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Todd, Todd, Why Hast Thou Forsaken Me?/Quotes
Wikisimpsons - The Simpsons Wiki
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"Todd, Todd, Why Hast Thou Forsaken Me?"
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- Maude Flanders: [as a ghost] Neddy? Neddy.
- Ned Flanders: Oh, Maude, you've come back. Completely clothed and untouchable. This is the sexiest dream I've ever had.
- Maude: [in a video, to Homer and Grampa] Won't you join us for dinner?
- Homer: [in the video] He sure will. I'll pick him up tomorrow.
- Ned: Faith is believing in something without proof. Uh, you can't see my lip below my mustache, but you know it's there.
- Todd Flanders: Can I see it?
- Ned: No.
- Todd: My math teacher said believing in something without proof is crazy.
- Ned: You think the coat of many colors was crazy? Noah's ark and the Holy Ghost, crazy? Don't tell me you're doubting Balaam's talking ass.
- Reverend Lovejoy: Ralph, what would you say?
- Ralph Wiggum: I'd say, "Baby Jesus, thank you for dying for our shins."
- Lovejoy: And you, Todd? What would you say?
- Todd: I lost my voice from crying.
- Lovejoy: Oh, come on, young man. You're my closer. What would you say to Jesus?
- Todd: I'd say... thanks for nothing! My mommy's dead and she's never coming back, and I don't believe in God anymore.
- Ned: Now, son, let me put this gently. We're all going to hell! You opened a doorway to disbelief in God's own house!
- Todd: Why does God need so many houses? Couldn't some go to poor people?
- Ned: Lord, please punish my boy thoroughly so he may once again believe in thine divine mercy.
- Homer: Let me in, boy! The school bus will be here any minute!
- Bart: To find your clothes, just solve this series of clues: what has bark but no bite?
- Homer: Um, the dog?
- Bart: Wrong. A tree. Here's another. If a plane crashes on the border of North and South Dakota, where do you bury the survivors?
- Homer: Uh, Minnesota.
- Bart: Wrong. You don't bury the survivors. They're survivors!
- Homer: I don't understand, but I'll bury you.
- Bart: Tell you what. I'll give you your pants back if you can answer this last one.
- Homer: Uh-huh.
- Bart: What has two hairs on top...
- Homer: Right.
- Bart: ...is somebody's dad...
- Homer: Somebody's dad, yes.
- Bart: ...and starting right now he's getting quite mad?
- Homer: I don't know, but just give me my pants, boy!
- Marge: Where's Todd?
- Bart: It was horrible. I woke up, and he'd cleaned my room. What kind of psycho does that?
- Todd: Hi, Grampa Simpson.
- Grampa: You're talking to me directly? Even my Alexa won't do that.
- Amazon Alexa: Being with him has made me so tired.
- Todd: Why would God make toast that looked like Jesus?
- Homer: 'Cause parents are always showing off pictures of their kids?
- Mona Simpson: You don't come home for dinner till 10:00 at night.
- Grampa: You never cook anything worth eating.
- Mona: Well, who wants to cook for a failure?
- Grampa: Good God, woman, why did you marry me?
- Mona: To piss off my mother, and it worked! Tell the kid I love him, but I'm as bad at goodbyes as I am at picking husbands.
- Abraham Lincoln: Did you know the picture about my life is Spielberg's biggest movie?
- Homer: No! What about Jaws and E.T., and all the Jurassic...?
- Abe Lincoln: Well, how did I do in the awards?
- Homer: You were beaten by Argo.
- Abe Lincoln: Argo?! That was the worst experience I ever had in a theater.
- Gautama Buddha: No, no, no, no. Nirvana is for closers, and you couldn't close the deal.
- Lisa: But-but...
- Buddha: But-but-but-but-but nothing! You couldn't even close Todd frickin' Flanders! That kid would follow a butterfly.
- Lisa: Just give me one more chance.
- Buddha: Do you think I got to be Buddha by being patient?!
- Lisa: Check this out. I got you Ralph Wiggum.
- Buddha: Ralph Wiggum? What am I gonna do with Ralph Wiggum?
- Ralph Wiggum: Everything is nothing!
- Buddha: Kid, you just blew my mind.
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