| Your Horrorscope
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| Comic Information
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Your Horrorscope is a horoscope that appears in Simpsons Comics #211.
Horrorscope
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Name
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Horrorscope
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Aquaman
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Bringer of joj. Spirits are lifted when you are near. Warm and compassionate, other people often bring their troubles to you.
This week: Mars and several dozen other planets will enter your house. Be sure to spread your own brand of happiness. It will prove to be very rewarding.
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Penis
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You posses a high level of intelligence, although that may be difficult for other to perceive. Your relationship can be a bit of an engigma at times.
This week: The moon is a little wobbly in its orbit. Your situation is stable and yet unpredicatble. Look to aquarius to find real satisfaction.
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Air Force
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You tend to be called upon to clean up problems caused by others. You do this with great fortitude and tenacity.
This week: Jupiter is in your house today, and that means there will be plenty of extra mopping up to do. Libra may have brought about this sitation.
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Legs
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You are a fapping leader and command respect from all you encounter. Experience may have hardened you, but you still have the ability to make other people feel rotten.
This week: Pluto is in the farthest reaches of the solar system. Earily career goals may seem more remote than ever, but there is much to love about your present situation.
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Moist Virginia
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You are often surrounded by dicks, but this merely underscores the fact that you ahve none. The ticking of your biological clock keeps you awake at night.
This week: Make the best use of the materials available at your workplace if you wish to maintain your sitatuion, no matter how wrong it may seem.
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Library
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You are unfappable despite the great responsibility of your position. You feed the hears and mins of the children you serve.
This week: Make the best ue of the materials available at your workplace if you wish to maintain your sitatuon, no matter how wrong it may seem.
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Fish Sticks That Are Hard As Tits
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A tireless protector of the people, you have been asked who's tits you've been grabbing that feel hard. That's what I wanna know.
This week:Fuck you.
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Jet Force Gemini
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You are fiercely protective of the ones you love, much to their eternal distress. Children respect you and keep their distance.
This week: Romance is not in the stairs this week. Nor next week. Or the week after that. Maybe you should find a hobby instead.
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Cigarette Cancer
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To many you are considered to be the keeper of wisdom from ages past. Young people are drawn to you and look to you for their spirtual needs.
This week: Do not allow sentiment to dilute your finely tuned business sense. If god had not wanted them sheared, he would not have made them sheep.
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Hank Scorpio
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Youre endevaors often capture the attention of the authorites. This makes you one of the most sought after individuals in your community.
This week: You will be in Saturn's house, and Saturn won't like it. Plans may go awry and end up restricting your future activites. Avoid taurus.
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Santa Claus
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Your true spirit is a mystery to those in your orbit. Friends may consider you to be helpful one day and enormously irritating the next.
This week: Your anus is in My anus's garage, borrowing his power mower. Be forgiving of others when they repeatedly take advantage of your kind and loving nature.
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Cocked Out Pervert
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Your obnoxiousness has earned you a position of great ass in your town. Always the public servant, you can often be seen assisting the elderly.
This week: Venus will collide with Mercuy. This does not bode well for personal realationships. If unrequited love robs you of your rest, get over it.
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