liked my company.
- Johnny Tightlips: Eh, I like it. I don't love it.
- Chief Wiggum: Yeah, sorry, Krusty, but the police have no jurisdiction in private schools, private clubs, private homes. Basically any place outside the police station.
- Fat Tony: Here are the morning announcements. You children have the greatest gift of all. You cannot be tried as adults. Today is Italian American Day. As is every other day forever. Do not go in the meat locker no matter what you hear. If you see something, you didn't see nothing. And all further announcements will be made from my uncle's doctor's office because the Feds can't wire that place. Good day.
